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crystal99
11-16-2008, 07:18 PM
On friday I wore a band around my wrist, for crossdresser day as suggested by sandygal, for a bit of fun.

As most people thought I never saw anyone else with a band but I had so much fun.

I went out with friends of mine who don't know about the real me, in guy mode, but wore my most femme looking boy clothes, I shaved and wore THE TINYEST amount of makup, I'm talking unless you were me you wouldn't notice at all. I did this as a quiet homage to the sisters around the globe.

I was feeling very femme and as usual spent most of the night gossing with the girls. I was asked countless times about the band so I thought what the hell, here goes.

first I said it was a secret society I belong to, a guy said he was too and that he had just forgotten his band (if only he knew)

next after more people asked I said it was for a life I lead in secret and when pressed further I took a deep breath and said;

"for years I have been living a lie, I am transgender and I'm not going to live in secret any longer" or something to that effect. I told them about my dressing and how amazing I look and feel when dressed.

problem is I seem to have a reputation as a bit of a joker, nobody batted an eyelid and nobody believed a thing I said, they went along with the story they thought I was telling but even with me persisting that I wasn't joking they didn't believe

which brings me to the conclusion that to tell people I may just have to show them or, they did actually believe me but just didn't care what I did and would accept whatever I looked like as it was still me. who knows

has this happened to anyone else?

Terrihoney
11-16-2008, 07:43 PM
Crystal,
So what happens next Friday? What kind of band are you wearing that someone would even ask about it? Wasn't it supposed to be just a rubber band? I get the feeling that you want to be out. That's OK. Next week, and the same band, They'll believe you

Hugs, Terri

Rachel B
11-16-2008, 08:12 PM
Is it really that important to be "out"?

Do you want your friends to be accepting of you, or of your secret? Will you be going out dressed as you or as their mate in womens clothes?

I too am seen as a joker in the pack and wear a bit of make-up and openly admit to it. I also joke with my friends about wearing womens clothes etc.....I guess they dont believe me either, or probably dont really care. But I would not go full on in their faces with my dressing in case they dont see it as a joke and it ends up backfiring. It's all well and good people saying you can make new friends etc, but in reality you have still got to live your life.

One thing to remember is that people dont like change, so if you value your friends and your curent lifestyle be careful how you go about things.

I think a lot of my friends would not care if I fronted up in a skirt and high heels. But I doubt certain sectors of society would see it the same!

Jamie001
11-16-2008, 10:47 PM
Rachel,

One of the things that I have found is that if you come out to a friend and they don't want to be your friend anymore, then they were never you friend to begin with! It is really a good way to findout who your friends really are. If they cannot accept you, then they were never really friends. It was simply a facade and they were only acquaintences. If you can't be your true self with your friends, then they definitely are not real friends and are not worth being treated as a friend. :2c:

:hugs: Jamie





Is it really that important to be "out"?

Do you want your friends to be accepting of you, or of your secret? Will you be going out dressed as you or as their mate in womens clothes?

I too am seen as a joker in the pack and wear a bit of make-up and openly admit to it. I also joke with my friends about wearing womens clothes etc.....I guess they dont believe me either, or probably dont really care. But I would not go full on in their faces with my dressing in case they dont see it as a joke and it ends up backfiring. It's all well and good people saying you can make new friends etc, but in reality you have still got to live your life.

One thing to remember is that people dont like change, so if you value your friends and your curent lifestyle be careful how you go about things.

I think a lot of my friends would not care if I fronted up in a skirt and high heels. But I doubt certain sectors of society would see it the same!

Tracii G
11-16-2008, 11:26 PM
I have come out to two GG's in the last month or so and have dated one a few times and she is cool with it.She lives 80 miles away so I don't get to see her much.Nice girl too.

crystal99
11-17-2008, 12:26 PM
Is it really that important to be "out"?

Do you want your friends to be accepting of you, or of your secret? Will you be going out dressed as you or as their mate in womens clothes?


It is becoming more and more important for me to present myself in the way i feel inside instead of conforming like ive always done, ive always been better friends with girls and over the years friends, different groups, have said you shouldv been a girl or they say they regard me as an honorary girl.

But your right, if it came to the crunch and they saw me full femme i dont reckon most of them would accept, if any, even tho when i am dressed i dont act any differently than i do in drab.

Ive always been a bit of a loner so i could handle it if the fairweather ones dropped off, as was mentioned if someone is truely a friend they accept you whatever you look like

Crys xx

Rachel B
11-17-2008, 04:40 PM
I know what you mean, being yourself is probably the most important lesson you can learn in life.......What I was getting at is that for a lot of people coming out can lead to a whole different world of hurt than actually living with the secret. Some dont have the chance to move house/job or change their routines etc.

I go through phases of doing what you have suggested, but if I were to go out to the pub where I grew up in femme gear (without a pithy excuse for doing it) I would be strung up - literally.:evilbegon

Where I live now I dont really know anyone and I still feel uncomfortable about going out in femme gear. Though I dont let it stop me, well not all the time:whistling:

Miss Tessa
11-17-2008, 05:01 PM
I think it's possible that nobody believed you.

When I was beginning to transition I came out to alot of ppl that were not necessarily friends of mine, but just ppl I see on a daily basis or that I see pretty often in daily life that I talk to sometimes, like at my methadone clinic and ppl I know from the county bus system.

Alot of them laughed and thought I was joking and truly didn't believe I was really coming out and they didn't believe it till weeks or months later when I really showed them what time it was.
A girl I knew had a baby and this guy next to us said to her, "I thought your baby was a boy at first." So the girl said, "When have you seen a boy in a dress?"
I corrected her and I said something like, "I'm a transsexual in transition. When I'm not here I wear dresses and girl clothes. And I look good in it too, so it's not abnormal in my opinion." and she thought I was just joking.
That was until later when I came out and started the Real Life Test.


It bothers me that some ppl feel so INSECURE with the idea of knowing a transgender person that they are dumbfounded and in utter disbelief when somebody actually comes out to them. Especially family. Family and long time friends are ones that almost HOPE you're joking.
It's exactly that. It's an insecurity they feel and they use denial as a way of making them feel better so that they don't feel nervous about someone they THOUGHT they knew so well being transgendered.
It makes me a little angry.

crystal99
11-18-2008, 09:19 AM
I know what you mean, being yourself is probably the most important lesson you can learn in life.......What I was getting at is that for a lot of people coming out can lead to a whole different world of hurt than actually living with the secret. Some dont have the chance to move house/job or change their routines etc.

I know where you're coming from, and i'l probably get barated for this, but, ive always been a selfless person, i'l do anything for those around me at my own expense just to make them happy, ive made sacrafices in my life to please others or just to have an easy life (And not just about my inside out syndrome :chained: x):-

BUT im at a point in my life when im thinking, hey you know what, i need to stop worrying about the others around and just do what i want to do, im know this would hurt people around me but which is worse? Hurting them or hurting me? If im not being true to myself then maybe im just stringing people along allowing them to think im something im not, or not letting them close enough leading to what we've based our freindship/relationship on is a half truth.

Now im not usually a selfish person, i hate that, at the moment, i am in regards to this subject but sometimes i just want to scream:cry:

Im sorry if this offends anybody, i just fancied like venting.

Crys xx

Christina Horton
11-18-2008, 11:08 AM
On friday I wore a band around my wrist, for crossdresser day as suggested by sandygal, for a bit of fun.

As most people thought I never saw anyone else with a band but I had so much fun.

I went out with friends of mine who don't know about the real me, in guy mode, but wore my most femme looking boy clothes, I shaved and wore THE TINYEST amount of makup, I'm talking unless you were me you wouldn't notice at all. I did this as a quiet homage to the sisters around the globe.

I was feeling very femme and as usual spent most of the night gossing with the girls. I was asked countless times about the band so I thought what the hell, here goes.

first I said it was a secret society I belong to, a guy said he was too and that he had just forgotten his band (if only he knew)

next after more people asked I said it was for a life I lead in secret and when pressed further I took a deep breath and said;

"for years I have been living a lie, I am transgender and I'm not going to live in secret any longer" or something to that effect. I told them about my dressing and how amazing I look and feel when dressed.

problem is I seem to have a reputation as a bit of a joker, nobody batted an eyelid and nobody believed a thing I said, they went along with the story they thought I was telling but even with me persisting that I wasn't joking they didn't believe

which brings me to the conclusion that to tell people I may just have to show them or, they did actually believe me but just didn't care what I did and would accept whatever I looked like as it was still me. who knows

has this happened to anyone else?


I have come out to all My friends and famliy. I am also a jokester but when I tell them I am not joking I make sure they beleave me. I don't know what it is like in the UK but, Your friends like you for who you are ,when you tell them your something (not main streem) from what they thought you were, It can hurt them, You just need to make sure that they know that you still the same person ,(just more fem). The reason most people don't or wont deal with it is cuz it's soooooooooooo different. like "can you understand why some people love to kill other people.) No I hope you can't . It's like that we can't understand the killer, because he/she does and likes something so (weaird wrong e.t.c.) that we can't relate. I gave a harsh ex so we would not relate to it. So if you treat your friends with that in mind you might know that ,to them they can't understand why( but the love you as a friend) an will try to understand why you do this Crossdressing weaird thing. Just make sure thay know that It's a part of you that untill now You have not been able to express it . Tell them that you need there support to get through this. You will be surprized on how many friends will take it. I found the ones I thought would hate it had NO Prob with it. The only two in my life that have a prob with it is Mom and Dad. Dad is trying to Change his way of thinking of it but, mom will not budge on it. So chin up your friends should be ok with it, so long as you make sure they know that they still mean a lot to you.But At the end of the day you are the one who has to live in your skin, only you know your friends,so you do what your HEART TELLS YOU.




