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DonnaLynn77
11-11-2008, 10:36 AM
I may have done just that, emotionally speaking. I have been on a huge fem roll for the past 2.5 months, especially after I found this site. Been dressing as freely and often as I wanted, as I live alone now for the first time in nearly 20 years. I just kept ratcheting it up, seeing how much further I could take this new (yet somehow old & familiar) "hobby" until last weekend. I went out for the first time to a mixed gay bar (meaning that straight people go there too) but as I couldn't convince anyone to go with me, I flew solo.

Now, I know that we're all going to have an off night, or some less than pleasant experiences from time to time, but after doing fairly well interacting with the people there - and also having a little too much to drink (I was nervous) - I still felt that it was a successful night out. Yes I got a few weird looks and a couple of drunk guys trying to lift up my skirt, but that didn't really bother me too much. I met people, made friends, danced and generally enjoyed myself.

The problem, or shall I say the crash came for me the next day. I just didn't feel like dressing, I mean I still had a little mixed clothing on but wasn't feeling the need to dress. The part of me that was so alive and happy to express itself and hungry to live and experience life is now kinda... well, dead. I haven't had anything but male clothes on now for two days and it's very strange.

Maybe I'm just exhausted from all of the prep and stuff that goes into a fully dolled-up night (or day) out in public? I've been going out almost twice a week now for nearly a month, and while it's been great... it is certainly not cheap (razors, makeup, clothes, drinks etc.), and I feel a little like a kid on their birthday who has eaten too much chocolate cake. All I can do now is just lay in bed with a tummy ache or worse will have to get up and go to the bathroom and get sick.

I understand enough from life in general and reading on here about ups and downs (there are a few threads on self-acceptance and seasonal depression that I just recently read), and I get it that I may be in the midst of that very thing. And I know better than to purge all girl things, and how much I (probably) would regret that later, but I just don't know exactly what to do. I had a very strange feeling yesterday that I couldn't put my finger on, then I remembered what it was... male energy. Yeah, I actually felt like a guy! I can't remember feeling that way for a long time and I guess it kinda freaked me out a little. Not that I was ever a "macho" guy or anything, but I definitely felt male.

So, I think I'm headed for the bench for a bit; I'm going to sit this next period out girls. That won't stop me from getting on here and reading everyday though haha! I'm sure that I will be back with you all when I'm feeling more girly.

Happy Holidays,
Donna

Miss Tessa
11-11-2008, 10:51 AM
It's normal for Crossdressers and TV's to go in and out of phases of wanting to dress. They loose interest for periods of time and get back to it later (You won't ever stop so don't try, you'll always go back you cannot "recover so to speak like a drug addict can).

Most of the time they come back into the mood to dress even more potently than they felt each time before.

So expect to go thru periods of lack of interest in your dressing it's perfectly normal for CD and TV behavior. I'm a transsexual but I have known enough of them and studied enough to know the fact of the matter.
Let your girl come in and out of her phases of dressing whenever you feel like it.
Just ride the wave!

Angie G
11-11-2008, 10:57 AM
Take a little rest Donna I'm guessing just a little burnout you'll be fine hun.:hugs:
Angie

Shannen
11-11-2008, 11:02 AM
hmmm.... sounds familiar! :heehee:

I guess it's a good thing your just a CD, (or maybe a TV? I don't know.. haven't studied that much) and not a TS!!! You would be stuck today!

Isn't it nice to have options?

:hugs:

Celeste
11-11-2008, 02:41 PM
Hi Donna,Sometimes I feel the same,like yesterday when I was changing oil, climbing in attics,changing locks on a door.I hated the smell of the oil,couldn't handle the insulation in the attic,and the normal talent I have for working with locks was gone.Usually I love doing these things,so maybe I've overdosed as well.

I think I need to accept the fact I just can't always predict where I will be with it all the time.Yes, it's contradicting and there is a great deal of contrast in my life,but on the other hand it's fun, unpredictable and I do like things this way.

