Sex

[Dana]

IMHO this forum throughout is about the subject of gender identity, and coming to grips with such, self acceptance and acceptance from and by others. many of us with wives/husbands (for FTM) and SO's.

Many of us beat a dead horse to death over and over again in the argument that not all CD's be they Male or Female, are anything more than transgerdist in nature, and that sexual idenity and gender idenity are two seperate things.

Bringing sex into the discussion "muddies the waters" of the two. I keep my personal life sepeate from my professional life ~ they're two distinct glasses of water, and I don't intermingle them.

Even a dog has enough sense not to crap where it eats and sleeps! I don't date the payroll.

I fully recoginze and understand that some of us are adolesencts in coming of age with out feminine side of our beings, but as Tamara has recently stated some of us need to grow up.

The topic of discussion here is crossdressing, being transgendered, and such not sex. The site's name is Crossdressing.Com ~ not "I'm a crossdresser and just had sex with __________________ for the first time.

To be honest, I've fought my "T" most of my life, and its been through the encourgement, honesty, and openiness of so many here that I've at least overcome the guilt complex of being transgendered, and have finally reconciled such with myself.

Many here would like to bring SO's/wifes/husbands here for them to learn and grow in their understanding about transgendered issues. But, the sex threads only confirms in their mind what they intially suspected,

"OMG! He's / She's Gay!"

I appalude the Mod's for keeping it real!

You go Tamara! :love:

[curse within]

Dana and all the Mods I too would like to thank you for doing just as Dana said.. I couldn't have said it in a more polite way.

[Holly]

Thanks for the encouragement. There are all kinds of places where discussions of sexual practices and preferences can be engaged in. This is NOT one of those places. Anyone wishing to do so is encouraged to find a place where that type of topic is welcomed.

Holly
Super Moderator

[Tracii G]

Agreed keep it clean.

[Raquel June]

I know I'd be plenty happy if I never had to hear anybody talk about their sexual experiences, but the rules of the forum only seem to prohibit "explicit" sexual material.

It certainly looks like people making non-explicit posts are being singled out simply because they're bisexual.

I'm not saying the mods have done anything inappropriate. When someone starts a thread to rant about something, I can understand the thread being closed. When someone starts a thread asking CDs to say if they've had sex with a guy, well, I can kinda see that getting going in the wrong direction.

But notice that there have been hundreds of threads regarding sexual orientation where people go on and on about how almost every M2F CD exclusively likes GGs (which is not something I can agree with after having met a few hundred CDs and having my ass grabbed by nearly half of them). These threads do not get closed.

There are also many threads that have gotten pretty explicit regarding forced feminization and other sexual topics. People don't seem to mind as long as the CDs are only discussing their fantasies with GGs. That's clearly an example of bigotry.

For goodness sake, there's currently a thread going with "man-gina" in the title where everybody is talking explicitly about penis size. I find that more offensive than any of the sex-related threads I've seen here.


Many closetted CDs like to pretend that all CDs are just guys who like girl's clothes but have no desire to actually behave sexually in a feminine role. That's not reality. I do feel bad for the 100% hetero guys who like to wear panties. They want their wives to know that they're not gay, and then they have to worry about their wives seeing some CDs chatting about sex with guys. That's unfortunate.

But we need to define what's explicit and make that clear. There seems to be an "anything goes" policy for CDs regarding sex with GGs, and a "don't ask don't tell" policy in effect for bisexual CDs.

There's hope, though! We can count on Tamara to be totally unbiased in closing straight/gay/bi threads that get stupid :)

[Jess_cd32]

I like this site and the way it's set up as far as the rules go.
I have seen some reference to sexual preferences in some threads but it wasn't what I'd call rule breaking.

Discussing sexuality can take many avenues, it's just the manner/ direction in which it's spoken of that I think is the issue to contend with here and stay within the guidelines. After all we are adults so I feel the issue should have some freedom within bounds/rules here.

Most that have SO's that may visit here in the future should first make clear to their SO that cd's are just like everyone else sexually, some are straight, bi, gay, into fetishes etc... and that is their right.

The same can also be said for non cd's, so the point I'm trying to make is this forum should be for all to enjoy, and everyone should follow the forum rules, no exceptions.

We can't ask for tolerance being a cd ourselves if we can't offer the same to other cd's that may have fetishes, different sexual preferences etc..., that's hypocritical and we should all take pride in not wearing that label.

To me personally its not even "tolerance" that I feel because I'm not "tolerating" anything, rather people have a right to live how they so choose and that's none of my/anyones business how they do it, or my SO's if she ever had a problem with anyone's lifestyle here when she may eventually visit.

If she did have such a problem, it would be hers, most likely based on ignorance of cd's in general. That would be the day if I tried to change a members personality or whatever to please someone else, even a loved one.

With that in mind, we should all show respect for the rules here, the same respect we would show when visiting someone elses home, after all they built/ moderate this home. Everyone should also be welcomed and treated the same, regardless of identity.

[Wendy me]

hey Dana this place is staffed by 13 persons who all work hard to keep things running as well as they do ..... this includes .......4 admins on the forum .......7 super mods.... and 2 section mods........ all who work hard to do their job with out any pay ......all of who make this the best site on the web..............

[Jonianne]

"Thank you" to all the staff for your work keeping this site running smooth and clean.

[Delila]

I agree that some of the sex posts are over the top. The sad truth is that some of the more serious threads contain some of the items that make the inappropriate ones inappropriate. If the rules were any more strict I think we might see something close to sensorship. On that note I have noticed that there seem to be a number of people coming here lately with the direct intent of breaking the rules. I have been with this forum for a fair amount of time and I had never seen sexual posts the likes of what we have seen lately. I definately appreciate the mods they keep this place somewhere that we can come for support and help when needed.

[sterling12]

What did The Supreme Court Justice say? "I'll know if it's pornography when I see it!" By it's very nature, some of the writing around here can get somewhat "ripe." And it's a subjective thing on a lot of these items; a job I would gladly leave to The Mods.

It's always tough to make a call like that, except in the most egregious cases, but if they want to discuss things that are guaranteed to offend other people, they should be censored.

The rules posted are pretty plain and a lot of "newbies" don't take the time to read them, if anyone has a suggestion for better compliance please let the rest of us know about it.

I will reiterate to all the wives and GF's out there. "Most of us are straight, we don't want to change our sex." Every once in a while we might have a "fantasy,' just like the rest of the human race....just like yourselves. Do not think that some raunchy post that gets through, before the mods see it, is a reflection of the vast majority. Every once in a while there will be a frank discussion about some aspect of sexuality, but it won't be for titillation and most would find it quite dull. Every once in a while we get someone who wants to talk about some guy making a pass at them. If they are married or have revealed that they have someone else in their life, they always get a "butt chewing" from The Gurls. Every system has some small glitches, please try and be understanding.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[vivianann]

Like many of you posted, this is not the place for sexual fantasies with men, because if I were to find a GG friend I would not be able to let her see this forum if there is dumb ass sex fantasy threads. I appreciate the moderators keeping it clean, because we need to make this a safe forum to invite GG friends to because they have alot of questions, and they may be struggleing with the fact that their husband or boyfriend likes to wear dresses. We need all the help we can get to help a wife or girlfriend understand us and our desire to crossdress without some one messing things up for us.

[deja true]

I'm with Jess and Joanie (Sterling) here...

The site is called CD dot com,not StraightCD dot com. (And indeed, that's not particularly apt any more if we ask the many transitioning and trans folks here, male, female and other!...) Our field of interest, it seems to me, should include any one who identifies in any way with a gender other than their birth gender. And all of their thoughts, worries, fears and insights.

