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Ames
04-09-2010, 08:43 AM
Hi all I wanted to give you an update on what's going on about my husband and his breasts. Over a year ago in December I found this site and posted about my husband getting breast enlargement surgery, and how he was doing, later he want to try hormones which I was very apprehensive of as you can imagine, we were both going to therapy and his counselor agreed that he could go on low dosage HRT to see how he felt on it. HE went on them for about 9 months then decided to take a break from them, which I was sooo relieved! I feel we were both started to see some changes and he felt a little scared which maybe the reason he needed to stop anyway I am glad.

Now I am sensing that he may be having some second thoughts on his breasts, while he has not come out and said anything I am just sensing this, It seem like he was right after surgery which I thought was due to the initial reaction to them, he then voiced concerns last spring when the weather got warmer and they were more noticeable to I could understand this as maybe a normal reaction or a sense of regret of getting them but then he went on hormones and he seemed OK, now that he just came off the hormones and spring is here again I sense the same feelings as before, again not so much him saying it but for instance last week or so itís been really warm out actually hot and Iíve notice him not going outside without wearing some sort of jacket or a vest he bought last year. Couple of times that he has gone outside without wearing one of them he has returned to put one of them on. AT work he always wears a jacket whether he has to or not.

I have tried to bring up the subject but he doesnít really say much or avoids the saying anything. I just want him to feel good and comfortable about himself and right now I donít know.

tamarav
04-09-2010, 09:34 AM
I read your orignal post and the remarks you received with great interest and felt that I had to add my point of view.

To me, it sounds as if your husband is not really sure of who or what he really is. It seems that he put the cart way before the horse and should have had a more realistic point of view about the breast implants. Still presenting as male with breast implants seems to me to be a total waste of silicone.

If, in reality, he was transsexual, he would have known it and moved forward without hesitation toward a feminine goal. It sounds as if he is very mixed up and the want to "try" hormones is never an answer to any gender disphoric question, if the question even exists.

Tomara
04-09-2010, 10:05 AM
Hi Ames
I have to agree with Tamara V.
It kind of sounds like he didn't know and still doesn't know what he wants , if he is not comfortable with his choices he should stop trying things and figure out what he really wants in his life and then make the choices that affect both of you.
I think I would also question the therapist , it sounds like there is a communication problem there as well.
The best of luck to you both.
Tomara

Amanda Stubbs
04-09-2010, 10:23 AM
Firstly may I say how lucky your partner is to have you! A supporting, caring and loving person such as you.
I have to agree with the above posts and wonder at the therapist too! Surely no decent thrapist would prescribe hormones to 'give it a try' ? As for implants another thing I'm sure no one does on a whim. I sense your partner may be in limbo niether here no there and should try to talk to them asap to go to a decent therapist that can get your partner to open out honestly to you.

kellycan27
04-09-2010, 10:25 AM
Hi Ames.
You mentioned that your husband voiced some concerns. What was he concerned about? I am not trying to be nosey, I am just thinking that maybe the insights that he has gained may be of interest to some others who may be contemplating doing something that may have " seemed like a good idea at the time". (Based on the fact that he feels the need to cover them with a jacket at work or in warmer weather or that he possibly feels self conscious). From time to time we see threads where people say that they would like to "grow breasts" or use Hormones to "slightly enhance themselves ala a more female looking form, while still keeping their man bits functional, and still have the ability to "switch back to guy mode.Or contemplating augmentation. Although I do feel that each of us has the right to do to our bodies that we will, I sometimes wonder if some fully realize the ramifications.
Breasts are quite noticeable and prominant features such as breasts are noticed very quickly on a woman or a man. I can tell you from my own personal experience that when being approached or approaching other people, they may look at my face, right before their eyes drift down to my chest. Hiding them beneath a jacket or bulky clothes may work at times, but it may not always be possible to have them go unnoticed. Maybe your husbands experience might serve as a wake up call to others who are contemplating enhancing their own breasts and give them pause to really think this one out. Thanks for your post.

kelly

sandra-leigh
04-09-2010, 12:21 PM
Breasts are quite noticeable and prominant features such as breasts are noticed very quickly on a woman or a man. I can tell you from my own personal experience that when being approached or approaching other people, they may look at my face, right before their eyes drift down to my chest.