Nicki B
11-11-2008, 02:54 PM
It's about emotion and feelings, isn't it? So yes, it's certainly possible to overload on that. But I wonder if your 'time off' will be less than you think..

But, unlike Tessa, I don't believe the differences between 'CD/TV's and 'TS's are quite so clear cut.

AndiSwitch
11-11-2008, 02:55 PM
I would have said no. Like you I have being en-femme more and more and more and was beginning to believe that I would love to be en-femme 24/7. But then my world came crashing down and wife left me. Now I still like life en-femme but I know it cannot take over too much and I would never be a GG. So being femme some days and male other days seems better.

cindyscute
11-11-2008, 03:03 PM
I run hot and cold so to speak too so don't worry about it. For me it runs in cycles, sometimes I can't get enough, sometimes I don't want any. Right now I feel like a guy so go figure. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel like a woman, Sometimes watching a pretty woman can light the fire asap. Im a complicated girl :bonk:

tricia_uktv
11-11-2008, 06:10 PM
Hi DonnaLynn. Bet it won't last. But take stock while it does.

Jess_cd32
11-11-2008, 06:28 PM
I haven't gone out yet dressed but I can understand what your saying as I've been thru all these modes myself, esp. your analogy about eating to much cake at once, hell I do that in real life alot, lets not even talk about how I can eat a half gallon ice cream in one sitting:heehee:
That could have been the main contributor to how you feel now.

Would be a shame if you never wore that black mini again:hugs:

docrobbysherry
11-11-2008, 06:46 PM
After being alone in my closet for 8 years, I found this site a year ago in Oct. I was SO thrilled to find out how wonderful other CDs were, I started feeling good about dressing and it kept ratcheting up. VERY QUICKLY!:eek:

During the holidays, I was alone for over 2 weeks, and no work to do! I started dressing every day. With my dressing getting more and more elaborate!:D

Then, during Jan., and into Feb., I lost all desire to dress. I came on line here wondering what was happening to me! Almost everyone suggested it would be just a matter of time, and the desire would return. Did it?:heehee:

The girls here KNOW what they're talking about!:battingeyelashes:

Debbi
11-12-2008, 07:10 PM
You were certainly WERE on a MAJOR roll too.( so glad I got to enjoy part of it with you!) The "too much chocolate cake" really said it. Since i rediscovered my girly side after nearly 12 years of suppression 3 years ago, I have experienced the same sense of OD'ng. Over the last 3 years I have gone through ins and outs of my desire to dress and express my inner girl. One stretch lasted for about 4 to 5 months earlier this year. No make up, wigs stored away, no jewelery, ect. Although, during my various "off seasons" I still noticed that i was wearing a hint of girl whether it be just having my toes painted 24/7 or doing the shorts,sandals & t-shirt,(girl style) thing. Even then, it was more for comfort and not as much trying to look or feel fem. strange.

It happens and is normal to go through our peaks and valleys with regard to being and feeling girly. I have learned through a life time of being how i am, that it never goes away. It WILL, however, take a backseat at times and eventually make it's triumphant return when you usually least expect it. The great thing is it is ALWAYS welcomed back with the same fire and excitement. Yay for that!

Sometimes we NEED to take a step back and readjust, get things done that were not getting done ( in girl mode), and allow ourselves some recovery time. Because you are so so right about being on such a HUGE Girly High that it can really drain the life,( and money) out of you at some point.

Hope you're feeling better. Enjoy your down time girl. And if it's only for a few days or several month or longer, We're ( and I), will always be here, EXCITED about your Girly return!

You rock girl!!! :hugs:

DonnaLynn77
11-12-2008, 07:36 PM
Thanks everybody for listening. :)
I'm glad to have found this forum, and yes all the girls on here know what they're talking about!

I'm sure the downtime will be less than I initially expected, I already feel a little better. I've also seen quite a few posts on here lately that have been very similar so maybe it's that time of year too?

