When Did You Or Your Spouce "Find Out"

[Sally24]

This is for Both GG's and CD's to answer.

When did the non-transgendered member of your couple find out? Were they told by the cd/ts or did they find out some other way? And generally how did you/they react?
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I want this from the prospective of the SO, so if they are not a member here and you want to contribute, paraphrase it in their words as much as you can.
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My wife is not a member but I think she would say something like this:

He told me one evening while we were lying in bed "sometimes I like to dress like a girl". I got really quiet but then asked the natural question, do you like guys? He said he didn't and there wasn't much more said about it. I never really saw him dressed and he didn't have a stash of clothes. About 20 years later he brought it up again and I agreed to help him look "good". Eventually I took him out for his first makeover and then out to lunch. We did alright and he seemed to blend in ok. I knew it was much more than just a simple sexual thing when he started to cry on the way home. He never thought he would be able to be treated like a woman. We've been to counseling since and we are both adapting well, still have some issues though.

Sometimes even the cd does not know everything about themselves. It's less a secret we are keeping, rather something unkown even to us.

[Alice1136]

My wife knew from the first time we met that I crossdressed. I was dressed when I met her. As to her reaction, she said that she liked me more as a girl than as a guy. Not so much my looks, I look like exactly what I am a guy in a dress, but my attitude. I am more relaxed as a girl, and easier to get along with. She is gone now after many happy years together. I have a daughter who has also known from the time she was old enough to understand. She sends me flowers and a card on mother's day and calls me mom.

[Sally24]

I have a daughter who sends me flowers and a card on mother's day and calls me mom.
Ohhh, that is so sweet!

[Sandra]

Copied this from a previous post I did last year and added a bit to it cos I'm lazy :p


I was told about Nigella 6 months after we got married, as I have said before the hints were there but I just didn’t pick up on them.

We was just chatting about dressing and she said she liked to wear womens clothes so joking I said go put some on then which she did. When I saw her I laughed then cried calmed down asked her if she was gay or was it me, to which she replied to both questions no and no.

I tolerated, not accepted her dressing for about 9 years, then one night things came to a head and I came clean. My exact words were “I f***** hate it”. This nearly destroyed us, I had lied to her and it took a long while for her to re-gain my trust. This is why now I always suggest to people to tell the truth from the beginning.

I was given the reins and it was me who decided when she dressed. From this point on it took another 8 years to get to the point we are at now which is Nigella dressing 24/7, which she has been doing for the past 2 years.

We have been married 20 years this last August, so give or take a couple of years it has taken me 8 years to FULLY ACCEPT not just tolerate the fact that my SO is a CD’er

[Daintre]

My ex wife found out about 6 months after we were married. I had been transferred to a small town in Northern Alberta. At first we were our only friends, hard to break into the community. I however was sinking into a very black mood, the no dressing was eating at me, the need not to was big....finally my ex was at her wits end and I had to unload. She was shocked, and went through a gamut of emotions. It was not good for her or for me. She did accept the fact that it was apart of me as we went through these black moods several times. It was really not a great start to a marriage :(

[Raychel]

I guess it was about 3 years ago, I came out and told her. Again like the others the whole gammut of emotions at the time. She says that she is OK with it now, But I still for some reason fear the day, like Sandra she says
My exact words were “I f***** hate it”

[Victoria Anne]

I told my wife I wore womens underclothes the day before our first date , she said "so" . Acouple of years later I let her know I also like to dress , her response , I got a dress , a couple of skirts and blouses . I told my wife I am a T/G C/D 13 months ago and she has been a dream , she is not only accepting but fully supportive and encourages me . Yesterday I was emtying some grocery bags and saw she had bought a new type of make up , I enquired about it and she responded by telling me she bought it to try out on me ( so I'm the Guiene pig ) , for my birthday tomorrow she wanted to take me out to buy some new jewelry , she shopped while I was in with my gender therapist instead. I thank God for her every day.

[Maddie Knight]

Lisa and I were friends before we got together and I told her then. So Lisa knew what she was getting before we got serious. Now we are married there is no escape.:chained:

[sami1952]

I told my wife about it when she found my clothes.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm not sure if I should be contributing to this thread or not as I only know of one other situation similar to mine in the whole world .... namely my wife knew from the very start because my wife describes herself as "trans-amorous". She tells people she meets within the TG community that she is attracted to transgendered people and was looking to date a crossdresser before she met me. We met on a cding online forum ... and yes, believe it or not, she likes it, and wants me to dress en femme often.

I guess she said it all, and what she really thinks about it, in this thread (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9521) from two years ago when I was called "Angel": Some thoughts on acceptance (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9521)

[SusanMarie]

My wife actually said..."I have always known and appreciated your 'femme' side. Now that you recognize it, we can let 'her' grow and enjoy together."

I am still stunned to this day.