There is a difference between "notice" and "reaction". I go out male-faced (but shaven) while wearing forms of various sizes a fair bit. The most common reaction by far is no visible reaction, not even turning to look at me or focus on me; the second most common reaction is smiles (not smirks) from women. The proportion of children that have a visible reaction is very very low: I haven't even had a single instance yet in which a child brought me to the attention of an adult, even when I've been wearing my G forms and wearing a dress. The only identifiable group likely to make any audible reaction are the drunk or high beggars near one of the downtown malls.

However, the above is the reaction of the public, not the reaction in my workplace. I am not "out" at my workplace yet, so I am careful about when I wear my forms at my workplace and what I wear over them. My personal decision is that if I do get implants, then at work I will not hide the fact that I have a bust (though I won't necessarily emphasize it.) My personal feeling is I am not ashamed at all to have an apparent bust while still facially a male, and that my co-workers would adapt fairly easily to my openly going C cup. On the other hand, several professionals have said that F to G is the appropriate size for my body, and I do love the look of that size on me... but I do think it would be significantly harder for my co-workers to adapt if I suddenly went G without also switching to obvious female clothing and presentation. If I felt that C was "big enough" for me, probably about all that would hold me back from implants would be my wife's reaction... but C isn't "big enough" for me.... I haven't figured out yet what is "big enough".

I emphasized above that some parts were my personal feeling. I could easily imagine being in the situation of wanting/needing a bust and yet not being willing to reveal the bust at work. That would be harder. I can also imagine not wanting to reveal the bust to the public, but I must admit that that is more difficult for me to imagine, as I am settling in nicely to an identity as someone who is publicly "neither fish nor fowl". Though if I were traveling to an area with a culture I was completely unfamiliar with, I would probably be concerned about public appearance... but traveling to the Middle East (for example) is not high on my list of priorities.

Of course, there is always the issue of "family". That is not a substantive issue for me. I'd be a bit concerned about the potential effects on my 14-year old nephew... not that we are close, but he has a fair number of complications in his life already. My sister would be fine with my decision; my mother would fret about the potential medical complications more than she would be concerned about my gender identity. And I can't live my life by worrying about the potential impact on my fourth cousins whom I only met once. But yes, I can imagine families that might not be at all understanding, and anyone in such a situation should definitely think hard about the consequences.

vetobob9
04-09-2010, 01:25 PM
It might be he is concerned that people are staring. I've been trying forms and, I get self conscious so if I wear them I never go without a coat. But they do poke slightly out of the coat.
In this way, forms are preferable to hormones or implants. If you feel a need to be rid of them, you can remove forms but you are stuck with implants.
People, especially in the US, have a strong tendency to stare at breasts whether they be on males or females because the human breasts has regrettably been sexualized in American culture. Ironically, I find that women stare at them too.
With summer coming on, I may stop using them.

mapletree
04-09-2010, 01:41 PM
two thoughts came to mind
the first was that i have changed my mind on many things and so maybe this is something that will evolve rather than have an answer
the other isssue is for the partner--i wish i could sometimes just make a comment without it bieng analyzed. I really do like to get feedback but sometimes I just need to get a an idea out and then think about it and I do not want to be judged
It sounds lkie you are a wondeeful person who cares and that alone is fantastic

kellycan27
04-09-2010, 01:52 PM
Whether it be notice or reaction wasn't my point. It appears that the person in question may be uncomfortable with his choice. I was just saying that it might be wise to really give the idea of augmenting breast size a lot of thought ahead of time. You are obviously comfortable with the appearance of having visible breasts, and not going out of your way to hide them. A person who wears breast forms can choose where and when to dawn them. Someone who has had breast augmentation is pretty much stuck with them unless they have them surgically removed or make an attempt to conceal them for whatever reason. Breast augmentation may be something that you would be comfortable with and not have to give a second thought to having.

Karen564
04-09-2010, 02:58 PM
Sounds to me like he's stuck in limbo...
Meaning he wants the body of a female but also wants to stay a man...
It's either that, or he wants to progress further and become a woman but is afraid for whatever reason..???????????

There are cases of some that may think their transsexual and go though minor surgeries, breast implants, HRT, then start living their RLE (real life experience) and then come to realize that living as a woman was a mistake & not for them and then undo what they changed..but also some that don't undo the changes & go back to the RLE again & then later go onto SRS..
My own thoughts about anyone who wants to proceed way too fast & alter their body in a short period of time sets off many alarms, which in my opinion, that person is doing it more for compulsive reasons, and that usually turns into regret for many of them after they realize later on about what they've done..

And in my personal opinion, no therapist has any business writing any such letter approving a surgery such as this after only 10 sessions especially if a male spouse indicated that he has no intent of living as a woman...which again, this would set off alarms to any caring & professional therapist that was really looking out for their clients best interest down the road..since the ramifications of proceeding down this path can be overwhelming for everyone involved.

So, my advise is that you both sit down and have a very long & serious talk about what's going on here..and get to the bottom of it, because I don't think the whole story on his part has been been revealed yet...and for that, you don't need a therapist to just talk honestly with each other as a married couple..
Because from what I see here, it's like trying to do a puzzle with half the pieces missing...

Hope it all works out for the both of you..
:hugs:

VeronicaMoonlit
04-09-2010, 03:55 PM
My own thoughts about anyone who wants to proceed way too fast & alter their body in a short period of time sets off many alarms, which in my opinion, that person is doing it more for compulsive reasons, and that usually turns into regret for many of them after they realize later on about what they've done..

Yes, seen it before myself.

Veronica Rogers

SuzanneBender
04-09-2010, 09:18 PM
I agree with Karen. Sounds to me like he is not telling the whole story. I too would be concerned about a therapist that would let someone start HRT after such a short time when the patient (your hubby) is not even sure if he wants to present full time as a woman.

It sounds like its time for a very forthcoming discussion. You sound like a very supportive spouse. Hang in there it sounds like hubby needs your support now more than ever.

sherri52
04-09-2010, 09:25 PM
Hi Ames: Sounds like your Husband is having second thoughts after the fact. He may be regretting his decision and is afraid to tell you, especially since you were so supportive in his changes. You may have to bring up the subject yourself or have hime see a specialist

docrobbysherry
04-10-2010, 12:23 AM
In either case, the grass is ALWAYS greener!:brolleyes:

Even before I became serious about CDing, I fantasized about having breasts! After trying to inflate mine with pumps and hormones, I thot of getting implants!:eek:

Over time, I realized I didn't REALLY want to be a female! And, the "breasts" fantasy just disappeared!:straightface:

kellycan27
04-10-2010, 12:29 AM
In either case, the grass is ALWAYS greener!:brolleyes:

Even before I became serious about CDing, I fantasized about having breasts! After trying to inflate mine with pumps and hormones, I thot of getting implants!:eek:

Over time, I realized I didn't REALLY want to be a female! And, the "breasts" fantasy just disappeared!:straightface:

Lucky for you that you realized it before you jumped right in.

Kel

ReineD
04-10-2010, 02:47 AM
I agree with the others. He may have gone a bit too far too fast and now he is having second thoughts.

You do say you want him to feel comfortable and this may not be the best solution, but might you let him know that it is OK if he changes his mind? Just so he knows it is an option, until the two of you have figured it out. I'm not a doctor, but I'm guessing breast implants can be removed?

He may also feel guilty for having spent the money and now feels he needs to live with them even though they did not accomplish what he may have hoped?

Rachel_Red
04-10-2010, 05:03 AM
Did any other factors change? Do you both do fem things together still (or ever)? It may not be hormones, perhaps some other less obvious factors have been wearing down on him? In the end though your SO only truely knows what is going on so talking, even if he is resistant is the only way you can truely get to the bottom of it. It could be a very simple thing or a very complex one.

Ames
04-10-2010, 11:26 PM
I thank you all for your imput I agree with most of your statements regarding having a honest talk with my spouse. Its not like we haven't had these before but he was more open to them previously than lately. He is going to a theropist who did approve his BA and later referred him to a Dr for HRT. Well i am glad he has stopped HRT I myself questioned the approval of them but referred to my SO feelings and the the theropist. I think I am going to sugguest to my husband that maybe he sees another theropist and that we both go together this time rather than only him going and I attend selected sessions.