I'm very grateful to be a part of this community!

xo,
Donna

kimmy p
11-12-2008, 11:22 PM
In reply to your initial question let me tell recite my favorite quote. "everything is life is poisonous, it's all a matter of dosage". Remember, even GG's spend time in sweats and slippers.

raleighbelle
11-12-2008, 11:30 PM
I don't know why that happens, but it is definitely normal. I think it happens to all of us to some degree. Is it 'hormones'???

I do know that for me, that type of situation only lasts for a very short time, like a couple of days, but not much longer.

I am really envious of your adventures out!

VeronicaMoonlit
11-13-2008, 03:27 AM
But, unlike Tessa, I don't believe the differences between 'CD/TV's and 'TS's are quite so clear cut.

I agree, in fact I'm quite positive the "dividing line" is very blurry.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

Genifer Teal
11-20-2008, 06:58 PM
"Can you OD on CDing?"

Is that what they call OCD? lol


If you feel like you've had enough, then take a break. Trust me - that is all it will be (a break). Just like in the "game" you reference, you'll be out their next period, better than new - refreshed and ready for anything.

Gen

tamarav
11-20-2008, 08:45 PM
You are not alone. In fact, I work with women cutting and styling hair daily and I hear the same general patter. Women go in cycles on any number of issues and the girly part is one of them that I hear about.

When they get a load of me, decked out to the nines, they just shrug and tell me I will get tired of it and revert to looking like the other girls that work in the salon. (Don't ask, use your imagination, think tomboy plus 10)

We all go through waves of likes and dislikes and CDing can be a really big roller coaster ride. Relax, take your time and you may find that it comes back with a vengence...

Your sis,

Tami

Marjory
11-20-2008, 08:49 PM
I go like that too, ups and downs.

Crystal Galadriel
11-20-2008, 09:35 PM
I have the same thing happen, only my time periods are kind of reversed. I'll feel like a perfectly normal guy for days or weeks or months at a time, and then all of a sudden, without warning, I'll get on a girly kick and want to dress almost all the time for days or weeks or months. Then it all goes away again. Just part of your personality displaying it's prominence, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Before too long, your girl-side will pop right back out, I'm sure. I'd even expect ups and downs like that, just like with emotions, personalities are too complex to display their entirety at once.

tanya1976
11-21-2008, 09:57 AM
I could really identify with what you are saying. If I crossdress more than once a week, most times a fortnight, I'm left really drained. This used to be the times when I would experience the guilt/shame aspect of crossdressing. Now I just see it as part of the comedown phase. I mean anything that feels that good has to have a price! I've also stopped with the unrealisitic 'never again' sentiments, for me there will always be a next time...
On the flip side though, if I do manage to get the balance right, there is the reward of that lovely feeling of contentment, of being at one with the world, that crossdressing brings. ps I think you're very brave going out on your own, I would LOVE to able to do that...

Cari
11-21-2008, 11:48 AM
Hello Thanks for letting me join this forum. I saw this post and wanted to comment.

I go thru similar swings, and consider it normal and fairly short term. If I spend allot of time dressed and just doing CD things my desire to do so will go away for awhile. Expresing my feminine side is an essential part of my personality and I never see it going away. But within that there are things that are very much "hobbies", posing for the perfect picture, learning makeup skills or finding the perfect outfit are fun but not really essential. I think I burn out on the hobby type things but never on my feminine side. I've also found that by doing more than just CD things when dressed helps keep some balance. Ive had projects that stalled out then got moving again when I approached them in fem mode. (Still cant get the girl to do windows however)

Im really glad to hear that you arent purging. Once I took a break and just put everything away; wish I'd have done the laundry first not a fun box to open a month later. When I feel like taking a break now I wash everything make sure the makeup is all sealed and just put everything away so its ready for next time. A few times I ended up dressed again before I had it all stored away. But either way it gives me a chance to think a bit, and I know its all there ready to go.

I liked the comment about riding the wave; I used to think I could find balance by going to a support group meeting or GNO on a regular basis. Then I had an interesting experience, I just didnt feel feminine at all, but I already had a hotel booked, outfit picked out ect. So I went anyways I enjoyed the evening but it was really hard work: had to concentrate on every movement it just wasnt flowing. So I learned that I can't schedule it, and it will come and go.

I like the comments on triggers as well, Right now since I posted an old picture here I want to dress and get a new profile pic. Time and opportunity also play in, if a package gets delivered on a rainy day I know what Ill be doing. New styles will set off an urge to shop. Sometimes new hair and makeup trends will appear that I just have to try.

The really odd trigger is seeing a well dressed classy woman, if Im attracted or she seems available I dont notice the details. But if she is obviously attached or just not attractive to me Ill start studying all the details of the outfit. Just last week I saw a woman at the mall who just looked well put together, so I started studying and realized that I had the basics of the outfit in my closet but never thought to put them together that way; you know the rest of the story.

Perhaps the comment that really caught my attention was about feeling like a man after an extended period dressed. You hear allot about hiding the fem side but not much about ignoring the male side or what happens when you do. Ive had the same thing happen at a convention and ending up taking a day off and going site seing in male mode, just needed a break.

RitaCD
11-21-2008, 02:37 PM
I don't know if you can OD on CDing, Donna, but I am currently experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

My son-in-law just returned from Iraq. While he was over there my daughter and grandkids stayed with his parents in Oklahoma. I became femme for almost a full year. My makeup techniques and attire got much better while they were gone. I ventured out shopping many times en femme and also found a GLBT nightclub locally. The last year has been one of the most memorable for me. I literally lived on a pink cloud for a year.

Now and for the foreseeable future my pink cloud has disappeared. Don't get me wrong, I love having the kids and grandkids around again. I'll just have to continue underdressing until they leave for a weekend or so. :daydreaming:

DonnaLynn77
11-21-2008, 08:38 PM
Well, it lasted about a week lol! The hiatus was short-lived, but like Cari's story of having a room booked already, I had made plans to go out again and so went through with them. I did have a good time, but it was a LOT of work and didn't feel as natural as it did previous to my OD haha. All that aside, I can kinda feel the equilibrium coming back to my life and I am now finding that when in guy mode I am actually a little more confident and less feminine than I was practically my whole life. I think perhaps this is the best side effect of CD lol!

One of the great things about this site is that it makes us all feel a little more normal, or at least not alone. We seem to all arrive at similar conclusions and go through like circumstances and events. Again, I'm glad that so many of us found our way here and can share with each other all the ups, downs and in-betweens of it all.

xo,
Donna

Maria2222
11-21-2008, 10:31 PM
Being a CD doesn't mean you have to dress every day. On the other hand, sometimes a pink fog starts and CD things are uppermost for a few weeks or even more.

Robyn2006
11-22-2008, 09:57 AM
This same thing happened to me too just this past year. Before this, I had never known a time when my womanhood wasn't nearly everything I felt myself to be. I was forever on fire in my femme ways, privately dressing to the max every weekend for too many years to count. Then last spring my desire just slowly faded away and I found myself taking it down a notch, bit by bit, week by week, until the woman inside me just went away. Jesus... It was so weird! I even allowed my body hair to grow back and was somehow able to draw a blind eye to all my femme things that were still all around me, hanging in the closet and in every drawer. It was so strange, as I had never known a time without my womanhood. But off she went to parts unknown, gone for nearly 6 months!

I'm thinking now it was all some sort of mid-life, hormonal thing. (Ya think?) Thank God, it didn't last! When it all returned a few months ago, it came back as if a magical spell... casting me back to everything I love most about my life and I couldn't be happier. Funny, I suppose. Many would think it a god-send to be rid of such a life as ours. For me, it was nothing but purgatory. :sad:

xxxooo,
Robyn

Not me below, but the scene is right...