This has to include their opinions and experiences and revelations concerning their life-styles, employment, relationships and sexuality. Sure, gender and sexuality are different things, but they're as intertwined as the strands of a rope. It's all those strands together that make us human beings. I wanna know about the human beings here, 'cos I am one.

No, I don't necessarily wanna hear about the actual mechanics of who put what where. I already know how that works. But I do wanna hear about your motivations and reasonings for having that experience and how you felt about it. That's how we winnow out our own misconceptions and prejudices to come to a realization of our own true selves.

So post on, brothers and sisters, but keep it on the high road, K?

:)

[Teri Jean]

Thank you Dana, Well said. Keli

[Miss Tessa]

That post should be a sticky!



I for one made a mistake by discussing sex a little bit a while back and was cited for it.

I now understand where you are coming from.

These boards are great support systems especially for people who don't have approving family they discuss their TG with or therapists.

When sex is discussed on these boards, it's like having a cup of Kool-Aid and pouring water in it.

I noticed some posts that were sexual in nature and not only do they heat tempers and make them flair by adding to the controversy, they also do just what you said, they make the people that come here to understand us with open hearts and open minds confirm what they initially feared about us.

Even though some of us have frank questions about sex, there are other msg boards we can join on the net which accept the F word and everything else we wanna say.

If we muck up the boards with sexual talk we loose the supportive and therapeutic value of the boards and it's like watering down that cup of Kool-Aid.

[Tamara Croft]

If we muck up the boards with sexual talk we loose the supportive and therapeutic value of the boards and it's like watering down that cup of Kool-Aid.Take note of these words, because she is RIGHT!! There are plenty of other boards to discuss things of a sexual explicit nature, this board doesn't tollerate it. This is a CD support forum, let's keep it that way.

I'm pretty disgusted at what I've seen on this board today, and I've only been online for about 10 minutes... not cool at all :thumbsdn:

[Brooke Smith]

I'm with Jess and Joanie (Sterling) here...

The site is called CD dot com,not StraightCD dot com. (And indeed, that's not particularly apt any more if we ask the many transitioning and trans folks here, male, female and other!...) Our field of interest, it seems to me, should include any one who identifies in any way with a gender other than their birth gender. And all of their thoughts, worries, fears and insights.

This has to include their opinions and experiences and revelations concerning their life-styles, employment, relationships and sexuality. Sure, gender and sexuality are different things, but they're as intertwined as the strands of a rope. It's all those strands together that make us human beings. I wanna know about the human beings here, 'cos I am one.

No, I don't necessarily wanna hear about the actual mechanics of who put what where. I already know how that works. But I do wanna hear about your motivations and reasonings for having that experience and how you felt about it. That's how we winnow out our own misconceptions and prejudices to come to a realization of our own true selves.

So post on, brothers and sisters, but keep it on the high road, K?

:)

Once again Deja has hit the mark and I agree with her 100%. Individuals motivations and reasonings are pertinent to their experiences and should be available to us as we make our own judgements.

[rhondamichelle]

Dear Tammy,

I couldn't agree with you more and truly appreciate the job you and the other administrators are doing. I've been on other sights where the conversations denigrated to nothing but flaming and cyber-sniping. As a newbie I did as instructed and READ THE RULES FIRST before posting. I joined this forum for intelligent and insightful information as well as understanding and support and I am very gratified to find it all here. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

Rhonda Michelle

[ElaineB]

No, I don't necessarily wanna hear about the actual mechanics of who put what where. I already know how that works. But I do wanna hear about your motivations and reasonings for having that experience and how you felt about it. That's how we winnow out our own misconceptions and prejudices to come to a realization of our own true selves.



Once again Deja has hit the mark and I agree with her 100%. Individuals motivations and reasonings are pertinent to their experiences and should be available to us as we make our own judgements.

I agree. There is a poll (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94215) in this forum right now which shows that dressing is a sexual activity for a large fraction of CDers ... at least some of the time. How can any serious discussion of dressing not touch on sexual topics for that group? It is really going overboard to claim sex and gender are totally separate and sex has no place here ... if anybody was in fact thinking that.

Sometimes I think the rules might not work as well as they could because they talk about what can be posted rather than why people can post. What is the difference between one poster saying "I tried bi sex, it was OK but no more" and somebody saying "I put on my best red dress and it made this guy so horny... (etc)"? Explicit content is not really the point, is it? They could both be explicit, or neither. The point is that one is a person honestly questioning sexuality and the other is a person trying to get off.

But then ... no matter what rules you post there is always somebody pushing the limits who needs to be smacked down. The moderators here seem to do a very good job at separating serious content from verbal porn. Thank you!

[Deidra Cowen]

I honestly believe this is a great spot on the net for CDs and all Transfolk. But make no mistake about it. It mainly serves new and closeted CDs that are straight. I remember I posted all the time and looked at the forum the most when I was new to dressing and learned a lot here!

Wives of CDs especially the few that are actually on here with their own account have tons of influence. We gay and bi CDs scare the you know what out of the GGs. And we should! LOL we are usually quite a mess! (ok just teasing a bit) Now I am not saying that we are not tolerated or even accepted to a degree. But the prevailing culture here revolves mainly around new and closeted CDs a large majority of whom identify as str8.

So sex talk especially gay stuff makes them uncomfortable and frankly it drives the poor GGs stuck with us nuts! So be polite, don't give in to any anti-gay crud...but regradless chill out on the sex stuff and don't rub being bi or gay in everyone elses face.

By the way go to yahoo groups or flicker for that sex stuff. Tons of places to discuss sex if ya want too even look at naughty pics!

But just chill here and realize this forum is not strickly about us...but you can still have fun. Watch topics on the forums that interest you and hey go look at the hotties down in the photo sub forum if that floats your boat!

[Kris Vasquez]

I am married and straight. I have shown my wife this forum to hopefully open her eyes to the fact that she is not alone. However I do think that others in different situations should have a sounding board as well. Maybe a Male At Birth forum (by invitation only) for Cd's to talk about issues that wives wouldn't want to view.

[Holly]

...I do think that others in different situations should have a sounding board as well. Maybe a Male At Birth forum (by invitation only) for Cd's to talk about issues that wives wouldn't want to view.We do... The Private GM Forum. But be advised, the forum rules will apply there as well. Explicit sexual content is not what this board is about.

[Deborah Jane]

IMHO this forum throughout is about the subject of gender identity, and coming to grips with such, self acceptance and acceptance from and by others. many of us with wives/husbands (for FTM) and SO's.

Many of us beat a dead horse to death over and over again in the argument that not all CD's be they Male or Female, are anything more than transgerdist in nature, and that sexual idenity and gender idenity are two seperate things.

Bringing sex into the discussion "muddies the waters" of the two. I keep my personal life sepeate from my professional life ~ they're two distinct glasses of water, and I don't intermingle them.

Even a dog has enough sense not to crap where it eats and sleeps! I don't date the payroll.

I fully recoginze and understand that some of us are adolesencts in coming of age with out feminine side of our beings, but as Tamara has recently stated some of us need to grow up.

The topic of discussion here is crossdressing, being transgendered, and such not sex. The site's name is Crossdressing.Com ~ not "I'm a crossdresser and just had sex with __________________ for the first time.

To be honest, I've fought my "T" most of my life, and its been through the encourgement, honesty, and openiness of so many here that I've at least overcome the guilt complex of being transgendered, and have finally reconciled such with myself.

Many here would like to bring SO's/wifes/husbands here for them to learn and grow in their understanding about transgendered issues. But, the sex threads only confirms in their mind what they intially suspected,

"OMG! He's / She's Gay!"

I appalude the Mod's for keeping it real!

You go Tamara! :love:

Well said Dana, i agree with you 100%

I,ve got nothing against people wanting to talk about sex, but this isn,t the right place to do it.
There are plenty of other sites where that sort of talk is welcomed, so why not sign up to one of them if thats what you,re looking for!

