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View Full Version : This forum verses therapy re: CD/TG issues



Jess_cd32
11-21-2008, 05:17 AM
For any that may be in therapy because of CD, TG issues, do you find this forum more benefitial or therapy?
I'm not in therapy for any cd issues but was curious which one do you find more helpfull?
I'm betting this forum will rate right up there if not exceed therapy to some that may be dealing w/ acceptance issues etc... .

yms
11-21-2008, 05:48 AM
I hope I say this right.

I think this is an excellent forum. The ladies here are overwhelmingly upbeat and supportive.

I think the extent to which a group like this is helpful depends on what a person is trying to get from it. Not everyone struggles with crossdressing. What they may need is just the sense that they are not alone. It's different when serious conflicts arise around crossdressing that affect quality of life. In those cases I believe it would be best to see a doctor.

In general, I would not substitute any forum like this - on any subject matter - for legitimate medical care. For myself, I am not in therapy anymore, but I was before I started getting involved in the TG community. I formed my initial ideas about what crossdressing meant to me in my discussions with a therapist and with Lori.

If someone was dealing with cancer or depression, let's say, would they be wise to replace medical treatment with participation in an on-line discussion board? I think an on-line support group can be one avenue of dealing with issues, but I wouldn't let it replace serious care-giving.

And I just want to reiterate that I think this is an excellent forum. My comments are not directed at this group, but towards the question of whether any group like this can replace medical treatment.

Yvonne

Jonianne
11-21-2008, 05:49 AM
I wish I could have had this forum when I spent nearly 8 years in individual and group therapy. It would have been a great asset. As far as which is more benificial, individual and group therapy is more benificial IMHO, for several reasons;

1. There is a major difference in "therapy" groups and "support" groups. CD.com is a support group. A therapy group is there to challenge you far more than a support group should. A support group may challenge to some degree, but its focus is on support.

2. A therapy group includes non-cd'ers and many others of all walks of life and you learn to relate to and also stand your ground with many types of people in a safe environment.

3. A therapy group will get into far deeper issues than cd'ing. Interpersonal relationships as well as self acceptance were the focus of the therapy group I was in.

sallyjones
11-21-2008, 05:55 AM
im not in therapy but sometimes i think i need it. am i crazy or am i gay? NO i just like to dress as a woman. this forum is excellent way to voice yourself and help to deal with issues in a non threaten atmosphere.

Jess_cd32
11-21-2008, 07:38 AM
I guess what I was thinking to some degree is, having been there done that as cd's/tg, unlike a therapist who's probably just read about it, I think fellow cd's/tg's can offer possibly just as much insight as a Doc as to understanding ones self in some respects on this subject if not more.

Granted some issues that go very deep I'd agree that the Doc should take precidence, but not all are good ones just like any other profession.
I do hope that anyone that does seek their assistance does infact get a good one that can help and hope this forum is helpfull as well.

yms
11-21-2008, 08:00 AM
I guess what I was thinking to some degree is, having been there done that as cd's/tg, unlike a therapist who's probably just read about it, I think fellow cd's/tg's can offer possibly just as much insight as a Doc as to understanding ones self in some respects on this subject if not more.


I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I just want to respond to one aspect of your comment.

A psychologist or psychiatrist does not have to have first-hand experience in all matters. They don't have to be alcoholics or drug addicts to know how to treat someone who is. How one patient, for example, resolves the issue of sexual abuse may be very different than how another patient resolves the same issue.

Their job is not to tell patients how to live their lives but to create a framework in which the patient can start making rational, informed decisions for themselves and respond reasonably to the consequences of those decisions. After being in therapy for enough years, I sort of developed an "inner therapist," a voice that I talk to myself with the way my therapist did.

Yvonne

Karren H
11-21-2008, 08:32 AM
Well personally I have never felt the need for support... Either kind... I just like to talk!! Lol

Angel.Marie76
11-21-2008, 10:14 AM
Here's my perspective on the thought:

Having found this forum, I'd say that I couldn't be happier with the fact that I have, what, hundreds? of plausible friends out there that probably have been through many of the same things that I have gone through, or may very well go through sometime in the future. Already the input I've received from questions I've posted has been so rewarding, comforting, you name it. :) I couldn't thank the girls here enough!

[I'll preface this next paragraph with - this is my .02$ and some assumptions were made]
Secondly though, my quandary is this: I am, or I have, indecisiveness within myself that I know will likely take me years to fuddle through. Just sinple (ha! what a typo. SINple. Sheesh, and I'm not even really religious either) questions sometimes, though others, as perhaps many of us know, are MUCH more complex, and in choosing some paths don't have a really simple 'BACK' or UNDO option. Will you/I really be happy with certain choices? I don't know. I actually just recently posted a request to try and find a therapist perhaps in my local area that may understand more thoroughly my CD tendencies.. maybe to an end that will help me clarify those internal questions that I have about what path(s) I might really be really wanting to take. Devil's Advocate says in contrast that, possibly, I may not want to hear whatever some 'doc' has to say about what's going on in my own mind.. Cause I KNOW BETTER!! (right?) Well, maybe not.

Rambling aside, you, yourself need to make whatever choices you feel are best for you, and if seeking out professional help seems like a logical choice, go for it - but I would say do your research before you just arbitrarily choose someone to talk to.

Best wishes regardless of whatever paths you choose. :hugs:

docrobbysherry
11-21-2008, 11:59 AM
I wish I could have had this forum when I spent nearly 8 years in individual and group therapy. It would have been a great asset. As far as which is more benificial, individual and group therapy is more benificial IMHO, for several reasons;

1. There is a major difference in "therapy" groups and "support" groups. CD.com is a support group. A therapy group is there to challenge you far more than a support group should. A support group may challenge to some degree, but its focus is on support.

2. A therapy group includes non-cd'ers and many others of all walks of life and you learn to relate to and also stand your ground with many types of people in a safe environment.

3. A therapy group will get into far deeper issues than cd'ing. Interpersonal relationships as well as self acceptance were the focus of the therapy group I was in.

Joni, this should be the defining post on what this forum can supply, compared to private therapy.
Also, I found Yvonne's input to be very helpful!

I went to a therapist just as I was starting to CD, 10 yrs ago. She was completely unconcerned about it back then. However, if she saw my pictures now, she mite change her mind!:doh:

This is a SUPPORT site, and I feel I've received tremendous support for my CDing in my year here. On the other hand, I still deal with guilt about CDing. And constant wondering why I started dressing so late in life? Those last two issues, I know I must deal with on my own. If they begin bothering me too much, I must go back to my therapist!:straightface:

curse within
11-21-2008, 01:17 PM
I would have to say this site is Therapy...I see so many different types of CDing at different levels on how far some let CDing take them. It really surprises me and yet awes me at the same time how fem people can act out.
I see folks here calling each other hun, hugging and acting very sensitive all though on here it is hard to say if acting in that way is truley thier nature, it would be the only choice I could accept. Therapy for the most part is acting out " letting it out" under the care of a specialist it's not being handed a pill to cover up your illness. What I would like to know is it healthy to act out as often and where are the limits?

RylieCD
11-21-2008, 04:24 PM
In general, I would not substitute any forum like this - on any subject matter - for legitimate medical care. For myself, I am not in therapy anymore, but I was before I started getting involved in the TG community. I formed my initial ideas about what crossdressing meant to me in my discussions with a therapist and with Lori.

I love this Forum, You are all a great set of friends and yes it is a form of therapy. However, I am also attending therpy in concurance and subjects that are discussed here are discussed there and vice versa. It Is nice to see the spin (perspective) the DR can put on the issue. It is also nice to have a medical opinion.

Tina B.
11-21-2008, 06:09 PM
Do you think cross-dressing is an illness? Not many of us on this site think that; we'd as soon send a child to a surgeon to cure left-handedness. I would argue that you only need a doctor if you're ill.

Katie, now I do feel bad, now I am not only a hypochondriac for thinking I am ill, but a left handed one at that. But fortunately we found the cure back in the early sixties!
The prescription goes like this " If it feels good, do it."
Tina B.

P.S. that works for Crossdressing, or going to therapy!

Janetmichelle
11-21-2008, 06:24 PM
First off I would like to say that I haven't been to therapy nor do I want to. I don't feel I need it. I do however feel that it is an excellent stepm for those that can't resolve the conflict within them or wish to go further than just crossdressing. Although my personal view of doctors is not great shrinks are in my highest regard until they start giving you mind altering drugs to help you. I am talk ing about depression drugs and others like them not hormones. I feel that allot of depression is not diagnosed properly because the client dosn't disclose everything. Like crossdressing or gender issues. The doc perscribes something after getting the wrong information from there patient because they are to afraid to tell the truth to someone who can't say any thing to anyone else because it is there job.

Jennifer Cox
11-21-2008, 06:29 PM
In Britain, ... we would only see a psychiatrist if recommended by our regular doctor, and that would be a pretty rare event.

So our attitude would be that a CD would only seek therapy if he was quite desperate, if the conflict over dressing was threatening his sanity, or at least his marriage (although in the latter case it would probably be a counsellor rather than a psychiatrist).

Where it leads me is to the question: what is the illness for which you might consult this medical man? Do you think cross-dressing is an illness? Not many of us on this site think that... Most of our other problems can probably be helped better by a discussion with wise and experienced CDs.


When I was 19, my GP refered me to a London clinic, where they wanted to cure me of CDing by using Electric Shock Therapy. :eek: First and last time I ever sought "professional" help. Hopefully, things have moved on a bit from the dark ages, but over 30 years later, I've found this site to be more use to me than anything in the past. At last I feel NORMAL! :D

Janetmichelle
11-21-2008, 06:56 PM
When I was 19, my GP refered me to a London clinic, where they wanted to cure me of CDing by using Electric Shock Therapy. :eek: First and last time I ever sought "professional" help. Hopefully, things have moved on a bit from the dark ages, but over 30 years later, I've found this site to be more use to me than anything in the past. At last I feel NORMAL! :D

I totally agree. Although most have gotten past electro shock. I am sorry you had to go though that. I believe most are much more receptive and not out to cure us. Just to help us. But I must say that sites like this help some depending on their situation and therapy can help others but the must make sure that they have the control in treatment not the Doc.

sometimes_miss
11-21-2008, 07:12 PM
I went through several therapists over the years, some decent, some not. While I guess they could deal with common causes of depression, none were able to solve the crossdressing situation, how it disrupts my desire to date a woman, which causes my depression. I've tried numerous antidepressants, but none have helped; it seems that as long as I can still think, and am aware that my crossdressing desires conflict with any hope of a social life, I will be depressed. Electroconvulsive therapy has had some success in decreasing depression, but it seems to do so by destroying memories which cause the depression. Unfortunately, they aren't able to be selective; and the people I've met who've undergone that treatment were little more than walking almost blank slates, having forgotten so much that they weren't able to function on more than a simple level. No wonder they weren't depressed anymore; they couldn't remember any reason why they might be; they couldn't remember much of anything. None of them were able to hold down more than the simplest of jobs. It's not something that I could see as being helpful. I'm depressed, but functional. Those people were not.
This forum gives me access to knowing others who live with the same feelings, and manage to get by day to day. And knowing that there are even a few Cd'ers out there with GG SO's, means there have to be a few more, and so, gives me the faintest of hope. Now, if we could start a registry for them somewhere?????

Introvert123
11-22-2008, 12:04 AM
Everyone's missing one huge benefit regarding this forum: You don't need an HMO to cover for it! :heehee:

Okay, seriously. I had to add something different!

mykhelee
11-22-2008, 01:43 AM
Finding this site has been one of the greatest blessings in recent history to happen in my life. Through the fine ladies here I have had the strength to come out to those closest to me, and to accept that not all of them could accept me for who I am. I know that I have to be open and honest before I start any new relationships, solves the whole "why do you shave your legs?" line of questioning. So, I would say while it is not therapy, it has given me enough support to avoid therapy. I have found that I don't need it for there is nothing "wrong" with me.

TrekGirl1701
11-22-2008, 02:03 AM
Never been to a therapist. All it took for me to come out of my crossdressing shell and figure out my life was talking to you fine people on this website. I had depression once and I got through it without talking to a therapist. I just don't see how talking to somebody I don't know who more than likely wouldn't know much if anything about crossdressing can help. But if it works for some of you than more power to you. What works for me whenever I'm in a funk is I think things over. I go over my problem in my head and just look at the problem from every angle until I find the right angle. It's worked for years. It's gotten to the point where I never dwell on the negative aspects of my life. I move on. That's what finally worked for me and crossdressing.

yms
11-22-2008, 06:04 AM
Where it leads me is to the question: what is the illness for which you might consult this medical man? Do you think cross-dressing is an illness? Not many of us on this site think that; we'd as soon send a child to a surgeon to cure left-handedness. I would argue that you only need a doctor if you're ill (they far too busy and expensive otherwise), and the only illnesses that might be involved here would be:


The mental health profession in the US doesn't regard crossdressing itself as a mental illness.

Section 302.3 of the DSM 4 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) defines Transvestic Fetishism.

In order to be diagnosed with this, a patient has to be a crossdresser (duh!) and this crossdressing has to cause a significant amount of stress in the patient's life so as to negatively impact other areas of their life, such as relationships and work. It is a two part diagnosis.

The exact wording is:

"A) Over a period of at least six months, in a heterosexual male, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving crossdressing.


"B) These fantasies, sexual urges or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

The DSM 4 is the most current set of guidelines for diagnosis. It was published in 1994.

Yvonne

Deborah Jane
11-22-2008, 07:21 AM
I was referred for therapy after a failed suicide attempt [they got to me in time to stop me succeeding].
During my therapy sessions my crossdressing was brought up and was found to be one of the prime reasons for my instability and constant self harming/self loathing, etc.
My therapy helped me to come to terms with my crossdressing and i joined this forum during my time in therapy.
Coming here and learning more about myself, helped me to accept myself for who i am.
So in my particular case, both have helped me :)

tanya1976
11-22-2008, 03:16 PM
For any that may be in therapy because of CD, TG issues, do you find this forum more benefitial or therapy?
I'm not in therapy for any cd issues but was curious which one do you find more helpfull?
I'm betting this forum will rate right up there if not exceed therapy to some that may be dealing w/ acceptance issues etc... .

I did have therapy concerning crossdressing a few years ago and it was very beneficial. I had a great therapist and got some, what I consider to be, excellent advice. I'm new to the forum but find it really amazing that places like this exist, and I'm of the frame of mind that they can only be a good thing surely. My main anxieties about crossdressing was the fact that I couldn't talk to anybody about it, but whether I would have entered a forum such as this without having therapy first, I'm not sure!!

Sally24
11-22-2008, 03:49 PM
We get the impression that people over there go to therapy just because they're unhappy or because someone recommends a fashionable therapist. No doubt we are quite wrong about this.Only the obsessive or rich treat counseling this way.

Where it leads me is to the question: what is the illness for which you might consult this medical man? Do you think cross-dressing is an illness?I dare say that most people that seek counseling do not think they are ill. They are trying to find help in dealing with a difficult problem. I think that many on this forum will agree that cross-dressing can be a problem in many respects.

As far as my personal perspective. I see a gender counselor from time to time and find it very helpful. She helped me confirm that I am probably not TS but that I do require a certain amount of female time in my life. Along with my wife we work out boundary issues and priorities so that both of us are relatively happy with the situation.

I think the exchanges on this forum and counseling are quite different. I value both of them. If I had to choose I would be forced to stick with a professional counselor. Happily I do not have to make that choice.:battingeyelashes:

curse within
11-22-2008, 04:05 PM
I think the exchanges on this forum and counseling are quite different. I value both of them. If I had to choose I would be forced to stick with a professional counselor. Happily I do not have to make that choice.


Sally, very good way to put that..

Rachel Morley
11-22-2008, 07:12 PM
Before I met my wife and before I started posting on this forum, I was seriously thinking about going to a therapist for some counseling to try to understand why I wanted to wear girl's clothes, and present as a woman. I was convinced that if I went to a therapist they would help me understand myself and help me stop doing it.

My error in this thinking was that I thought stopping was the answer to my happiness and my stopping feeling guilty about it all. That was 6 years ago. Boy was I wrong!

It wasn't until I came on this forum are realized that seemingly everyone in the world is crossdressing! ... and having a great time while doing it! This forum or rather the members on it are so encouraging, so smart and experienced that they, along with the acceptance and encouragement of my wife helped me to see my crossdressing as a gift not a curse. I love this forum! :)

Hugs
Rachel

Tomara
11-22-2008, 07:44 PM
I started to see a therapist two and a half years ago when I was going threw a divorce (nothing to do with cding) I just had some things I wanted to work threw with a professional.
I found an excellent therapist who has helped me more than I could have ever imagined , during our conversations she told me that she worked with quite a few people that were in the trans community and that led me to talk to her about my cross dressing. She was and is amazingly supportive and helpful to me , I told her about this site and thought it was a great help for people like us for friendship and support.
That said , I think that both therapy and this forum are very helpful to me , and I would highly recommend therapy , just do your home work to make sure you choose one that is right for you and specializes in the area that you want help with.
:hugs: Tomara

Jess_cd32
11-23-2008, 07:46 AM
I was referred for therapy after a failed suicide attempt [they got to me in time to stop me succeeding].
During my therapy sessions my crossdressing was brought up and was found to be one of the prime reasons for my instability and constant self harming/self loathing, etc.
My therapy helped me to come to terms with my crossdressing and i joined this forum during my time in therapy.
Coming here and learning more about myself, helped me to accept myself for who i am.
So in my particular case, both have helped me :)

Glad to see your attempt failed, you offer alot to this forum in ways I'm sure your not even aware of Debs w/ your wit and humor. I know you've made me laugh more than once and upped my mood alot reading your posts, your a big asset here so don't even think of trying that again and I think I speak for alot here on that:hugs:

I've also been to that level w/ pain issues not that long ago but suicide wasn't an option, and I was very disapointed at the time it wasn't because I just wanted it over.
Regardless how low anyone ever feels here, take it from those of us that have experienced those depths of hell, it WILL get better, just give it time and seek support here as well, you'll get it.

My therapy was for chronic pain issues that had me almost immobilized full time, it did help in that I could unload it all on him and leave my loved ones out of it and openly talk w/ someone about my desire to just want to exit permanently the misery. Loved ones and pets are all that kept me from doing it, I just figured, out live them, then you can let go so just tough it out till then.

I hope all that seek answers find them, sometimes life deals abit to much at once and seeking counseling can be helpfull regardless what the issues are, cd/tg or otherwise. As was said, do some research first and try and find the best one available that's dealt with these cd/tg issues.

Life is like a game of cards, we have no choice but to just play out what we get delt and make the best of it.
Sometimes though the next hand delt out will be a real winner so stay in the game:thumbsup:

LaurenInDC
11-23-2008, 10:12 AM
I hope I say this right.

I think this is an excellent forum. The ladies here are overwhelmingly upbeat and supportive.

I think the extent to which a group like this is helpful depends on what a person is trying to get from it. Not everyone struggles with crossdressing. What they may need is just the sense that they are not alone. It's different when serious conflicts arise around crossdressing that affect quality of life. In those cases I believe it would be best to see a doctor.

In general, I would not substitute any forum like this - on any subject matter - for legitimate medical care. For myself, I am not in therapy anymore, but I was before I started getting involved in the TG community. I formed my initial ideas about what crossdressing meant to me in my discussions with a therapist and with Lori.

If someone was dealing with cancer or depression, let's say, would they be wise to replace medical treatment with participation in an on-line discussion board? I think an on-line support group can be one avenue of dealing with issues, but I wouldn't let it replace serious care-giving.

And I just want to reiterate that I think this is an excellent forum. My comments are not directed at this group, but towards the question of whether any group like this can replace medical treatment.

Yvonne

Well said, Yvonne! :thumbsup:

Lauren