Coming out to children. Is it a good Idea?
Is it a good idea to come out to our children?
What are some of your thoughts both for and against?
If we are not out to our kids what do we teach them about transgender people?
For me personally my children 9 and 13 both boys are quite aware that Dad is different. They see me in my androgynous presentation all the time. My thirteen year old also has seen my clothes and such hanging in my closet. They see me wear makeup etc..
However they don't see me present as Daphne for several reasons. The first is I see my role for them as their father, they have a mother (a great one) and as I have no desire to be her girlfriend , I have no desire to be my sons mom. It just is not my role for them as I see it.
I also do not want to bring any pressure on them from people who do not understand my lifestyle nor do I want them in the position of defending me or being spokespeople for the Trans community. They do share our views and have no problems with LBGT people of any variety. This is something we raised our children to believe.
It is not that I don't think they could handle it it is just I think their lives are a little easier and less stressful without having to deal with Dad in a dress.
Having said all of that My thirteen year old was doing his homework as I was sewing a handbag the other day he said "wow dad this is really cool who is it for?" I said I think I am keeping this one for myself. "he smiled and said you are just a big girly girl!" I said does that bother you he said "not at all" Then he asked me to make the same bag for one of his friends saying "Liz would love this"
So there you go those are my thoughts I would like to know some of yours.
They probably already know!
Kids are acutely aware of what is going on around them as they pick up on all the things that you wish they didn't and don't pick up on the things that you wish they did! Just look at the friends they choose to hang around with....OMG!
Seriously, if you are thinking about sharing a side of you that you have kept hidden then I think that it is important that you share that it is a choice that you have made for yourself and in no way is contagious. Specifically in your case to have two boys that around 13, they have to be asking if you are "gay" and if they will inherit those traits from you? Middle school kids are so worried about being the same as their peers and not being accepted by the group as a whole that they really don't know how to accept being different.
We really have to teach them what to think and how to act in new and first time situations, for example: how does a teenager act at his first funeral when the family has lost a loved one? How does one act when they find out that an uncle or an aunt may be gay?
I'm sorry that I can't type as fast as I think of what I want to say but before I get it down, I think of something else and my thoughts are all over the place.
Chances are, like you have already said, they probably suspect that you are somewhat different and you need to let them know that the choices you make don't necessarily need to be the same for them but they need to try to understand what makes each of us different and unique and be accepting or better yet, tolerant, of everyone so long that they don't affect their safety and well-being.
Good luck in your decision.