Cross-Dressing and Relationships

I have been having a hard time accepting my cross-dressing because I am afraid that it will limit the kinds of women I can date. I have seen second hand from this forum and various web resources that there are a lot of women who have problems with their husbands/boyfriends dressing. This overall leaves me with a bitter sweet feeling toward my cross-dressing in general. Even though I love cross-dressing, at the same time I also strongly hate that I do it. For those of you who have more relationship experience than I do, tell me, what you think the best way to approach it is. Part of me says I should straight up own it and lay it out on the table when I meet a girl and adopt a frame where if she has a problem with it then the door is over there but another part of me says that I could get into some unwanted trouble by doing that and instead I should wait until I trust the girls I meet a little later into the relationship before I tell them.

Hey there DSC. Personally I believe that if CDing is integral to your emotional well being (i.e., you have to do it or you become miserable) then if you are looking for a serious relationship then you should put the cards on the table. Perhaps not the first date "I love your dress . . . I have one just like it" as that will most likely send them packing fairly quickly. If you like this person, allow them time to get to know the real you (the internal self) then when things get a bit more serious (i.e., you are progressing beyond casual dating) have the talk. This way all cards are on the table for her to make a decision (good and bad).

If you are just looking to hook-up for casual dating (no strings attached sort of thing - never going to see this person again) then unless you have a burning desire for that person to know . . . IMO I see no need for full disclosure.

Hugs

Isha

As we all know, crossdressers fall in to three general levels (subdivided in to as many groups as you like).
Those who do it a little of the time for fun.
Those who do it as a need but will remain male.
Those who are or will transition.

How your crossdressing effects the woman to be involved depends on where you fall in these levels.

If you are doing it a little for fun then she may consider it fun. But if you are doing it by need or transitioning fits in there somewhere then her response could be quite different.

So perhaps you should advise us of your crossdressing intentions so we can better advise.

But regardless, how would you feel if you were a GG dating a guy and after a while, he reveals his secrets, perhaps after you become involved. As a human being you owe any woman you anticipate a potential relationship with the common courtesy of honesty and respect. Maybe not on the first date, but certainly by the time it hots you that this GG could become my SO.

I don't think you should let crossdressing get in the way of your pursuit if a relationship. If you really like a girl go for her and just be yourself as much as possible. Crossdressing not that serious of deterrent as long as you have self control, its really up to you whether or not you want to tell anyone about it.

It's more important to have to meaningful relationships with people than anything else.

Being a crossdresser cost me my marriage and have yet to find an understanding female who will accept me for who i am

As I'm sure others have said, first meet and get acquainted well enough that you're both interested in and comfortable with sharing intimate knowledge of each other. Then gently introduce the subject. You owe it to yourself and to the women you meet to let them get to know you as a whole person before dropping this information on them.

Hi DSC, You probably will never be satisfied till you find an accepting lady friend.

I met my partner on the internet in 2003

Right from the start, I let her know that I was transgender. This was a LONG time before we actually met

I think that if you are serious about things (both your own crossdressing AND your potential relationship), you HAVE to let her know at the beginning

Some time fairly early in the relationship is the best time. Preferably when both know each other somewhat.:)

Yea it takes a special lady to except a crossdressing guy, if you find one then you have her for life because they are the best I should know my best friends a girl and she wishes she had a CD husband lol she's fab! :hugs:, I know many marriages that have gone to the dogs where guys have come out to their wives, it's such a shame and horrible to see, trouble is I don't see what the problem is it's just a guy wearing different clothes yet woman can where guys clothes yet it's fine:straightface:, it doesn't change who you married it's still the say guy in side...but hey ho what do I know:straightface:.

Just be your self sweet and don't change who you are for anyone otherwise your never be a happy sole if you feel you have to change to suit someone else then you really shouldn't be with them, people should except you for you and just be upfront about your crossdressing this is perhaps a lot more easier on dating sites as you can put it in you description that way anyone looking at you and decides to email you is liking the person they see so then you know they don't mind cd's, I just thank my lucky stars that guys are a lot more excepting about having a cd boyfriends, it's my crossdessing that attracted my bf to me...phew!! lucky!!:o

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Originally Posted by Double Sided Card

Part of me says I should straight up own it and lay it out on the table when I meet a girl and adopt a frame where if she has a problem with it then the door is over there but another part of me says that I could get into some unwanted trouble by doing that and instead I should wait until I trust the girls I meet a little later into the relationship before I tell them.

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I wholeheartedly believe that it is always best to be unapologetically yourself. I also believe in honesty. This doesn't mean you need to beat anyone over the head with your intimate self, & yes you should share private things only when & with whom you are comfortable enough to do so.

I happen to be a GG who accepts, loves, encourages, enjoys, & participates in my husband's crossdressing. I find him attractive in boy or girl mode, but must admit I find him *ravenously* attractive when he wears pretty things.

I have always known about my husband's desire to dress, & have always enjoyed it just as much. Rather than a deal-breaker, it made my feelings for him stronger, because it was this deep something we shared.

I know I am not exactly typical. I am a bisexual woman who has always been more attracted to femininity than masculinity. I have also always been a strong supporter of the LGBT & CD community, so this is nowhere near anything new for me. On top of that, I'm a cosmetologist, so the idea of making up & dressing my husband appeals to me on that level, too. Point is, though, I exist. And I'm not the only one.

A woman who is repelled by crossdressing is not a woman you should bother pursuing. A woman who hates this will never love you all the way. But there ARE women who can and will. Since we seem to be scarce, I would suggest not wasting time accepting anything less than someone who will accept you fully.

Keep your chin up! :)

from my experience its always best to lay it on the line as soon as possible..been with my so now for a year and i told her on the first date...before her i told my previous partner after 6 months and we were together 12 years.always best to get it out quickly i find before u get too attached and it causes heartbreak.

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Originally Posted by Double Sided Card

... have seen second hand from this forum and various web resources that there are a lot of women who have problems with their husbands/boyfriends dressing. ...

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DSC, look to the "why" women have issues with cross dressing. It is overwhelmingly the secrecy, hiding or lying about it that causes the most damage. Also, there is a wishful notion by many cross dressers that their wife will suddenly be "into it" when in fact only a very small fraction will ever be that way.

You our need to be objective about this, cross dressing is weird BUT a woman can get past it if YOU bring something to the table that makes dealing with cross dressing worth it.

Indeed, I didn't understand who I was when my darling SO and I got together and I so wish I had had the chance to tell her then. Now I'm agonising over whether, how, when, to tell and what might happen. I totally agree, it doesn't need to come on a first date, but as soon as you want to be serious. Good luck with your search
Love
Ivie

I'm a genetic woman (GG) and I totally agree with Isha, post #2.

The CDing was somewhat unfamiliar to me, even though I did already know my friend's husband who used to crossdress. Had my SO told me at the beginning, I think that I would have struck him off of my subconscious list of "possibilities", even though I would have been happy to be his friend.

As it was, we knew each other for three years rather casually, during which time I fell for him head over heels. He told me the first week we finally began dating, and I was so enamored that I was willing to learn more even though it felt somewhat overwhelming.

We've been together about seven years now, and the CDing has become just another normal aspect of who he is. FYI, when his schedule permits, she dresses on average about twice per week in order to go out and do stuff, sometimes alone and sometimes with me.

DSC: Don't "let yourself" not like a part of you!!! Be yourself (your ENTIRE self).... be honest about your C/Ding if/when you date women, and let them decide if it is fatal to a prospective relationship. I've "BT/DT" (been there; done that), and the best relationships I have had included my C/Ding... especially the one I have been in the last 3 years....

I have to throw the idea out there that if you cannot accept this part of you, then how can you ask someone else to do that? All the other advice is great, but this would seem to be the first step to my way of thinking.

Another GG here chiming in:D

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I have seen second hand from this forum and various web resources that there are a lot of women who have problems with their husbands/boyfriends dressing.

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Most of that is being married a bunch of yrs then finding out.....most of that is because the of the secrets ect.

I would say....date and when you think it will be getting serious be up front. You would want to be with someone that loves all of you.....and you can see from reading here that it does not go away....usually gets stronger and all the hurt on both sides that can come from being afraid to share all of yourself.

In my mind, the fact that you dress is just another part of what makes you you. If you form a relationship that isn't with the whole you, then that's not the best foundation for future happiness.

Sure, cross-dressing limits which women will be interested in you, but that's life. I wish I was taller but I'm not so that's that. Some women will only even consider going out with a man 6 feet tall or more so I don't stand a chance with them. I realised a while back that I wouldn't want the sort of woman who would dismiss a person because of their height anyway so it's no big deal.

So... Ask yourself this... Would you want to be dating a woman who couldn't accept dressing? If dressing is a core part of who you are, then I'm guessing you probably wouldn't so maybe those women aren't for you anyway.

Thank you all for the great responses. I have to say I am surprised that I received so many responses so quickly. From this I think I have a pretty good idea on how I should handle my relationships. I will keep in mind that I should tell girls with potential early on in the relationship, but, that I should also wait till I know and trust them before saying anything.

You don't have to reveal anything, just let your prospective beau enjoy the relationship she expects and a big reveal can come later, I might add, with mixed results.

You have to start a relationship first.

My personal experience may be very different than others, but,
it was the deception that upset the women who discovered my cross dressing most.
I told two of them after a few months of dating, and one dropped by to use my bathroom at an inconvenient time.

None of them actually talked about the cross dressing, they focused on what other secrets I may be hiding. One accused me of stealing her underwear, which was ironic, because I'm pretty sure she was the only one I didn't "borrow"from. White cotton panties. Boring!

After that I decided that I would tell every woman i dated on day one, and let the chips fall where they may.

I met a lady through personal add, and on our first date, after dinner, I said I wanted to tell her my deepest, darkest secret so she could decide whether she wanted to continue with a relationship.

September 22nd will be our 12th wedding anniversary.