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JustmeBear
05-21-2004, 10:31 PM
I recently told my parents about my boyfriend wanting to live his life as a woman.or rather..is living his life as a woman...I told them that it was a daily life style and that he even had a female name in which I use to address him..I told them that I was 150% accepting of this and would/will support him in anything that he wanted to do to accomplish living his life as a woman... ..Then I also told them about me...I told them that my Girlfriend had nothing to do with me cding...In other words she didn't influence me..Cause that's how they think..I told them that it had nothing to do with the way they raised me..But cding was something that I did...That I had been hiding it for all these years and now that I had found someone to accept me..there was no reason to hide it...That I would like to do it more frequently...
Let me explain something real fast...when I was little actually at first both my parents dressed me like I was a little boy...then it got to the point where it was my father wanting me to be his "bud"..I grew up knowing that, that is how I felt comfortable and that I wanted to follow my heart and dress as a boy...At one point my mother started trying to get me to wear girl clothes...While I left for school in my girly clothes...I changed when I got there and changed before I came home...No one knew.........I did this all through out school...
Any ways....since I have said something to them it hasn't been the same..My mother and I used to be best friends..I used to go over to her house daily and now maybe once a month..I guess....most of the time I do go over there..I might as well not be...I told my girlfriend how my mother was treating me and she said she was sorry..like she had something to do woth it..I told her she had nothing to do with it and that I decided to tell her (my mother) myself...I owe alot to my girlfriend because for once in my life I feel like I can actually be myself and not get degraded for what I am wearing or how short my hair is ...how I comb my hair and so forth...She has really helped me in finding myself...I love her more then anything for that....
Now I have this with my mother...I don't have anyone ..What I mean is...When I got married a few years back I lost all my friends..Now that I am divorced..they don't want anything to do with me....It is difficult for me to make friends at work as I am a contractor for the newspapers and everyone I know lives in another county and most I see anyone is 30 minutes...The only person I do have in my life is my girlfriend...So here at the end I have 2 questions.....
Do you think I did the right thing in telling my parents?
How can I tell my girlfriend that I would like to somehow spend more time with her?????????

Ps...I know my dad is ok with it because when I do call my parents house...he always says whats up guy....The only thing though is I can not have a normal relationship with my father and that is something I can not explain right now.....

I would really like to get your opinion on this...

Thank you

Abraxas
05-22-2004, 02:09 AM
I think you did the right thing in telling your mum...
I told my mum about my being a transvestite. Not absolutely everything, mind... But she only sort of understood it. She understood the whole penis envy thing and that I would prefer to be a guy. But she didn't understand that it's more than that. I haven't told my dad or brother... It's not really a big deal since I sort of phased in boys clothes and have been dressing this way since I was about nine years old. It's always a complicated situation, and every person's situation is different. But ultimately, you can't change who you are, and you should be proud of who you are, no matter what anyone else thinks-- even your family. And it's only fair that they should know. Perhaps your mother will be more accepting in time; that's all we can ever hope for.
I wish I could be of more help than this, but in truth every situation is unique and no- one can decide what's best except for the person involved.
Anyway, I support you completely. :)

Julie
05-22-2004, 06:11 PM
Mel,

You did nothing wrong. You were honest with your parents and honesty is better than deception any day. Your parents might be disappointed but they have to realize you’re still their child and you have a good heart.

It sounds like your divorce has a lot to do with your mother’s indifference toward you. The recent confession may have just added to that. Kids rarely live up to their parent’s expectations, unless the parents have none. Help them through this by keeping in touch even if it’s just to say, “I was just thinking of you”. In time they will see that their newfound knowledge really isn’t a big deal at all and that you’re still the same person you’ve always been.



As for your GF, she needs to know you did what you did on your own but the courage it took to do it was a result of your relationship with her, and that’s a good thing! You sound very happy with her and I think she’s lucky to have found you. So many of us struggle in our relationships because we have an SO who just can’t deal with CDing.



Keep doing what you’re doing. I have been following your messages and you seem to be making some very good progress in your life. Your ability to talk to others will go a long way in finding true happiness.

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