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Lee Andrews
09-30-2007, 09:18 AM
I'm trying to deal with a change in my S.O. and I am wondering if this has happened to anyone else. At the begining she was a little wary of everything to do about crossdressing and then slowly began to accept it after time. There was a time when cding was fun for both of us at home, shopping and inside jokes in social situations. Leg waxes regularly, false nails, and polish changes on the toes ( she has her own nail bussiness). She would talk to a wife of a cder (Hi Kathy). But all of that has slowly gone away.Talking about it gets the subject changed. She does not outright forbid it but the look is all I need to change into regular clothes. I can wear polish on the toes but I have to do it myself (she does it so much better) and pantyhose. I only get dressed fully when she goes on her girls night out with her friends every couple of months because of the cool reception I now get in her presence. It sucks and I wish we could go back to those happy days or give up this thing, but I can't. I guess it could be worse she could tell me to stop.

Has anyone else gone though this?

Butterfly Bill
09-30-2007, 09:37 AM
I went thru something like that with a girlfriend; she said she didn't mind, but it turned out she did, and it finally ended with the argument that made me break up with her. I see, as Jerry Garcia said, "Trouble ahead..." Are you going to a marriage counselor yet? Might be a good idea to do it before rather than after the blowup that I see very possible.

Di
09-30-2007, 09:50 AM
Talking about it gets the subject changed. She does not outright forbid it but the look is all I need to change into regular clothes. I can wear polish on the toes but I have to do it myself (she does it so much better) and pantyhose. I only get dressed fully when she goes on her girls night out with her friends every couple of months because of the cool reception I now get in her presence. It sucks and I wish we could go back to those happy days or give up this thing, but I can't. I guess it could be worse she could tell me to stop.

Has anyone else gone though this?

Well you said she doesn't outright forbid..........there are ups and downs alot of times with partners.....just go with what she feels comfortable with at this time.. She prob jumped in with both feet because she loves you very much but maybe she feels left out .......you said she did your nails an on and on....what she did for you..........I am guessing...guessing from not really knowing either of you...it made her feel it was all about YOU. You did'nt say...you did her toes after she did yours........(so what if its a mess)....or since she does nails for a living and might not have wanted hers done..........you could give her a massage....rubbed her feet ....you get the idea...........pampering goes both ways:D
I would try to talk to her.........tell her you miss the togetherness.get it out in the open...........your guessing is just guessing.........and our answers just guessing.....best wishes....talk to her hon.

SallyStone
09-30-2007, 10:27 AM
Lee,

It sounds as though your SO really did her best to accept you and your feelings. She should be commended for it too!

I have a loving and supportive wife. She gives me a great deal of freedom to express my feminine side, but she is a heterosexual female who wants and needs her husband. I'm flattered actually.

I think you might need to step back just a bit and recognize her needs as she has recognized yours. Enjoy the freedom she gives you but make sure you provide for her needs as well. Perhaps her recent change is a subtle or covert way of telling you she needs the man in her life.

I'm living proof that you can have it both ways. I have a wonderful crossdressing life, but I make sure my wife has a wonderful, masculine husband around as well.

I wish you and your SO all the best.

Sally

Michellefcd
09-30-2007, 02:01 PM
I am going though the same exact thing right now. We have been talking about it and the key to it is the “give and take.” She has her needs while I have my needs and we need to make sure that one person’s needs do not overshadow the other person’s needs. She suggested we see a couple’s counselor that has experience in crossdressing and I whole heartily agreed – We go to our first session next week.

She is the most important thing in my life and I will work as hard as I can to make sure I do not lose her.

Diane Shaw
09-30-2007, 03:48 PM
I have read the other posts at this time, understanding and time are the best tools, be patient. My wife ran me off after ten years, she never helped or offered any support. You are lucky. Peace.

Rachel Morley
09-30-2007, 03:56 PM
Listen to Di the wise woman from Canada! :happy: I think she hit the nail on the head. What changed for your wife? You have to find out if you want to get back to where it was.

Marcie Sexton
09-30-2007, 04:20 PM
I would suggest you approach her about the problem...

An honest open heart to heart talk may very well bring out the root of the problem...but with that said, be prepared for some brutally honest revealing remarks, that may border perhaps hurtful...

If you're not prepared for that, perhaps professional help and guidance is needed...

