Relationship breakthrough!

I have some good news I would like to share but it has a rough start.

My wife and I had basically developed a "don't ask don't tell" type policy after stumbling upon my stash of clothes twice. At that time, she was extremely uncomfortable with me cross dressing and really wanted me to stop. I honestly told her that I probably could not stop and we had basically worked out that she just didn't want to know when I do it, never wanted to be surprised by coming home and seeing me dressed, never wanted to stumble into my stash again. All of this is understandable and I would do my darnedest to prevent her from experiencing this again due to her comfort level. This was the status of where were were at with my cross dressing up until about a week ago. Other then the cross dressing, we have a pretty good relationship and we love each other very much.

Last week she started doing spring cleaning and for some reason she went up to a loft storage area we have in our house, where you basically need a ladder to get to, and stumbled across my clothes. She freaked out and spent part of the morning throwing shoes/boots at me plus yelling etc. I sent to the couch for most of the week and we had not spoken for about 4 days. On Thursday, she calmed down enough to be cordial with me and by the end of the evening I was promoted from the couch back to the bedroom. Apparently she spoke with someone from a PAL support group and they had managed to help ease her fears and even got her to agree to come to a meeting.

Last Saturday we addend the meeting together (me in guy mode of course) and it made a huge difference. She is still not ready to see me en femme but I think it has given her a new level of acceptance after speaking with other wives who had similar experiences. Now our relationship feels stronger then it has ever been and, while I know it is baby steps, this initial step was a giant leap for me and I am very thankful that an initial negative turned into a huge positive. She is now comfortable enough with me to attend these monthly meetings and giving me some space to explore :)

All I can say is that it is a huge weight off of both of us and I am very grateful that she is being patient with me as I am sure it has been very difficult for her too. :)

Sheila

lol yes it is true. After she cooled down from being upset, she realized that I did go out of my way to prevent her from finding the clothes. The PALs meeting was a huge breakthrough for us though and I am hoping she will let me go in girl mode soon... baby step though.

Its possible that she incorrectly believed that during the DADT period, you had abandoned dressing, and so was shocked by what she discovered in the attic. That may be an inherent problem with DADT....it may create an illusion that the CDing has gone away.

I'm glad to hear that the two of you were able to work through this initial problem and hope that you can reach a mutually satisfying accomodation.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

Its possible that she incorrectly believed that during the DADT period, you had abandoned dressing, and so was shocked by what she discovered in the attic. That may be an inherent problem with DADT....it may create an illusion that the CDing has gone away.

I'm glad to hear that the two of you were able to work through this initial problem and hope that you can reach a mutually satisfying accomodation.

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I too have a DADT relationship - and I am afraid you may be right about Sheila's wife. Finding a stash, inadvertent or not, shatters the illusion that the dressing is no longer there, leading to even more dismay and anger, although it seems that Sheila's wife finally realized that she needed to address it and took some positive steps. I know that my wife knows and I really don't want her to think that my need to crossdress is gone. It was a terribly difficult time when she discovered it many years ago and I sure don't want a repeat. But I just don't know how to raise the issue again without opening Pandora's box.
Kayla

I do beleave this is a story with a happy ending! Happier to come! Be patient! Baby steps shall come in the weeks and months ahead! Love her as always and please update us on the progress! Hugs!

A small step? No, it's huge because it's the first step towards a new understanding and the biggest step yet for you! Congratulations. :)

Janice has it. The first step of recognizing who and what you are is a tremendous leap forward. Now it is your turn, and you must be the most honest and truthful person in her world. It is her world that is changing, and it must change at her pace. You must now be the patient observer. You have found a good place/way to start, so keep it going.

Babes

The biggest beneficiaries of joining a Support Group can often be The GG Spouses. Just seeing other Gurls with their wives, talking it over with another woman in a similar situation; often seems to "clarify" priorities, make them feel like they aren't alone, and realize it's not nearly as Bad as they thought.

Huge Benefit for you, once she starts to talk with other CD's, is that you'll probably get to dress for a meeting. (Hint) Suggest that you spend at least a half day BEFORE The Meeting dressed, as seeing a spouse for the first time can provoke shock or laughter. So, you want to get That out of The Way!

Some Wives even end up being active members of a Support Group, after all at least half of the function in most groups is Social, and she gets the added benefit of added Nights eating out, meeting new couples, and doing new things. Just don't press her, and you might see a real change in the months ahead. It is a strange phenomenon, most women don't see anything wrong in somebody else's husband being a crossdresser. If you work it right, she often can be persuaded into transferring that "It's OK for ____ to do it," onto yourself.

Peace and Love, Joanie

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sterling12

The biggest beneficiaries of joining a Support Group can often be The GG Spouses. Just seeing other Gurls with their wives, talking it over with another woman in a similar situation; often seems to "clarify" priorities, make them feel like they aren't alone, and realize it's not nearly as Bad as they thought.................

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I believe that you nailed it here. My wife felt different, when she met other wives at a TG event. BTW, what is a PAL meeting or group?

I misspelled the acronym :o it is supposed to be PALS (not sure what it stands for) but "PALS, is a support group for spouses and significant others of cross-dressers." and this is the support group we went to

http://www.chi-chapter.org

I wanted to update everyone further that my wife actively sought a counselor who specializes in this and just with one meeting, she bought me a closet, and placed all my clothes and shoes in if for me, then hugged me and told me that I should not have to keep my clothes in crappy bags where they can get all wrinkled. i thought I died and went to heaven and since then its like our relationship was elevated to a whole new level. We still need to have a boundary chat but she did say that I can attend my support meeting en femme. What a huge difference it made for us to go to a support group then the counselor that specializes in gender identity.

Basically she felt my cross dressing had to do with her or her deficiencies, but after meeting the PALS group and seeing the counselor, her feelings towards that did a 180. The other thing that happened was that I needed to be 100% honest about the cross dressing with her too. I guess we will continue working on it, especially with the boundaries but this is such a huge and positive change that I feel we have made a huge leap in our relationship.

I am extremely thankful that I have her and that she took the steps to to understanding.

Just goes to show, there are some very great and understanding women out there, no matter where else it leads, just being able to be free of worry of getting caught at home is over!
It should only get better from here on out, as long as you stay tuned to how she is copping with the new you.
Tina B.

PALS - Partners Are Learning Supporters

edit: http://www.chi-chapter.org/wives_partners.html

ShawnSheila,
thanks for sharing your experience and I am so happy for you and your wife. It took alot of courage for her to attend the first meeting and clearly she has taken the time to understand, thats support! You are so lucky to have each other.

I am delighted to hear this, it is best to work it out. My dear friend's wife refuses help of any kind and would roll over in her grave if anyone ever found out. Though she has read a few books she can't see past the ideal role of a man and in my book she is losing him like sand in her hands.

I hoping to hear you are doing well in the future.

C

Sheila;
I have been looking for a support group in the Chicago Land area.
I have your link, and am considering going to a meeting. It is about 40 miles for
me, since I live up near the State Line.
I have been reeding their dress code, and have been wondering if I can go in
DRAB; I do not dress out side of my "Closet" so going in Fem would not be an options.
Rader

I'm in the Chicago area also, and will check out that link also. Thanks for posting.

That's great news Sheila! We love good news.:)

That's wonderful news Sheila; congratulations and best wishes!
Hugs,
Jen