[MJ]

what i like about this site is the fact that it is clean. but the truth is there are a few members that are bi or gay and as this is our home maybe there should be a private place for those who wish to talk openly. please don't shoot the massinger after all there are some question i would love to ask but i don't want to join the sites that have such talk as i don't want unwelcome advances .. it's bad enough that some guys think girls like me are easy and sleazy. and thats just not true. but we are all painted with the same brush.
i can understand why the S.O get so upset.

[Sarah_GG]

I don't think anyone on this site - gg or otherwise - is anti bi or anti gay.

This is a support forum for crossdressers (of any sexual orientation) and their partners (mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends) to come and discuss issues and perhaps learn how they can be more supportive of their CDing partner's issues.

[Tamara Croft]

So sex talk especially gay stuff makes them uncomfortable and frankly it drives the poor GGs stuck with us nuts! So be polite, don't give in to any anti-gay crud...but regradless chill out on the sex stuff and don't rub being bi or gay in everyone elses face.Oh c'mon, you can't honestly believe that? I don't care if you are straight, gay, bi, lesbian or a freshwater dolphin... nothing phases me, I've seen/heard it all.. but on this forum, it is a support forum, it isn't a place to air who's done what with who etc etc... we don't want to know... Those that come here spouting they've done this that and the other, probably have done squat, pure fantasy... Leave it in the bedroom, or wherever you do/have it... it ain't coming here...

[Deidra Cowen]

Oh c'mon, you can't honestly believe that? I don't care if you are straight, gay, bi, lesbian or a freshwater dolphin... nothing phases me, I've seen/heard it all.. but on this forum, it is a support forum, it isn't a place to air who's done what with who etc etc... we don't want to know... Those that come here spouting they've done this that and the other, probably have done squat, pure fantasy... Leave it in the bedroom, or wherever you do/have it... it ain't coming here...

Yeap I have watched the forum here for few years...I believe what I wrote and stand by it. Might not be what ya want to hear but its what I had to say right or wrong. :heehee:

[Sarah_GG]

Do you believe that really? I often read posts by CDers who're openly gay and openly bi. Not a problem in the slightest. They are made as welcome on this forum as anyone else - gg, straight, gay, bi whatever!

What particularly irks me, personally, is those CDers who whine "my wife just tolerates" in one post and brag about "my bi experience" in another.

Why do those individuals need their wives/partners to be understanding of the fact that they want to have sex with someone outside their relationship? Why not just end the relationship and have as much sex with whoever they want to.

I just don't get it!

This site is not anti anything - other than the recounting of explicit sexual adventures as far as I can see!

[Deidra Cowen]

Do you believe that really? I often read posts by CDers who're openly gay and openly bi. Not a problem in the slightest. They are made as welcome on this forum as anyone else - gg, straight, gay, bi whatever!

What particularly irks me, personally, is those CDers who whine "my wife just tolerates" in one post and brag about "my bi experience" in another.

Why do those individuals need their wives/partners to be understanding of the fact that they want to have sex with someone outside their relationship? Why not just end the relationship and have as much sex with whoever they want to.

I just don't get it!

This site is not anti anything - other than the recounting of explicit sexual adventures as far as I can see!

I agree about the CDs that mess around that claim they are straight!!! I know a girl here in Atlanta. I used to be friends with her. She messed around with guys a lot! Which is fine, know what ya want to do and realize its risky but have at it if you want to. But she started dating a GG in boy mode and did not tell her GF that she dressed or more importantly was bi and met men often. That poor GG had no clue she was dating such a low life. I ignore that Tgirl when I see her these days and have little to do with her beyond a hi out at the clubs and I find someone else to talk to.

But yes I honestly believe that this board revolves around straight closeted CDs and to a degree GGs married to them. Now most folks are tolerant and in fact that has improved. You can look back a year or two ago and you used to see all these "yucks" and expressions of distaste whenever being bi or gay came up. That just about totally stopped thankfully...I used to jump in those threads and be silly by saying "Straight Sex Yuck, thats gross!" everytime someone did that about gay stuff. Trying to use humor to influence things slightly. I saw others do that too.

But lord I was actually agreeing with what was being said by saying yes chill out on the sex talk and understand what the culture and general outlook here was and respect it.

By the way I would submit a Forced Fem thread that is running, has hits and responses proves my point. Thats a staight kink so it does not offend...and lord its fine with me. Not my cup of tea but its kewl. Every group and organization in the world even a board like this has its own morals and way things are run. Live with it or move on!

[Mitzi]

I agree with Deidra, there seems to be a bit of a bias against those of us who dress for reasons other than to "express our femininity", and/or are attracted to guys or to other crossdressers (though the picture section is awash with posts suggesting a lot of us are hugely turned on by other CD's:D).

Don't get me wrong, I love this forum, but find myself far more selective of the threads I view than when I first joined because of the repetitive airing of certain topics.

Mitzi

[Sarah_GG]

By the way I would submit a Forced Fem thread that is running, has hits and responses proves my point. Thats a staight kink so it does not offend...and lord its fine with me. Not my cup of tea but its kewl.

But the Forced Feb isn't exactly sexually explicit. And not necessarily straight biased.


I agree with Deidra, there seems to be a bit of a bias against those of us who dress for reasons other than to "express our femininity", and/or are attracted to guys or to other crossdressers (though the picture section is awash with posts suggesting a lot of us are hugely turned on by other CD's).

As far as I can see, the only bias is against CDs claiming to be in 'committed' relationships going elsewhere for sexual kicks. My point is that supportive (and newly aware) SOs of CDs might get their worst fears and prejudices realised by reading the explicit encounter threads. It is unnerving (I don't know why exactly?) when we read threads about our 'heterosexual' SOs fancying men when they're en femme. Not an anti-gay or anti-bi statement.

But maybe a subject for discussion?

[Deidra Cowen]

But the Forced Feb isn't exactly sexually explicit. And not necessarily straight biased.


Maybe I am wrong but I honestly always thought the forced fem deal revolved around a DOM GG and a submissive CD partner. So that would be straight based. Usually has a sexual component but of course a lot of servitude (being the housewife) and humililation was a big part too admittely.

You see a good amount of material on it in erotic story sites here on the net and thats what I noticed about it!

[Dana]

I could care less if your heterosexual, bi-sexual, homosexual or even tri-sexual, (try anything).

That's not really my point as to what your sexual orientaion is.

My point is that in noraml day to day conversations, how many "normal" people openly discuss their sex lives with anyone they're not intimate with?

They don't. I don't discuss my personal affiars with my co-workers, nor they with me. (OK, one or two do bemoan the fact that even though they're married they're not getting "any")

How this thrad turned into an anti-gay/bi thread is beyond my basic comprehension? :eek:

[Shelly Preston]

I dont think this forum or this thread in particular is anti gay

I think any GG partner of a CD who has just found out may be really worried

We all know the first question is are you gay

It does not matter to me if anyone here is Gay Straight or Bi

The question is how does it affect the partner in the realtionship

Its all about perception and there can be a sexual element for a lot of crossdressers but there is no reason to shout about it

I dont need to know anyones sexual exploits of any description

We are hear to support each other

[curse within]

This thread is getting out of hand.!! One more time ..This is suppose to be a supportive site!!! What part of that doesn't anyone get??The folks who own and control this site have the right to keep it as such!! Example this site is opened to minor children who are expiermenting themselves or someone they know going through Crossdressing.. By allowing sexual talk gay straight or both is a violation of the law and this site could be fined or pulled or both and you can also have the same punishment.

I just checked it out anyone can see these threads without signing in. Next this is a supportive site for all if you can't read the rules read the welcome banner, what you may not see offensive others might, not to mention S.O.'s,loved ones and family members who come here to learn about us.