Good luck...

Lee Andrews
10-01-2007, 09:43 PM
Thanks everyone,

Our relationship is very good. Every aspect has grown, I feel over the 16 years things have gotten better and better, except the CDing part to which I do not partake in as much as I would like. I am the type to give flowers for no reason or I always compliment her and yes I do her toes aswell.
I have backed off from dressing in part from reading other posts about the pink fog. Feeling I was maybe over doing it a year ago, the nails were bare since early spring and any dressing ( hose, skirt and top) has been out of her sight maybe once a month if lucky, if I can manage.
I talked to her awhile ago about it. At one point she said I wish you didn't do it and if it got out she said she would probably hurt anyone that ridiculed me (man I love that girl). I'm at a point that I almost wish it did and I would find out who the real friends are. Realistically in the construction business it is full of homaphobes and would not go over well.
As I said before all other parts of our relationship seem to be growing with time. I just am puzzled as to the slip backwards the CDing thing has taken. I guess if this is her new comfort zone I should be happy because some people don't even have that.

Thanks for reading and the advice.

Lee.

jaina
10-01-2007, 09:58 PM
I'm trying to deal with a change in my S.O. and I am wondering if this has happened to anyone else. At the begining she was a little wary of everything to do about crossdressing and then slowly began to accept it after time. There was a time when cding was fun for both of us at home, shopping and inside jokes in social situations. Leg waxes regularly, false nails, and polish changes on the toes ( she has her own nail bussiness). She would talk to a wife of a cder (Hi Kathy). But all of that has slowly gone away.Talking about it gets the subject changed. She does not outright forbid it but the look is all I need to change into regular clothes. I can wear polish on the toes but I have to do it myself (she does it so much better) and pantyhose. I only get dressed fully when she goes on her girls night out with her friends every couple of months because of the cool reception I now get in her presence. It sucks and I wish we could go back to those happy days or give up this thing, but I can't. I guess it could be worse she could tell me to stop.

Has anyone else gone though this?

yes.
I was married for 4 years and it was ok at 1st, then over a few month period it slowed down , then finally the "only dress at home" stance. Divorce came soon after.

Good news is that I stepped out of a bad relationship into a great one :D

docrobbysherry
10-01-2007, 11:38 PM
Every couple of weeks or so, my ex and I had a "date nite". We shared our fantasies on date nite. One nite it was her turn, next time it was mine. She could ask me to do whatever she wanted, and on my nites, the reverse. Those were the rules: whatever the other person wanted. On my nites, I tried out some of my bondage fantasies. For her, it was a long massage and lots of tongue! That was before I tried CDing. I would like to say it was a great success, but for us, it wasn't! After a few months, it was back to dinner and a movie on date nite.

DonnaT
10-02-2007, 08:55 AM
Been married 32 years and my wife has known almost the entire time. At first, things were great, like you mentioned, and we had fun. Then things changed and she didn't like it any more.

Then they reversed again, etc., etc.

Right now, they aren't like they use to be in the beginning, but I can dress when I want at home as long as there is no makeup or wig involved. Those items are for when I go out. Not a problem for me, as I don't have the need to dress fully enfemme very often anyway.

Di
10-02-2007, 09:02 AM
Thanks everyone,

Our relationship is very good. Every aspect has grown, I feel over the 16 years things have gotten better and better, except the CDing part to which I do not partake in as much as I would like. I am the type to give flowers for no reason or I always compliment her and yes I do her toes aswell.
I have backed off from dressing in part from reading other posts about the pink fog. Feeling I was maybe over doing it a year ago, the nails were bare since early spring and any dressing ( hose, skirt and top) has been out of her sight maybe once a month if lucky, if I can manage.
I talked to her awhile ago about it. .
As I said before all other parts of our relationship seem to be growing with time. I just am puzzled as to the slip backwards the CDing thing has taken. I guess if this is her new comfort zone I should be happy because some people don't even have that.



Lee.

I like what you said.....this is her new comfort zone ....and to be happy:hugs:...keep talking....you sound like a great couple, both caring and thinking of the other person.:happy:

dancinginthedark
10-02-2007, 09:07 AM
Well it could be she has the same kind of "now I like this now I don't" thoughts so many have. We all go through those phases. Maybe she is now. :strugglin

Now I Like It, Now I Don't (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890) This post might shed some like on what I mean. Marla GG posted this a couple of years back in Aug of 05.


dancin

Daintre
10-02-2007, 09:21 AM
I think that maybe, just maybe that your SO has talked with a close friend and that may have convinced her to cool it.

I say this because in my case my SO was OK with it, not really happy, but OK. She started seeing a psychiatrist and within a very short time the OK became ...you are perverted, finally to divorce.

I can only speak from my personal experience here.

Tamara Croft
10-02-2007, 09:31 AM
It sounds to me like she tried hard to instantly accept it to make you happy, doing the nails, dressing up etc... but after a while, it all got to her and she's freaked out. I know, because I've been there, done that, got the medals etc...

When I met Tam, he told me a few months into the relationship, ok it freaked me out at first, but I tried so hard to understand and accept it, I even did for a while, dressing up with her, going out for walks, buying clothes, make-up etc... but it got too much, the more he thought I'd accepted it, the more he wanted out of it... it became a 'me me me' situation and I felt like that was all that mattered - him and his bloody CD'ing.. pink fog comes to mind. It got to the point where I'd cry myself to sleep at night, wishing I could just have my man come to bed, instead of him wearing something girly... I detested it, loathed it, why did 'she' have to come first... what about me?

I'm not saying this is where your SO is at, but it sounds like it to me, sounds like you went over her boundaries, pushing and pushing her limitations, until she cracked up with pressure to please you. Maybe you should ask her, did you push her too far? did you make her feel not wanted and your femme side came first before her, the woman in your life? I don't mean to be so harsh, but a lot of people need to realise, it isn't always about them, it's about how you neglect others and put your fem side first constantly, it gets so overpowering you could just jump off the nearest bridge.

Ok, so now you're thinking... well how come she's still here.... well I got over it, I joined this forum, I met GG's and started getting some help, but not only GG's, I made a lot of CD/TS friends too, who have also helped me along the way. It took 5 years, lots of tears and a break up to get here, so it wasn't easy. You need to talk to her, find out why all of a sudden she isn't into it, there will be a reason, you might not want to hear it, but you have to talk to her about it, or it eventually will tear you both apart.

sissystephanie
10-02-2007, 09:32 AM
My late wife and I were married for 49 1/2 years before she passed away, and she knew I was a CD before were married, and not only accepted it but also was very supportive. There was one very strict rule, which I had no problem with. I was ALWAYS HER MAN, no matter what clothes I was wearing! The only exception to that was when we changed roles in bed!

Let your wife know that you love her deeply, and want to satisfy her as her husband! She is, or should be, the most important thing in your life, so let her know that!!

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

Katie T
10-02-2007, 09:52 AM
I too m puzzled as I am going through the same thing with my SO. ( we were heading for the big D) She has asked me not to dress in the house or even around her, so I have agreed to keep it to myself. I hope that one day we can go back to where we were 2-3 months ago....but I doubt it :(

Lee Andrews
10-07-2007, 04:10 PM
What a difference in opinions. Thank you all for them. I hope my situation is simular to Donna's and not the one's ending in divorce. I would like to think ours is one of love.

Angie G
10-07-2007, 07:55 PM
No and I hope it never does happen :hugs:
Angie

ColleenShivas
10-07-2007, 08:10 PM
My experience with a generally accepting wife is that she wants her relationship with a CDer to be a two-way street. She will help with advice on clothing, makeup etc, and in turn expects more assistance with household duties, more female-to-female companionship etc. When it becomes all about Colleen, she backs off.

RachelDenise
10-07-2007, 08:37 PM
One way road with me...no acceptance. I can't begin to understand what you're going through, but I would suggest a quiet evening out or in as husband and wife and do the unthinkable - communicate! Don't just talk.

Miranda269
10-07-2007, 08:45 PM
My wife and I had a bit of a touchy marriage around the 7yr mark, well before I began dressing. We realized that both of us were guilty of taking each other for granted. We also realized that we loved each other still and worked through the troubles and began falling even more in love with one another as time went on. We are best freinds, and since we discovered the fun and sheer erotic pleasure of dressing EACH OTHER up, for EACH OTHERS pleasure
our marriage of 18yrs is strong and healthy. Go back in your mind to the beginning of your relationship and find that feeling when you first fell in love...is it still there for BOTH of you?