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ct
11-21-2008, 04:48 PM
By way of introducing myself, I am a mid-50's male, who has been married to the same woman for 31+ wonderful years. We have three grown children, with our first grandchild due next February. I have never been unfaithful to her throughout the 34+ years we have been together.

About four months ago, I was struck with the notion of wondering what it would be like to be dressed in women's clothing. I have no sisters, and two brothers. I have never experimented with trying on clothing of the opposite gender (other than putting on a pair of the wife's panties a couple of times with her present in our bedroom), and have not felt any desire until recently.

Being the analytical person that I am, I did a fair amount of internet research (incluing reading quite a bit on this site), and I see that I do not fit the mold of the 'typical' crossdresser who first gets the urge to wear women's clothing while in adolescence.

The curious thought did not go away, and in the week leading up to Halloween I decided there was no better opportunity than then to try. I had no interest in trying on my wife's clothes, as I am quite a bit bigger than she is, and I knew I would likely ruin anything that would satisfy my curiosity.

I went to a local Ross, screwed up my courage, and proceeded to buy an elastic-waisted skirt, a top, a bra and a pair of panties. Guessed at the sizes, and rationalized to myself that if anyone paid attention to me, I was assembling a Halloween costume.

Waiting in line to pay was excrutiating. I felt all eyes were on me (of course no one was watching), and I could feel the closed circuit cameras (??) following my every move. The clerk could have cared less. All but ran to my car, and figured, well I've gone this far, now I need some shoes. A Payless shoe store is close by, and I boldly walked in, picked up a pair of size 12 heels, and went to the register. This time, the clerk gave me that quizzical look, so I blurted they were for my costume....so I paid and was gone.

Stopped at the grocery store for a pair of pantyhose, and home I went.

Laid my purchases out on our bed, and cut all the tags off. Was extremely nervous as I removed my clothes and put on what I had bought. Of course the bra was too small, and the shoes were too tight, but I got everything on.

I stayed dressed for a little over an hour, while doing some computer work. There was no sexual stimulation, so I believe there was no fetish attraction. I had conflicting emotions, in that while I liked the feeling of softer clothing, I knew that the societal stigma of crossdressing was stronger. Took the clothes off, stuffed them in a bag, and hid them in the garage.

The next day I put them on for about 15 minutes, really felt odd, so off they came, and I threw them away at a local shopping center.

I kept what I had done inside for just over a week, but I told my wife on that next Sunday what I had done. I couldn't keep this inside me (I am not one who is secretive by nature, and this was eating me up inside).

She was shocked and stunned, as I have read most wives are. She asked most of the questions I have read about, and I told her honestly what had happened, and that I had no idea why it occurred the way it did. I mentioned reading a couple of times that decreasing testosterone levels might have something to do with it, but I didn't know.

Told her honestly that this had never happened before, and that as far as I was concerned, it was a one time episode. She was as shell-shocked as I could imagine her being. Kept saying that she could not process what I was saying, nor visualize me dressed.

Over the next couple of days, she did a bunch of research, and had more questions. I have stayed truthful with her, and have not had any further desires to dress. I reassured her this morning that I have not had any desires in the 3 weeks since I threw the clothes out.

My biggest question (and I have no one I can ask this of) is how likely was this to be a one-time deal? The thought that I may be heading down a path that would include an increased frequency of dressing concerns both of us...we know it is just clothes, but nevertheless, it is worrisome. My wife is worried that I am going to change into someone she doesn't know, and that I am not the person she thought I was...In no way am I making any sort of value judgement on those who do wear women's clothes, but this is something I never envisioned facing in my life.

I apologize for the length of this post, but I am looking to this group to try and give us an idea what is in store as time goes on....

Thank you,

CT

Tina B.
11-21-2008, 05:39 PM
CT It is not possible for anyone here to answer your question, there is no way for us to know why you had this urge. Some try it out of curiosity, some for an internal need. Only you can say why you did this, and only you can say how you felt. for me, it is a need, and if denied I find myself getting very depressed, resentful, and angry. So I dress, and have dressed since I was a small child, not all the time, sometimes I go for weeks, or months with out dressing, in fact I have at times gone years with out dressing. But over the years I have learned to read the signs, and when I see the need I give into it right away. The older I get the stronger the desire gets and the more I dress. But that is me, we are all different. But it is nothing you or your wife should fear, maybe it was just a one time thing with you, but then you went to a lot of trouble to get everything you needed to have the experience, so who knows. If the feeling comes back, so be it, you are still the same person you always where, you have just found another layer to who you are, and that's OK.
Tina B.

