PDA

View Full Version : Might tell wife this weekend-update- told her tonight



Jessicainme
11-21-2008, 08:59 AM
Well, I went out and bought some new shoes and hose. Shaved my legs and borrowed a skirt. This is after I got rid of what I had before. I'm tired of going back and forth on this. So I figure what the heck..If she loves me she will understand if not, then leave me and set me free. I've been through a lot in my life and I'm still here. I dress jest in private at home, or if I had a girlfriend then I would dress together. So I figured that I'm going to tell her this weekend. Funny..I say that now as I sit here in my skirt and heels but I hope that I have the courage that many of you girls have and go with it. Life is to short and I'm tired of trying to please ever one else and not myself.

Wish Me Luck
Jessica

StaceyJane
11-21-2008, 09:04 AM
Good Luck!!!!

Jamie M
11-21-2008, 09:35 AM
Well you certainly seem to have made your mind up over this but before you start out be certain in your mind what you want to acheive by doing this. I could be entirely wrong and please forgive me if i am , but the tone of your post suggests to me that you've reached a breaking point and just need to get this out and in the open. I would hate to think that your desire to do this has clouded your judgement that you really would be okay if she did "set you free" without a proper attempt to help her understand. Please just take a moment to clearly think through what would be an accpetable outcome of your discussion as this should entirely decide the method of your revealtion.

If you honestly think you really would feel "set free" by her leaving then could it be that there are more issues in your relationship than just the dressing ? If so then that's something else that you should determine first however i'd like to think it's just a sign of your frustration making you feel like this.

Please do take a moment to think what it is causing this frustration before you talk to her as you may otherwise end up being your own worst enemy. A revelation driven by frustration may well lead to confrontation rather than an open and honest discussion of your cd'ing.

I really don't mean to bring you down and i really wish you luck should you go through with it just please make sure you don't approach this in a way that you might ultimately regret later. B

Best of luck :hugs:

MarciManseau
11-21-2008, 09:36 AM
Don't back down, but be gentle and loving, and above all, be honest. Let me know how it goes, please.

Tons of hugs, Marci and Julie

Wanda.cd.northern.NH
11-21-2008, 09:56 AM
Would suggest that you do tell her. She will probably find out at some time and it will probably be worse then. I would suggest you sit with her and tell her you have something you would like to discuss. Don't say you have a problem. Tell her you aren't gay (if you aren't) and that you love her and this is just part of the guy she fell in love with. I do wish you luck and hope she can accepth this and support you in your need. I would also really like to know how it turned out. If you can let me know if you did or did not tell her. Good Luck. Wanda

Clara
11-21-2008, 10:07 AM
There's much truth to what Julia said. Yes, honesty is the best way. But take a moment and think about what it is you really want. Do you want your wife to accept your dressing? Do you really not care if she does not? I always advocate honesty in relationship. But do think how you want to approach your conversation. And what you want to achieve.

Amanda Shaft
11-21-2008, 10:15 AM
I'll simply wish you good luck, not in a good luck you're going to need it sort of way, but in a good luck if you can work things through with your SO then you will be free, then you might both be able to move things on possitively together.
Stay cool Amanda

Mary Morgan
11-21-2008, 10:18 AM
I applaud you telling your wife, but I would be very selective about where you tell her and what you are prepared to say. She will remember this moment for ever, supportive or not. Have your facts and opinions, desires nailed down to the extent that you can. Find a timewhen you are both in a good mood, and do not anticipate any interruptions. Avoid telling on a daythat has some special meaning of it's own to her. Be reassuring and try to be comfortable with yourself. If you are not ready, she cannot be expected to be ready. Be prepared for her initial reaction to change, regardless of what it is. Best of luck. As others have said or hinted, If you have other issues, this may be the straw that breaks the camels back, even if it isn't really "the" issue. My apologies to the camels!

Jessicainme
11-21-2008, 10:52 AM
I would like to thank all the ladies that replied so far..I do understand what you are saying and I will be kind. No I am not gay or bi..this I plan to let her know from the start and that I have no others on the side. That I love her and respect her. Yes I may have other issues from my past. i.e. death of my 1st wife due to cancer, two divorces and a mean rotten father who belittled me all the time. I am aware that may be the underlying cause of a lot of my desire to dress. As I replied in one post, (My desire to dress may be because of my father. I was someone else when dressed, not his good for nothing son.) I dressed at an early age. I have been through combat. Lost many of my items due to divorces and other reasons. I do see a counselor for that, but she has no idea about my desire to dress nor will she find out from me. BUT, I am still here and no matter what I will go on. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Jessica

Sheila
11-21-2008, 11:14 AM
Hun total upfront honesty is best ....... pleas DO NOT be selective with the truth, and yes this is a converstion she will remmeber for the rest of her life , so no lies, or omissions thereof ...... if she asks you a question ,and you honestly do not know the answer to that, then say so, don't say anything that may come back to haunt your conversations later on.

