I have to realize you can't confront everybody who laughs at you

I have read a couple of threads today that made me write this about an event I was at 3 weeks ago. I went to a big gala event put on by our local Imperial Court the event was held at a hotel that is not right downtown and people from the LGBT community don't go there ever. I parked the car and walked through the parking lot and past the pub that's connected to the hotel. There were a bunch of guys and girls outside having a smoke that didn't approve of my Ice Queen look. My head piece on my head is 8 feet tall with my 8' sceptor with flashing lights as well. I had a pretty good time at the event and when the night was winding down I went to put my props back into the car and head back to the event. As I was doing this a couple came to get into their car too. They started pointing at me and hysterically laughing out loud. Then they were starting to drive away still carrying on looking right at me in the lit up parking lot and at the last second I screamed very loud F you. The brake lights came on suddenly and the car was stopped in its place as I stared at it wondering ok whats next. After a few seconds later the car drove away.
I know I shouldn't have done that and it doesn't help our cause and 2 wrongs don't make things right and nobody went away educated for the better..... I was just having a moment where I snapped back which happens to me from time to time. I usually try to always take the high road, educate, make folks see that I'm another tax paying, loyal citizen but I have my moments when I don't want to take it either.

Learning as I go.

Launa

Ah yeah, always steer away from trouble. I'm a Libra and learned that lesson when I was young. Yet I understand how upsetting that is. Here in Texas, one tries not to do that as a everybody is armed. My SO gets that way and I have to reel her in, reminding her that they have a gun.

My generally feeling about people who attack, verbally or otherwise, people they perceive as different, is that they are insecure and feel threatened themselves. This is especially true among teenagers who are not yet sure about who they are. However, it also happens with older individuals as well. Knowing this, I don't let verbal attacks bother me.

Nobody is perfect. Don't sweat it. At least it didn't turn violent.

I feel your frustrations but that was a close call Launa! Deeeeeeeep breaths!

It's hard not to react with anger to such things. However the people who react this way are usually the kind of people whose opinions on any other subject wouldn't be worth paying the slightest bit of attention to, so who cares what they think?

Yeah that was not your finest hour sweetie!
Of course, the reason for the car stopping, was a consideration going on if to go back and put the fear of God in you or not! You were lucky this time.

Honestly, with an outfit as you describe it, you should expect some attention and some smiles and laughs from people! The better tactic is to laugh with people instead, that will disarm most.

Next time you will be better prepared im sure :)

Hugs
Suzie

Well with an outfit like that you are going to have to expect it.

Boy, there were five different issues going on.
First - Thos of us who live full-time in our true gender learn quickly to blend in. In your case, you were wearing a costume designed to get you noticed, to get you attention - even if you were a genetic girl, you would have gotten attention, whether you wanted it or not. The more outrageous or sexy the outfit, the more attention you get and the more of a reaction you get.

Second, when people see something they don't understand, they react one of three ways, the first is with fear, they are afraid, threatened, because they don't understand what they are seeing. They may express this fear in different ways is laughter, to make a joke of it. When your are on a roller coaster, you scared, but as soon as you get off, you laugh with your friends about it. You see a scary movie, and during the movie you are scared, then when it's over, you laugh at it. The very instinct that has kept us alive as a species has been our ability to notice anything that is unusual or unknown and experience it as a threat.

The second way people react when they are afraid is to get angry. If they continue to see you as a threat, like when you shouted your insult, they will often become defensive, cautious, and even violent. You were lucky this time, the car didn't try to back you up and confront you. Sometimes it will take the form similar to the little dog barking at the big dog. The big dog doesn't want to make a move because the little dog is taking an offense and loud posture. Hopefully the big dog won't grab the litte dog and shake him like a chew toy.

The third way people react when they are afraid is curiosity, they want to take the thing that is unknown and make it known, so that they can stop experiencing it as a threat. They are looking for some indicator of "is it safe or dangerous?". The more quickly you can remove the threat, with a smile, by laughing with them, by telling them it's a costume, or just a friendly wave, the sooner they will shift from the danger mode to curious mode. This is an excellent time to have a conversation of understanding.

Often, the fear that is triggered is not what we think. Seeing you in an outfit like this is not a threat like you are a predator animal that could eat them, but you threaten beliefs they have adopted and accepted, or have been forced to accept. To survive, many people who are bisexual or mildly transgender have accepted that they must accept an either or situation. They have to be heterosexual OR homosexual, they have to be a man OR a woman, they have to be in love with a man OR a woman. Often this is a painful and difficult acceptance, imposed by experiencing or observing violence against those who don't conform to the polarity. Keep in mind that according to on survey many years ago, nearly 75% of all men have cross-dressed in some way and enjoyed it. According to Kinsey, at least 60% of the general population is bisexual. When they see someone openly transgender or cross-dressing, it's a painful reminder of how they have kept their secrets, how they have stifled and repressed their own true desires. It can be very painful to realize that painful choices and sacrifices they have made to survive may not have to have been made. Seeing you can almost shatter their identities, make their sacrifices seem pointless.

Consider the woman married to an alpha male, who may sometimes be bossy and a bit abusive. If she has chosen to marry him because she felt she had to, because her family would not have respected a beta male or omega male, she may see a cross-dresser wearing something really cute and sexy and fully self-confident, and thinking something similar to "Wow, I could have had a V-8". She isn't threatened by you, what's threatened is all of the guff she has taken from her alpha male boyfriends and husbands.

Consider the man who has maintained an alpha male lifestyle and image, even though he secretly enjoys cross-dressing or fetish dressing and is terrified to let anyone in his life know. Seeing you threatens not only his sacrifices and secrecy, but also creates the fear of discovery. In effect, if he does NOT reject you in an obvious way, others might discover the secret he has tried so hard to keep.

Hi everybody, I just want to say that yes I expect a bit of this laughing, joking, insults when I go out to these Imperial Court events and I can laugh along with the best of them!!!!!!! Its when you know that its going "beyond that" when I can tend to snap. I left out of the story that when I walked into the event one guy having a smoke in the entrance made a REAL loud hocking noise like when you spit.... Of course it was for me and I get that and I get the "laughing" and normally I can handle it but when you want to have that tough guy, redneck attitude to point your finger in your car at me and keep it up. Its one thing to laugh and look away but its another to go on and on make me feel like a piece of shit. That's when I might call you out. Gang for the record I wasn't out there trying to play sillybugger I was just attending my event. Quick into the event and quick out.

Deb, thanks for your comment as I often read your posts here and they really pull me back into reality and as to why things can and do happen. FYI - most of the time when I go out I really do try to blend. At 6'2" though I am read a lot or lets face it almost always read and this type of confrontation also happens sometimes when I'm out there trying to blend. I don't want to start a fight and would much rather educate but I sure as hell don't want to retreat either. Thanks again for your insight.

This is a picture of my headdress for the event when it was under construction. My Sceptor was full of lights too!

Even if you were a fashion model and wearing any kind of attention drawing attire there will be fashion police, critics etc. I like short skirts and heels. I can't wear them because of what comes with it. Attention. When, I want to be left alone, I dress like a middle age woman which, a middle age man like me look like if, I tone it down.
I live in a judgmental neighborhood. I went out only once on a walk without fixing up other than a wig and a skirt and, I heard a comment or two. Did it bother me. No. I was not approached nor were the comments said to my face. I did not care. I was to busy enjoying my walk and the breeze on my legs. If, I was ever approached with someones problem with what, I do chances are, I ignor them but God save the fool that put their hands on me. My State allows maximum self defense of self and others. I have only been approached by others who thought, I was woman and got the regular madam, excuse me miss kind of stuff which, as a man, I have never been able to prepare myself for because it makes my flesh crawl when a man look at me or talk to me like some chick.
If, I was in your same position, I would have been prepared for something like that in a part of town that is not liberal to alternative life styles.

Launa,
As you say you shouldn't have reacted in that way maybe you'd had a little to drink , some people become amenable and others argumentative ! I guess you felt in an unsafe area and the couple didn't come over as friendly so you were on the defensive !
Maybe if you commented to the girl that you were glad to take some of the stuff off especially the head piece and even offer her to let her try it on ! They may have gone away laughing with you rather than at you !
I hope there's a next time for you when you had so much fun !

Launa,

Don't sweat it . . . we are all human and we each have our saturation point of what constitutes acceptable human behavior. I for one cut a lot of slack to teens as they are driven by emotions and chemical changes they can't understand and for the most part everything is funny to them. So even if a group of teens are pointing and laughing, I just smile back and then go about my business as they will move on to the next thing of interest. Adults who should know better are a different breed though and I will exercise discretion to the best of my ability. For example, the other day I was out with my niece having lunch, a 40 something woman walked by, clocked me and got one of those silly smirks on her face. She later returned to her table and immediately informed those with her about me and they all stared had a private chuckle and even chuckled when passing by on the way out. My niece wanted to lay into them but I calmed her and said it was not big deal as they are either ignorant or just don't know how the deal with what they are seeing . . . no harm no foul. Now where I draw the line is out and out rudeness, pointing, laughing loudly, rude comments and what not . . . this girl will call you on that BS as it is not acceptable behavior. However, I will still exercise good judgment. So I would not call out a group a inebriated young men as I know it will most likely get violent.

All this to say, we all have our breaking point and sometimes people do need to be reminded what constitutes rudeness but we still have to play safe when doing so.


Hugs

Isha