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jessica duprea
10-12-2007, 06:35 PM
um I don't get how I was born a boy liked being a boy and always felt like a boy, could find my self from age 9 or 10 want to be a girl.

I don't remember when or why I started cross dressing, but I met an older boy who wanted to play school, but he wanted to have sex but I would only play if I could be a girl???????? where did this come from????????

I found my self alway needing to cross-dress and i would pray at night to wake up a girl.
I would cry why am i so messed up, why do I want to be a girl?
why do I like feminine things.
why can't I stop?
I would look at girls in playboy and others and fantasize I was one of them that I was a girl and I would reed forum and look for the stories about the girls or boys being dominated by men.

I desired men yet I'm not attracted to them??????????
I don't get that

I cant see myself in a relationship with a man but I'll have sex with them all day.

I have taken hormones and have alway wanted to change my sex.
I want breast, and a vagina and I wish to god I was born a female.

But I am a man um I don't get this.

I love woman.

I need them.
I desire them.
I'm jealous of them.
I envy them.
I cant look at woman without finding myself all messed up.
I feel so normal dressed as a woman I don't understand how I could start off normal and end up like this without being able to revert.

any ideas?

Marla S
10-12-2007, 07:18 PM
Nobody knows the answer to the why.

What seems reasonable to me is the origin in the early fetal development. The limbic system (responsible for emotions and stuff) develops during this phase and it's development can be influenced by the emotional state of the mother during that time. It seems to happen that i. e. the sensitivity for stress is influenced this way by the level of stress hormones of the mother. Why not emotions and stuff that are related to the gender identity.


um I don't get how I was born a boy liked being a boy and always felt like a boy, could find my self from age 9 or 10 want to be a girl.
Who knows what it means to feel like a boy ... I don't.
Maybe your gender identity never has been challenged up to this point and you played with the boys because it was told that's what a boy is supposed to do. Only if there is a challenge you will realize something that is already is existing.




why do I like feminine things.
Why not ?

why can't I stop?
If the origin is something like assumed above, it will be as hard to stop as respiration. It's a natural need.
The only thing that can be influenced then is the way the individual deals with it, like you can learn different ways (techniques) of breathing, some of which are more beneficial than others.

Michelle 51
10-12-2007, 08:01 PM
Jessica I wish i had all the answers for you but i don't .We all share some common ground on here in that we all love to dress .our lifestyles and why we do it vary but we can support each other . I don't think many of us understand why but at least you know your not alone your among friends here.

Sophie_C
10-12-2007, 09:28 PM
I've analyzed this for ages.

It's not exactly a mystery to my, anymore.

I do think that the gender role is genetic, set in the mind by the time you were born.

People simply gravitate to what their mind is designed to.

You've got to look at it as you were born a girl.

Don't even think about bits. You were born a girl, and forced, by society and convention to not be what you are.

So, it twisted around your head and made you more and more confused as time moved on. As, you forced yourself to dress and act in ways that wasn't you. To try to make yourself like to be ways you don't like to be.

Clothes, dressing, behavior, you name it, you were being what you were not, so you always (and will always) have this struggle between what you've been told is morally / socially right and what you are genetically designed to be (your gender role).

So, that's what you're feeling.

You're feeling that tug of war, that struggle inside.

And, some days, one side might be stronger.

Some days, another side might be stronger.

Some days, you might rest and not even think about it.

But, it will never end, so long as your outside is not in harmony with your inside.

It's your choice what you want to do with it.

P.S. Up to 9 or 10, gender doesn't have that much of a factor in how you behave. Sure, there are signs from the start, but kids are kids.

:2c:

Sodapop
10-13-2007, 01:49 PM
That's just the way you are.

It's OK.