Sarah...
11-22-2008, 03:23 PM
Well, I'm a little nervous this evening as tomorrow I drive south for a couple of hours to meet my Mum. This will be our first meeting since I told her I was TG.
Why nervous? Well, I know she wants to go over my whole childhood with a fine toothcomb to establish where she might have been able to make a difference. There is no animosity (in both directions) and plenty of love - this I know for a fact. But I'm still nervous. We'll probably end up discussing a particularly distressing moment in my life which nearly resulted in me not being here anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that, despite my stupidity then, I'm still here now. But even though it was 22 years ago it's still kind of raw. And we're going to have to talk about it.
I won't shy away from it but it's been on my mind since we agreed to meet for a day out together.
It's not all doom and gloom though. When I told Mum I said that, apart from my Dad (who I'll tell myself), I had no right to expect her to keep it secret or object to her telling other people in her life. So, since I told Mum, she's told her husband (my step-father) and her husband's daughter. So my step-father said, "I've told you before, all this stuff is in the genes. Can't fix it, why worry?". My step-sister has opened an invitation to me to go clubbing with her and her girlfriend in their home city. My sister is desperate to "meet Sarah" and my friend sincerely suggested taking me shopping for a Christmas present - to look for some "killer outfits".
So you see, I have loads of support. I'm just a little nervous, that's all.
So I suppose this is kind of like a diary entry. I don't especially need a response as such. I'm just pouring it out here 'cos this is where I like to be.
Thanks for reading!
Sarah...
Why nervous? Well, I know she wants to go over my whole childhood with a fine toothcomb to establish where she might have been able to make a difference. There is no animosity (in both directions) and plenty of love - this I know for a fact. But I'm still nervous. We'll probably end up discussing a particularly distressing moment in my life which nearly resulted in me not being here anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that, despite my stupidity then, I'm still here now. But even though it was 22 years ago it's still kind of raw. And we're going to have to talk about it.
I won't shy away from it but it's been on my mind since we agreed to meet for a day out together.
It's not all doom and gloom though. When I told Mum I said that, apart from my Dad (who I'll tell myself), I had no right to expect her to keep it secret or object to her telling other people in her life. So, since I told Mum, she's told her husband (my step-father) and her husband's daughter. So my step-father said, "I've told you before, all this stuff is in the genes. Can't fix it, why worry?". My step-sister has opened an invitation to me to go clubbing with her and her girlfriend in their home city. My sister is desperate to "meet Sarah" and my friend sincerely suggested taking me shopping for a Christmas present - to look for some "killer outfits".
So you see, I have loads of support. I'm just a little nervous, that's all.
So I suppose this is kind of like a diary entry. I don't especially need a response as such. I'm just pouring it out here 'cos this is where I like to be.
Thanks for reading!
Sarah...