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Michaella
11-12-2008, 02:20 PM
An odd thing is happening to me: lately, the more I look at all the various postings on this site, the less I feel like cross-dressing, even though I've been doing it for maybe 45 years now. I'm starting to feel silly about doing it, that I'm just wasting a lot of time and energy on something that is just not productive.

I had planned on spending a few days fully femme soon, but somehow I just don't feel like it anymore.

Anybody else ever feel this way?

Michaella

charlie
11-12-2008, 02:53 PM
Hello Michaella!
Yes! And then I decide that it would be better for me, my marriage and perhaps even my safety if I just stopped doing this and stayed male and in drab. A funny thing always happens though. After the big decision I always revert...get ready and go out. Despite the yearning to stop and the work of getting ready I always enjoy the feelings, smell and electricity of being fully dressed. I think that this is part of me and I do not have the ability to stop it. If I could, I would. If you can truly stop dressing after so many years, I wish you luck and happiness!

tricia_uktv
11-12-2008, 02:57 PM
But Michaella, why do you feel silly?

stephanie.ts
11-12-2008, 02:59 PM
Actually, the more I browse through the topics and read people's opinions and responses, the more I am encouraged to dress up and continue living en femme. The courage that members have contributed is simply inspiring and reminds me that I am not alone.

Michaella
11-12-2008, 03:18 PM
But Michaella, why do you feel silly?

I can't really explain it beyond saying that it just starts seeming ridiculous, that I really should have better things to do, that it is taking up my attention that should be devoted to other things. It's not that I don't want to dress in one sense, but the thought of it, and seeing myself dressed, brings on the reaction "well, that's just silly." And I don't think I look all that bad, that it is a matter of looking foolish, just that the activity itself is a foolish thing.

I don't mean to suggest that I think it is something other people should not do. I think I can honestly say that I try very hard to not judge other people, and if there's something they want to do that does no harm to anyone I have no reason to object. But I do feel very judgmental about my own behaviour!

Michaella

Kate Simmons
11-12-2008, 03:22 PM
Funny you should mention this Michaella. I had a conversation with my friend about this just the other day. I think sometimes we come to a certain comfort level where we know who we are regardless. While I've always enjoyed my femme self, I sometimes think it's somewhat over rated. Not so much that I feel silly, just that I've pretty much done it all and there is nothing more to prove really. Seems I'm comfortable being myself no matter how I'm dressed these days. Sometimes I like getting "dolled up" but sometimes I'd just as soon pass on it. For myself it's all about being a person and not "this" or "that" anyway.:)

Michaella
11-12-2008, 03:23 PM
Hello Michaella!
Yes! And then I decide that it would be better for me, my marriage and perhaps even my safety if I just stopped doing this and stayed male and in drab. A funny thing always happens though. After the big decision I always revert...get ready and go out. Despite the yearning to stop and the work of getting ready I always enjoy the feelings, smell and electricity of being fully dressed. I think that this is part of me and I do not have the ability to stop it. If I could, I would. If you can truly stop dressing after so many years, I wish you luck and happiness!

Thank you for your reply and your best wishes, Charlie. That seems very much to be my experience. It is not the first time I have felt like this, but it is first time informed by viewing this site. And I don't want to make it seem like I am blaming the site or anyone, just that it somehow has made a difference. Very strange.

And yes, I keep thinking life would be simpler, easier, if I could just get rid of the whole desire to dress, but I have not been able to put it aside after all these years, even with professional help, and I doubt I ever will. So, I remain conflicted.

Michaella

trisha59
11-12-2008, 03:27 PM
It all has to do with the peaks and valleys of this life we lead. See: pink fog, cycles of desire , etc., throughout the pages of this forum. What really sucks is when you have some time coming up where you will be able to CD and you plan for it and look forward to it and when that time comes she dose not want to come out and play. All I can say is what has been said by others here so clearly, DO NOT PURGE.

tricia_uktv
11-12-2008, 03:47 PM
Michaella, I don't know enough about what you are giving up to dress, but I would ask you one question - no pressure there then!

What is at the end of your rainbow?

What is going to make you happy, bubbly, have fun and be at peace with yourself? For me it has now become my life and I am so much happier because of it; although now my children have grown so I have the opportunity.

I'm (fairly) sure we all have one thing that is more important than anything else in their lives. For me its dressing and being myself. And I will never look back, although I still have bad days.

Hugs and good luck,

Clara
11-12-2008, 04:05 PM
Well, I enjoy dressing (I only just started!) but I can understand the comment that the time and effort spent on dressing could be spend on something more productive. Having a little child at home means there's a precious little time for myself (and my wife too). And it takes time to keep my legs shaved, to browse clearance section at Kohls, to read posts on this forum... So, yes I can relate. (And I don't wear makeup!)

sometimes_miss
11-12-2008, 04:09 PM
In the big picture of life, the vast majority of what we do is the same whether we are male or female, and I think that's the part that keeps me most grounded. There are times I think to myself, why do I spend so much time putting on girl clothes, playing with my hair, preening myself despite knowing that no one will ever see me this way? Silly, maybe; but it's something I feel like I should do, I want to, and I enjoy doing. And that's all that's important, that it's important to me. And if I ever meet someone, I hope she'll understand that.

LindaCD63yoNJ
11-12-2008, 04:17 PM
I never feel that way. Think of it like a hobby--many hobbies are totally unproductive, but none-the-less satisfying, stress-reducing, and emotionally satisfying. To me, cding is all of the above, and a lot more, even though I know many who know me would think my hobby is ridiculous. It is how you feel about it, not how others judge it.

Deborah Jane
11-12-2008, 04:21 PM
I think sometimes it does feel silly and i know i waste a lot of time with it, but at the end of the day for me personnally i enjoy it, it makes me happy and theres no harm in it, so why not carry on doing it :)

Clara
11-12-2008, 04:28 PM
I never feel that way. Think of it like a hobby--many hobbies are totally unproductive, but none-the-less satisfying, stress-reducing, and emotionally satisfying. To me, cding is all of the above, and a lot more, even though I know many who know me would think my hobby is ridiculous. It is how you feel about it, not how others judge it.

Good point. It's not like the time I spend dressing would always be used in some productive way. And yes, many hobbies are completely unproductive.

Karren H
11-12-2008, 04:31 PM
Obviously you have ODed on crossdressing through us..... so

"Please step away from the computer"...

NOW!!!!

suzypier
11-12-2008, 04:41 PM
NO, I reach the stage that I want and need more and more of it.

Susan4
11-12-2008, 04:58 PM
I think Tricia's correct when she observed that many of us have a CD 'cycle'.

If so, you may be leaving the 'pink fog' behind as you travel into a new realm where some (many) people think CDing is 'silly'. In which case, enjoy the journey and we'll see you in a few weeks, months or even years ... when the cycle revolves. Most of us have discovered that this doesn't go away, it just ebbs and flows.

Of course, another possibility is that you, and some of the other posters, have suggested. Is there a new wave of post-modern CDer?

I'm serious.

For some of us, at least, the reason what we do is called CD is that we wear gendered clothing from 'another' gender. What happens as the lines between genders become more indistinct and blurred?

Today, men can dress casually all the time, as women can, and do. We can wear earnings, we can use makeup (some), we can wear silk underwear, and enjoy a range of clothes and fabric styles unheard of in the recent past.

As these trends continue, will there be any point to CDing?

Will CDing be limited to the most fem, the most girly of clothing? A type of clothing even women no longer wear every day.

Just a thought ... thanks for your interesting post. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hugs
Susan

PS - Just a piece of advice. Don't purge. If you can give your stash to someone you trust.

Jennifer Cox
11-12-2008, 05:47 PM
It all has to do with the peaks and valleys of this life we lead. See: pink fog, cycles of desire , etc., throughout the pages of this forum. What really sucks is when you have some time coming up where you will be able to CD and you plan for it and look forward to it and when that time comes she dose not want to come out and play. All I can say is what has been said by others here so clearly, DO NOT PURGE.

:iagree:

Vivian Best
11-12-2008, 06:10 PM
As humans, our feelings ebb and flow, are up and down, hot and cold and any other way you can use to describe feelings. I know for a fact that mine fluxuate with many things, the weather, the temperature, the stock market, my temper and etc, etc. So, as my feelings goes so goes my desire to dress.

One big difference however, being on this web site has never decreased my desire, its always increased it for me.

Ronni Seymour
11-12-2008, 06:19 PM
I felt the same 'silliness' a couple years ago when I started to find CDing sites, and it made me back up a little. Later, I'd find myself coming back to the sites 'just to see' how things were going. I would just forget about it, but then, out of the blue, she'd tug on my sleeve. (How bout a change of clothes, fella??)
Well, the desire would spring back to life; it seemed a little more earnest, and the 'silliness' would disappear.
Now I've just come to accept and enjoy what I do, and go with the flow. :battingeyelashes:

Celeste
11-12-2008, 11:09 PM
I really have a hard time considering something I enjoy doing as foolish.If I'm having a good time,that normally justifies it.Maybe some of the desire you initially had will bounce back for you,if not maybe you should through in the towel for a while.

avril findlay
11-12-2008, 11:17 PM
I don't feel silly and I enjoy CDing as much as I ever have (quite a lot!) and I can't see my enjoyment ever decreasing. But I have often thought how different my life would have been if I'd devoted the same time and energy into some other activity that I've devoted to CDing.

kimmy p
11-12-2008, 11:36 PM
I don't feel silly, I like it to much. I do feel depressed occasionally though that I look so much like $#!* compared to everyone else.

docrobbysherry
11-12-2008, 11:53 PM
I spend countless hours working on one or another aspects of my CDing! This site and my photo editing take up about 24 hours a week by themselves!

And the energy I spend every day, thinking of new CDing ideas for Sherry. It never ends. Then, the shopping and actual dressing! :daydreaming:

I often look at the mess my house and garages have become. See the piles of unread newspapers that I used to read front to back every day. I hear sports stories about my favorite teams and hear that I missed another incredible finish!:sad:

Why the heck did I start this out of the blue 10 years ago? I wonder when is the desire to dress going to abate? It seems to still be escalating!:eek:

I'm over 60. What the heck am I doing? Impersonating a bevy of young women? It's quite often that I doubt my sanity, and judgement, for getting SO involved in CDing!:doh:

On the other hand, I can't think of ANYTHING that I can do at my age, that is half as; exciting, fun, or gets my motor running nearly as much as CDing!:D

Bethany_Anne_Fae
11-13-2008, 12:01 AM
I fall under the "cyclic" type too. I get the need to get all done up every six months or so, but beyond that I have too many other things that go through cycles as well. Every one of em needs to be appeased lol

You are not silly ;)

Zara

jina
11-13-2008, 12:06 AM
Since I have joined this forum I'm just amazed at how even my most abstract remote thoughts regarding this self-mystery of mine come up from other people (if i just wait a bit). Anybody ever hear of the "collective unconscious" ? There is a cool book along these lines called "The Holographic Universe". I recommend it. We (CD'rs) must be tied together in a cosmic loop of synchronicity of some kind... but I digress:).

I have thought of this very thing. Furthermore, I think even when I wasn't completely honest with myself about my fem feelings, I had a specific phrase rattling around in my head all of these years: "No Practical Application". I've been meaning to start a thread with that title and see if there's any resonance out there. I guess I have always thought that "my thing" had No Practical Application.

My wife argues that the practical application is that I am absolutely wonderful with children (if I do say so myself :) )... and a empathetic listener and friend. But that doesn't speak to how much I enjoy fem things that don't really work with the rest of my life (IE: makeup, clothes).

I mentioned this "silly" concept just the other day to my wife. Especially, wanting her to participate seems very silly. On the other hand, if she happened to get a lot out of it, i certainly would with her. Kinda strange. I agree with the warnings against purging. I have described to my wife that historically i have "dormant" periods (I also have been prone to cycles of identity crisis over the years).

One more thing: not only is there an ebb and flow to this,... but there seems to be a relationship to my work as an entertainer / musician. A lot of these feelings can be absorbed and channeled through performing and creating music in my case. I don't have it all figured out... but there are definitely some interesting connections in all of this for me. I even have thought about naming my next album: I Wasn't Born A Woman (So I Became a Musician).

curse within
11-13-2008, 12:38 AM
I can totally relate...I go through the same feelings but I know that hell smoking is eaiser to give up than x dressing. You just go through an imbalance of hormones or in yours and my case a balance of hormones..Don;t worry they will imbalance again and all will be back to normal.

noeleena
11-13-2008, 12:41 AM
hi...like Jina....WOW. it looks like most of you are dressing . yet not all the time .there are things you have in common . in many ways .... it all depends as to how we are wired ..as to how we see our selfs. some have said you are men... the male . just all male yet . theres a little bit that says in side i need to dress as a female . we are not all the same . in when. how. or why. we dress . so if you do then enjoy you . ....if... that is a part of you then accept it dont fight it . other wise it will come back at you . as others have said . for me it is all me as a women nothing like what has been said it was never the dressing . it was me as a women . i live as one. yeap . at 61 & for the rest of my life . may be 20 years . i have had 11 now as that women . would i go back to me as a man . not that i was ... sorry guys . just no way ever ......so we do have things in common just not all the same . this has been interesting what you all have been saying . going along with this how do you think as a male or like me a women or a female this is allso a part of us . when you are dressed on fem . what are you thinking ... thank you .... ...noeleena...

Angie G
11-13-2008, 01:10 AM
I did once so I slapped myself out of it and put on a skirt.:hugs:
Angie

Joanna-Louise
11-13-2008, 01:42 AM
Michaella,

As mentioned above its something we all go through. Imyself have stood up, looked in the mirror then proceeded to get changed. (Not because ive not liked the image staring back at me but because I somehow feel "lost")

2 Weeks ago, I decided to bite the bullet and admitted to my family my close friends and more importantly that im a woman trapped in a mans body... While I should be looking forward to going to my GP, starting a new life and looking down the road of transitioning fear has all of a sudden struck over me....

Like your post deep down im feeling lost, feeling at the moment Im neither male or fe-male. This makes it hard when im supposed to be spending my out of work life constanbtly dressed. But its also pushed me to make the appiontment with my GP so I can hopefully start the concilling as quickly as possible.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist, and then talking to them about whats causing the confusion??

Take care hun and I hope you find your way soon

Joanna
xx

Sammy777
11-13-2008, 02:46 AM
Think of it like a hobby--many hobbies are totally unproductive, but none-the-less satisfying, stress-reducing, and emotionally satisfying.

I don't like referring to CD'ing as a "hobby" but it works here.

There are things All of us do that take up plenty of time, cost money & that some people will find silly, stupid & a waste of our time & good money.
Does that stop me, you, us, them from doing them? NO

Here is quick list of things people call silly, stupid or a waste of time/money.
Put the pitch forks & torches away, lol.
I'm guilty of doing some of these myself & I'm not trying to be rude with the list.

Watching 37 cars drive in a circle.
Watching 2 cars drive in a straight line really fast.
Fishing, & not even keeping the fish you do catch.
Sitting in a boat vaguely pretending your fishing.
Flying a kite.
Golf.
Building an HO scale small town in your basement.
Owning a boat
Owning a plane
Driving around in the mud
Camping.
Shooting paper targets.
Ect, Ect, Ect..............

Most if not all of these hobbies suck up a lot of peoples time & a lot of their money & give them nothing to show for it but the memory of a good time & the ability to face another Monday.

So where is the harm? Is it such a bad thing?



Obviously you have ODed on crossdressing through us..... so
"Please step away from the computer"... NOW!!!!

I think Karen did it again, lol.
Maybe your time here is like filling up on bread before the main course arrives.

Michaella
11-13-2008, 11:32 AM
Thank you everyone. Much to think about. Part of my problem is that I have many many other things I'd like to do -- music, theatre, writing, model railroading, travel -- but the cross dressing is actually getting in the way of them. I suspect too that my current upset may be part of my long-term depression. Seeing my therapist tomorrow. I had planned on going en femme -- I've done that before -- but probably won't. In any event, I have no intention of purging. Maybe I just need to let things go for a while. Thank you.

Michaella

Sammy777
11-13-2008, 02:56 PM
Thank you everyone. Much to think about. Part of my problem is that I have many many other things I'd like to do -- music, theatre, writing, model railroading, travel -- but the cross dressing is actually getting in the way of them. I suspect too that my current upset may be part of my long-term depression. Seeing my therapist tomorrow. I had planned on going en femme -- I've done that before -- but probably won't. In any event, I have no intention of purging. Maybe I just need to let things go for a while. Thank you.

Michaella

Well no one said you can't combine it with your other activities.
Many people here play music or write while dressed.
Nothing wrong with letting Michaella getting some travel time in.

Alex!
11-13-2008, 03:02 PM
Often, in fact. The novelty wore off a few years ago.

DeeDeeB
11-13-2008, 03:51 PM
When I stand in front of the mirror and feel I look really good, I feel so silly I get a big grin on my face and then go on to the evening's activities. It gives me a real boost. And as to other responsibilities and desires, I reran the electric wiring in my garage in a miniskirt a month or so ago. It just seemed right. :D

I do understand one gets overloaded, though. After a week at SCC, dressed all day and evening for 5 days out in public, I needed a week off after returning home. But the desire to dress is back stronger than ever.

So take a break if you want to, and return to dressing if you feel the desire. Maybe it's silly, but it feels so good.

Dee :fairy1:

Missy
11-13-2008, 03:54 PM
the more i think about cd the more i want to be in male cloths

Lorna
11-13-2008, 03:54 PM
Silly isn't the term I would use - because, in itself, the dressing is so enjoyable. However, I do resent the time I waste doing it (which actually isn't much because it doesn't happen often). I am very busy doing all sorts of things so nobody complains - only I know that I could do a lot more! The feeling is strongest when I take off my female things and put them away: that's the moment when I would be most likely to say "this is silly, a waste of time, I'll stop doing it". But, so far, I haven't.