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View Full Version : How do i tell women about c/ding when i,m dating?



Deborah Jane
11-24-2008, 05:46 PM
Hi all, i think i may need help with this....

I seem to be having problems when i,m dating :sad:

I start dating women and often things go well, but when i reach a point where i should tell them about my c/ding before it starts getting serious, i just back out of the relationship rather than tell them. This has happened about 4 times now and i just can,t seem to get pass this stage.

How do i get past this point and try and find a woman who may accept me?

I,ve tried preparing the ground to tell them, but i just end up telling them it won,t work between us!

At this rate i,ll be single for the rest of my life!!

BTW, i get to know them in guy mode which is very differant to my girl mode....I,m very much one of the lads!!

CD_DIANE
11-24-2008, 05:50 PM
I guess the one thing that comes to mind is a variation of this.... "If you don't ask the question, the answer is NO !"

If you don't tell her, you don't allow the possibility of a "YES" answer. Make sense ?

Diane

Deborah Jane
11-24-2008, 05:56 PM
Also i think part of my problem is that i,m terrified of being "outed" to people i know, if she decides she doesn,t want me and tells people!!

Jennifer Cox
11-24-2008, 06:01 PM
You've just got to bite the bullet and go for it. Tell them that sometimes Debs likes to wear male clothing LOL! :D

Seriously, I know it's difficult, but you're passing up the chance for real happiness because of your fear of rejection. What's the worst that can happen ? You lose them, which is no different to your situation now.

Next time, GO FOR IT GIRL!!!! :hugs:

Beth-Lock
11-24-2008, 06:02 PM
I heard one person did it by saying to his gf, 'Would you like to see the Halloween outfit I wore?' So he changed and came out of the bedroom wearing it, After that, sometime later, he would change into that outfit, when she visited him to watch tv. After asking a few times if it was really, necessary, eventually she started to just accept it.

MJ
11-24-2008, 06:05 PM
dear Debs,

Why not just run off some of your best pictures frame them and hang them in your apartment or house that way I'm sure when you bring her home she will ask who's that and you can tell her. your being honest and open about it and your not hiding ..

Jennifer Cox
11-24-2008, 06:13 PM
Also i think part of my problem is that i,m terrified of being "outed" to people i know, if she decides she doesn,t want me and tells people!!

I understand that too, but in life you have to take some chances. Try and judge their personality and decide if that's likely. If they seem genuinely nice, then I doubt they'll say anything. Most will probably be too embarrassed themselves to admit to anyone they've been dating a CDer. You've just got to watch out for the odd one that might turn nasty, but those sort of people are usually easy to spot.

Also, might be a good idea to avoid anyone closely involved with your existing circle of friends, family & colleagues, if that's possible.

Raya
11-24-2008, 06:20 PM
As an open bisexual, I can never really be "one of the lads". Women who aren't at least a little queer turn me off greatly. So obviously, YMMV.

Anyway,

It's not just crossdressing. To me, telling people anything personal is all about comfort. I've found that by the time I feel comfortable enough to invite them into my home, I feel comfortable enough to talk about my love of women's clothes. I decided a long time ago that even if I were closeted everywhere else, I would be out inside my own home. If you didn't know about me, it'd be pretty hard to walk around my place without raising some serious questions :battingeyelashes:.

avril findlay
11-24-2008, 06:22 PM
Debs, I'm assuming you're talking about a serious relationship? If so, I think It's better to be honest about yourself early on in the relationship . I've had two end very acrimoniously. Not all women are happy about their boyfriends dressing as girls! But if you mean casual relationships and you're worried about being outed then I would say no.

Deborah Jane
11-24-2008, 06:29 PM
Debs, I'm assuming you're talking about a serious relationship? If so, I think It's better to be honest about yourself early on in the relationship

I am looking at having a serious relationship now, i,ve had fun with some casual dating, but i think it,s time i looked for someone special. The problem is actually reaching the stage where they become special, i,m not getting beyond casual at the moment because i,m reluctant to open up about myself.

DanaR
11-24-2008, 06:37 PM
There have question along these lines before. If you do a search of two, you might be able to find some other viewpoints.

I feel whenever you start to get serious in a relationship, she should know. Before that, I would have some questions that I'd present to her (unknownly, of course) to get some idea how excepting she might be; then I'd tell her. Another way might be to watch several of the transgendered movies that are available to get a feel of how she might react.

One of the things that my wife had to deal with, is how she thought others would view her or what is wrong with her for allowing me to be that way.

