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lauraabdl
11-20-2008, 11:10 AM
Well today started out like any other, except that when the grandkids that are staying with us left for school. My SO unlaoded on me telling me that the school couniclers at my youngest grandsons school have advised her that they are contacting child welfare because they feel that their grandfather's crossdressing is unhealth and threatens there welfare. Mind you I do not and have not dressed in front of my grandchrildren, my daughter or my wife. I do dress in panties 24/7 and have had my nighties hanging in the closet. My SO tells me that this has got to stop and that she loves me but I must stop. SO states that this is a choice of mine to dress and I can stop any time I feel to do so.
This is my Fourth wife and I did not let her find out about my CDing untill we had been married for about five years. She was tolerant and has let me wear panties, she has went so far as to buy them for me and go shopping for them with me.
But now that the daughter and grand kids are going thru a divorce, SO tells me stop CDing, she sides with her grandchildren over me in this issue. She has gone so far as to tell me to get counceling.
I know and you know we can't just stop. How do I convince her to be understanding?
Laura
(in hard times)

docrobbysherry
11-20-2008, 11:21 AM
If u don't dress in front of anyone, how did the SCHOOL FOLKS find out that u CD? There seems to be SO MUCH MORE to your story than you've presented.:brolleyes:

Regards u and your 4th wife, who u didn't tell about your CDing before marrying, ( seems u learned little from your previous marriages), counseling seems the best advice I can give u. Sounds like your marriage has LOTS of problems, CDing being only one. U BOTH need to see an experienced marriage counselor rite away! I don't think your CDing will be a serious issue with a good counselor. I'll bet you and your SO have much more difficult ones to deal with!:Angry3:

MJ
11-20-2008, 11:32 AM
If u don't dress in front of anyone, how did the SCHOOL FOLKS find out that u CD? There seems to be SO MUCH MORE to your story than you've presented:

how could they know ? please fill in the gaps. from what you have said your wife as every right. children and grandchildren come first above all else.
who knew you CD. how did the school find out. family breakups are hard and both sides will get downright dirty ugly hurtful. you my friend are but another tool to be exploited ...

you i am afraid to say must now arm yourself with valid information about cding for your own defense

lauraabdl
11-20-2008, 11:35 AM
The grandkids have gone thru my closet and dresser when we have not been at home.
As for knowing I feel that is mainly the SO's doing. SO has deep rooted thoughts agianst CDing now days, don't know where this has come from. But it has come to a head since the Daughter and three grand kids have come to stay with us. And I have stated SO will take them over me.
I find that counceling is a viable alternative if SO will go and be open.
I really don't see a lot of issues with SO, but you may be right that she has not let on about issues that really bother her?
Laura

Penny
11-20-2008, 11:46 AM
How does the school know? Perhaps you should vist your grandson's school
and ask the principal without revealing your crossdressing. I.E. We have been esperienceing diviculties at home (daughter's devorce) and wonder if there was anything I could do? If she knows, most likely she will say. If she doesnt, then there is another problem. In any case, you will know where you stand. It might just be that your SO is concerned of what might happen and the actural school thing doesn't exist.

:hugs:

Carroll
11-20-2008, 11:57 AM
From first hand experience, it will be the child welfare that has to prove it is unhealthy. Not what the school or anybody else thinks. I have had contact with child welfare and I have been told by them, its not how you dress, its how you treat your kids. If for some stupid reason they go through with it, inform them you will sue for discrimination

Sheila
11-20-2008, 12:10 PM
how old are your grandkids? and why are they going through your closets ?

lauraabdl
11-20-2008, 12:51 PM
The grand kids are 8,10,14. As for why I can't answer other than MY SO states that they are kids and nosey. I for one don't approve or condone. MY SO has a different opion thse days.

Nicki B
11-20-2008, 01:01 PM
It sounds to me like your SO has shown them.. And contacted the school councillors (counsellors?) - else why would they tell her?

There's a whole agenda here either you're not telling us, or you don't know?

lauraabdl
11-20-2008, 01:11 PM
I guess I don't know and I hope when I find out there is some room to get SO to understand. Maybe I'm wanting or day dreaming that all will be fine, I just know I can't stop CDing (have purged many times before, but always come back with greater needs)and I don't want to lose my SO.

Sheila
11-20-2008, 01:19 PM
It sounds to me like your SO has shown them.. And contacted the school councillors (counsellors?) - else why would they tell her?

There's a whole agenda here either you're not telling us, or you don't know?

:iagree:

Linda Daniels
11-20-2008, 01:27 PM
Children who are ages 8-14 (even pre schoolers)have no business whatsoever entering you and your wife's private space, ie. bedroom for any reason...period. I believe that teaching this respect is your daughter's responsibility and she has apparently been lacking in this regard. I also suspect that your daughter may be a snoop also as children learn this type of respect at home from their responsible parents. It is my opinion that if your daughter is living in your home she should be made to realize the importance of respecting your "STUFF", which means in this case YOUR Personal Space anywhere in your house, be it your bedroom and even the rooms they are temporarily given permission to occupy.

I also suggest that a specific list of house rules are clearly written and a contract between all of you is agreed upon including the length of time you are willing to have them stay with you. It is not my business here, but I also recommend that there is some $$ compensation to be headed your way, even if it is just $25.00 per week & the children are all assigned specific household tasks like clearing dishes, cook night and taking out the trash & doing their own laundry...etc.

I also recommend as others have mentioned that "All of You" get some serious counseling. Situations like you have described will only increase in intensity...and crossdressing is really the very least of the problem here...as I see it. It probably is just a focus point to gloss over the real problems.

Geeeze...I always get splinters when I crawl up on my soap box so I'm gonna check out and get some medical attention...good luck!

Linda

Desiree2bababe
11-20-2008, 01:35 PM
I feel it's unfair to let children know you dress. It could cause confusion in their developmental years.

Sammy777
11-20-2008, 01:53 PM
It sounds like your being conned into stopping.

Even if your grandkids went through your draws/closet all they saw were womens clothes, even if they happen to be in "your" area, you are married & they probably though nothing more then grandma is hogging grandpa's space.

Even if any of them, especially the youngest, even though for a second that the clothes were yours & you did this, do you really think the youngest one would say something to a school councilor? Probably not.
If anything they would probably have gone to their mother first with any questions they had.
Panties [probably grandmas] in grandpas draw doesn't mean much if they never saw you dressed & supposedly only your wife knows that you do it.

Sounds like the wife is trying to get you to stop, maybe for now or for good, & is using this over the top excuse to get it done.
If, in fact the school councilor did somehow find out about it, do you really thing they would tell the child or their mother or their grandmother that they planned on passing this to child welfare?
They would more then likely just do it without the formal warning.

Also, you state that she said: they contacted her [your wife] which is odd. Don't you think they would have contacted the child's mother?

My advice would be to NOT contact anybody at the school right now. If this is a farce then you would be giving the school something & raising unneeded red flags.
Instead, I would talk to the wife & ask her who exactly she spoke with because you would like to speak with them about this & clear this matter up.

Chances are if this is a lie, she will come up with some excuse or reason for you to not call them.
I do not think she would let it go as far as you outing yourself to the school if they didn't already know.

Once the "school problem" is dissolved I suggest you ask your wife the real reason[s] behind her change of heart are.
If the school was in fact made up, be sure NOT to really mention how you just busted her on it, sorta just let that go.

It could be as simple as being worried that your daughter or grandkids might find out because they are living their or because she might think that if it really did get out that it could somehow hurt your daughter in her ongoing divorce.

She sounds like someone who has at least been understanding & somewhat supportive in the past, there has to be a reason behind the sudden change of heart.

lauraabdl
11-20-2008, 01:56 PM
Thank you Linda for your insight.
And yes the grandkids do do chores, although the SO doesn't inforce the daughter to do anything? I find this is a point of contention between us.
I am looking at counclers today. I will let everyone know how this turns out.

Linda Daniels
11-20-2008, 06:25 PM
Kewl...keep Us Posted

carolinoakland
11-20-2008, 07:15 PM
Having to deal with CPS after they took my daughter from her mother after she OD'd for the third time, I was told that in the eyes of CPS crossdressing is not something they can deny you custody or visitation over. Unless the children are directly involved. My suspicion is that some adult has told the school. People suck sometimes. Carol

Sara Jessica
11-21-2008, 09:43 AM
This is my Fourth wife and I did not let her find out about my CDing untill we had been married for about five years.

Being on your fourth wife and presumably dealing with this CD'ing thing in your other marriages, I can't believe you didn't disclose this before you married her. It's almost like you set yourself up to have to deal with a controversy of this nature. Hope things turn out OK for you, good luck.

MJ
11-21-2008, 10:00 AM
YOU Both should go for counseling as there is more here than meets the eye

SANDRA MICHELLE
11-21-2008, 10:34 AM
I agree that it sounds like your SO is trying to coerce you into quitting, ask her if thats what is going on. If it is true that the school is considering contacting child welfare and this was happening to me I would go to the school and find out just what is going on. It is not any of there concern how you dress and it is not a child welfare concern either, even if you dress in front of them. If they are convinced that it is in there pervue to contact child protective services regarding this mattter I would threaten a law suit with all involved as named and I would bet that there legal counsel will tell them to let it go. This kind of prejudice really "frost's" me!!!

FlygrlChristy
11-21-2008, 10:01 PM
Laura,

Your wife is calling your bluff, and trying to use the crises with your grandkids pending divorce to blackmail you into stopping the crossdressing.
The school counselors dont't have a leg to stand on, in calling in CPS, unless they believe, that some evidence of abuse is present, and I don't believe that is the case given what you've said. Even if your wife told the school counselor that you were a crossdresser, it's not illegal, immoral, or perverse, and all you would have to say is that you were Transgendered, end of story, nothing can be done to you, unless, as I said earlier their is evidence of abuse. Schools today are required to be very sensitive to gender diversity issues, and unless your wife pulled a fast one on the school, I think your o.k., on that front.:2c:

Christy

Genifer Teal
11-22-2008, 10:30 AM
Well today started out like any other, except that when the grandkids that are staying with us left for school. My SO unlaoded on me telling me that the school couniclers at my youngest grandsons school have advised her that they are contacting child welfare because they feel that their grandfather's crossdressing is unhealth and threatens there welfare. Mind you I do not and have not dressed in front of my grandchrildren, my daughter or my wife. I do dress in panties 24/7 and have had my nighties hanging in the closet. My SO tells me that this has got to stop and that she loves me but I must stop. (in hard times)


This is so ridiculous. I guess it is hard to see things from the opposite side of the fence, when you are not there. Your school has no reason to judge you like that - neither does child welfare. What do they know about you? You dress differently - that is ALL. You don't even do it in front of the kids. So where is the problem?

If you wore a holloween costume every day or maybe and old army uniforn would they have similkar concerns? With no futher actions on your part and no additional knowledge of any actions on their part everything else is conjecture. I would throw this right back in the schools face and threaten them with a lawsuit for defomation of characher. You have done nothing wrong and certainly nothing illegal.

Just because they obviously don't like CDing and are unwilling to understand it, that shouldn't give them the right to call CPS. I know we do not live in a perfect world but we do live in a litigious society. I'd look into your rights and take the appropriate action.

As for the wife factor, just about everything mentioned above will only drive you further apart. You are on your own there - maybe litteraly.

Best of luck!

Gen

Janie Gunn
11-22-2008, 10:56 AM
I think it sounds like your wife is trying to blackmail you into stopping cd'ing.
I agree with SamanthaM' s post.

Janie

Julogden
11-22-2008, 12:13 PM
Well, I won't comment on your marital situation, as I don't feel that we have enough information to go on, but regarding having Child Welfare called, I expect that nothing will come of it nowadays. An example: my daughter's SO is a pre-op TS, and an irate relative of her SO recently called Child Welfare on them because of her SO's gender status, and this is in small-town Kentucky. The lady who showed up looked things over and concluded that there was no problem, the kids were all happy and well-adjusted, so all was well, nothing happened.

So hopefully (and probably), nothing will come of the school's complaint unless it can be proven that the kids are distressed because of your dressing.

Carol

AmandaM
11-22-2008, 12:14 PM
Just make sure you don't do it in front of them, and if you have transvestite mags, ******* porn, etc. get rid of it pronto. As a matter of fact, get rid of anything sexual in your house if the kids have complete access to your things. That, can be used against you.

CD_DIANE
11-22-2008, 12:49 PM
Counseling sounds like a good idea for several reasons. It would be good to know the counselor's stand on crossdressing. I would absolutely agree that the feelings cannot be turned on and off like a light switch. Many of us have purged only to later rebuild our collections. This is a facet of our personality. When all the facts are known, CPS will probably not have a reason for any action, and your wife may at least have some perspective as to your feelings. Good luck.

Diane