Josephine 1941
11-21-2008, 05:40 PM
Hi ct , Well there is no problem, you have just done what all of us have done only at a later date in your life. I do think that you should not kid your self in that you have thrown your cloths away. Since you have spoke to your wife about it show her this area and there are women that are married or S O on here. Next time you buy cloths remember the size you bought before or ask your wife help,or the next time she goes shopping for cloths go with her and ask questions. Case in point your shoe size are 2 up on women size 10 means size 12 women . Have fun, also tell her that she can wear ant type of cloths she wants why can't you. :brolleyes::bonk::bonk:

curse within
11-21-2008, 05:40 PM
I'll take a stab at your question CT,

Several things you mentioned and I am assuming you are an honest person, leads me to believe it was a curious venture. Just because you never started at a young age doesn't rule out you will never get the urges to dress in a later part of your life. I am finding that out as I read threads on here to be true you can get these urges to dress after 40 years of age for the first time..
No sexual gradification, sexual behaviour and crossdressing are two seperate things sometimes combined and is linked more to a fetish than a behaviour I am happy to see that you noted that which shows you did some home.Testosterone, you may have touched onto something there. I have a friend who has low testosterone levels its a disorder he has to see his Doctor routinley because his levels get too low. He also acts very fem but is married . I would check with your family Doctor to run a test on your Testosterone level it is not healthy when your levels get low anyways and it could be your body talking to you.

Just a thought keep me informed

Thanks C.W.

Karren H
11-21-2008, 05:46 PM
Sounds like you enjoyed the thrill of doing something that society doesn't approve of.. Lol. So you could either continue CDing or go rob banks!! Same feeling! Lol. And you probably already know... That of you walk away now ... You'll probably be ok.. But you can get hooked ar adicted to this very very easily!!! And once that happens.. Well I've been crossdressing for almost a half a century!!

marie354
11-21-2008, 05:48 PM
I wouldn't worry too much...
A lot of men go through this in their teens and get over it.
But for some... It started much, much earlier. (Age 2?)
Still some started much later in life, but usually there was a link to a younger age (3-4-5).

But, believe me, if it's a part of you... The urge will come back.

immike
11-21-2008, 06:00 PM
I started dressing at 13 years old,it was fun&it just grew on me.I'm a handsome rugged
guy,but every once in a while,I slip into a female mood&slide into a pair of pantyhose&
pull on one of my mothers skirts&blouses,secretly,as well as apair of her heels,when she
goes to work.I play dress up in her clothes7we're about the same size,so I can get away
with it&I stay dressed on one of her outfits7sit at the computer &play around,for a couple hours,walking around the house in heels

ct
11-21-2008, 06:17 PM
I appreciate all your responses...the one issue we haven't really broached (and which I know my wife is fearful of) is what to do if the desire returns.

While last week the whole issue was in the forefront of her brain, she told me today that this week it has moved to the back. Still something she thinks about, but does not monopolize her thoughts.

I have always been candid with her, but not sure if she would want to know if I again get the urge to dress up....we will have to have that discussion.

Interestingly, I saw the 'girly' quiz, and I answered all the questions honestly....came up 0% girly.

Karren H
11-21-2008, 06:21 PM
If it returns.... Take a mascara wand and jam it in your eye!!! lol Ohhhh and don't come back to this place... either.... We have a way promoting our hobby and the pink fog!! Now go... Run away....

ct
11-21-2008, 06:22 PM
If it returns.... Take a mascara wand and jam it in your eye!!! lol Ohhhh and don't come back to this place... either.... We have a way promoting our hobby and the pink fog!! Now go... Run away....

With that kind of advice, how could I possibly stay??

Karren H
11-21-2008, 06:26 PM
With that kind of advice, how could I possibly stay??

hahahaha Well stranger things have happened.... I love what I do but I would never recommend it to anyone that wasn't allread burdened with it!!

It will mess your life up something fierce!! Ask my wife!!! Better yet.... go ask yours!! lol

You still here?

lol

trisha59
11-21-2008, 06:30 PM
Just a purely gut reaction: You are not a cross dresser Go and enjoy your life.

trannie T
11-21-2008, 06:56 PM
I congratulate you on your honesty with your wife. Whatever way you go it will help your relationship if you maintain your communication. You may be asking the wrong group of people for advice, you dressed once and quit, we still dress and have no intention to quit.

docrobbysherry
11-21-2008, 07:20 PM
I started dressing after 50. The thot of puting on women's clothes never entered my mind before then! And I thot I looked--- different, but interesting! I had my testosterone level tested. It was normal.:)

Then, I tried on more and more women's things. And I started getting a little turned on. Then, Sherry appeared in my mirror, and it was lust at first sight! That was about 7 years ago, and I've been turned on ever since!