FanciJewel
11-24-2008, 06:39 PM
You could use the more "scientific" term of gender dysphoria. Tell her you are afflicted with gender dysphoria. And the recommended treatment for that affliction is to dress in women's clothes as much as possible. Tell her that if you don't receive daily therapy, you become edgy, irritable, and sullen. With that explanation and side-effects of no therapy, she likely will run down to the nearest women's clothing store and arrange some therapy for you.:heehee: It's worth a try.---Fanci

StacyCD
11-24-2008, 06:40 PM
Why not ask an easy question! This is the question every CD faces in a relationship--tell and face rejection or not tell and carry on dishonestly.

If you don't tell and then back out you will never have a serious relationship (i.e., NO by default).

If you tell, you open up the possibility of a YES.

Of course, the possibility of being 'outed' exists but it may be less than you think.

Teri Jean
11-24-2008, 07:47 PM
Deborah, when you figure that out let me know because I cannot get to the point of dating because of my desire to be and dress in their world. Many have said that the women would be knocking on the door but that has not happened and when I think I could get to like a woman I back off. At my age time is not on my side as it was 40 years ago. Deborah, thank you for your post. Huggs girl. Keli

mklinden2010
11-24-2008, 07:58 PM
At some point in your early conversations, rather than talk about "the CD thing" talk about yourself and how you feel about gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered, and crossdressers... About those "issues," if nothing else...

Listen to what she says in response. If it looks like a "go" then continue with her and relate some of your past experiences and reflections along those lines. If you agree on these things, you'll agree on others... If you disagree, then disengage and give both of you a chance to "speed date" someone else.

No sense trying to force a round peg into a square hole.

When you find someone who is comfortable with your ideas, see if the rest of their ideas are a good fit for you. They may say CDing is OK, but they may think global warming is a Jewish plot to sell propane powered air conditioners delivered by UFO pilots during every third blue moon...

Good luck. No matter who you are and what you are into, finding the right person to spend 20 to 70 happy years with takes luck, skill, charm, and careful attention to all the details of living.

Long story short:

Be more than what you wear, and you'll find out how much they care....

Karren H
11-24-2008, 08:02 PM
Maybe a bumper sticker... "Honk if you love crossdressers"??

Cari
11-24-2008, 08:09 PM
Deborah; I really cant give any advice here as I face the same issues, I used to hope Id run into someone during nites out or events. Or maybe be introduced to someone by another CD or their SO. That way it would be just be out in the open at the start.

I do exactly the same thing and back away from relationships or look for anything wrong as an excuse. Thanks for your honesty in posting this, Ill be watching the thread with great interest.

I dont really feel right higing it as a relationship gets serious, its just to big a part of me to not say anything.

Cari

Raya
11-24-2008, 08:17 PM
I couldn't have come up with a better response if I tried. :heehee:

Welcome to the board, Mary! I think I'm gonna like you. Rude question, but I have to ask. Should I read your name "Mary K. Linden" or Mary Klinden"?

sterling12
11-25-2008, 01:04 AM
Deb, I live in "The Singles World" also. personally I don't think you have an obligation until you get "way more than serious." In The Singles World that I live in, seems like everyone knows everybody else. Seems like every gal I know has a girlfriend/confidant with whom she shares EVERYTHING in her relationships.

If you don't want everyone in "Singlesland," to be sharing your secret, not just your latest beloved, I can understand your reluctance to "share" this type of information.

I'll probably aggravate Kitty who got burned by her EX, and advocates honesty always and immediately. But, until your thinking about marriage or moving in together, is there really a need for her to know? My counsel is to wait, until it gets really, really, really, serious. If you really care about her, you'll know when the time is right.

Peace and Love, Joanie

docrobbysherry
11-25-2008, 01:19 AM
I am looking at having a serious relationship now, i,ve had fun with some casual dating, but i think it,s time i looked for someone special. The problem is actually reaching the stage where they become special, i,m not getting beyond casual at the moment because i,m reluctant to open up about myself.