Lets just get along drop this Bias thinking we all know better and know why these rules are in place.

Thanks

C.W.

[sometimes_miss]

I think the most important thing about CD forums, is that it supports those of us who CD. I understand that SO's also come here, but that should also remain secondary to ourselves. Yes, I know that sounds selfish, but there really isn't any other place for us to go. Purely straight folk go to straight clubs, gays go to gay clubs. There aren't any straight girl-CD clubs. Anywhere. There weren't any straightgirl-Cd dating sites, until I found one, which is inhabited almost exclusively by males, the female members profiles appear mostly fictional. The SO's and family can join pflag, but I think these sites should be primarily for us.
That said, many of us are still going through a process of discovery, and sometimes that requires asking, and suggesting, things that some people don't want to hear. It occasionally involves discussions of things of a sexual nature, which adults should be allowed to read. I don't think it requires graphic descriptions of it though, and perhaps should be limited to simply writing that you've experienced gay or straight desires related to your crossdressing, and how you feel about that. Some of us have incredibly mixed desires, and it can be quite confusing; it helps if someone who has already been through it can chime in and help, one way or another.
I know SO's primary and greatest fear is that we are gay. Unfortunately, for a few of us, that's going to be true. Should we perpetually deny the possibility? I don't think so; for if it's true, we are only continuing down the wrong path. But I do think that we should proceed cautiously, because in our haste to figure out who and what we are, sometimes we come to erroneous conclusions and act on them. Because experimentation can be disastrous if our SO thinks one act, or thought stated out loud, defines who we are, and sadly, that is often the case.
I'm very tired and losing my train of thought, but had to get this down before I fall asleep. but I think you all get the idea.

[BeckyAnderson]

Many here would like to bring SO's/wifes/husbands here for them to learn and grow in their understanding about transgendered issues. But, the sex threads only confirms in their mind what they intially suspected,

"OMG! He's / She's Gay!"

I appalude the Mod's for keeping it real!




Thank you so much!!!! This needed to be brought into the spotlight. I couldn't agree more. I come here because of the friendship and knowledge gained through experience of the members. I would love to bring my still learning to accept wife here but have been deathly afraid to because of all of the threads of a sexual nature, lesbian self-identification by CD'ers, discussion of bisexual relationships, etc. When I am trying to help my wife understand I don't need all of this sexual garbage to muddle her ideas of what true crossdressing is all about. There are thousands of other sites on the Internet where those people with sexual identity issues can discuss their problems. Let them take it there.

Thank you so much for your efforts in having a forum like this where crossdressers can cry, vent, learn and develop freindships.

[Shelly Preston]

Sometimes miss

I have to disagee with you on the point of this should be for CD's and everyone else is secondary

The Banner at the top states and I quote

"Crossdressers.Com was created in February 2004 by the owner ‘Admin’ and his Tech Team.
We are a dedicated forum for the transgendered, their family and friends."

We do not discriminate in favour of any particular group

[DemonicDaughter]

You can discuss sexuality without getting explicit.

You can discuss a desire without going into detail.

You can offer a thought, opinion and/or idea on sex or sexuality without opening your bedroom door.

To say this site discriminates against any one group is ridiculous. The staff cannot control how many of any one group signs up here. If there are more straight people on here, it does not mean this site is mainly geared towards them, it means more straight individuals signed up. And if there are more straight people posting, there will be more straight oriented threads and therefore more for the mods to watch and possibly take down. It also stands to reason that if there are fewer non-heterosexual threads and they end up getting out of hand, then yes percentage wise, it would appear they are closed more. I've yet to see any thread closed because of the sexual orientation of the thread, only the crap that ends up being typed across the screen when someone gets offended.

And though I have no issues with anyone's sexual orientation, I have to agree, I REALLY don't want to know your personal sexual exploits and least of all in such grave detail. If I did, I'd ask you personally. It is why I posted "Online Etiquette" because far too many people seem to think that other people want to know their sexual fantasies.

[MsJanessa]

Well some of Us are bi/gay---I don't go into detail about my sexual experiences and won't here or anyplace else in Crossdressers.com--that doesn't mean I'm shy about my orientation--so if a GG says "OMG, she/he is gay!!" they would be right. and if someone writes me a pm and wants to hear about what I like to do in private--I just might answer them back---if I want to pursue anything with them--like the poster above said the name of the site is "Crossdressers.com" not "Straight Crossdressers.com"

[kathtx]

You can discuss sexuality without getting explicit.

You can discuss a desire without going into detail.

You can offer a thought, opinion and/or idea on sex or sexuality without opening your bedroom door.


You took the words right out of my mouth -- then edited them for brevity, imposed a nice parallel structure, and said them better than I could have.

Kath

[TriciaO]

It seems to me that if this was put up to a poll, the results would be that CDs who are only interested in women would think that this forum is nonjudgmental and welcoming to all, and those who are interested in just men or both would find it strongly oriented to the first group, especially as far as inputs from GGs go.

I'm not criticizing or judging, but just offering my opinion. Of course, this is a private forum and is under no obligation to change anything just because some users would like it to. There are other forums for anyone who does not like the policies of this forum.

[joann426]

i agree this site is for cder and talk about their experences and not the bedrooms love this site and want to be here a looooong time to:heehee:

[Clara]

Tough question. I understand that bi or gay cds want to discuss their thoughts and experiences. Why not, they should be allowed to do that. On the other hand, like Becky said I'm scared to death to see my wife come to this forum and see the thread "I just slept with a man". Sadly, I don't think there's a magic solution to this issue.

[docrobbysherry]

THAT IS ONE OF THE PROBLEMS WE ALL HAVE, THE WORD, "SEX"!

What SEX r u?
Which SEX would u like to be?
Which SEX do u identify with?

When's the last time u had SEX?
Who would u like to have SEX with?

Which SEX did u sleep with last?
Which SEX would u like to sleep with?

Do u have SEX often, or not?
Have SEX with someone, or by yourself?

Do you dress and have SEX or not?
Do u think about dressing as another SEX and having Sex? But then, which SEX would u have SEX with?

The word is a JOKE, if u think of all the meanings and uses it has! And the Mods have to figure out what we mean, every time someone uses the word!

TRULY AMAZING, WHEN U THINK ABOUT IT!:eek:

I got to go, I need SEX!

[battybattybats]

Maybe I am wrong but I honestly always thought the forced fem deal revolved around a DOM GG and a submissive CD partner.

I have encountered people who want to be, and also published erotic fiction about people being, force-femmed by guys or by couples.

Often such involves being 'forced' to be involved in sex with men or with the woman taking a male sexual role (pegging etc).



My point is that in noraml day to day conversations, how many "normal" people openly discuss their sex lives with anyone they're not intimate with?

A goodly number of people I know do. From Sex-positive feminists to ageing hippies. Or friends who have the kinds of conversations you see on Sex and the City. Or people I know who came originally from France, Germany, Sweden, Italy, Spain and parts of Africa where all come from much more open societies. Being sexually liberal is as normal as being sexually conservative.


They don't.

Yes, they do. Or rather, some, even many, of them do. I have discussed bondage techniques in my local cafe, large genital size and related problems in the local fish and chip shop. And thats with straight GGs in a group setting where some in the conversation had only met a couple of times before.

What is 'normal' in your personal everyday experience is far from universal. And if it is not universal then how can it be justified to impose it over others for whom such a level of conservativeness about sex is what is ABnormal?

'Normal' is often used to silence and repress minorities, including sexual minorities and gender expression minorities. So why should we accept 'normal' being used to effect sexual minorities withing the gender expression minority or vice versa?

'common' does not equal 'normal' and 'uncommon' does not equal 'abnormal'.