Good luck and don't forget we have a great GG section here if she wants to talk with others who have been there/going through this :hugs:

Vivian Best
11-21-2008, 11:15 AM
Jessica, You are about to strike your wife with a bolt of lightening! If she doesn't suspect your a CDr, this could be something like a death in the family. I realize that is a worst case situation but you need to consider that possibility and prepare for it! I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure you will handle it in a way that prepares a cushion for both of you.

Nancy (PA)
11-21-2008, 11:18 AM
I believe that Julia has summed it all up very well; don't go into this conversation with a chip on your shoulder, and\or the thoughts that if it doesn't go your way THAT DAY, it's "hit the bricks".

Sandra
11-21-2008, 01:09 PM
Be honest and answer any questions she may have as honestly as you can and as Sheila has said if you can't answer then tell her so, don't say something you think she may want to hear. Make sure she knows that she's not alone , there are other SOs out there.

Just remember if she hits the roof it may not be the cding but the fact that you didn't tell her sooner. This makes an SO feel so unimportant and feel that they wasn't trusted enough to be told.

I hope it goes well,

Violet
11-21-2008, 01:26 PM
Also, I highly recommend Marla's sticky thread on Telling Your SO.

The way my SO did it was not, um, ideal shall we say.

Shelly Preston
11-21-2008, 01:44 PM
please read the link in my signature before you start

It will give you some advice to go with all the good advice you have been given so far

Jessicainme
11-21-2008, 05:02 PM
Well I told her about my cross dressing and she was taken aback a little, but said she understood. I explained why I started (about my childhood) and she said that she could see why. I also told her that I'm not gay and that I only dress in private. I feel better now about it. We agreed to never lie to each other no matter what when we got married and I felt that I had to stick by it.
Thanks for all the support.

Jessica

Tasha McIntyre
11-21-2008, 05:08 PM
What a courageous move Jessica. Well done to you.
Is that a truck load of relief I sense coming out through your post? :)

Tina B.
11-21-2008, 05:14 PM
Glad to hear it went so well, now let her have some time to absorb it all, and don't push the boundary's to fast and all should be well. Many of us wander off in a pink fog after we come clean, and get so engrossed in our femininity that it can scare the heck out of the wife, even if she was OK with it. An understanding wife can lead to a lot of freedom, but with freedom comes responsibility. Take good care of her, there are a lot of women out there that will not even try to understand us. :2c:
Tina B.

Shelly Preston
11-21-2008, 05:21 PM
Hi Jessica

I hope you now take things slow
There will be more questions to come

Remember to tell her about the FAB section she will know she is not alone in coping with this situation

Sheila
11-21-2008, 06:14 PM
Jessica,

well done on telling her, and please please take it slowly.

As Shelly says we GG's are here if she wants to talk with any of us, anytime :hugs:

Phyliss
11-21-2008, 06:26 PM
There will be more questions to come


MANY MANY questions. I thought my jaws would never stop hurting from all the answers I had to give during THAT first few months. It's taken a long time to "RE prove" myself to her. Her biggest statement was "I married a MAN not a WIFE" Gaining her trust around that one was my most difficult task.

Good for you ... being HONEST and TRUTHFUL.

Sandra
11-22-2008, 04:34 AM
Jessica,

Good for you for telling her :) Just be prepared for more questions and as Sheila has said take it slow, don't rush things with her.

Nadia-Maria
11-22-2008, 05:02 AM
My desire to dress may be because of my father. I was someone else when dressed, not his good for nothing son. I dressed at an early age. I have been through combat.
(...)
BUT, I am still here and no matter what I will go on. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Jessica

A remarkable analysis, Jessica.

By the way, you discovered a major cause to crossdress, one which is more due to nurture than to nature. Most other causes to crossdress are due to nature, it seems.

This cause you are relating to is :
CDing as an escape of the otherwise unacceptable reality.

There are others means to escape an unacceptable reality, such as suicidal or madness.

CDing is a very good option for strong baby-boys facing too strong constraints in an unfavorable environment.

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger".

Kisses from your sister

Katheryn
11-22-2008, 07:52 AM
Came to this thread a bit late, but anyway:


So I figured that I'm going to tell her this weekend.


My advice there is the same advice I have given in other threads, stress that the things that she loves about you that make you different from most guys she dated are probably the same things that make you dress.


I dressed at an early age. I have been through combat. Lost many of my items due to divorces and other reasons. I do see a counselor for that, but she has no idea about my desire to dress nor will she find out from me.


How does a counselor counsel you when she doesn't have all the details to understand what truly happened to you?


Well I told her about my cross dressing and she was taken aback a little, but said she understood. I explained why I started (about my childhood) and she said that she could see why. I also told her that I'm not gay and that I only dress in private. I feel better now about it. We agreed to never lie to each other no matter what when we got married and I felt that I had to stick by it. Thanks for all the support. Jessica

I'm glad clearing the air went well, I only hope it continues and that your relationship deepens.

Kate

Jessicainme
11-22-2008, 09:07 AM
All went well at first but later that night she started to cry. Her biggest fear is that this is just the first step to something else, and that I will leave her for a boyfriend or girlfriend. I know that it will take time for her to understand and I will be supportive of her as she is to me. My plan is to only dress when she is not home, but I won't have the fear or guilt that I am doing something to be ashame of.

Jessica

Jamie M
11-22-2008, 12:27 PM
From what i understand this is a very common fear for first time exposure to this side of our lifes. Other than constant reassurance from yourself on the issue , i've personally found the only thing that can assuage her concern is to talk to those who've already been through it. To that end i can only remind you of the GG section on this site that youw wife could join , i know my wife kelly found it very useful in this area in the past and i can highly recommend you suggesting it to her.

Well done for the courage you've shown in dealing with this issue in a honest an open manner you have and hang in there :hugs:

PhillyGuy2Girl
11-22-2008, 02:17 PM
Jessica,

Its great that you told your wife. Be very supportive of and keep reassuring her that you're not gay or bi and you're not going to leave her for a boyfriend or girlfriend ever. My situation was different. I only started CDing last January, but I had done it when I was 16 with my GG cousin about 10 times in the summer of 1981. I knew then I was a CDer but since back then and being 16, I stopped and I never did it through my late teens,20's and 30's. I just told my wife I wanted to CD told her the story and reassured her. She even said that she knows that I'm definitely not gay or bi but quite didn't understand at first. When I explain it to her then she was absolutely fine with it and believe it or not, she actually likes it when I dress up femme. She even helped me pick out my now ever growing wardrobe. Don't get wrong she still wants me to be in guy mode but she understands about me expressing my feminine side. I hope things will work out for like they have for me and I wish you and your wife the best of luck on this journey.


Felicity :)

Ze xx
11-22-2008, 02:38 PM
All went well at first but later that night she started to cry. Her biggest fear is that this is just the first step to something else, and that I will leave her for a boyfriend or girlfriend. I know that it will take time for her to understand and I will be supportive of her as she is to me. My plan is to only dress when she is not home, but I won't have the fear or guilt that I am doing something to be ashame of.

Jessica

Firstly, well done for being honest. :hugs:

Secondly, it is a huge and common fear when you find out that your SO is a closet CDer that there is something more. After all, you hid this for so long, the first thought is 'what else are you hiding' It will take a while to build up the trust.

Finally, don't hide the fact that you're still dressing. You haven't said (or at least I haven't read) whether or not you're she's happy for you to dress, or whether she doesn't want to see it. Even if she doesn't want to see it, don't be secretive about it. If you pretend that you haven't been dressing and she finds that you have, that will knock her confidence in you and herself again. It will take time. Remember (and I think this is the words or Reine, but I may be wrong) you've had a very long time to come to terms with being a cder. She's just had it thrust upon her. Treat her gently and I wish you the very best of luck. xx

Sarah Martin
11-23-2008, 01:19 PM
Jessica,

We are proud of you for the courage to tell your other half. Hug!

You had had a lifetime to thinkabout your cross-dressing - you partner has only had a day or so. It'll be up and down (days of acceptance and rejection) until things settle down to an even keel.

Take it easy with her and take it slowly. I hope things pan out...

xxx
sarah

michelle79
11-23-2008, 04:40 PM
Hey Jessica, I know what your feeling. I told a gf about it once, and finally got brave enough to actually let her see me dressed. Trust me, I was so nervous, I stood hidden from her for like 5-10 mins just shaking in my heels, afraid of what she'd say or think. When I finally walked into view she was ok with it. We sat and talked for a bit. Unfortunetly, so time later she confronted me and said that she didn't like it, and had only said what she thought I wanted to hear. You fully have my support.

Jessicainme
11-23-2008, 05:51 PM
I would like to thank all the girls for the support that they have provided over the last few days. Everything seems OK for now but time will tell. I shaved my legs a few days ago and my chest tonight. When I got out of the shower I told my wife. That is as far as I'm going for now. No pierced ears yet..mabe in a few months.

Thanks Jessica

josiegirlcd
11-23-2008, 06:59 PM
Good luck. My wife discovered my clothes a few years back and was taken aback. I am overly manly in drab. She doesn't support it but doesn't question me about it now. She accepted but didn't endorse it.

We are still together after 10 years so you just have to find a medium to live in.

MJ
11-23-2008, 07:42 PM
I would like to thank all the girls for the support that they have provided over the last few days. Everything seems OK for now but time will tell. I shaved my legs a few days ago and my chest tonight. When I got out of the shower I told my wife. That is as far as I'm going for now. No pierced ears yet..mabe in a few months.

Thanks Jessica

before you shave anything else or change your appearance in any way you should ask your wife first.
please forgive me but already she is losing the man she fell in love with... to her!!! please remember her feelings and watch out for the pink fog before you get in too deep.

jessielee
11-24-2008, 02:29 AM
dear Jessica,
how brave and loving you are.
i am so proud of you!
yes, please, go slowly. hold her a lot.
you are both in my prayers.
your friend,
jessie