[Billijo49504]

I hired my current wife as a baby sitter before we were married. She wondered who's panties those wer, to big for my daughters. Then she found out about my bras. So she knew before we were married. I was a widower at age 36. Now I'm 60 and we have been together for almost 26 yrs....BJ

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife found out only a month or so ago. We have been married for 25 years. The way she reacted made me really scared at first, since she was not screaming or hollering at me. We did talk later and she was not happy, but kinda understood. She said she knew I was not gay after being married 25 years, so was confused to why I did it. I explained to her the best I could. She was quite for a couple of days. I kept waiting for the other foot to drop, but it never has so far. LOL We agreed that I would not dress around her and she would give some time for dressing. She will let me wear fem t-tops, shorts, and panties on weekends. She even went with me to my last nail salon visit. I gave her the works, pedicure, toe nail polish, manicue, nail polish, and eyebrows waxed. She enjoyed herself and she saw that no one cared that I got the same treatment or that I also got my toes and nails polished. She even picked out a bright Pink polish for my toes. My nails are a very light Pink.

[carrilee]

i told her one teary truth nite. i like being honest but, i'm glad they come around to often.

carrilee

[Angie G]

It came to light just over 2 years ago my wife is not a member here but she had all the questions are you gay do you want to be a womam and so on she thinks I dress Because
My Dad did anyway she is mostly OK withal of it Dresses skirts shoes hose panties make-up and so on :hugs:
Angie

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I told mine 3 and 1/2 years ago while watching a program on transexuals. It just seemed like the time to come clean, wow was that a weight off my mind. She asked a lot of the normal questions, never the main one about wanting to be with a guy or are you gay. Had she asked that I would have said that I feel like a lesbian while I am dressed. It has been a long road to wher we are now but it's been overall a good one.

[Cristi]

My wife doesn't get dressed up very often. One time when she was in a skirt (while we were still dating), we started talking about clothes. I gathered up my nerve and told her that I was curious about how it all felt to wear.

I knew that he reaction wouldn't be TOO bad, since she had had a friend once who was TG and had accepted her.

I don't know if it was that same day, or just a few days later that we went shopping for me. I got a nice skirt, pantyhose, slip and a bra. The first time I dressed in front of her (I had never been dressed in front of another person before) I was a nervous wreck.

She's never considered my dressing anything out of the ordinary. To her it is 'just clothes' and it doesn't really matter what I wear (though she is concerned about what might happen if I get 'outed'). In fact, the only thing that has ever upset her about my dressing is that I enjoy shopping and fashion more than she does, so my half of the closet looks a LOT nicer than hers. :)

[kristinacd1]

my wife found out through an e-mail i got from e-bay...she would go to visit her sister in the midwest a couple of times a year....that was my time to play..so one time i won a wedding gown on e-bay i was soo scared i would get caught...i thought i covered my tracks pretty good but i forgot the dam e-mail that paypal sends to e-bay.....so one night while we were eating dinner she calmly askes me "why did you buy a beaded wedding gown on e-bay"...i was floored , my world stood still...i didnt know what to do...i got up and said its not what you think and i walked out...i collected my thoughts in private..i decided to spill my guts about everything...i came back in the kitchen and said we gotta talk.....that night i told her all about kristina..everything...she was soo supportive i couldnt believe it...she was upset i didnt tell her sooner because she said the whole thing kinda turned her on....that was 2 years ago and things couldnt be any better

[Eugenie]

I confessed my desire to wear women underwear just two years after our mariage, 38 years ago...

My wife didn't take it badly as she figured it was some kind of sexual fantazy. And as a young couple living in the sixties/seventies, few things were considered "wrong" in that domain...

But when she realized that there was more to "it" than a sexual fantazy, she became less tolerant about my x-dressing. When she discovered that I wasn't only wearing girdles and bras she became quite upset... But never to the point of a separation...

Now, so many years have gone by... We are still together. There is a great tenderness between us two even thought we have no more intimate relationships.

Lately she seems to have changed somewhat her attitde towards my X-dressing. She sort of accept that this is a part of me that I can't change. The subject is no longer taboo...

She accepts that I meet other CDs and that I spend time "en femme" when she is not here. She knows I'm going out "en femme" during my trips to Brussels, she is even worried that I might not pass and get into trouble...

On my side I try to be fully attentive to her needs and her happyness when she is at home or when we go away on vacation.

That's it for now...
:hugs:
Eugenie

[JenniferR771]

I was thinking I ought to tell her, about 25 years into the marriage. And then next week i got careless and she came home early and caught me wearing her clothes. She was not understanding like I had hoped. She discarded all her clothes I had been wearing. Asked me to get counseling--I did--they told me I had a sexual addiction.

[gretchenD]

My girlfriend Nikki found out by me telling her when I started dating her 6 monthes ago.She reacted very well and has been fully supportive ever since.

[SandyR]

In bed one night, talking about the next day, work etc........

In her words "so are you a crossdresser"......me "gulp, yes, but how did you know"

her "the pics on your PC one night and the time I came home and you ran up the stairs in heels, and hose, so how long"

me "Since 12 when I tried on my moms hose".......

Its working out pretty good, maybe someday she will see Sandy in person.

Hugs.

SandyR