I know swingers who've been married for 30 years, nudists, exhibitionists, doggers, polyamorists, sex workers, dominants and submissives, people who are especially attracted to transexuals, gays and lesbians and bisexuals and combinations of these. And to be honest, all are very good people. All are mentally and emotionally stable, happy, healthy, altruistic people who do far more good for others and the community than the average straight vanilla people I know.

Their lives are also 'normal'. And as some people find their exploration of one 'tabboo' of gender expression leads them to question other unjust taboos of sexual expression especially if they feel it relates to or is expressed with or via their gender expression then it seems to me to be clearly pertinent and germaine to this forum.

Excluding these peoples needs to discuss and work their way through the emotions relating to these things to make vanilla folk comfortable or to ease the fears of vanilla CDs wives is not acceptable, that is immoral, unethical and bigoted.

We only need to say that most or even just many CDs are not bi. We neednt silence those Bi or Bi curious CDs exploring how their CDing and Bi or other sexual issues intersect. That is all that can be honestly said to CDs wives as we can't know and nor can they whether their husband is a BI CD or not! Nor are the needs of CD wives or of married CDs greater in any way at all ever than the needs of BI or male-attracted CDs!

Having rules so this is not a porn site does not mean this should be a no-discussion-of-sex site.

Equality means equality.
Serving everyones needs not just the needs of the most common.

[kathtx]

Tough question. I understand that bi or gay cds want to discuss their thoughts and experiences. Why not, they should be allowed to do that. On the other hand, like Becky said I'm scared to death to see my wife come to this forum and see the thread "I just slept with a man". Sadly, I don't think there's a magic solution to this issue.

This thread has had a dual nature: a concern about posts of an explicit or otherwise inappropriate nature, and a concern about visibility of non-straight CDs to wives of straight CDs. Regarding the first point, I agree that explicit discussions are best conducted on some other forum.

For those concerned about the second point, may I make a suggestion: why not just say to your partner that CDs are as diverse as any other group of humans. Some are straight, some are gay, some are bi. Some are faithful and honest, some are scumbags. But you are who *you* are, and that's what should matter to you and your wife.

If your wife sees a post by someone questioning his/her sexual orientation -- said hypothetical post hopefully presented more tastefully than "I just slept with a man" -- then look at the bright side: that is an opportunity for you and your wife to talk about her worries. Trust me, she'll probably have those worries regardless of whether she sees such a post; if she's done her own research on gender identity, she has very likely already discovered some of the numerous sexually-oriented transgender sites. Rather than trying to hide from her all evidence of non-straight CDs, it's better to acknowledge up front that *some* CDs *are* gay or bi, then emphasize that *you* are not. To support that, you can point to the many members on this site who have been faithfully married for decades.

Furthermore, you can also point out that of the many long-time married couples represented on this site, there is a huge diversity of how we've dealt with gender and crossdressing in our marriages. Some have don't-ask-don't-tell arrangements, some have negotiated boundaries, some have enthusiastic participation. What you need to find for your marriage is what works for you and your wife.

Kath

[Michelia]

Battybatts:

The writer in you just came out very eloquently. I could elaborate, but let it suffice to say I could not agree more. Any thing else I say would not do justice to what you have so clearly expressed.

[Jess_cd32]

Lets just hope that after everyone has their say that there are no grudges against any others here, that after everyone cools off they all can start getting along again as before.

We all should be like a family here, there are enough that don't like cd's as it is, infighting accomplishes nothing in the end.

All families have fights, arguements and disagreements, but they eventually make peace with eachother, hope that happens here as well.

[Sarah_GG]

Posted by: Jess_cd32

Lets just hope that after everyone has their say that there are no grudges against any others here, that after everyone cools off they all can start getting along again as before.

Healthy debate is good for everyone! :hugs:

[Deborah Jane]

THAT IS ONE OF THE PROBLEMS WE ALL HAVE, THE WORD, "SEX"!

What SEX r u?

Not sure

Which SEX would u like to be?

Female, i think

Which SEX do u identify with?

Both

When's the last time u had SEX?

3 months ago

Who would u like to have SEX with?

Quite a few famous women

Which SEX did u sleep with last?

Female

Which SEX would u like to sleep with?

Female

Do u have SEX often, or not?

Not often enough

Have SEX with someone, or by yourself?

Someone else

Do you dress and have SEX or not?

I have sex naked

Do u think about dressing as another SEX and having Sex? But then, which SEX would u have SEX with?

Female, answer to both questions




I assume i was meant to answer these questions :heehee:

[MJ]

THAT IS ONE OF THE PROBLEMS WE ALL HAVE, THE WORD, "SEX"!

What SEX r u?

Female

Which SEX would u like to be?

Female

Which SEX do u identify with?

Female

When's the last time u had SEX?
3 months ago

Who would u like to have SEX with?

anyone

Which SEX did u sleep with last?

male

Which SEX would u like to sleep with?

Female

Do u have SEX often, or not?

not

Have SEX with someone, or by yourself?

the palm sisters

Do you dress and have SEX or not?

not

Do u think about dressing as another SEX and having Sex? But then, which SEX would u have SEX with?

Female

The word is a JOKE, if u think of all the meanings and uses it has! And the Mods have to figure out what we mean, every time someone uses the word!

TRULY AMAZING, WHEN U THINK ABOUT IT!:eek:

I got to go, I need SEX!

why would this set of answers upset anyone. and it does. i feel whats right is respect for others. i don't want sordid details . you are who you are. after all we are sexual beings it's apart of us. hard wired just like this cding thing. but lets have some respect for others there are plenty of other places on the net for this .
cross-dressers is a support site not a sex site. thats why i love it here.
this is my home from home were i am welcome accepted and loved just as i am.

[darla_g]

This was a rather controversial thread and I don't know why exactly. I think there is another good thread that is running currently and in my mind they go hand in hand.

If i have accepted myself, conversely can i accept someone else. I am sure most of us can. and Sex? well it is part of life so any discussion is not necessarily out of bounds in the name of CD support. I suppose it can cross the line if the full purpose is to titillate and that is its only purpose. I can accept the fact that some CDs dress to attract others for the purpose of having sex. Maybe that is not my reason but I doesn't and shouldn't bother me.

[docrobbysherry]

I assume i was meant to answer these questions :heehee:


why would this set of answers upset anyone. and it does. i feel whats right is respect for others. i don't want sordid details . you are who you are. after all we are sexual beings it's apart of us. hard wired just like this cding thing. but lets have some respect for others there are plenty of other places on the net for this .
cross-dressers is a support site not a sex site. thats why i love it here.
this is my home from home were i am welcome accepted and loved just as i am.

I had no idea anyone would answer my retorical questions!:heehee:

I can't imagine how droll this site would be without DebraJ and MJ!:hugs:

But, now that u have, I MUST say that CDing and SEX go together like hot apple pie and vanilla ice cream! At least, that's how I enjoy them!:D

And if that bothers some folks, I really AM sorry! But, as everyone says here, " I can't help it, it's just the way that I am".:brolleyes:

[battybattybats]

why would this set of answers upset anyone. and it does. i feel whats right is respect for others.

And as society celebrates the romance and sexuality of straight people in nearly every tv advert and magazine article, in just about every single movie, book and tv show and in just about every post on this forum that mentions the words 'girlfriend' 'wife' and 'marriage' then where is the respect for other sexualities gaining the same degree of freedom of sexual expression?


i don't want sordid details .

Sure, but defining what is the limit is not an easy measure. What for some is sordid is 'two men holding hands while shopping' or 'two women kissing on a park bench' that is perfectly unnoticable when a man and a woman do the exact same thing. Compared to many things shown or talked about on nighttime network television the answers given to those questions were far from sordid.


you are who you are. after all we are sexual beings it's apart of us. hard wired just like this cding thing. but lets have some respect for others there are plenty of other places on the net for this .

There are places for CDs and their partners to discuss the relationship of CDing to sexuality? In an open non-judgemental supportive framework where posters wont be swamped by offers unrelated to the subject of the post?

There is a big difference between erotic posts designed to stimulate or fish for potential partners and posts involving sex and sexuality seeking knowledge and understanding and acceptance.


cross-dressers is a support site not a sex site. thats why i love it here.

Exactly! And as sex is part of crossdressing for many, even just the issue of the impact CDing can have on the sex life of a straight married couple makes that an unavoidable fact, then to function as a support site frank discussion of sexuality is essential. Yes, essential. A no-titilation rule is valid. A no-porn rule is valid. A no-GLBQK (k is for kinky) experience discussion rule is invalid.

Sexuality related to CDing must be a valid discussion topic for this site to fully function as a support site.


this is my home from home were i am welcome accepted and loved just as i am.

And it has people in your home, your 'family' who are alternate. There are gay people, bi people, dominants and submissives and swingers here. And CDing can play a part in those relationships just as much as it can in straight vanilla ones.

Are we going to ban all references to love? To areas of difficulty in peoples marriages because of CDing? Especially the sex lives of married CDs? To be consistant we also have to allow the discussion of the difficulties of romance and sex for single bi CDs, male-attracted CDs, swinging couples including CDs or attracted to CDs because all those involve meaningful emotional and psychological issues for CDs and their partners family and friends every bit as valid as issues for married vanilla CDs and their partners.

You can't just allow these issues as valid or important for one group: straight married vanilla MtF CDs and their wives, and ignore it for everyone else!

The only sane rule is one of frank discussion of all sexuality issues, not in an erotic manner but one of discussing feelings and issues related to and comparable with CDing.

Because the person who might answer those questions this way:


Who would u like to have SEX with?

My wife and only ever my wife

Which SEX did u sleep with last?

female, my wife and only ever my wife

Which SEX would u like to sleep with?

female, my wife and only ever my wife

Do u have SEX often, or not?

not since she found out I dressed

Have SEX with someone, or by yourself?

only with my wife

Do you dress and have SEX or not?

not because my wife finds it disgusting

Is in no way ever any more or less valid than the person who might answer it this way:


Who would u like to have SEX with?

everyone

Which SEX did u sleep with last?

A swinging married m/f couple and their male best friend. Oh and the cameraman and the 200 people viewing the footage online might also count who were a mixture of males females and transgender of unknown sex/es

Which SEX would u like to sleep with?

all

Do u have SEX often, or not?

every day

Have SEX with someone, or by yourself?

both

Do you dress and have SEX or not?

always, often in special costumes, once in a bunny-rabbit outfit but it was still a CDing bunny rabbit outfit

Because you see the kinky persons life is every bit as valid as the vanilla person. Their love also counts. Their relationships also matter. Their issues with CDing and it's impacts on their sex life are every bit as valid as the married vanilla couple who have had their sex life impacted by CDing!

So we either ban all relationship portions of the site because marriages and romance almost always involve sex in some fashion which is frequently affected by CDing or we must allow discussion of CDings impact on all sexual variations. Otherwise we have a bigoted double standard.

And yes, we can discuss any aspect of sexuality from an emotional perspective a psychological one and also a clinical one without descending into gonzo porn and hook-ups.

[MJ]

thank you batty i stand enlightened

and sherry my blond roots are showing whats retorical mean :cute:

[BeckyAnderson]

Exactly! And as sex is part of crossdressing for many, even just the issue of the impact CDing can have on the sex life of a straight married couple makes that an unavoidable fact, then to function as a support site frank discussion of sexuality is essential. Yes, essential. A no-titilation rule is valid. A no-porn rule is valid. A no-GLBQK (k is for kinky) experience discussion rule is invalid.

Sexuality related to CDing must be a valid discussion topic for this site to fully function as a support site.

:2c:

No matter how you try to justify your position you must remember one thing. For all of the members here who have a wife or girlfriend or family member trying to come to grips with the "dressing" part of crossdressing the talk of sex, men flirting with men, implants, hormones, etc. scares the living H*** out of them.

I don't recall seeing anything that mentions that this particular forum on this site is a free for all for discussion of sexual issues or body modifications of any kind. The title clearly states: "Male to Female Crossdressing (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=1) This forum is for those interested in discussing all areas of male to female crossdressing." "Dressing" is the keyword here, not sex, not modification. It doesn't state crossdressing and sex or crossdressing and body alterations, etc.

Perhaps what is needed is a new forum set up where sexual identity issues involving crossdressing can be discussed. Whether these tendancies be bisexual or homosexual in nature. Other issues like body alterations and hormonal enhancement of the body, etc. could and should be moved to the transsexual forum that already exists on this site..since implants would imply a tendancy towards transitioning.

The more times the pie is cut the more fine tuning needs to be done to attempt to accomodate everyone's needs in a support atmosphere. :2c:

[ElaineB]

No matter how you try to justify your position you must remember one thing. For all of the members here who have a wife or girlfriend or family member trying to come to grips with the "dressing" part of crossdressing the talk of sex, men flirting with men, implants, hormones, etc. scares the living H*** out of them.

The things that scare people are likely to be the very same ones that some CDers most want and need to talk about. And how can we ever answer those fears when nobody talks openly about those subjects?


I don't recall seeing anything that mentions that this particular forum on this site is a free for all for discussion of sexual issues or body modifications of any kind. The title clearly states: "Male to Female Crossdressing (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=1) This forum is for those interested in discussing all areas of male to female crossdressing." "Dressing" is the keyword here, not sex, not modification. It doesn't state crossdressing and sex or crossdressing and body alterations, etc.

It does say "all areas" tho ... and no matter how much some may not believe it, (nor how many times they keep repeating their opinions as if they were fact), it is clear from posts and polls that for many of us crossdressing is partly or completely a sexual activity. So it is hardly unnatural or unreasonable to want to seriously discuss sexual topics along with it.


Perhaps what is needed is a new forum set up where sexual identity issues involving crossdressing can be discussed.

While I like this idea, I can see a few problems already. How do we draw the line on what is and is not a sexual identity issue? How do we get people to limit themselves to this forum when people will not use the private forums that already exist? Will a "sex forum" turn into a pervert magnet?


The more times the pie is cut the more fine tuning needs to be done to attempt to accomodate everyone's needs in a support atmosphere. :2c:

I agree.


Because you see the kinky persons life is every bit as valid as the vanilla person. Their love also counts. Their relationships also matter. Their issues with CDing and it's impacts on their sex life are every bit as valid as the married vanilla couple who have had their sex life impacted by CDing!

So we either ban all relationship portions of the site because marriages and romance almost always involve sex in some fashion which is frequently affected by CDing or we must allow discussion of CDings impact on all sexual variations. Otherwise we have a bigoted double standard.


Well said! :clap:


And yes, we can discuss any aspect of sexuality from an emotional perspective a psychological one and also a clinical one without descending into gonzo porn and hook-ups.

If only we could all agree on that and move on ... but it seems that for some any mention of sexual topics is dirty.

[Brandiwvr]

sex is great whatever way i present. becuase it is just that. i prefer the closeness of a relationship.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Others have said it best so far :)

YES< keeping it clean and respectful is what makes this site so cool. I had a hard time with all the notifications and what not when I first arrived, but things have ironed out nicely.
Besides, there are plenty of other places out there for one to talk of their 'exploits" lol

*Thanks n hugs to the mods*

Zarabeth

[docrobbysherry]

Others have said it best so far :)

YES< keeping it clean and respectful is what makes this site so cool. I had a hard time with all the notifications and what not when I first arrived, but things have ironed out nicely.
Besides, there are plenty of other places out there for one to talk of their 'exploits" lol

*Thanks n hugs to the mods*

Zarabeth

But, if u r, I HAVEN'T found another CD site that has the depth of thot, discussion, and knowledgable individuals as this one!

I've tried starting threads on another CD site, that mite stimulate conversation. Nothing. But, the girls who talk about what they did with their ----, on their last CD date, get 100 posts! The avatars r crotch shots. The PMs I get say, " Hey baby, you're hot! I'd love to ---- u"! It's nite and day different from this site!:eek:

I think Batty has an EXCELLENT IDEA! A thotful new Forum here that deals with very personal things, including conversation about sex!
WITH VERY STRICT RULES! ( Maybe Tamara could administer it). :)

If it doesn't work, gets icky, or becomes offensive, it could be closed.:sad:

[Satrana]

While I appreciate the fact that the mods show no bias towards heterosexual and bi/gay threads, I am disturbed by the fact that many members seem to believe that the litmus test for threads should be whether or not GGs will find them scary or offensive. This much means that for these members only heterosexual ideals should be discussed and bi/gay threads should be closed.

We can all agree we don't need any explicit sexual details but to go beyond this and wish a litmus test on the perceived reaction of GGs is nothing more than bigotry no matter how nicely it is worded.

What is at stake here is the truth. Crossdressing is intertwined with sexuality for the vast, vast majority of CDs. This is a fact whether it embarrasses you or not.

Now if you are trying to sell a story to your wife or gf that CDing has got nothing to do with sexuality then you are trying to sell them a lie. If it is not true for yourself then tell them so but don't try to convince them that the rest of the CD community is likewise non-sexual with their CD behavior because it just is not so.

This is why many threads here will always contain references to sexuality. It is unavoidable because so much of the CDing experience revolves around sexual roles even though the two behaviors are in theory quite separate.

[Monica_Cobblestone]

I'm with Jess and Joanie (Sterling) here...

The site is called CD dot com,not StraightCD dot com. (And indeed, that's not particularly apt any more if we ask the many transitioning and trans folks here, male, female and other!...) Our field of interest, it seems to me, should include any one who identifies in any way with a gender other than their birth gender. And all of their thoughts, worries, fears and insights.

This has to include their opinions and experiences and revelations concerning their life-styles, employment, relationships and sexuality. Sure, gender and sexuality are different things, but they're as intertwined as the strands of a rope. It's all those strands together that make us human beings. I wanna know about the human beings here, 'cos I am one.

No, I don't necessarily wanna hear about the actual mechanics of who put what where. I already know how that works. But I do wanna hear about your motivations and reasonings for having that experience and how you felt about it. That's how we winnow out our own misconceptions and prejudices to come to a realization of our own true selves.

So post on, brothers and sisters, but keep it on the high road, K?

:)
I liked this response and agree 110% because its true. I also think this topic has been beaten like a dead horse haha.

[Raquel June]

Like many of you posted, this is not the place for sexual fantasies with men, because if I were to find a GG friend I would not be able to let her see this forum if there is dumb ass sex fantasy threads.

I'm not endorsing expicit fantasies, but I'm disturbed to see multiple people suggesting we shove a good portion of our sisters in the closet. Many of you are essentially saying that CDs who like boys should keep quiet because you just might date a GG who is so dumb that if she saw a CD say something gay she would think that all CDs were gay.

You need to give GGs a little more credit. Anybody can tell you that some CDs are gay and some are straight, just like any other demographic in the world.

If you had a brother that was gay, would you tell him, "Hey, don't act gay around my wife! It'll make her think I'm gay, too"?




What particularly irks me, personally, is those CDers who whine "my wife just tolerates" in one post and brag about "my bi experience" in another.

Why do those individuals need their wives/partners to be understanding of the fact that they want to have sex with someone outside their relationship? Why not just end the relationship and have as much sex with whoever they want to.

I just don't get it!

Some people are just jerks with no empathy who don't really love their wives (even if they think they do). I've met several married CDs who talk about how straight they are one second then put a lot of effort into going the other direction the next second. These people have often struck me as super horny bisexuals who are actually homophobic. It's not exactly multiple personality syndrome, because they are totally in control of who they are, but they definitely separate their femme side to a great degree and seem to think they can do whatever they want sexually when en femme. When I go out and other CDs are there, I am often ashamed to be associated with them. But all we can do is be the best we can in our own lives and try to do a little to keep others from hurting people.




But yes I honestly believe that this board revolves around straight closeted CDs and to a degree GGs married to them.

I totally agree.

That's the way it has to be, though. This forum is a huge outlet for CDs who don't get out. I know many CDs who go out a lot, and they don't tend to have any desire to hang out here and talk to CDs when they already get plenty time talking to CDs in person. As far as GGs you have to realize that GGs in relationships with CDs are going to make up an overwhelming percentage of GGs that have any motivation to come here.

I see a lot of CDs going on that this forum's primary purpose is support. There are many kinds of support, though. I'm single and I can do whatever I want, so many issues that some of you struggle with don't apply to me. But I'm also very alone every day. We all look for support in different ways.



I'm not looking to volunteer my innermost feelings here, but I'd bet many M2F CDs would answer those questions like this:


Who would u like to have SEX with?

Someone who is genuinely attracted to me.

Which SEX did u sleep with last?

A male who just wanted sex.

Which SEX would u like to sleep with?

A female who loved me.

Do u have SEX often, or not?

Mostly when I'm feeling depressed or self-destructive.




While I appreciate the fact that the mods show no bias towards heterosexual and bi/gay threads, I am disturbed by the fact that many members seem to believe that the litmus test for threads should be whether or not GGs will find them scary or offensive.

They're looking for an accepting GG, or else they want their non-accepting SO to become accepting. They don't want to scare any GGs off, so they'd prefer that certain people keep quiet.

[Tamara Croft]

I think Batty has an EXCELLENT IDEA! A thotful new Forum here that deals with very personal things, including conversation about sex!
WITH VERY STRICT RULES! ( Maybe Tamara could administer it). :)

If it doesn't work, gets icky, or becomes offensive, it could be closed.:sad:Been there, done that, not ever doing it again. It was called 'the adult section' and it became full of disgusting threads, pictures etc etc... Members here can't moderate themselves, they just have to keep pushing the limits, ignoring rules and eventually it pisses off the site staff to a point where enough is enough. There are rules for each section, but there are rules for the whole board, this includes no posts/threads of an explicit sexual nature, this doesn't mean you can't talk about sexuality, there is a big difference. If you're gay and you start talking about how you gave your partner a BJ last night, that aint going to be on the board for long, but if you're gay and you're discussing how your sexuality affects your cd'ing life, you think we're really going to delete it? seriously?

Do any of you even realise why this thread was started? because one member took it upon himself to act like a 5 year old when he decided to ignore forum rules and post about his sexual acts... not once, but about 5 different threads, not to mention the abuse via email that I have to put up with. You can discuss this till the cows come home, but explicit sexual acts etc is NOT going to be discussed on this forum, it has nothing to do with CD'ing, it is a part of EVERYONES life, unless you're a nun/monk etc etc... That's like saying... oh if so n so does this sexual act, he/she must be a CD... Let's get real eh...

[Jess_cd32]

I saw a few of those threads and it was way over the line for this forum IMHO as well the way she worded it, then kept at it.

I think it was the night before as well another posted very explicit pics late night and I told her thats gonna fly here like a lead balloon so she might wanna take em down before the mods see them and boot her off permanently. I told her asking an adult question is one thing, but the pics weren't gonna make it long before being deleted.

I know as a member here I want to read about everyones experiences involving cd-ing and all aspects they choose to discuss, whether that covers sex, their SO, first time going out whatever... but as said, keep it within bounds and reasonably worded and respectfull.

