OMG Did Someone from Work See Me

[laceyjessica]

Well I innocently went to the mall Wednesday night to pick up a couple things for the kids for christmas. Well I did stop by Torid, Layne Bryant, look around at Sears, Body Basics and JCPenny at some lingerie and skirts and blouses, nothing serious. Well I could feel a pink fog coming on havent been out in a while to shop, anyway I was at work yesterday, and this one lady I work with walked by and she was saying something and then BOOM I heard crossdresser and she looked at me. Thought it was odd but whatever, I few hours later she came back by my desk and was talking to a few people and again she said its not like I am a crossdresser right! and looked right at me, well that time I got nrevious, I was going to try and say something funny but I figured that would come out wrong. I just dont know what to do if she confronts me, I would love to be a passable woman but I know that probably will never happen, so this is really something I would like to keep secret from the people I work with for now, I mean its not like I might be shopping for my wife, who of course would never wear the cute sexy clothes and lingerie that I was looking at,lol What should I do if cornered by this person?????

[prene]

Good and Bad.

Sometimes I hate keeping it a secret and would love it if I was found out.

Only a few people know that I CD.

If I had some of the acceptance some of the GG here have I would be very happy.

Good Luck.

[Babette]

Well Jessica, depending on your relationship with this person, you could do one of several things:

1. Smile gently, say nothing (ever) and let her mind go into overdrive for a while. Actually, you owe her no explanation for what you do on your own time. If you can keep your cool, she will probably go away and never ask again.

2. Say, "Yes, you have figured me out. I am actually an undercover Martian spy on a secret, advanced mission since our planet is plotting to conquer Earth." Warning: This may prompt more questions especially if she finds Martians intriguing.

Unless you want to be totally discovered, I would never counter her question with another question like "Why do you ask," or "What are you talking about?" She is asking a leading question that is essentially "testing the water" in hopes that you will spill your beans. Don't take the bait.

Babette

[catriona36]

tell her your sleeping with the bosses wife and you wanted to get her something nice lol lol lol
ok i couldnt help that.
even t ho i am unemployed now i wouldnt like people i used to work with find out cos i still have friends there :)
just tell her you shopping for a new gf :)

[DAVIDA]

I think that you might want to hear more of the conversation befor trying to jump in. She might be talking about something that you didn't hear!

Or, you could just say that you were looking for her a gift.....but couldn't find anything big enough!:eek:

[Sally2005]

Sounds like a trouble maker...she doesn't know and she's already telling people? Just ask her what she is talking about...what ever she says just say you were out christmas shopping and leave it at that. She has no business asking for who and what you got them. Just tell her you are sure it is not what she thinks. And often, just laughing and saying, okay you got me... you know...ya ya ya that's it... since you say I am, I must be... if she starts spreading the word at work, just ask her to stop and talk to her manager to say she is spreading gossip if it bothers you.

[Nicole Erin]

The Point - If you REALLY want to get her off your back about being CD, mention "harassement", she will shut her trap REAL quick. No need to tell her you are CD if you are not ready. She sounds like a bitch anyways.

My ramblings -
This is why I am not real secrative about my CD'ing.
People are nosy, people love to gossip. I do my Cd shopping with the same indifference of someone shopping for groceries. And I give 2 sh^ts what anyone thinks. :brolleyes:

The real question you need to ask yourself is if you could or would be fired over being CD. Once that question is answered to the best of your ability, you can figure out if you want to just come clean with it.

If all goes well, and people know what you are about, never again will you have to worry about it.

My experience though - peoples' fascination with us seems to last a while. From the week I started until 2.5 years later when I got laid off with a ton of other folks, I still got questions about it, everything from "why do you shave your legs/have long hair? [at first] to later dressing related questions once the cat was completely out of the bag.

I am telling you, people are very fascinated by us. Being "out" on any level will get you a lot of attention. How will you handle it? How iwll it effect family and friends and work?

You can't just quit shopping or being you. You can't drive to timbuktoo every time you want more femme garb.

[cindym5_04]

I was going to go with the word "harassment" as well.

