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View Full Version : Anyone regret coming out?



sarahpectoris
10-12-2007, 05:14 PM
Many of the posts on this site contain positive accounts of how girls have managed to come about their CDing to their wives, girlfriends, familes etc without disastrous results. Whilst this is reassuring for those like myself still in the closet, I wonder if the the outcomes are always positive? How many girls here wish that they had kept their CDing secret from their SOs, familes, workmates etc? Have their been any disastrous consequences socially or professionally?

Ashleigh
10-12-2007, 05:33 PM
Not for a second.
Ashleigh :doll:

jaina
10-12-2007, 06:57 PM
Oh my god, absolutly not.

Everything is better now. I know my friends are actually my friends. No more hiding, no worrying about who will find out because everyone knows.

Coming out means no stress, no anxiety, just living my life.

Veronica 1
10-12-2007, 07:31 PM
Oh my god, absolutly not.

Everything is better now. I know my friends are actually my friends. No more hiding, no worrying about who will find out because everyone knows.

Coming out means no stress, no anxiety, just living my life.

I totally agree, things are much better now.

trannie T
10-12-2007, 09:18 PM
I suspect coming out to my brother may have something to do with global warming. Aside from that it is all positive. It is a wonderful world beyond the closet door.

Mary Morgan
10-12-2007, 09:57 PM
Absolutely not. If I have one regret it is that I wasn't born a few years later in a society that was at least willing to talk about it. This is a marvelous time for us, but it wasn't always so. The next few years will bring much freedom to our community and therefore less anxiety to our loved ones. They have been my greatest concern. As for me, I am 60 years old and my best years are behind me. Now I can only hope that God allows me to be a transgender, if not a woman, in the next life so that I can try to get it right.

Billie
10-12-2007, 11:42 PM
I do. Before my wife thought it was kinda funny for me to wear her clothes. We shared panties. I told her one day and that all came to an end. She doesn't like it anymore. It added to stuff that was going downhill anyway, the other parts of our lives have gotten better. I'm now too scared to bring it up again. She'll mention that she's noticed this site on a computer if I don't clear the history, but I think she's worried someone else will find it.

melissacd
10-13-2007, 12:21 AM
Well in terms of my 25 year relationship coming out was a total disaster and ended it. In terms of how I feel about myself, it is the best thing I did and I only wish that I had done it sooner, perhaps life would have been much different, but in a positive way.

jennCD
10-13-2007, 02:09 AM
My only regret was not telling my wife years ago.
In fact we just finished watching the rebroadcast of today's Oprah show about 2 trans-families together.

I was actually worried about asking her to watch it with me since I don't want to feel I'm pushing her to get "involved" in my transgenderishness faster than she is comfortable but she decided she wanted to watch it too. During commercials, we spoke a bit about my personal experiences as they related to what she was seeing and hearing.

Even though she's known about my other self now for a few months, I still prefer to take it slow and go at her pace, acceptance-wise. I have all the time in the world now that I can be open with her about everything... and one day, who knows, maybe we'll both feel like we each know the Real Me.
:)
jenn

Sandra
10-13-2007, 03:28 AM
Oh my god, absolutly not.

Everything is better now. I know my friends are actually my friends. No more hiding, no worrying about who will find out because everyone knows.

Coming out means no stress, no anxiety, just living my life.

This also is how I felt when we told people about Nigella, we live our lives how we want and not hiding from everyone

Mitch23
10-13-2007, 04:19 AM
not disastrous consequences. I feel like i can live my life with a degree of honesty that i have never had before. should have done it years ago. I am weary of the constant negativity from my wife and her deeply entrenched and unbending attitude

mitch

Deborah Jane
10-13-2007, 04:40 AM
Yes!! It cost me my marriage to the one woman i truly loved...We had been together since just after we left school.[27 years]..I honestly wish i,d never told her, then, even though i,d still be in the closet, i,d still be with her!!.....The only good thing to come out of this, is i have finally accepted who i am!!

Gisele
10-13-2007, 07:03 AM
I came out to me GF six years ago on our fifth date and have no regrets period. It was the best move that I could have made. I am now living the way I always wanted to.

I just now want to come clean with my mother soon. My father I will never tell.

JamieTV
10-13-2007, 07:07 AM
It is so nice to have my SO help me in my fem life. She especially loves when I shop with her. So I will never say that I was sorry about bring her into my lifestyle.....

rachellenicole
10-13-2007, 07:41 AM
Coming out has been a wonderful thing for me, I have done this with 2 very special people in my life. My wife and my sister.

Rach

Veronica E. Scott
10-13-2007, 08:22 AM
In a word YES.

I have been married 42 yrs this coming April,I told my wife about my other side almost 3 yrs ago and life will never be the same. she has been in therapy ever since I told her,she wants nothing to do with my dressing although she doesn't mind going shopping she just doesn't want to see it. We use to have an active sex life but that has stopped and we use to share the same bed and now I have my own room we are like room mates.But all in all life is not bad I no longer have to hide I just cant leave my room when dressed unless she is not home I don't have to hide my clothing in a box I can hang it in the closet which is getting to small and she sometimes gives me some of her old clothing she no longer wants so it is and it isn't time moves on. we shall see.

Eugenie
10-13-2007, 12:41 PM
No, I don't regret having come out to a selected number of people, including my wife, a long time ago, and several other friends and my children more recently (My children are respectively 37 and 35)

I also told a few ex-colleagues ( I'm on pre-retirement) They looked surprised but didn't turn away. One female colleague told me"Now I understand better why you were making compliments on my skirts and dresses..." :heehee:

Indeed, it is not only that I have no regrets, but that I wuld like to come out to more friends... But I'm still a bit shy with my male friends...

:hugs:
Eugenie

SANDRA MICHELLE
10-13-2007, 02:00 PM
I came out to my wife after 18 years, she's still hanging in quite well but has good days and bad ones. It is now about 3 and a half years since and my only real regret is that I did not tell her before we got married and also that I have not come out completely to everyone, thats what I really want to do but it would almost certainly wreck the marriage and that is more important to me.

Sally24
10-13-2007, 02:22 PM
My personal experience so far has been very good, but I have friends that have had the exact opposite. One person told her girl friend and immediately lost her. They talk occasionally now but that is it. Several married girls are having rocky times because their wives are not that accepting. It all depends on when in the relashionship you tell them, what kind of person they are, and other things you can't control. As always, sooner is better, truthful is better, but neither is a gaurantee of happiness.

Good Luck

sarahpectoris
10-14-2007, 09:34 AM
The messages I take from these responses are:

1. tell your SO early in the relationship.
2. if you have kept it a secret in your relationship for a longtime then think very carefully about coming out. It may work out but it could backfire badly.

I wonder if those girls who regret telling their SO anticipated that it would not be accepted and vice versa for those who found their SOs supportive/accepting. My guess is that if you think that your SO will react badly then she probably will.

sami1952
10-14-2007, 09:40 AM
The day I let my wife know about my cding was the best day of my life,which meant that i didn't have to hide from her any longer and it was a great relief to me knowing that i didn't have to hide it.

Joanne f
10-14-2007, 10:17 AM
To my wife no, and to my children well they are slowly getting to hear a bit more about it and there seems to be no problem so far , but to extended family and those that i thought were friends and other people that knew me a big yes, i have lost my so called friends and the others well i will not go into that .

joanne

Valerie
10-14-2007, 10:26 AM
I only regret not having told my wife earlier. I am so very much happier now and it saved me from a prolonged and deep funk. Would I tell other people? Probably not. It does not seem necessary for me at this time.

Valerie

Marla S
10-14-2007, 10:32 AM
Have their been any disastrous consequences socially or professionally?
Well, the decision to not longer hide it didn't contribute to maintain my relationship and it's not something which makes it more easy to find a job.

Nevertheless I don't regret that step, it gave me a lot for other aspects of life.

More of a win-lose situation rather than a win-win situation.

If I'd had have the choice, I'd have chosen not to have the need to no longer hide it. Aka, it would make no odds to me not being TG ... but there is no choice.

Angie G
10-14-2007, 12:43 PM
I'm out only to my wife with no regret at all I now dress % day a week, if i did not come out to her I would not be dressing at all now that she can't work :hugs:
Angie

JenniferR771
10-14-2007, 02:14 PM
I sat next to a wife for a few minutes at at cd meeting last week. Her comment, "Married to a crossdresser is easy! Piece of cake. Fun really. I go shopping and I get myself some shorts and come home with two dresses that I think will look cute on him, (gestering toward her blond-haired partner). Married to a transexual--hormones surgery--this is tough, I would trade in a minute."

Katie Ashe
10-14-2007, 07:34 PM
:rant:To be truthful, Yes. I should have just killed myself. I just lost the last of my family 2 weeks ago. I am lonely, depressed and working my butt off for nothing. I can't pay my bills anymore, nor find a job with a 17 year background. I am working for a fast food place delivering. It is a dead end job with little hope. I have lost most of the self respect I had left. I pray everyday things will get better, but hope is slipping. I am completely fed up with society and there BS ways. I'm sick of complaining, seems I am powerless in this world of "Money makes the world go round". I fear my marrage will not get much better, nor my kids will understand why people have to be so mean. I'm tired of going to enterviews to be told I'm over or under qualified and or don't fit there corp image. Very few things have gone right lately, everytime I turn around it's another slap in the face. Read the Rainbow Times, even pompis Mayors like Jerry Sanders are hipocrites, I feel bad for his daughter whom just came out. Pass the Mathew Sheppards Act, good GOD, it ain't gonna hurt anyone. I feel very alone in this world, so do I regret comin out, yes, and why, simply cause I am just as depressed as I was 3 years ago before I came out. :blah:

Staci
10-14-2007, 07:59 PM
No regrets here. I really feel very fortunate to have a wife that is so understanding. She even seems to go our of her way to make sure I am happy. She helps me find clothes that look good on me. She lets me play a little, like buying my prom dress, she helps me with various looks. We kind of grew together in it from early in our relationship.

Tasha T
10-14-2007, 08:25 PM
I should have just killed myself.

I'm sorry you feel that way. Sometimes life just sucks, but that doesn't mean you should end it all. God has a plan for everyone. Don't give up!

rochy1
10-24-2007, 02:51 PM
I regret having been honest to my ex-girlfriend about my transvestism. After attempting for an extended period to "come to terms" with my "secret", a period in which she often called me "gay", a "pervert", "sick", etc., etc., she cheated on me and left me. She also revealed my secret to a number of people with whom I have contact but with whom I would never dream of discussing such a personal issue.
I realize in retrospect that this woman has serious character problems that eventually would have made a relationship impossible, even if I had not come out to her. On the other hand, it's impossible to deny that transvestites/crossdressers/transsexuals are considered ridiculous figures by a large number of people. Saying "Did you know X is a secret transvestite?" is different from saying "Did you know X is a secret philanthropist", or inventor, or linguistic expert, or whatever.
For this reason I don't talk about my transvestism, and I plan to continue to conceal it.

marie354
10-24-2007, 02:58 PM
It's the best thing I have done. I should have done it when I was much younger. Of course I probably would never come out all the way if it hadn't been for the wonderful people here that helped me to understand it a bit better.

Regrets? Not a one. I even help out with a youth organization now... As a woman. Woo-Hoo!

Victoria Anne
10-24-2007, 03:21 PM
Regrets .... no I have only come out to my wife , from day one of our courtship and to my sister who is supportive and my mother who is don't ask don't tell. My wife is not ashamed of me , supports me , we have alot of fun together. Actually I do have one regrte and that is thatI did not come out sooner . My job will not allow for it but I do hope to , with the support I have here and that of my wife to slowly come out more in my private life , to live more of my life as Viccy , Viccy is who I am.

ptp009
10-24-2007, 08:44 PM
I told my wife a ywear after we were married her reaction was shock, but leter I agreed to dress under and when went out as a group I would do it without her and that's worked. Happy I told her would hate to hide that from her anyways.

Debbie47
10-25-2007, 12:56 AM
I have no regrets even though my ex-wife told my parents about it a long time ago and it caused me some problems for a few years. My dressing has been the most exciting thing in my life. I have loved riding motorcycles for many years but have walked away from it because my dressing is more important. The point is, is that I have seen too many people this year lose limbs and their lives on bikes. A guy I work with was maimed on his this year and may not work again. His wife was also badly hurt. A local charity run I would have ridden in the past had people killed this year, I would have been in that pack. I know people get hurt in car wrecks but I have walked away from 3 of those where I was the victim in the last 10 years or so. I would have been dead or had a near death experience if I had been on my motorcycle. I love my dressing up more than motorcycling. I dont want to end up being a one legged crossdresser or a dead one. My dressing is the center of my life as it lets me be myself. I am glad I came out.

silkesh
10-25-2007, 06:40 AM
sometimes life is not a happy expeiance.i never realy came out willingly,wen i was about 13 my step mom cought me wearing one of here skirts'''. holly crap what a nightmare. she told my dad. and then he ask me if i was gay. i told him becouse i thought at the time that i must be,i said yes,holly crap what a nightmare.he said get the fuc out of my house and never come back:eek:this hert me so bad i dont think i will ever recover from the scar that it left on me.i'm criying as i tell u this i love my dad so much and to have him say this to me was so hard on me.he said that is the most dicusting thing i can imagine get the fuc out and dont come back ever.total scar.i will remember that for the rest of my life.so yes coming out can be a very hard thing to do and the thing is i only crossdress once in a wile and if you new me i'm totally a normal guy and i like women i want to find a woman that can cope with my femanan side:2c:

JoAnnDallas
10-25-2007, 09:04 AM
I know a little of what your going thru. Back in late 2003 the plant I was working in closed down. We lived in West Virginia, which is the most job depresed state in the union. Being over 55, it took me 14 months and moving to Dallas TX to find a new perm job and start life over again. I went thru some mild depression as weeks turned into months. Durning this time frame, my CDing went sky high, mainly due to the stress, and I ended up coning out of the closet. I am now a member of the local Dallas Tri-Ess and wife even knows now. She is not totally happy with my CDing, but does understand it a little. She does not wish to see me dressed, but has re-arranged her gym schedule to allow me one Saturday afternoon to be my fem self. It happens to be the same Saturday of my Tri-Ess meeting, so I can make it a afternoon/evening affair.
Hang in there and take life one day at a time.

bgirl
10-25-2007, 09:27 AM
Glad I told her. Glad we are still a we. I am still in a closet though. She is 'ok' with it she just doesn't want to see Beth around the house. I still dress when I am home alone and I don't say much about it. I don't worry about being caught. She does make mention if I didn't get all the eyeliner off. It makes her a little uncomfortable. Maybe some day I can lounge around the house when she is here. We are ok.