This arguement of 'my SO will only confirm her biggest fears' about cd's doesn't carry much water here, if an SO is that close minded chances are she'll never accept it anyways, so silence the others here for her sake, I hope not.

If anyone has those fears w/ an SO, educate her first then before comming here that cd's are just like everyone else, everyone is different.
And if she stays w/ an open mind she may just find her first impressions of some here were very very wrong.

[battybattybats]

it has nothing to do with CD'ing, it is a part of EVERYONES life, unless you're a nun/monk etc etc... That's like saying... oh if so n so does this sexual act, he/she must be a CD... Let's get real eh...

Actually you just reminded me of something very important and very pertinent!

You see your mistaken about the nun/monk bit. There is a form of sexuality referred to as asexuality, not reproducing without sex like some plants etc which is how the term is normally encountered, but people with no natural sexual drive at all.

There's more than you think, many estimates run to 1% of the population, thats around the number of people who are 100% gay or lesbian there entire lives.

Only thing is, and here's where its especially relevant, amongst Transexuals it seems Asexuals are vastly more common than the general population. IIRC there is some discussion of that in this PP presentation of Zoe Brains http://aebrain.blogspot.com/2008/10/is-and-ts-in-10-minutes.html

So in fact it could be very significant if there are more or less Asexuals here in the crossdressing section than the general population and transexual section!

And of course Asexuals deserve our respect and recognition too.

[Alexandria9919]

I totally agree with this. I came here to try to sort through some of my feeling. I agree they shouldnt be explicit but sorting through trying to figure out if I am gay or bi or whatever is something I struggles with. So I asked if anyone had thoughts like this. And because of this I did manage to sort through this mess in my head. It helped alot and that is kind of what I though this site was about. Am I right? I do know that it involves wifes and such. But let me tell you do this think these younger cders dont struggle with these thoughts? They probaly struggle with it worse then some of older ones. since for the most part we know who we have been with so for the most part know what we prefer but just get confused at times when we do dress or whatever. I know this site has helped me sort through several issues. I dont post alot but I read alot and have been helped alot because of it. So if the subject comes up Am I gay? or whatever shouldnt we be able to discuss this??:confused:

I think the most important thing about CD forums, is that it supports those of us who CD. I understand that SO's also come here, but that should also remain secondary to ourselves. Yes, I know that sounds selfish, but there really isn't any other place for us to go. Purely straight folk go to straight clubs, gays go to gay clubs. There aren't any straight girl-CD clubs. Anywhere. There weren't any straightgirl-Cd dating sites, until I found one, which is inhabited almost exclusively by males, the female members profiles appear mostly fictional. The SO's and family can join pflag, but I think these sites should be primarily for us.
That said, many of us are still going through a process of discovery, and sometimes that requires asking, and suggesting, things that some people don't want to hear. It occasionally involves discussions of things of a sexual nature, which adults should be allowed to read. I don't think it requires graphic descriptions of it though, and perhaps should be limited to simply writing that you've experienced gay or straight desires related to your crossdressing, and how you feel about that. Some of us have incredibly mixed desires, and it can be quite confusing; it helps if someone who has already been through it can chime in and help, one way or another.
I know SO's primary and greatest fear is that we are gay. Unfortunately, for a few of us, that's going to be true. Should we perpetually deny the possibility? I don't think so; for if it's true, we are only continuing down the wrong path. But I do think that we should proceed cautiously, because in our haste to figure out who and what we are, sometimes we come to erroneous conclusions and act on them. Because experimentation can be disastrous if our SO thinks one act, or thought stated out loud, defines who we are, and sadly, that is often the case.
I'm very tired and losing my train of thought, but had to get this down before I fall asleep. but I think you all get the idea.

[Tamara Croft]

You see your mistaken about the nun/monk bit.I wasn't mistaken, it was in a sort of tongue and cheek way.



I think the most important thing about CD forums, is that it supports those of us who CD. I understand that SO's also come here, but that should also remain secondary to ourselves.Er, read the banner and get your facts straight, this forum isn't just for CD's, it is open to everyone. We aren't secondary to anyone and I take great offense at you even suggesting such a thing :rolleyes: Don't turn this into a CD v's GG thread... seriously... just don't!!


So if the subject comes up Am I gay? or whatever shouldnt we be able to discuss this??:confused:Did you bother reading anything I wrote in this thread at all, infact, did you even bother to read the first post? This thread isn't about sexuality, it's about explicit sexual material written on the forum... .seriously... :rolleyes:

[BeckyAnderson]

I'm not endorsing expicit fantasies, but I'm disturbed to see multiple people suggesting we shove a good portion of our sisters in the closet.

Putting anyone back in the closet is not the intent. Having a separate "Crossdressing and Sex" forum would give everyone needing to "sort through their feelings" a place to do so. Having a crossdressing (dressing issues) forum would give those dealing with that set of issues a place to discuss their issues.

If someone wants to be involved in both forums so be it. This would give everyone the ability to discuss what they need to. Adding another forum does not restrict anyone it simply adds granularity of the issues.


While I appreciate the fact that the mods show no bias towards heterosexual and bi/gay threads, I am disturbed by the fact that many members seem to believe that the litmus test for threads should be whether or not GGs will find them scary or offensive. This much means that for these members only heterosexual ideals should be discussed and bi/gay threads should be closed.

Now if you are trying to sell a story to your wife or gf that CDing has got nothing to do with sexuality then you are trying to sell them a lie.

There's no litmus test involved here and I don't think anyone is suggesting closing any threads. The idea of opening another forum (and it doesn't have to be by invitation, it can be public) is to allow for the discussion of different paths without putting one path on top of another, granularity....

Personally, I don't think anyone is trying to "SELL" anyone anything. To imply that all crossdressers are bi or gay is as absurd as suggesting that only heterosexuals ideals should be discussed and all bi or gay threads be closed.

[ElaineB]

There are rules for each section, but there are rules for the whole board, this includes no posts/threads of an explicit sexual nature, this doesn't mean you can't talk about sexuality, there is a big difference. If you're gay and you start talking about how you gave your partner a BJ last night, that aint going to be on the board for long, but if you're gay and you're discussing how your sexuality affects your cd'ing life, you think we're really going to delete it? seriously?

No ... from what I have seen the moderators do pretty well at separating serious discussion from lewdness. I spoke up to counter a small but vocal minority here who seem to want to narrow the limits of what we can talk about, to fit their particular needs and agenda.

[battybattybats]

No ... from what I have seen the moderators do pretty well at separating serious discussion from lewdness. I spoke up to counter a small but vocal minority here who seem to want to narrow the limits of what we can talk about, to fit their particular needs and agenda.

Indeed.

Discussions involve not just the original post but things that come up from that post that are still strongly related to the topic.

As some have stated that they are opposed to sex-discussion because of the reactions of straight vanilla partners some of us like myself are pointing out that that is discriminatory. Gay Bi Swinging and Kinky partners of CDs have just as much a place here as do Gay Bi Swinging and Kinky CDs and everyone is equally appropriate to discussing how CDing interacts with their sex lives.

No-one seems to be advocating erotic posts in the discussion but where the line should be drawn on discussions of sex and sexuality is being discussed.

Also I suppose the culture of the forum is being critiqued.

While there is no formal rules bias against male-attracted CDs or TG attracted CDs etc while female attracted CDs and their partners may be the majority (But I know of male-attracted CDs with male partners where CDing is an issue in the relatuonship!) the forum may be able to do more to be more welcoming of and open towards the rest of the many sexuality and relationship variations.

Perhaps more forum members need to evaluate whether their posts are as inclusive as they should be or whether because their are more straight vanilla couples they may too often post only to and from that perspective essentially sidelining the minorities?