I'm reading the posts here, looking for answers, same as u. It seems easier to just NOT call them back after a date or two. Rather than face all the personal crap u have to air to move to the next relationship level!:doh:

I keep telling myself when the "right" lady comes along, it will all be SO EASY!:)

Maybe I'm just DREAMING!? It's possible I'm going potty. Been alone in the closet with Sherry for too long!:eek:

Sheila
11-25-2008, 04:07 AM
.
I'll probably aggravate Kitty who got burned by her EX, and advocates honesty always and immediately. But, until your thinking about marriage or moving in together, is there really a need for her to know?
Peace and Love, Joanie

To be fair to Kitty, I don't think she means immediately as in the first date or so Honesty, I think (and she will correct me if I am wrong) she indicates Honesty the from the moment your relationaship appears to be "going somewhere"

....... and being honest I feel you the minute you begin to think "what can we do for X, Y,Z holiday tog" this is beginning to be a serious relationship in your eyes and time to have that discussion but just my:2c:

DJ ... hun the minute u stop looking for the serious relationship it will more than likely be round the corner:hugs: & have fun till then, afterwards have even more fun:hugs:

Tracii G
11-25-2008, 04:23 AM
I had met one lady recently and the subject of the bar scene came up and she talked about her and some girlfriends used to go to gay bars so as not to get "hit" on.
Well we ended up going out on a date one Saturday and I had brought some pics of Tracii just in case.The date was going just fine and she said she needed to go to the Goodwill store to get some things for a halloween costume I said great I love the goodwill store.
She asked if I was planning on going to a halloween party and I said yes you want to see some pics of my costume?
She looked at the pics and was not frazzled at all and said "thats you? My God you make a pretty woman" we may need to play dress up sometime.
My answer was sure anytime.
So maybe carrying pics may just help break the ice.Worked for me.

Di
11-25-2008, 08:30 AM
Deb I agree with Sheila:D... "Stop looking" it'll happen when you are not focusing on it so much". When you least expect it.

AND when you do find the Ms Right tell her after you see it getting serious...not right away...by then you know if you can trust her and know her and you both already care about each other and she can know and see you who you are and the cding will not be as big a deal....cause she already cares about you and vise versa...I feel if you tell too early ...for some that is all they will see and miss out on seeing and knowing all of you. Just my :2c:

Desiree2bababe
11-25-2008, 08:36 AM
Take her to a drag show and judge her demeanor to the performers, if good, then perhaps mention that you've dressed a time or two and enjoyed it.

Go from there.......

Jess_cd32
11-25-2008, 08:54 AM
Also i think part of my problem is that i,m terrified of being "outed" to people i know, if she decides she doesn,t want me and tells people!!

I had just that happen to me years ago w/ an old gf, and she swore on her Mothers life it was only between us, now thats really low to do IMO, is nothing sacred to that girl.
Was the next day actually she was telling my best friends girlfriend, which of course got back to him and then I'm getting questioned about it at work:eek:
She was gone soon after to because of that so your fear there is legitimate, it could happen and its not a pleasant experience.

After she stabbed me in the back like that I turned the tables on her and showed her a taste of her own medicine as I had zero respect for her after that. Needless to say people looked at her funny now after what I had to say about her in my self defence:thumbsup:

Saw a few good ideas on this thread you might wanna consider as options, but I certainly understand your fear about this comment you made.

KATIE TV
11-25-2008, 09:02 AM
Hi Debs, You could try what I did, My problem was more along the lines of how do I meet someone, So I placed an add on the dating page of a local paper. I decided that my dressing was a major factor of me so after all the bits about age, interests etc. I put “Seeks a very open minded lady to help with my feminine side” I got a good response and all either understood the add or when explained to them on the first phone call were all OK with it. One advantage of this to you would be any lady you met would not know your circle of friends, so until you felt happy introducing her to them couldn’t “out you”. I have been with “J” now for 2&½ yrs. We live together, she buys me cloths and loves to see me dressed. So what have you got to loose, give it a go. If you would like some advice on how it works, cost etc. send me a PM or e-mail address and we can chat, All the best of luck, Love Katie, X

MJ
11-25-2008, 09:07 AM
hey Debs
as i see it you still live in fear and that my friend will always dictate your life.
the other problem is your new found love will also have to live in fear and in your closet also. is that fair to her.

please don't get me wrong i have the same sort of issues . thats why I'm happy to be single. being trans is tough enough let alone dragging someone else in to this wacky community because her family will react .. and we all know that fear..

Jamie14
11-25-2008, 09:19 AM
Maybe take the same approach i use when feeling out female-co-workers that i'm thinking about telling.

Find a way in the middle of a casual conversation to bring up a Halloween where you were "coerced" to go out dressed up with some friends.

if she freaks and says something like how revolting tht is- then you've got your answer.

If she thinks it is funny and cute, ask a few more leading questions re: if she thinks you might have cute legs, etc. and see if you get a good feel from tht

If she gets really excited about it and says something like i would love to see you dressed up!, thn you can get a pretty good idea from tht as well.

Even with a good feedback, i wouldn't divulge too much info like the fact tht you've been doing it for years and years which might catch her off guard.

Have fun! Sometimes I wish i were still dating...........Jamie

KATIE TV
11-25-2008, 09:44 AM
hey Debs
as i see it you still live in fear and that my friend will always dictate your life.
the other problem is your new found love will also have to live in fear and in your closet also. is that fair to her.

please don't get me wrong i have the same sort of issues . thats why I'm happy to be single. being trans is tough enough let alone dragging someone else in to this wacky community because her family will react .. and we all know that fear..

Good point, But the fact that you are with someone who excepts you for what you are makes being in the closet pointless, “J” and I talked about how her family would react and decided it was down to us how we lived, when they where told it was all OK, In fact last weekend we went shopping with 2 of “J”s nieces’ 19 & 25 and they picked out a skirt for me. I don’t think that a GG that had made the informed choice to go with a TV/CD would care what anybody else thought, and if they did maybe they should think again about the relationship, Katie

KatieZ
11-25-2008, 09:53 AM
It sounds like your main concern is being outed if she isn't accepting.

Maybe you should start dating in a neighboring town where no one knows you. She can only out you to people you will never meet.

Annie D
11-25-2008, 10:13 AM
Many great responses and advice to your dilemma but as I read each one, I thought that perhaps you might take your crossdressing out of the equation and focus on the "things" that might make a relationship serious. Ask yourself why are you getting serious with someone? Is it physical? Do you share the same values? How do you know that you do? Have you ever talked about transgendered friends, relatives, people at work? Have you talked about what she wants in a relationship; escort service, serious dating, marriage.

I think that a serious relationship is based upon several different feelings, emotions and past experiences. The sharing that you do with one another is what makes a relationship serious and once you feel confident that the two of you are of similar ideals and values, then you can bring crossdressing into the equation. Does it take a week, a month, a year to develop a "best friend"?
A serious relationship that lasts is with "your best friend" whether it is with another male or female and those friends take you as you are, no questions asked.

Good luck! I married my best friend as many of us have done and you can fnd that person as well.

Ze xx
11-25-2008, 10:16 AM
I am in full favour of honesty, but I also understand you not wanting to out yourself to the wrong person so I see nothing wrong in testing the water first.

I think that if you're in the very early stages of a relationship, and you don't know where it's going, there's nothing wrong in saying something like 'Eddie Izzard is one of my favourie comics, what do you think of him' and if her response isn't that of moral outrage at that point, then you can ask what she thinks of crossdressing in general. All nice and easy, and not giving away anything about your self.

You don't know, she might reply with 'oooo I find men that cross dress really sexy!' if that's the case, I wouldn't necessarily jump in and tell her straight away, but at least you know that she's not appalled by the idea.

She might reply with moral outrage about insults to the female sex, in which case you know the relationship isn't really going to work, not without secrets and lies anyway.

Statistically she's more likely to be somewhere in between, but at least you've opened the dialogue and will be able to assess her feelings without leaving yourself open.

Either way, it's better than possibly giving up on what might have turned out to be a wonderful relationship.

Good luck :hugs:

Deborah Jane
11-25-2008, 01:08 PM
Thank you everyone :)
You given me a lot of great advice and ideas, some of which i will try out when i go into another relationship.

I,m sure there is someone out there for me and hopefully with the advice i,ve got from here i should be able to find her easier :)

I learned the hard way with not telling my ex wife before we started, this time intend to be honest before it gets serious so the woman concerned knows what she,s getting into and has the choice of getting out if i,m not what she wants or she can,t cope with crossdressing.

ElaineB
11-25-2008, 01:55 PM
At some point in your early conversations, rather than talk about "the CD thing" talk about yourself and how you feel about gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered, and crossdressers... About those "issues," if nothing else...


I agree. Many people seem to want to blurt out their deep dark secrets too early on in a relationship. Even aside from not being very tactically smart, it is also not really appropriate most of the time ... and that alone may ruin the relationship even if they did not care otherwise. "I could handle the crossdressing but why would he dump that on me on a third date?" That kind of thing.


Listen to what she says in response.

Especially do that! And pay particular attention to whatever she says about her ex's. That will tell you what level of discretion you can expect.

Alice Torn
11-25-2008, 01:57 PM
D, The singles dilemna, craziness, is rough enough, for non cd's let alone, for them. With so many more singles around, you would think it would be easier. I think quanity does not mean quality. This recession/depression brings another issue- no money for dating, unless we do inexpensive things. During the great depression, and war, people dated, and wed. During the coming storms, it may be rough for us, or more down to earth and simple. Lots of good advice in the replies, for you, me, and other solos. I had enough difficulty dating before cding. I made the mistake of showing pics to one older widow, in the strict religion, i am in. She agreed not to tell. Well, she told sombody. end of story. There are surely some ladies that would tolerate it, but a small minority. But, when a woman of depth, understanding, gets to love you, she may not react harshly, but, its a chance you take.Easy does it.

smokey
11-25-2008, 03:37 PM
i think that is a real concern, getting outed. you have a right to your secrecy from the general public. it could get bad. i guess thinking of how i'd like to know and when, it still would be when things started to get more serious. within a few months.
i do think the idea of broaching conversations during dating on this topic in general and getting a feel of the woman's opinions is good. talk about all kinds of stuff and include TG issues. i do that anyway when i'm dating someone, talk about everything under the sun.
then, if the relationship is going and going, can talk about cd'ing in your life. if i was someone who was telling someone this i'd ask for it to go no further, for the woman to not tell friends and the general world. if i was receiving the telling i'd honor that request.

Dana
11-25-2008, 03:56 PM
I realize this may come as a shock to most but there are actually GG's out there who are actually seeking a "T" girl ~ but they have the same problems as we, in finding someone they can trust, be open with and all the other issues that go with forming a relationship.

The problem isn't CD'ing, the problem is in connecting, and all the normal relationship issues that go with "hooking up" If your "the one" that meets their physical and emotional needs, they won't care if your "thing" is being a clown in a circus.

The thing is to be truthful and honest with yourself first. Then get with someone in which your focusing on meeting her physical and emotional needs most of the time.

One of women's biggest complaints is about men withholding emtions, which leads to women witholding sex. If your CDing is just about dressing in GG's clothes, makeup, and jewelry, then you need to evolve and throw off the shackles of being and defining who and what you are.

Now this is not always pragmatic as GM, as we have to live and work in the RR. Were I to let my co-workers know about Dana, it more than likely would cost me my job ~ not directly ~ but they would find some BS reason. (Hell, they want to get rid of anyone that openly voted for Obama!)

Lisa Golightly
11-25-2008, 03:59 PM
I always told them straight out from the offset... Revulsion or acceptance is best from the outset...

NewDresser
11-25-2008, 04:03 PM
Now maybe i have just read too much tg fiction but I had an idea that might work. Try to use reverse psychology, next time you are heading into a serious relationship with a women wait until she complains about having to wear something, or how uncofortable her bra, shoes, or whatever is(I don't know many women that haven't complained about clothing at some point in conversation with them). At that point you come in with the "oh it cant be that bad" and see if you can get her to pull the walk a mile in her shoes line. At this point she my be willing to dress you to prove her point, and if she doesn't be wearing something femme next time she comes over and tell her you are proving your point, that it isn't so bad. This won't let her know you dress right away, but it could be a foot in the door.

Maxi
11-25-2008, 04:23 PM
Going through my divorce 5 years ago was when I took up a serious interest in CDing. When I started dating, the first woman I brought home saw one of my slips in the bedroom, and asked "who's is this?" I told her it was mine. Then the questions started, Really?, Do you wear it? Could you try it on for me? It led to some hot nights. The next two women it was pretty much the same thing, as the later of these is now my wife. When my ex asked about the slips, and I said they were mine she was blown away with the idea, and wished she had known. She said it could have been fun.
I was surprised at how the women I met were turned on by it. I am a very confident man, and if I enjoy wearing lingerie in my home, Thats my perogative. Now I can't help but think they see it as the softer side of me, as I am 6'1", 205lbs, Hairy, muscular, and callused. It may look funny, but it's what im comfortable in.

Sheila
11-25-2008, 04:31 PM
Going t I am a very confident man, and if I enjoy wearing lingerie in my home, Thats my perogative. Now I can't help but think they see it as the softer side of me, as I am 6'1", 205lbs, Hairy, muscular, and callused. It may look funny, but it's what im comfortable in.

now confidence is veryyyyyy appealing, regardless of what u are wearing (or not):D:D

Dana
11-25-2008, 04:54 PM
now confidence is veryyyyyy appealing, regardless of what u are wearing (or not):D:D

My EXACT point, it takes a HELL of lot of self confidence for a man to own up to his feminine side ~ to wear a dress or anything feminie!

balletchick
11-25-2008, 10:47 PM
This is a support group site and from reading countless threads here as well as my own experience. I have yet to read I kept my cding from my wife or SO for several years I told her today she's cool with it, it didn't faze her a bit then we had mind blowing sex. I say this not to be sarcastic or make light of the situation, but to illustrate the point that our dishonesty on the issue is our down fall I say this including myself.

What we need to do is learn from others mistakes here a well as our own making the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results isn't doing any of us any good. I say this again including myself as I have made my share of the same mistake over again.

We as a group need to change our own outlook about ourselves first before society can change. I personally am going through some radical personal, emotional and physical changes I'm trying to be more open and honest about myself and those that are close around me. Its time for me to quit being ashamed of what I am and who I am.

At the potential of a budding new relationship I feel now is the best time to tell because if she can't handle my crossdressing than I'm with the wrong girl.

I hope we can all start learning from each others mistakes and take our lifestyles to the next level.

curse within
11-25-2008, 10:54 PM
This is a support group site and from reading countless threads here as well as my own experience. I have yet to read I kept my cding from my wife or SO for several years I told her today she's cool with it, it didn't faze her a bit then we had mind blowing sex. I say this not to be sarcastic or make light of the situation, but to illustrate the point that our dishonesty on the issue is our down fall I say this including myself.

What we need to do is learn from others mistakes here a well as our own making the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results isn't doing any of us any good. I say this again including myself as I have made my share of the same mistake over again.

We as a group need to change our own outlook about ourselves first before society can change. I personally am going through some radical personal, emotional and physical changes I'm trying to be more open and honest about myself and those that are close around me. Its time for me to quit being ashamed of what I am and who I am.

At the potential of a budding new relationship I feel now is the best time to tell because if she can't handle my crossdressing than I'm with the wrong girl.

I hope we can all start learning from each others mistakes and take our lifestyles to the next level.
Well amen to that brother!! Thats the thing I have discovered here this is a supportive site to crossdress not to stop .. You are on the right track in being supportive because the girlfriend does need to know and not right at first but before the I love you bombs come rolling out..

Kristen Kelly
11-25-2008, 11:40 PM
I am now out of a longterm relationship, and the fact that I could not accept who I was early in it kept me from telling her earlier. I get out often but have not met any GG's with to many common interests, so I placed and profile in a dating site as Kristen. Here is what I wrote in my profile.

Interests: active, Atlantic City, Camping,
cooking, clubbing, country music,
dancing, disco, food, Horseback Riding, Kyacking, Madonna,
New York City, Roller Skating, Travel,
sushi, ts


About Me
My world is not a soap opera, I am in control of my life, I am a person that knows what I want out of life, and knows how to live it.
I love the outdoor and try to be very active, biking, horseback riding, hiking, kayaking, great for the mind as well as keeping fit, even though my love for food gets in the way. I love to cook and love to get out for dinner, I have very wide tastes when it comes to food, and I can count the things I don’t like on my hand.
I am a person that can be trusted, I keep my friends even when dating and don’t abandon them, but do know my priorities and expect my friends to know the same. I am a good ear and know, it’s not all about me. I am not judgmental, and will give honest opinions, and expect and welcome the same.
I am an open minded individual, and am looking for the same, what a person is on the inside matters more, I don’t like snobs, or bigots, people should accept others, and give them their own space but I don’t believe other’s views should be forced upon us either.
I'm very feminine, I'm honest, sensitive, fun loving. Looking to make friends with the possibility of leading to more. I am Truely a diamond, with many facets if you can accept this side of me you will truly be able to see the splendor I am.
If this sounds too good to be true, I am the same IN PERSON . I will give you honest answers to any questions you may have. Would you like to be friends with a caring individual, I would love to chat, send me a note.

First Date
A first date might be going out dining, or for drinks, a picnic lunch on a sunny fall afternoon, a trip to an asmusement park or down the shore to the boardwalk, a trip to the zoo, where ever it would be, it would be a place that we could relax be ourselves and talk while enjoying ourselves.

I have chatted with many women and been out to dinner, drinks, coffee, with 5 of them, 3 in "drab" as well as Kristen. Many are truely intrigued to meet someone that is TS. On 1 date she was supprised that all night long in "drab" we were refered to as "Ladies" when I was not trying to pass. I have been talking about myself alot and in doing so have become even more comfortable with myself. I have been targeting Lesbians, and bi women, but had gone out with 1 woman that claimed she was straight. What ever, it has been fun, and being out in the open from the begining has created some very interesting comversations. Here is the site where my profile is, and my actual profile.

http://www.plentyoffish.com

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member9272377.htm

marny
11-25-2008, 11:58 PM
I don't see the timeline on the last four girfriends but I'm inclined to say your busy. Way more girl friends than I've had in years. Not that my wife would like me to have a girlfriend. Heh heh!

noeleena
11-26-2008, 12:56 AM
hi... Deb i would have to look at this from a long term side of things . i can now . some points are & you may not be able to answer this ...
. .Would you just stay as a male would you only dress as a female some times or would you go further along the road .... you do not say how it all went with your s o ...are you a male ... or a women ....or both these are the ???... you need to answer first you may have..my findings are ,,,,, at 10 i knew i was different ...at 50 i knew i was going to live as a women i allways was just took that long to be me ... 11 years of being that ,,,other,,,women ... i think you know what it would do to any women ...she is going to live with for a long time say 50 odd years .....all so can you be outed . now thats another can of worms ..any way i may be way off track here ..yet this seems to be the way you are going in some ways ...how would i think as a women if my man said i like being dressed as a ...female or i am a women inside.. devistated . .....hmmmm.....still thinking on that one its not so easy as i have been on both sides of the fence ...yet being in the middle ......yea.. some thing to look at ...noeleena...

Ze xx
11-26-2008, 07:02 AM
I have yet to read I kept my cding from my wife or SO for several years I told her today she's cool with it, it didn't faze her a bit then we had mind blowing sex. I say this not to be sarcastic or make light of the situation, but to illustrate the point that our dishonesty on the issue is our down fall I say this including myself.

Um, well, I'm a gg whose SO probably COULD say that, but I realise that I am not as others in this as well other things :D

What I will say from my pov, is that we've missed out on years of fun (not to say that we weren't having fun, but this has added an extra dimension iykwim) He does realise this now, but it's too late to turn back the clock.

I was freaked out when I first found out (he didn't tell me, I discovered this) but that was purely because I knew nothing of cders.

ReineD
11-26-2008, 08:36 AM
If you connect with someone on all levels and if there is chemistry between you, the CDing shouldn't matter. I can only share what happened between my SO and I.

We had known each other for 3 years, but superficially, from afar. Still, every time we were in the same room together, we were equally, intensely aware of each other's presence. I did not know about the CDing. By the end of the 3rd year we began talking together and it wasn't long before the attraction became overpowering. At least for me. He told me shortly after our first kiss. By this time, I was so completely smitten that he could have told me he was an alien and his future children were destined to be born green with horns on their heads, and it wouldn't have mattered! :)

I was nervous, but happy to meet her because at some level I understood how important she was, even though I only had a very superficial knowledge of CDing. I expected she and I to be girlfriends, and he & I to be lovers. But after a short period of adjustment, it turned out I consistently saw him/her for everything he/she is, my prior definitions of gender changed, and I am happy and comfortable no matter how he/she chooses to present.

My advice is to have a good time, enjoy getting to know the person, and try not to worry or focus on how she might take the news. Relax, and you will know if the feelings between you progress to the next level. If sparks do start to fly, trust that there is something deep in you she is attracted to, and this will be the priority and will form the basis of her attraction: your multi-faceted and many wonderful characteristics, not merely the one aspect of your personality that society doesn't understand very well.

I'm guessing that as the result of having experienced societal bias, you have learned not to be judgmental of others, and this is a trait that you will sense and it will likely turn you off if you do detect it in a potential partner? So you can also trust that if the chemistry does develop, it will likely be because she will not be apt to judge you solely on the basis of the CDing. Just don't move too quickly and do let things unfold. If they do not, then it will be time for each of you to move on anyway.

Another plus in your case is that you've had the time to explore the CDing to its fullest, and it will no longer yield any surprises for you (based on your recent posts :) ). So when you do tell her you will be able to focus on her initial needs of learning to understand this, and you will not go off in a pink fog and leave her behind, thus jeopardizing your newfound relationship. Then, matters can develop from there.

If I keep typing this post I'll have the two of you having kids next. And you haven't even met! LOL. I'll stop now.

Jess_cd32
11-26-2008, 08:39 AM
Maybe a bumper sticker... "Honk if you love crossdressers"??