I want him to be happy with himself and the decisions he has made, and will support him as much as I can.

Thanks

kellycan27
04-11-2010, 01:40 AM
You are one awesome lady! :hugs:

Kelly

christinek
04-11-2010, 02:12 AM
As with above I think you are great for being so supportive. I know this entire deal must weigh heavily on you!

I understand the hiding factor, I am shaven and have my toes painted and am always careful to wear shoes when headed to the neighbors or someone comes over. I have had my shaven legs pointed out once (by a Navy Seal) but I just ignored it! He quickly moved on in the conversation and has never said a word since.

If I had implants I would rejoice in having them but also find it difficult doing the daily grind around the house and still pull of male mode. It would suck!

t-girlxsophie
04-11-2010, 10:42 AM
Whatever the outcome,one thing is certain your Man is so lucky to have your support and understanding and am sure you will both decide together the best way forward for you both

Chickhe
04-12-2010, 11:47 AM
It sounds like a problem of self acceptance... take him out somewhere in public where he can walk around without wearing a jacket and let him see how little the people around him care and he needs to just be honest about it...'yep...I got em... might as well show them'... good luck.

Ames
04-16-2010, 09:15 AM
last night I brought up the subject on how he was feeling and that I sensed that he was not his " normal self" wondered if there was anything wrong. While he did not say it in so many words but at times he feels very self concious about his breasts. while he didnt actually come out and say it I feel getting his breasts enlarged and his 9 month stint on hormones was too much too soon for him. He did state that going off the hormones was good at this point, he was glad at least he tried them and said that he is not ruling them completely out in the future but for now he is fine with not being on them. Im am glad he feels this way about that. How can I support his feelings, regarding his breasts, personally as I mentioned before I find it strange that he wanted them but supported his decision on it, I don't want to tell you "well I told you so" or that you really should consider having them taken out, I want that decision to come from him, and if he decides to keep them I would support that as well.

Mary Morgan
04-16-2010, 09:23 AM
You are amazing.

StacyCD
04-16-2010, 05:23 PM
Most SOs would not accept transitioning. The vast majority of us would simply like acceptance from our SOs.

Kerrylee61
04-16-2010, 06:17 PM
When asked by some one, I just tell them that the breast growth is a side effect of a medication I'm on. That shuts the down and usually results in a comment like "Oh dear, I'm so sorry for asking, that must be really annoying"

Works like a charm

Kerry

jenna_woods
04-16-2010, 06:22 PM
thanks for the update, and wish you both the best.

noeleena
04-17-2010, 06:04 AM
Hi .

Not knowing you or your husband . I would have to say your one neat lady For you to give so much back up . thats a ...WOW...

As to the psych thats very strange I thought he / she would have been a bit more carefull in going on with your husband with meds & having b a . & really not knowing if your husband was sure in him self as to being trans & may be to live as a woman ,

To me there seems a lot of dought there .
for some one going through all of this as a whim & not really knowing, would be, i wonder why .

Iv been through all of this & there was never any dought at all , nor will be .

To me the psychological & emotional side seems to be missing its like,
oh ill try this to day & see what its like , as you will know & what you had to go through as a child & then a young woman . its not fun . its a hard graft . or can be ,

oh dear , i wish you well in this , for your husband coming off the meds is good as hes not been on them to long , for us we can not do that its for life ,

I would really ?? this, does he know what they can do & would do later on .

I do know about a guy who did this for a dare , he did not go on h r t tho ,
so yea if it was not for the fact its serous ,
this i could have a laugh about it , i cant because when youv been through details like this you just know its serous ,

all the best as you work this out ,


...noeleena...

JenniferB
05-09-2010, 01:14 PM
While he did not say it in so many words but at times he feels very self concious about his breasts. while he didnt actually come out and say it I feel getting his breasts enlarged and his 9 month stint on hormones was too much too soon for him. He did state that going off the hormones was good at this point, he was glad at least he tried them and said that he is not ruling them completely out in the future but for now he is fine with not being on them.
I'm not sure I understand your spouse's feelings. I got my implants (38c)in Jan. of this year and I LOVE them. I've never regretted my decision to get them for one second. And as for the hormones, I can't imagine not being on them. Has your spouse been diagnosed as TS?