I know what you mean, being yourself is probably the most important lesson you can learn in life.......What I was getting at is that for a lot of people coming out can lead to a whole different world of hurt than actually living with the secret. Some dont have the chance to move house/job or change their routines etc.

I go through phases of doing what you have suggested, but if I were to go out to the pub where I grew up in femme gear (without a pithy excuse for doing it) I would be strung up - literally.:evilbegon

Where I live now I dont really know anyone and I still feel uncomfortable about going out in femme gear. Though I dont let it stop me, well not all the time:whistling:


The thing I find when I go out, I go to the mall in day time is, I look around and see people and know that they don't see mike the see Christina, So what f they look at me and see a man in a dress, but they the still treat me like a woman. They don't know for sure that I am a man so the heag there bets and treat me like a woman. If you act like you belong there as a woman they would not treat you like a man in a dress but as a woman ,and they may treat you like your a woman who has male features whom may or may not be a woman. When I walk around say the mall and see people looking at me I see it as if I am watching it on T.V. When I am talking to someone that when I am right there . People will treat you the way you prsent yourself, If you dout yourself then they will to. Go out head held up high and be THE WOMAN YOU ARE. You live in A town where no one knows your well right, so let them know the real you Rachel. If you thnk it's not safe then all I can say is do WHAT YOUR HEART SAYS. Your heart is a great tool to judge wheather or not it's safe to do or go someplace. Sometimes it's wrong but that the risk you need to take to be happy. From what I have read from CDers that have been doing this for years and even longer then I have been alive, Is that if you get 6 to 12 rude comments in your life and 1 or maybe 2 bad brushes with the chance you might get hurt ,all that is very low. And most of the bad chances to get hurt were a long time ago in there life. Today people are more excepting of us ,but we still need to teach our friends whom will teach others and word get around like that. SO when you tell your friends your helping the world to understand us better.Well thats my :2c: Huggs to all.:hugs: :canada:

subaru_forster
11-18-2008, 01:50 PM
What sort of backwardness is this? Here I see one person with the reasonable view that being true to ones self and others is not a selfish act, but feel the need to pre-emltively apologize. In the other corner, someone is comparing the need to crossddess with a desire to murder people? I swear, sometimes I feel that people on this forum consider crossddessing to be immoral, and are even harder on themselves than they claim society at large to be. It's one thing to be sensitive to what others consider strange. It's another entirely to deny yoursf the status of a decent human being because of it.

crystal99
11-18-2008, 02:05 PM
What sort of backwardness is this? Here I see one person with the reasonable view that being true to ones self and others is not a selfish act, but feel the need to pre-emltively apologize. In the other corner, someone is comparing the need to crossddess with a desire to murder people? I swear, sometimes I feel that people on this forum consider crossddessing to be immoral, and are even harder on themselves than they claim society at large to be. It's one thing to be sensitive to what others consider strange. It's another entirely to deny yoursf the status of a decent human being because of it.

Ok, good point. Im glad you have your head screwed on but to be honest mines all over the place as im contemplating a huge change in my life, my apologie is probably partly coz im british and partly im just like that, ive used this forum to vent many of my opinions before, not always to the likes of others and as im feeling emotional at the moment i dont want to cause any more agro.

I respect your opinion and happy you seem content with yourself but as for the decent human being bit, you dont know me any more than i know you so how can you say im denieing myself to be a decent human being, my dilemma is not how i act, it is how i want to look and be accepted with people i have been shading things from for years, ahh.

subaru_forster
11-18-2008, 02:21 PM
Ok, good point. Im glad you have your head screwed on but to be honest mines all over the place as im contemplating a huge change in my life, my apologie is probably partly coz im british and partly im just like that, ive used this forum to vent many of my opinions before, not always to the likes of others and as im feeling emotional at the moment i dont want to cause any more agro.

I respect your opinion and happy you seem content with yourself but as for the decent human being bit, you dont know me any more than i know you so how can you say im denieing myself to be a decent human being, my dilemma is not how i act, it is how i want to look and be accepted with people i have been shading things from for years, ahh.

My frustration wasn't really meant to be directed at you. I'll admit that the preemptive apology struck me as a tad on the protective side, but when it was followed by another poster's comparison to a killer, I just couldn't hold back the way I normally do.

As I said, your stance is reasonable, and I think your heart is probably in the right place. Please do what you feel is best.