Or how about "I brake for crossdressers", lol

This issue isn't an easy one for answers, but alot of great replies:thumbsup:

faltenrock
11-26-2008, 08:50 AM
It is difficult to give any intelligent advise. I regret, that I didn't tell my wife after we met. I wasn't ready for the talk about CDing. However, at some point I came out to her. Today, she is tolerating (at the best) but not more. We can't share my fem part anymore, we did for a few years though, but she felt uncomfortable with it.

I think, there is no other way than coming out with it as soon as possible in any relationship. If you stop dating anyway (before talking about it), than you can't loose anything, if you tell her right away, you might only win a great tolerant partner. Go for it and take that risk. There is no win without taking any risks in life.

AKAMichelle
11-26-2008, 11:36 AM
After I started accepting myself, I became more comfortable about who I was. My wife has only accepted that I am a crossdresser, but never wants to discuss it. Since we were getting a divorce, I didn't want to be alone so I began meeting other women. In total I ended up meeting 2 women.

The first women was told after about 1 week. I had opened up about myself and let her see the real me. I told her that when she was ready I would tell her my deepest secret. I let her know that there was something very early on. So when she began asking questions, I was hoping that I would figure out how to tell her. So one night after a week, the topic came up. I was completely terrified. There I was beginning to share a secret which took me 24 years to tell my wife. I had finally accepted myself. So I told her by explaining that it was a part of who I was, not the whole me. I explained how crossdressing helped to relax me and sometimes it was the only thing that held me together. She had a hard time understanding it, but she and I continued to talk over the next couple of weeks until she accepted it. In the end she moved too far away to see each other very often. So we drifted apart.

I was lonely after that and I eventually met another women. She got told over the phone one night as we talked. Every since we had met, we had talked on the phone for hours. The first time we met we went out to dinner and talked a lot afterwards. The second time we were talking about what I really wanted for my birthday more than a car. That night when we went walking, she saw the earrings. I had gotten them pierced the day before. We talked about the earrings that night, but I refused to tell her my secret. There was very little magic between us. We seemed to do better as friends, but I had never had a platonic girlfriend. So later that night on the phone I just blurted it out. Half to get rid of her if she couldn't handle it and the other part was just I was so tired of hiding myself. She accepted the whole thing so much, that I ended up going to her work dressed. We didn't say anything, but she got to see me. That evening we walked and talked a great deal about crossdressing.

She ended up going out with me more as Michelle than as a male. We went for a long drive in the mountains, movies, dinner, walks and even shopping. I had a great time with her because she let me be Michelle. We ended up cooling everything because I am trying to work things out with my wife. This woman started getting in between me and my wife and I had to make a decision. I truly miss those times of going out together. I wish my wife would do that. <UGH>

I ended up telling a third woman that my wife and I both knew from selling perfume at a major department store. This woman and I were talking privately when she asked why my wife and I are separated. So I told her that it was something which I kept from her for 24 years of our marriage. She guessed a killer. She guessed that I had been in prison. I realized that she wasn't going to give up, so I told her. Her next comment shocked me a little, "IS THAT ALL"! There was the magic words I had longed for all my life. It's no big deal. It's OK! I accept you! A couple of days later on Veteran's day I worked up the courage to go into the mall and see her dressed. She complimented me for dressing like every other women out there. She said that I looked very nice.

So the main point of the story is that if you want to be accepted then you have to take the risk. I let both women see the clothes in the closet. I think the amount of clothes says a lot about how serious crossdressing is to you. Seeing the clothes is a simple way of letting them know who you are. The clothes let them know that you are being honest. The key here is to reinforce that you were very scared about what they would say. You vunerablity makes you a real person. You have shared your secret, but with whom - HER. You earn brownie points because who want her to know the whole person, not just the facade. You believe in being completely honest. You have now shown her that you trust her while asking her to keep everything secret. Explain to her how society views this and how scary it is to tell someone.

If she says anything who is going to believe her. Make sure that all pictures are taken with your camera and that it remains in your possession. Be careful about who you tell, but many of those women that you threw back may have been accepting.

The one thing that you should think about is - I told 4 women in all. My wife who only partially accepts. The other 3 women accepted. 2 of which would have gone out with me as Michelle and one that did. I think there are a lot more accepting women than not. It your choice. Do you want to be alone or have a partner. Even without crossdressing, opening up to someone about who you really are means risks. They can always tell someone about an embarrassing moment. If you don't let someone in, then you will definitely be alone! It's a guarantee! Good Luck to you.