Or, instead of saying the boss' wife... just say "well I was doing your mom the other night and she said it would be nice if I bought her something sexy".

[2b.Lauren]

She might have noticed you, and it does really depend on a lot of things happening before you take the risk to confront her. I would say first of all since you have not been privvy to all of the conversation you might want to have all the info before you jump to conclusions. If she was not talking about you then, you can almost guess after bringing it up, if you were not out to the office then, you will be now hun. If however, she were to drop another hint or conversation in your general direction again, I feel you are justified to ask her the context that she is discussing this in, and why does it always seem to be in your direction once mentioning crossdressing. If she says I did see you, then just politely say, hey what I do after hours is my life, and I would appreciate you keeping out of it. I might not choose to be so nice, but you get the drift here. I really think I would since in my situation I would have to handle that with absolute "kid gloves" parden the pun, because I do work with kids. My ultimate fear is to be in that situation and to have to deal with some sort of witch hunt based on my private life. We all know how ignorant people are. So take it easy, and see how it goes before you take a step. I hope that you can work this out to your satisfaction without having to resort to taking some sort of stand.

Lauren

[Karren H]

I've run into so many coworkers when shopping for clothes and makeup.. And some of the secretaries have gotten my Voictoria secret catalogues by mistake and returned them to me with a smile.. Lol. So if half the company doesn't know or suspect already...

If she comes back just tell her what anyone wears is none of her business!!

[CamillaCD]

If I was cornered by a coworker I would most probably admit to it. I would ask the person not to deliberatly broadcast it though. I don't have a leading position in my job, so if I put on a skirt in my spare time it should be none of my jobs business. Also, since I am out to my closest family I cannot be blackmailed either.

Being from a different country I am not sure my way is what you should do though.

[DonnaT]

its not like I might be shopping for my wife, who of course would never wear the cute sexy clothes and lingerie that I was looking at,lol What should I do if cornered by this person?????

This time of year, no reason you couldn't have been shopping for presents. No one needs to know the presents were intended for you. So, you have plausible denial on your side.

If she didn't catch you trying them on, she only has untenable speculation working for her.

[suchacutie]

What's with us??? Before Tina arrived I used to shop for my wife. Can't I still do that? Don't all of you have female relatives??? If I go into a woman's area in a department store, is the only reason for my being there that I wear women's clothing? If so, then the 15 men I saw in Victoria's Secret last week must pretty hot, considering what they were looking at!

Please, let's all get a grip, stand back from the situation and just smile at that woman, and when she makes a fool of herself ask her what her problem is, that no male cares enough about her to know enough to buy clothes and things for her? I'd tell her I was sorry for her that she was in such a sorry state!

Then again, I can be a bit dominant in either gender :)

tina.

[mklinden2010]

CDing, one way or another is with a person for life - more or less.

This is why acceptance is so important for a CDer.

First, you get it - then, they get it.

Do a good job, be a good neighbor, give to the blood drive, live your life - while keeping in mind you only really have the freedoms you will defend.

What you describe is the office troublemaker, or, neighborhood troublemaker, or, town jerk. There will always be people who don't like something and try to make a big deal about it. Could be your tie, the color of your car, the person in the cubicle next to you... Bitch, bitch, bitch - bully, bully, bully. Just know this and be prepared to deal with such things.

Be cool. First response is, "What was that all about?" If they say, "What?" then get into what your impression of what the conversation was. If they are turds about it, then they are turds. Just go, "Yeah? What's that got to do with the price of airplanes in China?" If they are fine with it, just leave it alone - don't let them bait you into saying anything about yourself you weren't prepared to say yesterday. And, yes, I like the "harassment" thing previously suggested. You may have to fight for your right to be left alone. If so, so be it. Don't sell yourself short just because someone would like to cut you (anyone) down.

The huge majority of people I have known are too busy and too interested in their own lives to spend much time offering opinions about others or wanting to run their lives. But, there are always a few jerks around. Just draw them out as jerks and go on about your business. Chances are very good you'll be left alone - while it will occur to everyone else that no one is probably safe around the windbag... That's her problem.

Someone came up to me recently and said, "Man, you handled that bullshit really well!"

I said, "Ole!"

We're still laughing about that... What else could a bull(y) be full of???

[slamddoger]

why do you have to say anything at all let go. if you dont say anything pople will think she on one

[victoriamwilliams1]

I response is to her would be: "what a man can't go in womens stores shopping? or are you just jealous that a man would go shopping in a woman store for his wife or even himself if it pleases him"

Thats my response to her. I was shopping the other day en-drab actually for my wife and I seen a man shopping in the women department as well. No one paid either one of us any attention.

[GINA-CD]

OK, she saw you and you say it's something your wife would never wear. Does that woman know that? Can she tell for sure? I guess not.

So, I feel you want to keep this as a secret so stick to one story and just one. You can even build a true story to hide what she saw, you could buy your wife some kind of nice lingerie from one of the stores you visited that day and maybe comment that with a few colleagues, that way you have a true alibi and it's a known fact you were in that store and even bought something FOR YOUR WIFE. No further explanations needed and I don't think she's gonna call your wife to find out if that was true.

Of course, harrassment is a good word to use if she insists or goes after you again...

[beenherelongtime]

i wouldn't worry unless she confronts you directly or some other coworker tells you she is talking about you. if she confronts you, very nicely tell her it's none of her business.

[NancyTO]

Hey it's Christmas time, plenty of guys are buying women's clothing and lingerie for their SO.

[EryLynn]

New kid here.

May I offer a real story that may work with your co-worker?

Back when cell phones were still kind of "new", I was shopping for both myself and my wife at an outlet store.

I was holding a negligee up with one hand and feeling the texture of the material along the cups and under the armpits. My wife will absolutely NOT wear anything scratchy, and the item I was looking at did have a bit of a "starchy" feel to the lace. Not wanting to splurge on a "non-returnable" item that neither of us would wear, regardless of how inexpensive it was I was at a loss. I kept fondling the item and just shaking my head.

I finally gave up and called my wife at home on the cell phone, and plugged in my corded earpiece (this was some time ago). I then proceeded to describe the item, and felt the cloth and even sniffed at it.... all while describing what I'm feeling and smelling to my wife when much to my amazement a woman in the next aisle stood up from a crouched position.

The look on her face was priceless. I'm absolutely sure she did NOT see my earpiece (other ear) and all she saw was a man talking to this negligee while he's fondling and smelling it..... and promptly declared..... PERVERT!!!@@# and marched promptly out of the store.

I'm positive she's STILL telling her friends about the "pervert"....

Funny thing about some people, they'll assign characteristics to benign behavior based on THEIR prejudices.

When I got to the sales counter with the now-officially-approved negligee, the sales gal asked if I wanted the negligee wrapped. I replied, "No, it's for me!" The look on HER face was priceless also, but I continued, "It's for my wife to wear, but for MY enjoyment." That got her laughing.

That actually helped for future visits.... for MY enjoyment.

EryLynn

[laceyjessica]

Thanks you all for the advice, it really helps. This might be directed to me today at work i was standing by a file cabnet and strangey she came over to get in the conversation and ran her had up and down the middle of my back like she was looking for something, now usually i underdress with a cam somtimes bra and always panties and hose, today not sure what to do i left all the top stuff off, no one said anything today but I have never experienced someone just coming up and scratching my back I thought right away she might be looking for something. She finished talking and then went about her business.

[Katie Moore]

You betcha she was looking for something. I'd be real careful about that one. I'd also let her know real plainly not to be touching....


:love:

Katie

[bredalee25]

Just say excuse me can't a man shop in the ladies dept and not be labled a crossdresser. Did you ever think i might be shopping for a loved one. Add this i shouldn't have to defend myself but because of narrow minded people like you I feel the need to. BTW this is one of my pet peeves. It really angers me when this happens to me. Women can go buy anything in the mens dept and go home put it on and walk out the door and nothing let me do the same in the womens dept and just put it on without trying to look like a woman you know just put it on and walk out the door and if anyone sees me you know what'll happen. ttfn

[Babette]

Just say excuse me can't a man shop in the ladies dept and not be labled a crossdresser. Did you ever think i might be shopping for a loved one.... ttfn

Jessica,

Brenda's comment made me wonder, are you sure this lady even saw you shopping? Maybe she has suspicions from some other situation. Then again, maybe she is just fishing for something that tweaks her personal interests. Nevertheless, be very careful.

Babette

[suchacutie]

She just walked up and ran her hand up and down your back? Wow...there would be an outcry of harrassment here if anyone pulled that junk!

This woman has a problem and maybe your HR department needs to explain it to her!

tina

[mklinden2010]

She ran her hand up and down your back?

Eeeewwwww....

That's just creepy.

Yeah, you should complain to the higher ups about that. If a man did that to a woman at work: "Bye-bye!"

You could put it on terms most people could get, "That OLD lady seems to have a thing for younger guys. In the file room she..." or, whatever angle will make her look as creepy as she is.

Also reminds me of a conversation I heard recently. Two guys were talking about self-defense and were demonstrating what they'd do, "If this... And, if that..."

Another guy was following the conversation and said, "It's less complicated than that... If someone gets closer to me than 18 inches, I pop 'em!"

Yeah, too close for comfort and up to trouble no matter how you look at it, or, what you might be up to in your non-working hours. She's deliberately violating your personal boundaries.

Start actively working on shutting her act down.

Play nasty if you want.

You have no future there if you don't counter this B.S. with a strong response.

And, be practical. If she's "in" better than you are there, you should plan on changing jobs anyway. If that place supports such things, you can't beat 'em all and you really don't want to waste all your time trying to. She doesn't actually win if you do this, THEY all loose you and wind up with her. Rough justice.

Funny how everyone is entitled to respect and happiness, but they wind up having to earn it... Do right by yourself and work for a better life with better people as you go about this.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

Thanks you all for the advice, it really helps. This might be directed to me today at work i was standing by a file cabnet and strangey she came over to get in the conversation and ran her had up and down the middle of my back like she was looking for something, now usually i underdress with a cam somtimes bra and always panties and hose, today not sure what to do i left all the top stuff off, no one said anything today but I have never experienced someone just coming up and scratching my back I thought right away she might be looking for something. She finished talking and then went about her business.

unwanted,uninvited touching IS sexual harassment!!!!!!

it works BOTH ways....

[sometimes_miss]

The harassment thing is only going to work if you declare that you ARE a crossdresser and will pursue legal protection as such under the laws. But that can only be if you want to be completely 'out', forever, because there's no turning back.
Otherwise, plausible deniability.


This time of year, no reason you couldn't have been shopping for presents. No one needs to know the presents were intended for you. So, you have plausible denial on your side. If she didn't catch you trying them on, she only has untenable speculation working for her.

Then you wrote:

now usually i underdress with a cam somtimes bra and always panties and hose,

So then she has evidence to pin it on you. Unless you always wear very heavy materials, a bra will show through as well as panty lines and stockings may show above your socks. You've already decided to routinely risk being outed, maybe you want that. Here's your chance.

You have several choices: 1. continue to risk exposure as a crossdresser by shopping for, and wearing female undergarments that could easily be exposed while you wear them, 2. Stop underdressing (this assuming no one else has ever had any chance to notice what you are wearing, which may be unlikely) and deny any knowledge of crossdressing, 3. Openly come out to everyone about your crossdressing, which will stop the curiosity gossip, and replace it with other gossip about your sexual identity and preferences on a more permanent basis. Not to mention, possibly interfere with how management sees you as being fit or unfit for your job should downsizing become a problem and you wind up being the one let go. Then, if your industry is 'tight', others will know about you which may affect whether you get hired at other companies. While crossdressing may not show up on the resume or on a companies official transcript of any evaluations, if it is known, you can bet it will influence whether you get a job or not. The vast majority of the population considers us abnormal, at the very least, and a lot of people aren't comfortable with having us around.

[ErikaLeigh]

OK, Unless she has pics of you holding a piece of clothing or you wearing something then its all just hearsay. You could go about this in another direction and ask a few coworkers if she has a thing for you or something because she has been trying to get in on your conversations and also the back rubbing thing. If anyone says something about her spreading a rumor about you being a CD and you want to keep it your secret then just deny it. Then confront the lady and tell her that XXXXXX said she is spreading this rumor and if she doesnt stop you will go to your supervisor. This IS a form of sexual harrasment and she has no right.

[Nicole Erin]

I think we are of the few men on earth who would even be thinking of sexual harassement... :heehee:

I wen to sears the other day to shop for some femme garb and the lady was totally indifferent....

"well this 18/20 fits well but do you think it will shrink in the wash?"
Long story short she was cool and treated me like a normal customer...

[catriona36]

with my nokia its one button and its recording audio..
so? i hear you ask????
have your ear peice on and next time she comes up and soes that hit record
and ask her why she is doing "it"
she will prob say something stupid. wither way you have her admitting to touching you.
alls fair in love and war :)

[Shelly67]

I think this woman is pursuing a nasty gossip style of attack on you . If she ever got to know about youre gender lifestyle , I'm sorry but I think the whole workforce would be informed pronto , much to her enjoyment.Such people are normally very intelligent but also so bored any little thing will set them off. They enjoy the attention , revel in the limelight , but fail to see the one thing they hate - nobody trusts them . I,ve argued in the past with such people , nothin nasty , but when the trust issue came up , boy , it hit home .
I think that if you were to inform H. R of any such harressment it will only fuel her fire at this stage. Perhaps you need to wait , keep an eye open for such a poisonous act before you can alert those concerned . At this time it,ll only open a can of worms .
I think there maybe another way here ..... one that may truely ward her off.
Embaress her.
If she touches you again ( if i were in youre shoes ) I,d loudly remark something like " Do you mind please ...I,m a happily married man - keep those wandering hands to yourself " make light of it in a joking manner ,laugh even but making sure stern eye contact enforces just how serious you are . Her reaction will certainly be evident , pointing you in the right direction of how to react in the future if need be .
As for underdressing at work , well its youre choice , but right now , perhaps abstinence would be a good idea. With the silly season upon us , she may try to do something even more outrageous and try to out you........
Keep us informed , and good luck .

[Chrissy be good]

I would find out what was said before jumping to any conclusuins and plotting a counterstrike. The next time she runs her hands down your back just say loudly "please don't grab my a$$....I'm a happily married man" and add something along the harrassment lines. Hopefully she'll get the point. I wear shorts to work and one day one of my coworkers said "dude, you shave your legs" to which I quickly replied sarcasticly "yea, because I think it looks better with a short skirt....you wanna feel how smooth they are. Looks hot huh". The look on his face was priceless.

[Kelsy]

Ignore her!!! That of course will drive her nuts!!:)

Kelsy

[CD_DIANE]

A friend of mine works as an HR director. "Harassment" can be anything from verbal to written (emails) to physical. Anyone who touches can easily be terminated. Now is a difficult time for that to happen, and sexual harassment is a bad reason for leaving a job!

Diane

[MarianMalo]

Another possibility - if you live in an area where gender expression is protected (such as NYC and SF), you may have the upper hand. Quietly check out the laws in your area - you may have a pleasant surprise!

If you are not protected by law, you may be protected by company policy - such as my firm. Again, check everything out quietly - you may have the advantage against a troublesome person.

One last bit of advice - don't shop in areas you know workmates live, unless you are out already....

----------------

Getting away from advice, I was outed by someone - and my true friends accepted me for who I am, and not what I like to do. I hope you have the same acceptance from those important in your life if the worst happens....

MM

[DanaR]

As long as she didn’t see you crossdressed, and knew it was you crossdressed, all she knows is that you were shopping. Most of us, at one time or another, would be embarrassed to be caught in the lingerie section of the store by someone. Just don’t react and the situation will go away.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

We are who were are and we can't change it ! Even if I could, I wouldn't. I love CDing too much. So what - if she suspects - so what. After years of denial, I really don't care anymore - I am who I am - and I love being who I am.

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler