Not unique but di

I don't think I'm unique, but I think my situation is unusual. As I said in my intro post, I am a 64 yr old cd. Because my ex wife threatened to tell, I told my wife before we got married that I was a tv (not sure cd was in my vocabulary 29 yrs ago). My ex wife was supporting, but we had many other problems, so we divorced. That discussion with my wife was very brief and I don't remember the details but she didn't want to deal with it and I said something like I won't dress any more. Like many here the first few years were all about being into each other and my desire to dress was easily suppressed with simple fantasies and a great sex life. Ever since our daughter went away to college (6 yrs ago), my desires had increased and I got a very tiny wardrobe of my own and have it stashed. For the last couple yrs I have been dressing frequently when I was home alone. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know. She is the love of my life and I know she loves me just as deeply. I would like to tell her, but I'm afraid she will see me so much differently that it would have a terrible impact on our marriage. Of course there is never a good time to tell, and she has had some pretty tough sledding lately. In January she started experiencing severe pain making sex impossible. she is getting treatment and seems to be improving, much too slowly. Her father died in May and we just got back from the east coast for the memorial service. Our daughter just got engaged (yeah) and my wife is deep into the early wedding planning. Now is not really a good time to drop this bomb. I hope that things will settle enough to have "the talk" by years end.
I would appreciate any advice or comments

Putting off the talk sounds like the logical thing to do at the moment, wether it is right or wrong it is still a tough decision.

I agree, that putting it off is the best thing to do. Might be something you would want to put off longer. Just saying.

Dani,I do not encourage deceit nor lies, I do however see that at times there are reasons for suppression.
As it is only between yourselves I would agree carry the pain privately for a while yet.
Do not put a timeline on it and remain happy in your marriage.
I assume you are. :)

Your OP is a bit confusing --- I interpreted that you did tell your second spouse early on in your marriage and if that's correct then what was the reaction at the time? Without info it's hard to suggest a course of action other than NOW is not a good time to bring it up again. If your daughter's wedding is within a year --- whether your wife has fully recovered is not crucial time-wise --- then I suggest you start preparing for after the wedding by reading the numerous past posts by members relating to what to say, how much to initially divulge, how important it is for her to feel secure in your love and so on. Some of those tips can be acted upon now. It will not be easy due to the lapse in the amount of communication you have had with her up to now but the majority of members with similar problems seem to have weathered the rapids and the paddling is much easier now. Good luck
Julie

I wish you the best of luck and understand your concerns. In answer to your question, I suggest that you do a search here for past threads on how to tell a loved one. I think that there is a sticky post (one that is always open on specific topics, especially ones asking for advice) that may have almost that exact title. I am sure that someone will provide a link soon too. Good luck and happy reading.

I guess i wasnt very clear. I had a brief discussion with my current wife before we were married. We havent talked about it since and I'm pretty sure she doesnt know i'm dressing. So its like she knows but doesnt know. I've read much of the material on our site about this but would like to know about others that had a very long span between initial tell and the desire to "really" tell.

Welcome to the group, Dani!

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Originally Posted by Dani0948

I hope that things will settle enough to have "the talk" by years end.

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I agree with the others that you seem to have a good sense of when things might calm down enough to talk about it with her again. But I wanted to add that if you are finding it difficult to get through the weeks and months in the meantime, you might start talking to an experienced gender therapist. Good luck with all the stress you're going through -- that can't be easy.

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Originally Posted by Julie Gaum

Your OP is a bit confusing --- I interpreted that you did tell your second spouse early on in your marriage and if that's correct then what was the reaction at the time? Without info it's hard to suggest a course of action other than NOW is not a good time to bring it up again.

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She did say what her current wife's reaction was

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dani0948

Because my ex wife threatened to tell, I told my wife before we got married that I was a tv ... That discussion with my wife was very brief and I don't remember the details but she didn't want to deal with it and I said something like I won't dress any more.

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Put it off for now but be aware, you will probably be caught so you should watch for the correct opportunity in the near future.

Thankyou for the responses. I will contiue to read and participte in the forum but was hoping for more responses from others in a similar situation.

Dani, I have read a few (not a lot of) responses in older threads, usually mixed in with all the other posts, that would have provided you with more information. Hopefully, this thread will get more activity now and your specific question will be better answered by others.