CT, I'm a crossdresser! I don't think we have anything in common!:sad:

Deborah Jane
11-21-2008, 07:23 PM
Hi CT, i think with you it was just a case of natural curiosty, you don,t seem inclined to dress again now, so i wouldn,t worry too much about it if i were you, you probably aren,t a crossdresser.

But!! If the urge ever comes back you know where to find us, we,ll still be here :)

Sam-antha
11-21-2008, 07:36 PM
If you don't, then you won't, but you will.
~Samm

kathtx
11-21-2008, 08:25 PM
I appreciate all your responses...the one issue we haven't really broached (and which I know my wife is fearful of) is what to do if the desire returns.


If the desire does return, you'll need to go shopping. One outfit won't get you very far in this business :)

And now the serious answer: if the desire manifests itself as it has so far, even if it comes back it won't have much impact on your wife or your marriage. Every now and then you'll wear a dress. In itself there's not much difference, really, than wanting every now to wear a football helmet and orange parka around the house. If your wife thinks you're strange for doing so, the two of you can agree that the dresses, football helmets, and orange parkas only come out when she's not around. This isn't that unusual; if you can't stand bluegrass music but your wife likes it now and then, she mostly plays it when you're not around, right?

It becomes more complicated if your desire to dress turns into a desire to adopt a female persona, and you also wish to have your wife interact with you in while that persona. Then, you and your wife might have lots of talking and negotiating and soul searching to do. However, you've already sustained decades of faithful marriage, and you've already shown you're willing to talk with her about this, so I'd be amazed if the two of you couldn't work something out.

If you've been around here a bit, you'll have seen that there's a whole spectrum of people here with a whole panoply of descriptive acronyms. There is also a huge variety of ways this all fits into our lives and our relationships. Don't worry too much about all the "worst-case" scenarios out there, just take it one day at a time and keep talking to your wife throughout.

Kath

Trinni
11-21-2008, 08:27 PM
It is obvious your wife is concerned you will change. If the feeling comes back, stop and think about how much you love your wife and the life you are leading. Then think about how much you want to dress. Is putting on womens clothes really worth possibly hurting the relationship with your wife? Only you in your heart and gut know the answer to this question but really think about it and read more posts on this board. I lot of people here have lost their friends and families do to dressing. I can't tell you either way but I would hate for you to have problems if it is just a small desire to dress up.

Shari
11-22-2008, 06:17 AM
First of all, it's a natural fact that men's testosterone levels reduce as we age. It's also a fact that women's estrogen levels reduce too, especially after menopause. Men don't go through a physical menopause, they go through a mental menopause.
Seems to me there's much more here than you've related. If you had the guts to stand in line and buy all those clothes, you must have thought about doing it many times in your life, and finally had the nerve to try.
Your reaction was of guilt and shame. It made you feel silly instead of sexy. That's why you purged. Hey, I'm a man. I shouldn't be doing this.
If you figured you'd never do it again, what was the point of telling your wife? Simple honesty? I think not.
You wanted to hear her say something like "Oh honey, really? (accompanied by a gushing big grin) I bet you looked really cute. Would you dress for me? I'd love to see you like that. Let's go shopping together. I'll do your makeup. etc. etc.
Come on. It felt good, didn't it? You want to do it again and you want acceptance from your wife. You can't tell me you didn't get some kind of rush from it.
If your wife is aware that you're on this site? (honesty, remember?) Then share these replies with her.
And they lived happily ever after.

TGMarla
11-22-2008, 09:19 AM
I have to wonder why people make such a big deal about this, especially in your case, CT. It's just a combination of clothes and curiosity. "Oh my God!!! What if it happens again!!!!????" So what? Big deal. It isn't like you have leprosy, where your digits are going to start falling off. It isn't cancer, and it isn't like you're turning into the Green River Killer, and burying victims under your wife's flower box outside her bedroom window. So you tried a skirt and high heels on. Whoopee-doo. You've seen them all your life, and got curious about what it was like. As Shakespeare said, "Much Ado About Nothing".

mklinden2010
11-22-2008, 10:34 AM
You were curious, you gave it a go, you're in time out...

Look, do what you like when you want to and when it won't mess things up a lot for someone else. You've done this once, the sky did not fall in... You'll probably think about doing this again, and, you probably will. So what?

The point of living is to live YOUR life. If you're worred about your noggin' being off, go get some blood tests and talk to some docs. Hopefully, you are not ill with some tumor or something and you've just reached a point in life where you want to do something other than what you have been doing.

Heck, a friend of mine got into hot air ballooning late in life and has been "ga-ga" at if for years now. I say, "But, you could get killed doing that, pal!" He says, "Yeah, but what a way to go!"

Dope.

No doubt, my pal says the same thing about me and some of the things I do.

Live and let live...

You sound like a smart person. Pay attention to your feelings and use your brain to figure out what to do. This is not a big problem in the larger scheme of things. If you think you want to do this again, or, again and again and again, just find a way to do so as you go forward and keep living a good life.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Next year you may find out hot air ballooning is even more fun.

If you do, expect people to say of you:

"Did you know he's one of those odd, er, weirdo balloonists?!"

"Huh... Well, better that than a George Bush Republican."

It's always something....

ct
11-22-2008, 11:34 AM
Interesting to read the wide variety of responses... As I suspected, the opinions run the gamut. The underlying message I get (and thank you all) is that what will happen will happen, and life will go on.

I won't stress over it, and will just deal with whatever comes down the road.

Thank you all again!

CT

Kelsy
11-22-2008, 11:53 AM
Sounds like you enjoyed the thrill of doing something that society doesn't approve of.. Lol. So you could either continue CDing or go rob banks!! Same feeling! Lol. And you probably already know... That of you walk away now ... You'll probably be ok.. But you can get hooked ar adicted to this very very easily!!! And once that happens.. Well I've been crossdressing for almost a half a century!!

Karren, I never found robbing banks as stimulating as crossdressing:battingeyelashes: Trying on women's clothes on a whim at mid life is difficult for me to understand bcos It has been my need for as long as I can remember. Perhaps some sort of mid life crisis has revealed a repressed desire CT??!!

:)Kelsy

Vivian Best
11-22-2008, 12:12 PM
CT, I'm sure the shock to your wife was severe, I know it was for my wife! Our difference is that I've been a CDr all my life. It doesn't matter how long you have been doing it it still is a shock to them. One guiding thing I continue to try to get my wife to understand is that I'm still the same person I've always been, I have not changed! True, you've learned something about me you didn't know and you probably don't like it or understand it.

Your wife learned something you did that she probably doesn't like or understand either. Whether you continue down this road is up to you and you only. To me, you do not sound like a very good candidate to be a CDr, but again, that is up to you. What is important to you? Is your wife's feelings important enough to you to figure into your decision making in the future of crossdressing, if that is the path you decide to take. Again, it is your decision. I did not have the luxury of making a decision like you have to make, it was made for me internally by something I do not know how to control or rid myself of. It is just part of me.

Many of us that have been crossdressing our entire lives have experienced pain beyond belief because of what we do. We've tried to find out why, but there is no answer! We've tried to quit, but you can't! We can only cope and hope. And, finally, we accept ourselves for what and who we are and live with it. Also, remember just because we like to wear women's clothing does not mean we are necessarily going down the road to become a woman.

Again, to me you do not exhibit what I would call a crossdresser, you had more of a "fling"! What ever your decision on your future, you and your wife, need to remember you are the same person, with the same feelings, the same love and commitment to her as before.

ct
11-22-2008, 02:13 PM
CT, I'm sure the shock to your wife was severe, I know it was for my wife! Our difference is that I've been a CDr all my life. It doesn't matter how long you have been doing it it still is a shock to them. One guiding thing I continue to try to get my wife to understand is that I'm still the same person I've always been, I have not changed! True, you've learned something about me you didn't know and you probably don't like it or understand it.

Your wife learned something you did that she probably doesn't like or understand either. Whether you continue down this road is up to you and you only. To me, you do not sound like a very good candidate to be a CDr, but again, that is up to you. What is important to you? Is your wife's feelings important enough to you to figure into your decision making in the future of crossdressing, if that is the path you decide to take. Again, it is your decision. I did not have the luxury of making a decision like you have to make, it was made for me internally by something I do not know how to control or rid myself of. It is just part of me.

Many of us that have been crossdressing our entire lives have experienced pain beyond belief because of what we do. We've tried to find out why, but there is no answer! We've tried to quit, but you can't! We can only cope and hope. And, finally, we accept ourselves for what and who we are and live with it. Also, remember just because we like to wear women's clothing does not mean we are necessarily going down the road to become a woman.

Again, to me you do not exhibit what I would call a crossdresser, you had more of a "fling"! What ever your decision on your future, you and your wife, need to remember you are the same person, with the same feelings, the same love and commitment to her as before.

I really like your response, Vivian.... while I cannot understand the need from your perspective, I can certainly understand that what you feel on a regular/daily basis is markedly different from my 'episode'....

Thank you for your answer. My wife is the most important person in my life, and I want to be sure we continue as we have for many years.