PDA

View Full Version : So it finally happened to me!



ChantelleCD
10-11-2007, 09:14 AM
On the 17th of september my 1st day back at work just after getting promoted came to an end. I was very stressed and relieved to get back home after such a long day. On sitting down my SO just came out with it and said "why have you got a crossdressing forum saved in your history". ........................... was my answer. I didn't know what to say to that, what do you say? Going through my head apart from "this isn't happening this isn't happening" was the fact that I should just come clean, dont lie. I always said to myself if anyone close to me asked me directly about my cding I would always tell the truth.

So then the questions came, (the formidable questions I have read about time and time again) are you gay? do you wont to become woman? etc etc. From her point of view she had just seen her boyfriend dressed as a girl, I could tell she was in shock. we had been talking for hours and hours, no chance I was going to sleep. She moved back home 1st thing the following morning, things didn't look to bright.

After a few days we started texting again, she told me I shouldnt worry. She had been reading up on it and learnt a lot about my condition. She understood that it would be with me for good and that she would never stand in front of me doing it. She wonted to move back in with me:happy: I had never been happier in my life. She also went on to say "maybe in the future I might buy you things". I couldnt believe my ears, one step at a time though is definitely the best course of action required!

Things are a lot better at the moment, infact I think the relationship has improved a little. We are both being a lot more honest with each other about the way we feel, which is great!

I started in the thought that I was going to end this post in "this website needs to change its name!" If she hadn't seen the title of this website she wouldn't of suspected anything. But if that was the case I would of never known how remarkable my SO can be. So thank you crossdressers.com :heehee:

Chantelle X

SANDRA MICHELLE
10-11-2007, 09:46 AM
You lucky, lucky girl, sounds like the best that could happen actually did.
I wish I was 25 again and had told my girlfriend at the time that I was a crossdresser, she may have not married me but if she did knowing that about me then my life would have been fuller. As it is I waited to tell her after we were married for 18 years and that was not really fair to her by any stretch of the imagination so I have to deal with the ramifications of my dis honesty now.

spandexgirl188
10-11-2007, 11:19 AM
Good for you. My SO already knew. I didnt know how to break it to her, but i eventually told her. She was fine with it and now im able to crossdress at will with her, go shopping and stuff. My life with her has never been happier.

jessica.

Veronica Fallon
10-11-2007, 11:41 AM
Wow, all the heavy emotions you both must have been/are going through lately!! She must be quite wise to immediately research the subject instead of simply rejecting you from a purely emotional standpoint. And you're quite lucky that she seems to be forgiving of the "secret" that's been kept from her. Here's hoping that you will both now share the love & open-ness necessary for a newly enriching journey... together! :beer:

Peace, Love, & Hope, :Peace::lovestruck::Pray:

Veronica

nikki_t
10-11-2007, 11:48 AM
Chantelle, it's so great that it got sorted out. I was worried for you for a while. My advice is to not get too carried away with too much too soon otherwise she might think it's taking over your life. Just go with the flow. :D

"Mary"
10-11-2007, 12:33 PM
Good for you. I've had some softening about the edges as we discuss costumes. She has an inkling about my tendency and likes. Slowly, but surely. Hopefully this will work out before I'm really old, shriveled.

Diana

Annesah
10-11-2007, 05:28 PM
Chantelle! You did great! Honesty, the facts, communication and love generally result in a positive happening. Happned again! Congratulations to you and your SO.

JulieC
10-11-2007, 05:31 PM
One piece of advice: Don't over do it. GO SLOW. It's wonderful she's come this far in so short a time. But, don't blow her circuits by going wild. Take time, patience.

MJ
10-11-2007, 07:01 PM
you are very lucky person , i envy you

SandyR
10-11-2007, 08:04 PM
Good deal! Its sounds like it going to work out, and at such a young age. Just take it slow go at her pace, its working for me.

SandyR

Patty
10-11-2007, 08:28 PM
You are a very lucky person!!
Slow small steps now
:hugs:

crunchysoda
10-12-2007, 02:03 AM
That's great! Just take it very slow and easy, dont let the relief, excitement, and "pink fog" take over.

If anything do the opposite of all of that. Remind her you are *still* "her man" and *she* is "your woman." She needs to know more than ever how much she means to you, and not just because she knows about and accepts your cd side.

This is only the beginning.

Im probably preaching to the choir, but oh well!

Good luck!
:hugs:

Amanda Shaft
10-12-2007, 02:47 AM
Hi Chantelle! I'm really pleased things worked out so well for you both, so just take it slow and things can only get better.
Hugs Amanda x

ChantelleCD
10-12-2007, 03:57 AM
Thank you everyone!! :happy: Im happy she has taken it so well to start off. Odviously this is early days for the both of us, the last thing I wont to do is pressure her at all. I think the general consensus is to take things super slow which I can see how easy it is to get carried away (pink fog) as alarm clock girl said. the weekends coming so hopefully we can spend some time together, Take her out for a meal maybe.

If anyone has anymore advice I would love to hear it? anyone thats been in the same situation, what did you do to insure things ran smoothly. both set boundarys etc?

Thanks again :happy:

RachelDenise
10-12-2007, 04:28 AM
The key is to keep talking. Go very slowly. I think having her tell you what she expects from you is good. More importantly, you need to listen to her!!!

Angie G
10-12-2007, 04:46 AM
thats great that it worked out for you hun my wfe of 39 years knows about 2 years now and it's better bigtime better hun :hugs:
Angie

Carla Maria
10-12-2007, 05:02 AM
Your life is going to become much better now. It takes a little time for some of our ladies to understand us. My told my first wife after 15 years of marriage and she did come to accept it, but it wasn't easy for her. With my secound wife, she knew from the start and has been just wonderful. She shops with me and for me. So hang in there Chantelle!! She sounds like she will give it a good try.

Hali
10-12-2007, 05:07 AM
its nice to hear such a warm story, i always tell ma girlfriends about my condition they all seem to always like it, i lost most of them not because of CDing but cos they wanted to marry or moved out of town, and i think i tend to attract the girls that like CDs.

Guess wat? You need to see how fast their hearts beat wen we are to kiss while am en femme, its incredible..excited...they get! ....i think so

Suzie Green
10-12-2007, 07:20 AM
Yes, keep talking, that's good advice. And remember, talking means "two ways", so calmly state what you have to say, and then listen. You've been dealing with your issues and feelings for years, she's had hours or days and has just been hit by a train. Her instinct is to rebel and push back. Let her do that by not being defensive yourself. Express your feelings to her with an air of "I need your help in understanding why I do this" rather than saying something like "I'm a crossdresser and that's the way it is so you have to live with it." Asking for assistance is more successful than asking for tolerance.

Congrats on coming out. The next hours, weeks, months won't be easy, but you have her as a friend. Keep her that way and things will work! :love:

KatrinaAshley
10-12-2007, 08:13 AM
The computer can be a dangerous thing. You never know how or if someone else will find things they aren't supposed to. Mine gets turned off when I'm away for a while.

Glad to hear about another member getting a lucky break. I know for sure I wouldn't be so lucky were I in a similar situation.

christid66
10-12-2007, 08:22 AM
Glad it worked out for you Chantelle and hope your relationship keeps growing.
I've been in the closet for 30 or so years (My fault, I know) so if my wife ever found out, I share the same view as Katrina that I will probably not be so lucky with her reaction.
However, I don't know what would hurt her more - the fact that her hubby likes to dress as a woman or that I've held a secret from her for so many years

Melinda G
10-12-2007, 03:33 PM
She had no right to be snooping through the history in your computer. If you had done the same to her, she likely would have accused you of snooping, and not trusting her, and invading her privacy. If she's just your girlfriend, and already snooping, and confronting you, you might want to hold off on any marriage plans. It only gets worse!

ChantelleCD
10-15-2007, 02:47 PM
Thanks for everyones advice. I will take everything onboard :happy:





Guess wat? You need to see how fast their hearts beat wen we are to kiss while am en femme, its incredible..excited...they get! ....i think so

hermmm, bit of a contradiction to what everybody else has said. Maybe one step at a time. LOL





She had no right to be snooping through the history in your computer. If you had done the same to her, she likely would have accused you of snooping


Hay Melinda. In her absolute defence, she uses my computer for work and went into my history to find a website she went on previously. I didn't give her anything to be paranoid about.....errrrr, apart from this obviously. but at the time, she didn't suspect a thing.

Thanks again for everybodys words of wisdom

Chantelle

Ruth
10-15-2007, 02:55 PM
Well it's already been said but I'll repeat, you are a lucky guy. Your GF sounds like a very clever and sensitive woman who also loves you very much. Take it all carefully and gradually and you can look forwad to many happy years together.
It's nice to read some good stories on this site.

Shelly Preston
10-15-2007, 03:07 PM
Hi Chantelle

I am glad its all working out so well for both of you

There is something else you may want to consider

Why dont you ask her to join the forum I am sure she would enjoy chatting with the other Genetic Girls

tricia_uktv
10-15-2007, 03:10 PM
I agree with everything that has been said, particularly about communicating and taking things slowly. The one thing I would add is to watch youself closely. We do have a tendency to get carried away. I had a supporting SO but, and it was within me, I kept having to push myself and test myself further until it blew up. Remember both she and you will change over time. But a brilliant start, enjoy yourself Chantelle!!

ChantelleCD
10-15-2007, 03:15 PM
Hi Chantelle


There is something else you may want to consider

Why dont you ask her to join the forum I am sure she would enjoy chatting with the other Genetic Girls

She has already said she wonts to make herself a member on the forum. If she does or not that is a different thing. I have suggested she do so, it might help her to understand a little more about it from different angles. I know she has been talking to people on gender chat rooms. We will see what happens:happy:

ChantelleCD
10-15-2007, 03:25 PM
The one thing I would add is to watch youself closely. We do have a tendency to get carried away. I had a supporting SO but, and it was within me, I kept having to push myself and test myself further until it blew up.

Hi Tricia, I totaly understand. I can see how easy it is to get carried away, she has told me how far I can go with it and where she draws the line. Im fine with that.

Tvanessa
10-15-2007, 05:36 PM
Sounds very familiar to me but my girl didn't move out. Things should be looking even better soon enough, just be patient.

Fitzkim
10-15-2007, 06:03 PM
I started in the thought that I was going to end this post in "this website needs to change its name!" If she hadn't seen the title of this website she wouldn't of suspected anything. But if that was the case I would of never known how remarkable my SO can be. So thank you crossdressers.com :heehee:

Chantelle X


I'm with you on the name. If it was called something different, like superhiddencrossdressingforum.com, I never would have found you all!

RobertaFermina
10-15-2007, 06:13 PM
I'm so glad to see 'telling the truth' has led to greater happiness.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

Ms_Judys_pet
10-15-2007, 06:24 PM
Congrats, good luck.
A wife who understands is wonderful.
my ex did understand but wasn't in favor of me practicing often.
Ms Judy loves me in a skirt. Even if i am looking male, or especially when i am looking male....
my one piece of advice would be to find out what she would like to see you in and kind of flow with it. She may find it sexy.
She may also have some great suggestions about what would look good on you.

MsJoann
11-05-2007, 02:46 PM
A couple months ago, my SO found a picture of me dressed on my computer desktop background.
She had been enroute to my home for the weekend and decided to stop by my office for a visit.
I had not shut down the puter and it was too late...she saw it.
(previously, she had seen little cameo face shots of me).
Now she knows I have been doing this for some time now but rhe "reacted" in shock and stormed out and headed for my home.
I was about 4 miles behind her on what I called a "white knuckles" drive home. Upon arriving home, I found her crying and asking why, why, why, why!! I tried to console her and hug her but she pulled away saying "dont touch me"!! Sobbing.
I calmly explained that this was a way of personal art....expressing myself. A few other creative words were used and the whole situation ended within 15 minutes and never was brought up again.
She still does not understand all this,, nor wants to waste her time discussing it. She just shakes her head and turns the other way, not wanting to understand.
Don't get me wrong now, she does not sabotage my activities or prevent or threaten me but it seems that after that shocker...she has become more loving and understanding of my feelings.

Darlene-VA
11-05-2007, 03:33 PM
It is so nice to hear a positive story likes your, thanks for sharing and by all means take the lady out to a fine meal.

Mistybtm
11-05-2007, 04:28 PM
Wow that is great I am happy for you.

Does anyone know of a good source for this i have some explaning to do my self soon and would be nice to have some info for her to read .
Thank you all

TxKimberly
11-05-2007, 05:17 PM
Way cool - it is so much easier on the heart if you don't have to hide it.
Advice - just one little bit - don't push too hard too fast. When I first told my wife, she was the first person I had ever told, and the obviously the first person I could talk to, and I proceeded to do so. Again, and again, and again . . .
While she didn't have a real problem with it, she DID get sick of hearing about it after a while. So, take a deep breath, calm down, relax, and try not to unload all the pent up thoughts and feelings at once.

sami1952
11-05-2007, 07:15 PM
I'm so happy things work out for you,you must be very special to her for her to understand.all i got to say is you luck girl!!!

JaytoJillian
11-05-2007, 07:43 PM
Hi, Chantelle, my SO found out the exact same way, but from my most recent post, there was no happy ending for me. Not just yet anyway. I am truly happy for you, as carrying such a secret is quite the burden to bear. Best of luck to you and your SO.

Hugs,


Jillian

Sandi C
11-05-2007, 09:27 PM
When I told my wife, she suprised the crap out of me. She has been so supportive, she has helped ME through all of this. I feel so lucky to have her as my wife. Good Luck!

Paige.
11-05-2007, 09:32 PM
Congratulations Chantelle. I hope the pleasure of yout discovery is long lasting.

From my perspective I can only loudly echo Alarmclockgirl's sage advice. It is critical for your success and aceptance by your wife.

Don't forget that she will be on a steep learning curve and may fall off at times. I think most women that 'discover' their hushand's weird hobby are not only shocked but deeply afraid he may be gay.

In accepting you as Chantelle, she will have her own demons to slay and they could come in a variety of forms. You don't know but be prepared for anything. It is even possible that seeing you dressed may raise questions about her own sexual orienation and that could be frightening and confusing. Her needs must be addressed. It can't be all about you and your wanting to dress and express.

Please go slow and don't overload the circuits.

I am happy for you. Good luck.
Paige

Staci
11-05-2007, 10:20 PM
Congratulations Chantelle. I agree. Take it slow. Help her understand. Listen to her as you go. Enjoy the ride. My wife has known since we were dating and it has been great. Good luck to you and your SO.

silkandsatincd
11-06-2007, 12:06 AM
Thanks for sharing your story. Lucky for you she has come around so fast. I told my wife recently and she told me she doesn't want to know about it or see me. I sent her a link to this site and suggested she read the forums for Loved Ones, she said she doesn't want to waste her brain power on it. Nedless to say I am very dissapointed about it, but others on the board suggested I give her time.

Enjoy your stay.

silkandsatincd
11-06-2007, 12:08 AM
Hi Page,

Good advise, I needed to hear this. Thanks!

Paula Wilder
11-06-2007, 12:43 AM
You are all so encouraging - my wife would hock up a hairball and scratch my eyes out, then feast on the remains of my carcass! Actually, that's just my worst case scenario imagination at work - I haven't a clue how she'd react, and don't plan to find out anytime soon. Happy for you, though, and a bit jealous...

Hugs (and pouts),

Paula

MsJoann
11-06-2007, 03:20 AM
You climb the ladder one rung at a time with coming out. Just enjoy every step along the way, and most of all....enjoy yourself and thank God you're not stuck in the basement with a model railroad. Be bold and show the world your legs!!!

heidi99
12-28-2007, 06:06 PM
That's terrific! Lots of sage advice here. Take things nice and slow (at her pace.) Sounds like she is interested and willing to learn about this side of you.

There was a friend (former gf) that found some of my things, and put the questions to me. And I too didn't have an appropriate answer at the time. At a later date, though, I did tell her and she said, "I know." The point is girls are pretty adept at figuring things out. The questions (and withdrawal) were motivated by her surprise and lack of data about how things were going to go. Talking to others, and getting more knowledge solves the latter problem, and you being supportive and taking it easy will help give her the data she needs to decide what's best for her (having a girlfriend and boyfriend all rolled into one.)

Above all, you have your personal integrity!!! Now you don't have to carry around that secret (weighs a ton, doesn't it!!!)

Heidi99

Stephanie Scott
12-29-2007, 12:51 AM
One of the things I have discovered after telling my wife is that it made ME feel closer to her. It brought our relationship to another level because now she knows everything about me. No more secrets. We communicate better. I can openly empathize with her more easily. It added a facet to our relationship. But it's not easy. It is definitely a process. And I think overall it's probably been much easier for me than her. But she has been fantastic. I can't have asked for better. Her response has been understandably uneven, but she makes a tremendous effort to understand and accommodate.

Bethany_Anne_Fae
12-29-2007, 06:14 AM
Hey Chantelle... how have things progressed since you began this thread?

Zara

MJ
12-29-2007, 06:18 AM
i am thinking the same thing Zara

Blonde
12-29-2007, 03:23 PM
From some of the theads here, I would say you are quite lucky. Like me.

For me and my SO, We had started out as just friends, then after about 5 or so years, we became a couple. That went for another 2 or 3 years. Then we moved in together.
Then one day she found a cigarette butt in the toilet with lipstick on it.....
At 1st she thought that maybe I was fooling around on her... so we sat down and talked.. the first thing I said about it was, some humour, "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok" (a bit of python to break the silence)....She had the same questions as yours, was I gay (no), Bi(no), want to become a woman(no), she was not a lesbian,...etc....
At the time there was no internet, and not a lot of material about it, so it was hard to look it up, but she still tried to understand. Eventually her acceptance grew, along with her understanding that this was part of who I was. So after a year (or 2)of living together we got married. (19 years as of this post, and as strong as ever)
I dress when I want (I am actually dressed right now, Bra w/forms, girdle, sleep shirt), and our sex life is fine (I dress durring sex most times). We often joke about how narrow minded people can be, as well as what her family would say if they found out (her family is very conservative, and her mother would probably want me committed to a psyc hospital to get "cured")

We seldom if ever fight (can only think of one time we fought). Our Secret? We never go to bed angry, have a "cool down" before arguing (never argue when you are hopping mad), and end each day with "I love you".

mysteryhorn57
12-29-2007, 03:58 PM
I wish I had discovered some of these resources 20 years ago.
About a year ago I broke up a 24 year marriage, primarily because of my closet activities.
I took a new job on the opposite side of the country and filed for divorce. This was a world class mid-life crisis.
I met a wonderful, supportive GG right here at crossdressers.com, but was not ready for a serious relationship.
We broke up, but remain friends.
Shortly after that another gg friend seemed to become "available". I took it slower this time. On our third date, she told me the story of discovering her secretly crossdressing boyfriend en femme.
"Uh, ummm, about that...." I began, and told her about my favorite "secret hobby".
At first she laughed, then said it made me "A third more interesting than other guys".
She is generally supportive, and almost as tall as me. She gives me some of her clothes, and seems to like pantyhose almost as much as me (I have other posts here discussing my favorite female attire item).
My new mottos are "full disclosure" and "no fear". I did not go out dressed until relocating to the Bay Area. Fortunately, there are wonderful support groups, and some great prople here, or I would not be able to do this.
Hang in there, it sounds like you have a "keeper".

:2c: