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JaytoJillian
11-11-2008, 09:07 PM
She has known for about 2 years that I dress, and once a month like clockwork, she goes off about it, loudly condemming me, calling me crazy and just about every insult that can be applied to a CD.

We sleep separately, and I often ask myself why I stay. Right now in my heart, I know it's because I fear that she would out me to everyone I/we know if I were to leave.

So last night, there I was, all alone in my bedroom downstairs, just snapping a few pix when she bursts in, telling me that I look really scary and that I need help. She also felt the need to remind me that I'm not a woman (duh!) and that I am just a man in a dress. I just responded with "I think I look pretty good for a man in a dress." Today, it was just lots of mean-spirited teasing. Later, she wanted to know if she'd struck a nerve when she called me scary-looking. Not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing my feelings were hurt, I just reiterated that I felt like I looked presentable.

deja true
11-11-2008, 09:16 PM
Oh Jill, dear one...this is so hurtful!

What's worse, then? Living like this or getting outted and recovering your own life?

We all pray that somehow things can get better for you...

We know you're a good person...and wish that she could see it too...

Monique L
11-11-2008, 09:16 PM
Was there somebody else in the room, cause you look fantastic!!!!
Try not to let her snide comments get you down. :hugs:

suzanne
11-11-2008, 09:25 PM
Presentable? Yikes! That's about as understated as you can get! No one in public would ever mark you as a man in a dress. You look amazing, and I'm wondering why SO burst in like she did. Has curiosity gotten the better of her? I suspect she may be ready to begin looking at you in a more sympathetic light. I hope this is true; you don't deserve more of the past vilification. My prayers are with you. Please let us all know if there is any kind of attitude change.

MJ
11-11-2008, 09:29 PM
Jill,
The best you can do is get out of there now. you don't deserve this . your better than that. get out move on... if she outs you then you will find out who your friends are. you can move on with your life. i wish you all the best Hun .
huggs

Billie_P
11-11-2008, 09:30 PM
Jillian,

You are pretty damn hawt for "just a man in a dress."

You are in a destructive relationship. Always remember that what she says speaks of her, not you.

Take care.

ElaineB
11-11-2008, 09:30 PM
Today, it was just lots of mean-spirited teasing. Later, she wanted to know if she'd struck a nerve when she called me scary-looking. Not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing my feelings were hurt, I just reiterated that I felt like I looked presentable.

Regardless of the cause of the fight, putting up with that kind of disrespect is a real big mistake.

S. Lisa Smith
11-11-2008, 09:34 PM
Jill,
The best you can do is get out of there now. you don't deserve this . your better than that. get out move on... if she outs you then you will find out who your friends are. you can move on with your life. i wish you all the best Hun .
huggs
I'm afraid that MJ is right. You owe it to yourself to move on...good luck!

sherib
11-11-2008, 09:45 PM
its almost the same at my house. every now an then , she goes off. She has know for many years. But most of the time she will tolerate it as long as she not around. Unless it's really bad and depending how long you,ve been together, :hugs:like the old saying, its cheaper to keep

TxKimberly
11-11-2008, 09:48 PM
Sigh . . .
You know, I am never going to advocate the end of a marriage - that's a responsibility I don't want, and something I want no part of. Her actions were clearly designed for one purpose and one purpose only - to hurt your feelings. I suppose the question now is why does she want to hurt you? I wish there were something I could say to help make it better but I'll be damned if I can think of the magic words.
Your are not scary and you are not ugly. About the only problem I can see with your looks is that you make the rest of us look so damn plain. :)

steftoday
11-11-2008, 09:51 PM
:yt:
you're being the better person here and taking the higher ground...good on you girl!!

Brina Halloween
11-11-2008, 09:54 PM
My dad read once about a lady marrying a foul mouthed man and his father was the same way and lived with them. She was always polite and never responded to the language. In the story, a year later, the guys were no longer foul and used "please" and "thank you". People do not change instantly. They can change. For some reason, your story reminded me of what my dad told me he read.

Communication is occurring (though badly). The question about hurting...not sure what to think. For a person not caring, it is just ego to ask. For a person with some caring inside somewhere..it might be a crack of decency showing.

You do look great in your pictures. I suspect you REALLY made her jealous. I suspect that just being positive, self-respecting, and polite would be the best action plan.

I can understand about not being "outed to all your friends. True, it is nice to have accepting friends that can accept you for yourself. On the other hand, you are not in a vacuum. I dressed at Halloween again but, I knew there was some risk that the some people I dance with would start declining. I did it anyway and had a blast again.:D Strangely, when talking to my dad this evening, my dressing at Halloween came up and it didn't seem to bother him. He just asked the reaction of my dance instructor. :doh:

Good luck in coming to your own solution.

Brina

ElaineB
11-11-2008, 10:03 PM
Your are not scary and you are not ugly. About the only problem I can see with your looks is that you make the rest of us look so damn plain. :)

I agree! It's really obvious, in fact. You look great.

Just to be clear ... I also am not saying you should split ... although that might well be where you go next. I am saying you should stand up for yourself and say "Do NOT treat me that way" ... and do not back down.

sherib
11-11-2008, 10:14 PM
Jill, obviously she dosen't like to "see" you when your dressed. You said she's known for two years and the only time she makes a fuss is when she see you dressed. Unfortunetly you just can't dress at home if there is any possiblity of her seeing you. Maybe you should join a CD club in your area.

marny
11-11-2008, 10:19 PM
A: You're gorgeous
B: Leave

stephanie70
11-11-2008, 10:21 PM
well ithink your gf would love the choice if she just could see the benifits...xxxxsteph...ps , get out girl, she will make your life a missery and you need to be yourself baby! go on and be happy!....im happy with who i am and so should you....you must remember, your sweet and lovely and she cant see that!

Bethany_Anne_Fae
11-11-2008, 10:37 PM
Jillian, you are anything but average. I love your photos because you exude the positive in what we do. You smile, you are daring, and most of all beautiful!
Your other half is not doing you any favors. I wouldntr want to be in your situation, but maybe (just maybe) being out might not be such a bad thing. I did it of my own volition and life has been awesome since. That will also remove her 'ammunition" if that is what you are truly afraid of.

Work it out if you can, but don't let her ruin your life.

*much hugs*

Zarabeth

Dana
11-11-2008, 10:41 PM
I've spent the better part of my life attempting to own up to and "earn" my mascunlitity, (Odd that women don't have to validate their femininity?) via sports, 20 years in the Marine Corps, marriage, being a husband, father etc.

Yet here I sit and androygoius male.

You look pretty damn good as a woman. My advice is to dump the GF, embrace your feminiity, and find a GG who can do so also. They"re out there!


My last GF's marriage ended because she wanted everything HER WAY[B],

And, I would have been perfectally content and happy to be the "wife" in the relatioship. Her "Hubbit" if you would, but she couldn't wrap her mind around such a concept.

victoriamwilliams1
11-11-2008, 11:22 PM
I think the concensus here is that you look great! What would she say if all of us showed up at your door step:)

raleighbelle
11-11-2008, 11:43 PM
Those of us who have seen your pictures know that you are more beautiful than the average woman. Her comments are not designed to report the truth, but to hurt. The question is why. I would try to talk with her as to what it is that bothers her about all this, and more importantly, what it is that is bothering her about you in general. Why is she staying in the relationship if it is so bad? I understand not wanting to be outed, but at this point, she is holding you hostage. I think if you feel you need to get out of the relationship, you should, and just act like she is doing things to get at you. You may find that some people if they knew about you and how great you look would be mighty impressed anyway! Good luck!

Alice B
11-11-2008, 11:47 PM
She must be very jealous because you look great! It's time to consider if it is worth taking such abuse and on a regular schedule. I am truly sorry you have to go thru this. It makes my issues seem petty.
:hugs: Alice.

Tracii G
11-11-2008, 11:50 PM
Yeah what Victoria said!!
Give us your address and Victoria and I will pull her legs off.J/K
Honey you look fabulous and she will never take that away from you.
I hope you can settle this because you don't deserve to be treated that way.

Christinedreamer
11-11-2008, 11:59 PM
I can say from your avatar that you are DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!! If I (we) were Bi I would be extremely proud to have you on my arm ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.

You have a great smile and I feel that your SO is being extremely unfair or worse yet JEALOUS.

It may well be time to move to a more pleasant situation.

joann426
11-12-2008, 12:01 AM
ill go along with kimberly i know there isnt any word to tell you but it still hurts you but dont back down i didnt back down cause i know what i wanted and told her just what i wanted but also i told her that i aint going to change my male organs for nobody no matter in fem or drab i do it arround the house when she is home and we get along just fine

jazmine
11-12-2008, 12:25 AM
A..............she's attracted to you?,,,, and it scares her when these lesbian-type feelings arise....? By belittleling you, she's able to bury what she doesn't want to face?...........

Jocelyn Quivers
11-12-2008, 12:37 AM
As others have said you are very pretty and attractive for being "just a man in a dress". :2c:

Rikki54
11-12-2008, 12:52 AM
Jill I am not one to advise but from my set You are Very pretty. I would not of known if you didn t say. I only wish to be half as pretty.
If your ever in Uptate NY and want to venture out Call me I could be very happy with a little eye candy like you.
Best of luck and I wish you the best for you.
Rikki

Christina Horton
11-12-2008, 01:14 AM
She has known for about 2 years that I dress, and once a month like clockwork, she goes off about it, loudly condemming me, calling me crazy and just about every insult that can be applied to a CD.

We sleep separately, and I often ask myself why I stay. Right now in my heart, I know it's because I fear that she would out me to everyone I/we know if I were to leave.

So last night, there I was, all alone in my bedroom downstairs, just snapping a few pix when she bursts in, telling me that I look really scary and that I need help. She also felt the need to remind me that I'm not a woman (duh!) and that I am just a man in a dress. I just responded with "I think I look pretty good for a man in a dress." Today, it was just lots of mean-spirited teasing. Later, she wanted to know if she'd struck a nerve when she called me scary-looking. Not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing my feelings were hurt, I just reiterated that I felt like I looked presentable.


You are so prety it's a wonder your not a model. I am going to ask this . Do you still love her.... if you could not say yes without thinking about it , I say leave her in the dust. You don't treat the one you love that way (to hurt ) for no reason . If you still love her tell her ,to never do that again. I am all for marrage BUT no one should be treated like that just for Crossdressing. If you can keep it together do it, if you want to. Cut her off at the pass and tell all your friends frist. But in the end it all in your court baby. Do what you think is right. ALL the best. :hugs: :canada:

Angie G
11-12-2008, 01:23 AM
Jillian I can't figure out where she is looking hun your DROP DEAD GORGEOUS Ans one of the best looking girls here.I'm thinking Jealous.:hugs:
Angie

pinkeverything
11-12-2008, 01:50 AM
Jill,

I don't get a chance to communicate here enough to know if you recognize me yet, but, if you do, you will know that you and I are in similar situations.....................and it SUCKS!!!!

I have a child with this woman, so I can't cut and run. I don't know if you have children with this woman. I know that I have many, many, many miserable times ahead of me, because I will have to bear the brunt of her nastiness.

Am I an A$$Hole? Absolutely not. I haven't hurt anybody in years. I am always thinking about my actions and their affects. Unfortunately, it seems that opposites do indeed attract...............and I have lost all faith in God as I knew him because of it. True.

I had a fantastic Halloween with her, and a few days after as well, but as soon as the big bucks stopped flowing and real life resumed.......it was back to hell.

JudeGG
11-12-2008, 03:00 AM
A..............she's attracted to you?,,,, and it scares her when these lesbian-type feelings arise....? By belittleling you, she's able to bury what she doesn't want to face?...........

That has to be the biggest load of tosh I've ever heard. She married a man - that's cos she's not a lesbian. Maybe she just can't get her head around this and lashing out is her way of coping. I'm not saying it's right to do so - but it certainly doesn't mean she's a lesbian in any way.

There is anger there - probably because when all said and done, she doesn't want CD stuff in her life but knows she can't get rid of it.

Joann0830
11-12-2008, 03:44 AM
Presentable? Yikes! That's about as understated as you can get! No one in public would ever mark you as a man in a dress. You look amazing, and I'm wondering why SO burst in like she did. Has curiosity gotten the better of her? I suspect she may be ready to begin looking at you in a more sympathetic light. I hope this is true; you don't deserve more of the past vilification. My prayers are with you. Please let us all know if there is any kind of attitude change.

Jillian I have to agree with Suzanne and You only know me from her from this site and I have to say that she is just trying to break you down and you really should not let her ever get to you, as I have always looked at you and said how drop dead Gorgous you look and You do not in any way could be taken for a man, NO WAY!!. I look at what she is doing only in the sense that she is jealous of you as the fear of losing her male to another woman is hard but in your case it is the woman inside you and that is so hard for her to deal with, In my many years in Law enforcement I have seen a great many abused woman and that is how it happens to tear down the beauty which is there and say that you are ugly and scary and nobody will want you. Seen it to many times with a lot of beautiful woman who feel they are what is told to them a stay in a abused relationship. Honey she is triking out at you the only way that she thinks will bring you back to her. Joann0830

My Prayers will be with you for strentgh Honey and I like many others are here for you. Joann0830:hugs:

Satrana
11-12-2008, 04:23 AM
If she hates you so much then why does she stay in the relationship? What is in it for her?

The worse thing you can do is stay yourself because you fear she may out you. If she does then it is her word against yours and you can easily write it off as a bitter SO trashing you as the relationship breaks up. Most people don't care to get involved in nasty personal attacks and will ignore what is being said.

So stand up for yourself and tell her that you are not willing to take any more of her abuse or else you will break off the relationship yourself. You need to end this matter by either making her grow up and act like a mature person or by dumping her.

carolinewalker_2000
11-12-2008, 04:30 AM
Thats awful Jill. Nobody who loves you would treat you like that. It sounds as though you are close to the point where you are going to have to make a judgement about being unhappy with her or taking the risk that she will out you if you leave. Given that you are already comfortable to be "read" when you are out and about, I guess you are quite a strong girl deep down and would be able to ride over any snide comments from "so called" friends.

(Don't forget we are all your friends here when you need to let off steam).

Big hugs from the UK.

Sheila
11-12-2008, 05:09 AM
Jil,l I am gonna PM you, and if you feel that the pm is relevant to the thread then feel free to copy and paste it in here with your reply:).

From reading what you wrote i sense a lot of confusion, hurt and bewilderment in your wifes reaction ........... a lot oflashing out any it may be more at her own ability to not understand and her own fears, rather than at you and your cding ... i don't know and am only guessing .... and Jealousy despite what CDR's think is rarely an issue with us GG's.

I am sorry you are in the situation you are and like others hope that things will get better for you :hugs:

JaytoJillian
11-12-2008, 05:41 AM
Everyone, thanks for all the encouragement, advice, opinions, etc. People outside this circle know me as Jay, a super confident, take charge guy who doesn't suffer fools easily. At home, I have become such wimp of a guy. This, by the way has NOTHING to do with my CDing-- on the contrary, when I CD, I feel every bit as confident as I do in boy mode. It's just that I feel as if I've "invited a vampire" into my home. Legend says that they can only get in if you invite them. Even before I admitted to being a CD (yes I made the common mistake of NOT telling her up front) My wife had made it her mission to put me down for years. To her friends, she says that I'm the greatest guy, but at home, nothing's ever good enough. Here's an example: She left her cell phone at a concert last year, and recently been dropping hints about wanting one that didn't have a contract--She doesn't work, as I earn ALL of the money, so I dont know why this was so important to her. So I just happened to see a TRACPHONE in a drugstore after work one day. I thought, hey, just what the doctor ordered, right? WRONG! I presented her with this neat little Motorola phone, all charged up with a load of minutes, and she had the nerve to bitch about how she wanted a phone where the minutes rolled over, Not one where the minutes were "use or lose." I felt like Jack in Jack and the beanstalk, coming home with those magic beans to his mother. Over the years, she has read my private thoughts penned in my jounals (she insisted that it was her right to do so in one case because it was she who had given me the journal) With my dressing, she seemed at accepting when I first came clean, now it's just another source of ammunition for her during our frequent fights. I'm no saint, but I know that I don't pick fights with her. The arguments are usually about a "look" on my face that she didn't like, me not coming home from a 12-hour day and doing laundry or cooking dinner for her. Ugh!

Sheila
11-12-2008, 05:49 AM
havimg read your latest post hun, there is one heck of a lot more going on in your marriage than just crossdressing.

No way am I going to tell you what to do but reading your last post it comes across as a form of MENTAL DOMESTIC ABUSE . and yes men do suffer from that as well as women, it's just not talked about in "polite society :Angry3:"


People outside this circle know me as Jay, a super confident, take charge guy who doesn't suffer fools easily. At home, I have become such wimp of a guy. ..MAYBE TIME TO BRING JAY HOME HUN :hugs:

Fab Karen
11-12-2008, 05:54 AM
Basically now you are roommates with a person who is trying to blackmail you. The only way to sanity seems to be to do the work ( in addition to talking with a lawyer as we've advised you before ) of being open with your friends. Some may walk away, some may find it strange but accept it as your business, some might tell you they have admiration for you. Perhaps a good way to do that would be to show a couple pics of Jillian to them without first telling them who it is- this could avoid some of the bad stereotype images that could spring into people's minds. You might seek the help of a therapist to work on all of this with. If I lived in your area I'd be there for you in person for support.
:hugs: K.

karynspanties
11-12-2008, 06:15 AM
Jillian, I know what I would do in this situation. I would leave, but that's me. As far as you being presentable? You are smoking hot!! As far as your wife, I think she maybe pissed that you look better as a woman than she does...........

Claudia_TV
11-12-2008, 06:23 AM
After reading your first post, i thought, she maybe is a little jealous, or afraid of losing you or something like that. But after your second post i think, she has no problems with you, she is your problem.

What you told about her, for me it looks like she is a bitch. She would make your live a hell, crossdressing or not. And sometimes she will out you, not to blackmail you, just to hurt you. So get rid of her. Even if she tells the whole world about your CD. Probably it won't be easy, but would make a end to your fear.

Kisses Claudia

mylitta
11-12-2008, 06:30 AM
No-one should have to live with that sort of abuse- been there, done that and didn't realise how bad it was until I left. I really feel for you. Maybe Sheila is right- time for Jay to come home.
BTW, my partner thought the world would end when he was maliciously outed, but it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought.

sherib
11-12-2008, 08:34 AM
Jill after reading your last post it appears that more is going on than your dressing. Both of you have to sit down an discuss what is going on. Then decide what is best for both of you. To continue in a relationship thats bad is not good for either of you. It maybe time to end it.:sad:

TGMarla
11-12-2008, 08:49 AM
Echoing what many others have said, she is purposely being very hurtful to you. You are in an abusive relationship, and whether she chooses to out you or not, you ought to leave. You are only causing yourself pain that will grow and get deeper the longer you stay and put up with it. You are only going back for more the longer you decide to remain. Make plans to leave, be your own man...err...woman here. Take back your life.

MJ
11-12-2008, 09:12 AM
i have been were your at. i am not cold nor harsh but it comes from my heart why on earth would you put yourself through that everyday i can tell you nothing you will ever do for that woman is right the phone was an example . i bet you don't get anything right ... you don't fold the laundry the right way or cook the right dinner for when she comes home.
i bet it's so bad that you end up doing what she wants to keep the peace..
Jill i have been there Evan my children knew how to act and what to say in order to keep her peace when she was home...
whats sad is judging by my last woman i never want to find another one..
MENTAL DOMESTIC ABUSE . is wrong she will never give up her power sorry but i stand by what i said please get out.. move on.. get your own bank account so she can't clean you out like mine did.. find your own place . and start to enjoy your wonderful life..
this will not get any better. in fact it will get a lot worse . and i know you love that woman and that hurts Evan more.
jay get out while you still can :hugs:

BeckiB
11-12-2008, 09:37 AM
Sigh . . .
You know, I am never going to advocate the end of a marriage - that's a responsibility I don't want, and something I want no part of. Her actions were clearly designed for one purpose and one purpose only - to hurt your feelings. I suppose the question now is why does she want to hurt you? I wish there were something I could say to help make it better but I'll be damned if I can think of the magic words.
Your are not scary and you are not ugly. About the only problem I can see with your looks is that you make the rest of us look so damn plain. :)

Ditto!!!

Sharon B.
11-12-2008, 09:53 AM
Jill,
If I could look have as good as you do and have the confidence to go out, I would do it in a heart beat.
I had come clean to a woman I started dating back in 1997 thru 2005, told her a few months into the relationship that I like to dress as a woman from time to time.
In 2005 she decided to break it off and I know from a few crank phone calls that she had told some of our mutual friends what I like to do. The true friends that I knew I had have never said anything about what she has said and I have no intentions of telling them. Should they ask I will tell them the truth.
The ones that made the crank calls I don't consider them friends, never had and probably never will.
One of mine true friends had asked me one time if I knew anybody by the name of Stephine, told her no and asked her why. She wouldn't tell me why but just said it was something this woman had said that I was behind something that was happening to her.(the woman I had dated)
Every once in a while it will come up where they start talking about men dressing as women but never come right out and ask if I do it or not.
I will not volunteer any information but if asked directly I will tell it.
So far no one have asked directly.

KATIE TV
11-12-2008, 10:48 AM
Sorry love, but I really don’t see why you are still there, so she out’s you, so what? You will soon find out who your real friends are, non of my real friends were bothered. Is it financial? My divorce cost me £250,000 including my pension, I still have a mortgage of £160,00. Am I happy? You bet I am! I can be myself and have a GG who loves “Katie”. Life is to short to put up with what you do, Get out and be who you want to be. It can be a lovely world out there. One more thing, I hate the way you look, I’m green with envy! You take care love and I hope you find the happiness you deserve, Katie, XX

docrobbysherry
11-12-2008, 11:14 AM
Everyone, thanks for all the encouragement, advice, opinions, etc. People outside this circle know me as Jay, a super confident, take charge guy who doesn't suffer fools easily. At home, I have become such wimp of a guy. This, by the way has NOTHING to do with my CDing-- on the contrary, when I CD, I feel every bit as confident as I do in boy mode. It's just that I feel as if I've "invited a vampire" into my home. Legend says that they can only get in if you invite them. Even before I admitted to being a CD (yes I made the common mistake of NOT telling her up front) My wife had made it her mission to put me down for years. To her friends, she says that I'm the greatest guy, but at home, nothing's ever good enough. Here's an example: She left her cell phone at a concert last year, and recently been dropping hints about wanting one that didn't have a contract--She doesn't work, as I earn ALL of the money, so I dont know why this was so important to her. So I just happened to see a TRACPHONE in a drugstore after work one day. I thought, hey, just what the doctor ordered, right? WRONG! I presented her with this neat little Motorola phone, all charged up with a load of minutes, and she had the nerve to bitch about how she wanted a phone where the minutes rolled over, Not one where the minutes were "use or lose." I felt like Jack in Jack and the beanstalk, coming home with those magic beans to his mother. Over the years, she has read my private thoughts penned in my jounals (she insisted that it was her right to do so in one case because it was she who had given me the journal) With my dressing, she seemed at accepting when I first came clean, now it's just another source of ammunition for her during our frequent fights. I'm no saint, but I know that I don't pick fights with her. The arguments are usually about a "look" on my face that she didn't like, me not coming home from a 12-hour day and doing laundry or cooking dinner for her. Ugh!

She was sweet, but said her mind when we married. However, I usually prevailed in our early arguments. As time went by, she became more picky, demanding, and bitchy. Not liking the termoil of arguing, I just took it quietly. Finally, we went to therapy and we were told I had built up resentment from her complaining. I stopped taking it. Told her to stop, or left the house or hung up on her! THAT was the end of our marriage! She couldn't stand me standing up to her and NOT taking her crap!

U mite be worried that she would have brought up my CDing in our divorce. NOT SO! In no fault divorces, ( I live in Cal), none of that matters. Except to do with custody disputes! Which we didn't have.

If u have children, she mite wish to bring it up in court. Maybe u have some dirt on her u can threaten to use to keep CDing out of court. Or, just deny it! Say u were dressing up for Halloween, or a costume party at work, etc.

Be very clear, Jay. Your marital problems have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR DRESSING! Neither did mine!:doh:

TGMarla
11-12-2008, 11:24 AM
A few other thoughts.....

This is your wife, right? Yet now you don't even sleep together? It would seem that the relationship is heading the wrong way. Her only intention here was to be hurtful to you. Actions such as these cause resentment that can stick around for a very long time. I doubt you'd forget about it easily. Even with a wife that is unaccepting, a mutual respect must be an integral part of the relationship. Such is the case with me. My wife hates that I crossdress, but we still manage to have a rather good relationship with each other, which, I suspect, takes a terrific effort on her part. In the long run, CDing is a lousy reason to end a relationship. Your wife is going out of her way to be hurtful to you, assumably because she feels she can shame you out of this behavior. But her bad feelings are manifesting themselves in other ways as well. It's high time you both had a serious sit-down with each other and decided how it is going to be for you for the future. If it's going to be with each other, she is going to have to give Jillian room, and Jay the respect he deserves. And the respect must flow both ways, not just from one to the other.

ElaineB
11-12-2008, 11:34 AM
People outside this circle know me as Jay, a super confident, take charge guy who doesn't suffer fools easily. At home, I have become such wimp of a guy.

Red flag!


Even before I admitted to being a CD (yes I made the common mistake of NOT telling her up front) My wife had made it her mission to put me down for years.

There is a lot of talk here and above that is all about her. But what you need to see is that you are actively making things worse for both of you by letting her abuse you - and neither of you will progress until you stop doing that. You do not need to leave or throw her out. You do not need to tell anybody else anything or take any steps to cover your dressing. You do not even need to think about it - those are future problems that will probably come no matter what you do or don't do. But you do need to stand up for yourself, starting right now!

I won't speculate on numbers but it is not remotely uncommon for perfectly normal women to try to push their husbands and boyfriends around - and yet the same women will lose respect for their men if they succeed in telling them what to do. This is not a new problem, nor an obscure or rare one ... although it is amazing how often we grown men continue to fall for it even though we know better.


This, by the way has NOTHING to do with my CDing

Clearly! I have been there myself, and in my case it also had nothing to do with CDing: my ex never knew I dressed, and in the time we were together I rarely did. Life got steadily better, for both of us, from the moment I started saying "If you don't want to accept me, there's the door."

raleighbelle
11-12-2008, 11:42 AM
It sounds to me like the only reason you are wanting to stay in this relationship is out of fear that she will out you if you leave (or kick her out). But she is using that over your head, and she plans do it eventually anyway. She just wants to have that weapon to use against you for as long as it works. Once she does, she has nothing left to use against you. Better to just get it over with and move on. If you put up with that type of psychologic abuse, you are just fostering it.

Good luck!

Barbra_in_Tulsa
11-12-2008, 11:48 AM
How awful, one because it is, second, because you look amazing when you are dressed up. I guess the question you have to ask is if it's worth staying or being outed (seems like the worst case senerio). What a truly horrific situation to be in.

ReineD
11-12-2008, 11:54 AM
Jillian, I can't add to everything else that's been said, except to reinforce that you deserve much more than this in a partner. Also, the bitterness spewing out of her is a reflection of her own inner unhappiness, and it has nothing to do with who you are and how you look. She is incapable of seeing clearly.
:hugs:

Desiree2bababe
11-12-2008, 12:41 PM
Your wife sounds like mine. Been there, Jillian, it's tough. I am glad I've stayed with her though, almost 24 years now.

I wouldn't worry about being "outed" if I were you. You are WAY TOO attractive as a woman for anyone not to understand.

I sincerely hope things work out for you and your wife comes to the realization that your desires are not hurtful in intent.

Annaliese
11-12-2008, 12:45 PM
Does she understand that when she goes off that she is the scary one.

Annaliese

pinkeverything
11-12-2008, 01:35 PM
Everyone, thanks for all the encouragement, advice, opinions, etc. People outside this circle know me as Jay, a super confident, take charge guy who doesn't suffer fools easily. At home, I have become such wimp of a guy. This, by the way has NOTHING to do with my CDing-- on the contrary, when I CD, I feel every bit as confident as I do in boy mode. It's just that I feel as if I've "invited a vampire" into my home. Legend says that they can only get in if you invite them. Even before I admitted to being a CD (yes I made the common mistake of NOT telling her up front) My wife had made it her mission to put me down for years. To her friends, she says that I'm the greatest guy, but at home, nothing's ever good enough. Here's an example: She left her cell phone at a concert last year, and recently been dropping hints about wanting one that didn't have a contract--She doesn't work, as I earn ALL of the money, so I dont know why this was so important to her. So I just happened to see a TRACPHONE in a drugstore after work one day. I thought, hey, just what the doctor ordered, right? WRONG! I presented her with this neat little Motorola phone, all charged up with a load of minutes, and she had the nerve to bitch about how she wanted a phone where the minutes rolled over, Not one where the minutes were "use or lose." I felt like Jack in Jack and the beanstalk, coming home with those magic beans to his mother. Over the years, she has read my private thoughts penned in my jounals (she insisted that it was her right to do so in one case because it was she who had given me the journal) With my dressing, she seemed at accepting when I first came clean, now it's just another source of ammunition for her during our frequent fights. I'm no saint, but I know that I don't pick fights with her. The arguments are usually about a "look" on my face that she didn't like, me not coming home from a 12-hour day and doing laundry or cooking dinner for her. Ugh!


Yep, you and I have the same deal. Don't suffer fools well, but invited a vampire in. The ultimate irony.

SherriePall
11-12-2008, 03:12 PM
Jillian -- If you were a GG and had this verbal abuse problem over the years from your spouse, the consensus would be for you to pack up and leave. No one has to take this. Some GG's even feel that they ask for the abuse; that they are somehow to blame for their problems.
I agree with Sheila and some of the others. Seriously consider leaving before things get worse.

Kerrie Sifton
11-12-2008, 03:37 PM
I hear a number of things here Jillian.
I cant tell you what to do.. you in your heart know the answers, you just need someone to help you develop them.
You do look marvelous, and very passable.
If your friends did see Jillian, they would probably remark...WOW!
My questions are:
What is it about Jillian that keeps you going?
You have been in this relationship for a while, and she has known about your dressing for two of those years, when did the relationship change? Today, what is in the relationship for you? for her?
What does she enjoy doing with you? and if you spent an hour with her doing that for every hour you spend as Jilian , would it make a difference?
Because then both of you would have the time doing things that appeal to you.

Usually blackmail only works if you feel guilty or embarassed. Transgenderism covers a wide spectrum, and as I see blogs on this site and many others i realize that it is more complicated for those of us involved.

Therapy or counselling might help you both reach your dreams. If she is dependent upon you , she might be acting out because of fears of her own, fears she hides and supplants with mean comments.


I wish you well
Kerrie

DonnaT
11-12-2008, 04:54 PM
When one chooses to be a door mat, they get walked all over.

I don't advocate leaving either. Nor do I advocate taking mental abuse.

I assume you can back up you're being a take charge guy who doesn't suffer fools easily outside the house. If so, then why worry about being outed by your wife?

It's time to take charge of your life, your home and your marriage. Egg shells aren't designed to be walked on.

My wife has known for 33 years. I told her she could tell whomever she wanted, I had nothing to hide. She's too embarrassed to tell. She wants me to stop, and has mentioned the 'D' word a few times.

I told her I'm not going anywhere, the CDing isn't going back into the closet, and that she could leave if she wanted. I made sure to tell her that even if she did leave, I would still love her. She's never left.

So, it's time for a heart to heart talk with your wife, IMHO. And if need be, a marriage counselor would be a good idea. If she refuses to go, go without her.

Mitzi
11-13-2008, 02:16 AM
I've been there too...

What I've learned in my case, with the help of a psychiatrist, is that it's her insecurity that drives the abuse. She wants the world to see her and her family as perfect, so my imperfections are magnified in her mind. Counseling would have been a great revelation, but she would never go, because that would be an admission that she had a problem.

That said, she is a good person, and understanding where the sometimes abusive behavior comes from, I've managed to be reasonably content staying with her, though there are times I'm tempted to leave. I made a conscious effort to praise and compliment her wherever I could, and our relationship has improved immensely. I absolutely do not want to lose her...

It sounds like your wife has a similar problem.

Mitzi

JaytoJillian
11-13-2008, 05:30 AM
Thanks again for all the sharing of your own experiences. My wife was in Europe for 30 days over the summer, and I did not miss her at all during that time period. I know that seems off-kilter, wrong, etc, but it is true. The day she got back, the same old stuff started before we got home. She was angry because there was no "passion" in my kiss when I greeted her at the airport. She is a very jealous person, but NOT about my femme appearance. I agree with the GGs 100 percent, here. Why would a GG feel threatened by a CD? I can't see it, personally. She IS jealous about my daughter, who thinks her dad is a rockstar, no matter what, LoL. She will make comments that let me know this is the case, and I am always shocked that a grown woman could feel this way. We have done counseling a couple of times, and when she felt that the counselor was "siding" with me, she became uninterested in going. So, why stay? 1) I have NEVER really failed at anything, so part of it is having to admit to the world that I failed at marriage. 2)I own a couple of very valuable properties and have a great salary, but I simply can't afford to split all that in half right now. 3) I am concerned with how being outed will impact my career. I am less concerned about my friends, as I agree with everyone here-- the real ones wont care and the fake ones-- well, who cares about the fake ones. 4) Not being with my daughter is unthinkable.

Much of the discussion has revolved around my wife's faults. To be fair, I definitely have my own warts and we all get angry. It's just that her anger is so frequent and it is on a hair trigger. A look, not responding loud enough, dropping a bit of food, not doing the dishes "her way" etc. can set it off and make her go into a rage that can last upwards of an hour. My daughter often cautions me not to do something because "mommy will get mad" I have seen this poor kid browbeaten over the most petty things, and when I step in, it's like , "Oh, so are you undermining me?" However, when I correct our child in a calm, but stern, business-like manner, my wife will immediately reverse my decision, or correct my techniques in front of her. It's no wonder that If I tell her something is okay, she feels she still has to get her mother's permission before she does it.

The bottom line is that I am happy when she is gone, and sad and/or on edge when she is home. I encourage her to go out with friends, which she does, but I am "not allowed" to go out for a beer or play pool, because she is against me going alone. She repeatedly tries to pair me with the husbands of her friends, but friends that I have made on my own are alienated by her or if an opportunity to go out with them arises, it is sabotaged by a fight or protests.

Jonianne
11-13-2008, 06:36 AM
Jillian, I have been where you are.

I can only speak for myself, but when I separated from my ex and got a place nearby and went to bed at night in peace, that was the most wonderful feeling. And you know what, in time both my children came to live with me to finish high school in peace themselves.

I eliminated her threats of outing me by sharing with key individuals at work, family and church, so she lost her power with that threat. You may need to gain the courage to do that or live in complete compliance, which obviously is not working for you now.

Do continue conseling for your own self and sanity.

Hugs,

Joni

Jess_cd32
11-13-2008, 06:41 AM
Been there done that Jill and it was pretty ugly, sounds like your in the proverbial rock and a hard place with her, damned if you leave her and damned if you stay.

The main concern above all else, the cars, money, job etc.. is your daughters well being and safety, sounds like you have a great bond w/ her so you really didn't need that advice, think you know that. I've seen the remants though over and over of kids treated like that by their mothers and it will harm her over time. Counter that w/ positives as much as you can for her sake, we both know that behaviour is total BS!

karynspanties
11-13-2008, 07:33 AM
All I can say is, you need to get out now. I would think that if your daughter is old enough, the courts would let her decide who SHE wants to live with, and I bet it would be with her dad. If you are successful enough to generate the wealth you have now, I bet you could do it again. This is not a good situation for you or your daughter. I really think you need to lawyer up and get the ball rolling. It will be rough for quite awhile, but I think you would be much happier. You have all my best wishes.

MJ
11-13-2008, 07:37 AM
hey Jill,
but is it worth all the crap... divide up the spoils of a broken marriage and move on nothing is worth going through that.. if i were you i would start video recording the events for your safety and let the judge decide ..
your child will still love you she can see whats going on.. children are not stupid..

curse within
11-13-2008, 08:18 AM
Jill,

Reguardless of the cause between you and your S.O. remember the fight will continue. I am sure that after two years of her knowing she has her mind made up that your X-dressing is just not acceptable. I am sure that your desires to feel FEM will not end, why waste years of just putting up with each other?
I know this I went through 20 plus years married to an unaccepting wife who did just as your S.O. is doing. Nobody should be insulted , belittled over something that your S.O. prolly never took the time or tried to get help on understanding what you are going through and why you do it! If she truley loves you she would. Jill staying with someone who refuses to accept how you are is just an up hill battle with no rewards for victory because you both lose. Ask your S.O. to read or educate herself on this subject, then if she still feels the same way look into leaving its a lot of understanding on both halves remember that.

Good luck Jill hope you keep us posted and sorry for the hardship you must endure through this.

TxKimberly
11-13-2008, 08:36 AM
Jillian, you said a few things here that impressed me deeply.



To be fair, I definitely have my own warts and we all get angry.


We all have our flaws. I'll be the first to tell you that I have HUGE flaws. I'm glad to see that you are honest with yourself and not the type to think that all of your problems are of someone elses making. This tells me that you probably have your feet pretty well on the ground. :-)




Not being with my daughter is unthinkable.


Being the father of two, one a daughter of five, I DO understand why you would stay for this and personally I'd caution you not to let the well intentioned advice of so many here shove you into a divorce. Yes, you might be better off without the woman, but your children deserve and need you. Obviously you have already considered the situation and decided that a divorce would lead the separation of you and your children. Your children will be grown soon enough and then you will have better options for doing what is best for you with out hurting them.

StephanieT
11-13-2008, 10:24 AM
My daughter often cautions me not to do something because "mommy will get mad" I have seen this poor kid browbeaten over the most petty things, and when I step in, it's like , "Oh, so are you undermining me?" However, when I correct our child in a calm, but stern, business-like manner, my wife will immediately reverse my decision, or correct my techniques in front of her. It's no wonder that If I tell her something is okay, she feels she still has to get her mother's permission before she does it.

Jillian,

This statement concerns me as much as any you have made. Your daughter is living in an unhealthy and abusive environment. Your daughter deserves better. Having grown up in an abusive household, it drives me crazy when children are subjected to this type of treatment.
Steph

Raven Wynter Rayne
11-13-2008, 01:22 PM
Maybe I am not one to say this, as I am a closet c.d., but I think You should 'beat Her to the punch' and open up to the people She would out You to. I feel that She would only out You to hurt You and who Knows what She could say. I had a so called friend find My clothes Years ago and She did go to people We knew and said a lot of untrue thing Just to try to hurt Me. good thing for Me, everybody thought She was just full of....and making up stories!! best wishes, Raven

p.s. I wish I looked just half as good as You!!!

Jennifer Cox
11-13-2008, 02:33 PM
... she bursts in, telling me that I look really scary and that I need help...

Axe murderers look scary, you look great. :)

Try to get to the bottom of what is really bothering her before ending the relationship. However, if you're already not sleeping together and you can't fix it, then better to leave now rather than later - take it from someone that knows! :sad:

Michelle_NY
11-13-2008, 04:10 PM
My wife hates it too gf

KarenEdwards
11-13-2008, 04:18 PM
Jillian,
I cannot give advice about whether to terminate your relationship because I don't know enough about your particular situation to feel comfortable in that role. I will, however, tell you a bit about myself. I have been married for over 40 years to a woman who, on the surface, seems quite similar to your SO. I've often heard (and still hear) the same comments and remarks, and some even more hurtful ones. They add up, like bricks in a wall.

My wife and I have grown old together and we have, at times, enjoyed each other's company and companionship. We have 3 grown children and 7 grandchildren, so there was a romantic spark in there somewhere, too.

My point is that it's quite possible to remain in a realtionship such as yours seems to be for a long time. However, do not expect your SO's attitude or acceptance level to improve significantly because it probably will not. If you think you can live reasonably happily with the staus quo and really want to, then it can be done. In my case, however, I often look back on my life and wonder whether I made the right decision and that is not a very good feeling...

carolinoakland
11-13-2008, 04:39 PM
A lot of women don't know how to deal with having their femininity challanged by of all things a MAN! And I guess if you really wanted to be pithy you could tell her how complimented that she is treating you like another woman that she perceives as a threat, you're having a real girlfriend moment. Some how though, I don't think she's see it that way. And you look fine, another couple of months of practice with my make up and I'll give you a run for your money!Carol

Jennifer Cox
11-13-2008, 05:04 PM
Jillian,
My point is that it's quite possible to remain in a realtionship such as yours seems to be for a long time. However, do not expect your SO's attitude or acceptance level to improve significantly because it probably will not. If you think you can live reasonably happily with the staus quo and really want to, then it can be done. In my case, however, I often look back on my life and wonder whether I made the right decision and that is not a very good feeling...

:yt:

With children it makes it much harder.

DonnaLynn77
11-13-2008, 05:13 PM
Oh Jill, my heart breaks for you right now. :( Having been through a divorce myself, it was the hardest thing I'd ever experienced. I thought the world was going to end and nothing would ever be good again. My life was over, no point in going on. But of course time kept ticking and I didn't keel over so yes, even that end result is something that you should count as an option. There have been a lot of posts already that make tons of sense so I'm not going to rehash all their advice... however I would like to offer my condolences about your situation. I suspect you already know what you have to do, but are afraid to look in that direction. For your family's sake and more importantly your daughter's well being, carefully and deliberately decide the best way past this obstacle and navigate around it.
Money, friends and yes even your career are nothing compared to your and your daughter's health! Yes even your wife, too. Everyone deserves to be happy and she is obviously not either.

Best of luck to you hun. :) You know all these girls here have got your back!

xoxo,
Donna

Shelly67
11-13-2008, 07:15 PM
Well , its been a sad time for you , but only you can change it . I wonder do you really want to let this continue and take the horrid atmosphere , enduring it all because of youre child . There are ways round it .
Your daughter certainly must feel as if she,s in the middle of a very tense and unhappy partnership.
I think you need to consider her first .
It must be scarey to be in such a situation where emotional black mail reigns , its unhealthy . Living in fear is no way to live , and as for withstanding it due to a money situation , well , in the end you cant take money with you . And indeed in old age I think we,d all rather prefer loving memories .
I think maybe its time YOU took a vacation.
Take time out alone , discover how you really feel , but no matter what , never let threats of youre girl side becoming known keep you in an unhappy lifestyle . I,m sorry , but if you really love someone you dont threaten them .
Give her something to think about , go away for awhile , have no contact , tell her the reason why , then get right away . You do realise stress is a form of abuse right ? I think she needs to feel the pang of lonelyness and reality , praps then she,ll respect the lifestyle she has , and even more the man she married . She needs to calm down.
Good luck.

obsessedwithpantyhose
11-13-2008, 09:42 PM
Jillian i have seen your pix,,,,and you do NOT NOT NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! look like a man in a dress... your "wife" is dead wrong about you,,and so what if word gets out,,life goes on....:2c:

she brings "nothing to the table" so im sure you could fight for a clean break where she gets "nothing" and you get soul custody....

i say KICK her to the curb with your highest heels :D :D

its either that or get her on meds for her anger issues,,,,i used to be that way sorta,,i now take a big orange pill everyday to keep me from ripping the heads off of stupid people,,and we ALL know how many stupid people there are out there....

claudine
11-14-2008, 12:03 AM
hi Jill, is this avatar really YOUR pic? I'd bet this is an elegant and charming pic of a beautiful lady! No wonder your wife is so unpleasant: she is just envious! All the best to you
Claudine

JaytoJillian
11-14-2008, 05:11 AM
hi Jill, is this avatar really YOUR pic? I'd bet this is an elegant and charming pic of a beautiful lady! No wonder your wife is so unpleasant: she is just envious! All the best to you
Claudine

Hi, Claudine, I'm afraid the pic in the avatar IS mine. She has nothing to be envious of, LoL, but thanks for being so very kind.

Jill

vivianann
11-14-2008, 06:30 AM
OMG!!!!! ARE YOU MARRIED TO MY EX? I am so sorry you are suffering that kind of abuse. your story is exactly what I experienced in my marriage. You need to get out to save your sanity, and your life. I go out of my marriage and in the process my ex outed me to everyone and to my surprise the friends and family she told about my cding were supportive and accepting of my cding, so it turned out better for me in the long run. Jillian you make a nice looking woman.

Sheila
11-14-2008, 07:22 AM
I am so sorry this has turned into yet another how sexy,X,Y, & Z looks, ..... "how I wished I was as hot", how "she has got to be jealous/envious because you look like a hottie" thread.

I do not care how hot/sexy/pure male tongue drippingingly hot Jill is .......... She is not a GG, and as a small 5'3", well,well, overweight 50 year old, who does not wear make up :puke: .... I am not envious of her in the slightest ......... I can admire her ability to put together such a superb look ............ god Gave her some damn fine Genes to work with ( the guy were not quite so generous with me :doh:)

Jill I am sorry that showing yourself has caused the male hormones of some, to divert the thread from it's original line ........ some can't help but think with the head in their pants no matter how fem they try to be :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

Brina Halloween
11-17-2008, 10:31 PM
My :2c:

1. If your successful and have two "properties", you can do it again. People who become rich would become rich again if there money was taken away. It doesn't sound like you inherited what you have.
2. Former employers can't ask much. Was you employed there? Would you employ them again? after that, they are asking for legal trouble.
3. My parents screamed at each other nightly for 6 years, "staying together for the kid(s)" is a bunch of #@$%%^&^% in my opinion. If counseling didn't work, it is finished unless perhaps both are still trying.

I actually appeared to "pass" part of the time at Halloween, you apper to be light years ahead of me in the dressing and look great doing it. Hope you can figure out the best course for you to be happy and your daughter as well.

Brina

jennifer easton
11-17-2008, 10:47 PM
Looking pretty good for a man in a dress is an under statement, you look better than a lot of GG I know!! I think she is jealous of your looks, you no doubt look allot better than she dose, hang in there girl, just be you! Jennifer

unclejoann
11-17-2008, 11:00 PM
You are young and attractive. How long do you want to be abused? Let her go abuse somebody else, you deserve better.

Sheila
11-18-2008, 03:21 AM
Looking pretty good for a man in a dress is an under statement, you look better than a lot of GG I know!! I think she is jealous of your looks, you no doubt look allot better than she dose, hang in there girl, just be you! Jennifer

THIS HAS SOD ALL TO DO WITH HOW JEN LOOKS IN A DAMNED SKIRT ......... see post81

Jennifer Devine
11-18-2008, 05:28 PM
You deserve better than her anyday!
If you do leave and she tells everyone then it shouldn't matter because as long as you are comfortable with who you are then it should mean sod all what everyone else thinks.
There are many other woman out there who would accept this lovely side of you so maybe you need to find her because it sounds like your partner or wife is just bringing you down and making you feel guilty about the way you choose to live your life and if you stay with her, she will only make you feel worse.
And you are much too beautiful to be labelled as just a man in a dress! =)

Melanie R
11-18-2008, 06:45 PM
Jillian,

I wonder if she is threatened by you looking so attractive as a woman. How attractive is she and how secure is she with her own femininity? Get the answers to these questions and you may have your answer.

Paula T
11-19-2008, 11:33 PM
and to be honest you may not look as good in real life as you do in the pics that we have seen, BUT she is definitely a b###h and at your young age she is just going to get worse as she gets older. Believe me it will happen. I know that for a fact.:sad: Please leave while you are still young and try to find some happieness in your life. You sound like a decent person.:)

Tasha McIntyre
11-20-2008, 02:43 AM
Just an awful situation Jill, but it probably never get much better, so sorry to say that :sad:

On the upside, your avatar looks a whole lot like Whitney Houston (before Bobby Brown).......damn you look incredible girl :)

Carly D.
11-20-2008, 02:02 PM
If that is a picture of you when dressed up (your avitar) then she should worry.. you are very nice looking.. she might be jealous of your good looks...

susanCD123
11-20-2008, 04:13 PM
very close to my reality, God bless you, hang in there and do what you feel is right.

Kelly DeWinter
11-20-2008, 04:27 PM
Shelia, what does 'SOD' mean ?

Christinedreamer
11-20-2008, 04:48 PM
Sod means sliced layers of grass roots with an earthen substrate. I have no idea how "sod" transformed into some expletive (I believe) in the UK. Go figure. (TIC):D

Ediosa
12-03-2008, 11:42 AM
Jillian,
I'm new to the forum and I have to say that when I first looked through this forum I couldn't believe that you were a guy dressed up. You looked amazing, and with the other pictures that you posted, wow:eek::eek:I couldn't believe my eyes. I am so jealous so I can understand why she would be jealous too.

Now, let me get this right. You are the one working, not her. You are the one cooking, not her. You are the one cleaning the house, not her. You are the one doing the laundry, not her. No love making, not sleeping in the same room. My question is, what does she do? I have a roommate, not a wife. I wouldn't even call her a wife. You are basically supporting another child who has full control of your emotions and tail..bum intended. Sorry girl, I needed to say that.

Now, about myself. I had a very understanding wife, but she was exactly like yours in the sense that she didn't work and she got mad over the littlest things. She even undermine my authority over my son.

Just like you, I didn't end my marriage because I couldn't leave my son. My son was the world to me and I stayed in a dead marriage, she knew that. Sometimes it got to the point that a divorce was all I can do. But, I thought if I devorced her and she didn't get what she wanted, which was basically a lot of money, that she would out me. She always told me that she would never in her life do it though, but I just couldn't trust her, especially with her rage. I really didn't care about my friends, but since I was in the military I was afraid of work. Plus, my family. No one knew. So I took it on myself to start telling. I first started with a cousin who I thought would be understanding. She was fine with it and even stated that she would like to see me dressed. Then my next cousin, then sister followed, then the hardest person for me to tell, my brother. He is the man among men. NOthing girly is for him. But he said as long as I'm happy, then he will support me cause I am his brother and that he loved me. I had the biggest relief and load taken off my back. Now, she didn't have that power over me of telling my family. I didn't tell her though that they knew.

I started getting the strength to fight back though. I first started to tell her to start working, stop overriding my authority, etc. She didn't like it but became accepting. The thing that she did do was take sex away and the possiblitiy of more children, which I love. I have no power to force my wife for love making or having more children. She knew how much I wanted other kids, but she just stop. I couldn't live like that so at the end, I left. Am I happy, yes. Do I miss her, yes. Do I still love her, yes. Has she told anyone about my CDing, I don't know. I have my son now though and I am happy cause my family is with me and they still love me, and my son thinks the world of me.

I can only recommend but if I was you, I would find out who's accepting first and tell them. Then find the next and then the next. Pretty soon it will be easy. Those who don't accept, oh well. Those who do, great. Take that power away. Next, if your daughter is over 8 years old, the court will ask who she would rather live with, and most likely it will be you. Next, since your wife hasn't proven she can take care of herself, most likely the court will rule with you. Your CDing has nothing to do with who get's custody. It's who can raise the child better, provide a better environment and who can support the child. You don't have to divorce but a separation should be in order. Live apart. You stated that you have other properties, You live in one and she in another. Slowly take away things that she now basically is getting for free. She has to start learning that she can't be getting it from you.

Sorry so long. This just bring back memories, hard but someting that had to happen. Girl, all I have to say is be strong, become stronger with her, grab your girls(boys):) and start living the life you deserve. Be happy that you are who you are. Again sorry about my story being so long.

Latindancer

Christina Horton
12-03-2008, 12:17 PM
As i said before you look WOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!! But you don't have to live with a woman who hurts you when you two are alone. f you were a woman and she was a man you prob would be beat up at lest 1 a month. My guess. She may still love you but she have a prob with you somehow. I say go to your lawer and make sure if you divorce her she can't take you for all you have. tell him or her that she is hurting you , and how. then talk to your wife , you may lose her, and tell her you wont take this anymore. I don't know how much you love her if you still do. You have never said that you still love her so we can't say to dump her. Get help for the both of your sakes. Fix it or cut it out. It's all up to you Hun. Just remember its all up to you hun.good luck hun.:hugs: :canada: