Research Regarding Women Who Are In Relationships with CD's

http://www.springerlink.com/content/x573571107g12r57/

The biggest mistake a CD can make with his SO, is to not tell her until it is too late.

Edit: that site, crossdresserswives.com was not what I thought it was. Be warned. It seems to be saying CD's have psychological problems.

However the statistics the site provides are interesting:

"STATISTICS

8.5 million (approx) cross dressers in the United States alone.

30% (approx) of wives knew about the cross dressing before the marriage.

50% of wives found out during the first years of the marriage.

71% of wives were told by their husband that he was a transvestite.

10% (approx) of wives found out about their husband when he dressed up for them as a surprise.

16% of wives discovered their husbands female clothing.

5% (approx) of cross dressers gave their wives literature before revealing the truth.

90% (approx) of wives knew nothing about cross dressing.

Studies show wives were more accepting of cross dressing in direct relation to how soon in (or prior to) the marriage they found out about the condition.

The greatest sense of betrayal was felt by wives who found out after 10 or more years of marriage.

There are currently no statistics available indicating whether or not wives were told the truth that their spouse began cross dressing in early childhood.

Cross dressers start wearing female clothes in early childhood and their condtion is
life-long."

Of course they call it a condition. In psychiatry everything is a condition.

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Originally Posted by vetobob9

Be warned. It seems to be saying CD's have psychological problems.

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[SIZE="2"]What else is new? :sad: Yes, interesting stats, and thanks for the disclaimer. A few things caught my eye…[/SIZE]

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8.5 million (approx) cross dressers in the United States alone.

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[SIZE="2"]Isn’t it amazing how few of these 8.5 million crossdressers are here, on this site? Imagine if they were all members that had something to say – talk about discussion! You don’t suppose it has something to do with crossdressing being socially taboo in a mentally landlocked country, do you? Imagine a more tolerant (and vibrant) atmosphere:
The most users ever online was 5,675,423, 1-20-10 at 7:53 PM…:)[/SIZE]

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The greatest sense of betrayal was felt by wives who found out after 10 or more years of marriage.

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[SIZE="2"]Well, I don’t know how wives feel, but why would they feel “betrayed?” Betrayed by what? I can see if the husband was having an affair behind her back, or secretly racking up a lot of gambling debt, but he’s only crossdressing. Does she feel betrayed by not getting the MALE she bargained for? I’ll get flack for saying this, but crossdressing is a pretty harmless (and primarily non-destructive) activity, way down on the list of foibles one might have…[/SIZE]

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90% (approx) of wives knew nothing about cross dressing.

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[SIZE="2"]I suppose if you’re completely out of touch with reality, in all of its variations, unaware of the human circus that unfolds before us every day, you would know nothing about crossdressing. Don’t these wives watch TV, go to movies, listen to music, or read books (and magazines)? You’re going to bump into crossdressing at some point, as long as your senses are functioning. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t marry someone who was not open to stimuli, visual or otherwise, and at least thinking about life in a curious and accepting way…[/SIZE]

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Cross dressers start wearing female clothes in early childhood and their condtion is life-long.

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[SIZE="2"]This sentence should start with the word “Most.” They (the authors of the study) would get a more accurate picture of crossdressing if they would only look around a little on this site. It would be a less clinical study, but much more revealing in nature, since you get to read unsolicited comments from people who (for the most part) enjoy being different. I apologize for generalizing, but that’s how I choose to see things…:battingeyelashes:[/SIZE]

You're right on that.

Even I still don't know very much about cross dressers. All I know is there is a lot of negative stereotypes that people hold, such as that all cross dressers are gay. The only reason I know that is not true is that I googled it and looked on wikipedia and a couple of other sites before stumbling on this one where I can ask questions to actual cross dressers.

This site says it is 1% of the total us population
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/article/node/1218

Thank you for the abstract , I Googled a non subscription link to the full 15 page paper but had

no luck

My experience of 40 years is almost no women accept it but many will profess

acceptance of it for others' relationships.

One upon a time a man dated the most liberal woman imaginable, she supported transgenderism, gay

rights, SRS etc, self determination for all GLBT citizens - personal freedom and tolerance for everyone!

but - not for her man EVER ! - her rights and needs trump all - all humanity if needed.

If she did not get her way, she acted like a spoiled brat child until she did

- with behaviors society will not accept from a 5 year old.

- strangley this was my experience with many girlfriends. I must be unique.

That was 21 years ago - been single ever since and will happily stay that way forever.

I just roll in the clover when I need to.

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Originally Posted by Frédérique

[FONT="Book Antiqua"]...Well, I don’t know how wives feel, but why would they feel “betrayed?” Betrayed by what? I can see if the husband was having an affair behind her back, or secretly racking up a lot of gambling debt, but he’s only crossdressing. Does she feel betrayed by not getting the MALE she bargained for?...

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Let's face it. Hiding a huge part of ones self from a spouse is a big deal. How could she help but wonder in this situation, "He's hidden this from me, what else is he hiding?" and then the suspicion and mistrust begin eroding away the relationship at every turn...

When we chose to hide a major part of who we are from our SO, and she later finds out, its no surprise she feels that we never actually trusted her with important matters, or that she feels we don't care for her enough to even be honest with her. That's powerful ugly stuff to deal with one day out-of-the-blue.

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...but crossdressing is a pretty harmless (and primarily non-destructive) activity, way down on the list of foibles one might have…

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I'll agree CDing in and of itself pretty much is a harmless activity. But over time, long term psychological effects, isolation, body image and self-esteem issues seem to accompany the practice all too often. Its those things that are damaging to the individual and also to any potential relationship that individual enters into. Personally, I've been through some of it and unfortunately I do see it play out here almost daily in some form or another.

I think its very true as TG folks, we can quite easily become our own worst enemy if we allow it, and we don't pay attention to the warning signs that something in our gender expression is somehow becoming a problem. Traveling this path is not without consequences, that much is for certain.

Thanks for the stats. With 8.5 million cds in this country you'd think we would finally make a stand and let it be known.

I love research like that.... Wonder what the sample size was... I sure didn't see any of those check boxes on the last Sensus... It could be 1% or 50%.... Your never going to get an accurate read from people who have a secret... And even if they do... Would you believe someone who is a perpetual liar? Lol.

and for those of use who made the "Bigest Mistake" in an era when crossdressing was percieved as a perversion... Telling would have lead to not having an SO.... And once you've started down that path its very very hard to come clean... I know first hand.

Re : sample size : n = 106

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I love research like that.... Wonder what the sample size was... I sure didn't see any of those check boxes on the last Sensus... It could be 1% or 50%.... Your never going to get an accurate read from people who have a secret... And even if they do... Would you believe someone who is a perpetual liar? Lol.

and for those of use who made the "Bigest Mistake" in an era when crossdressing was percieved as a perversion... Telling would have lead to not having an SO.... And once you've started down that path its very very hard to come clean... I know first hand.

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I worked for the Census Bureau and there two questions they are banned from asking:

1. Religious affiliation
2. Sexual Orientation

I am of the opinion that barring those kinds of questions actually harms the census.

They don't ask about immigration status either but if that new amendment, (where illegal immigrants can't be counted for purposes of Congressional apportionment) is passed, they will have to start.

With a sample size of 106 subjects, its an interesting result that may merit further investigation. There isn't much of statistical significance here, and I wouldn't put much stock in the results. The margin of error is just too high.

Two or three thousand subjects are required before any significant conclusions can be drawn.

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10% (approx) of wives found out about their husband when he dressed up for them as a surprise.

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Really??? Is this a smart way of coming out??? :eek:

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Originally Posted by Frédérique

Well, I don’t know how wives feel, but why would they feel “betrayed?” Betrayed by what? I can see if the husband was having an affair behind her back, or secretly racking up a lot of gambling debt, but he’s only crossdressing. Does she feel betrayed by not getting the MALE she bargained for? I’ll get flack for saying this, but crossdressing is a pretty harmless (and primarily non-destructive) activity, way down on the list of foibles one might have…

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Probably a trust thing. Wives prolly feel that after so many years of marriage, you should be able to tell me anything and not "keep anything from me"......... I think women wan't you to be the same person they "fell in love with" at the beginning.

as for the 90% who knew nothing, wowe, they sure know how to stay in the closet...........

Judging by the number of break ups and unaccepting SO's that we read about I don't think that it is as harmless and non-destructive as you may believe it to be..You can blame the unaccepting partner, but what does it matter who is to blame when it all turns to s**t?

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Originally Posted by Erica2Sweet

Let's face it. Hiding a huge part of ones self from a spouse is a big deal. How could she help but wonder in this situation, "He's hidden this from me, what else is he hiding?" and then the suspicion and mistrust begin eroding away the relationship at every turn...

When we chose to hide a major part of who we are from our SO, and she later finds out, its no surprise she feels that we never actually trusted her with important matters, or that she feels we don't care for her enough to even be honest with her. That's powerful ugly stuff to deal with one day out-of-the-blue.

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Yeah - that is certainly a fair assessment, and I think that a wife who is brought to the realization that her husband is a CDer has every right to be quite flabbergasted, ticked off, upset - whatever. For a time. Actually I think everyone has the right to feel whatever they do for however long they do - however if you are going to be in a significant relationship with someone, you don't get to be pissed off at them forever, and you don't get to use whatever it is that pissed you off as a club to beat your partner with indefinitely - if ever.

And knowing what CDing is, and how it is viewed by society, and what it does to the guys who feel compelled to dress - is it any wonder some guys feel the need to conceal that part of themselves? Many guys conceal that part of themselves even from themselves, or deny it, or purge everything insisting that it is over... I think it takes a particularly callous and self centered person to look at that, to see what it has done to their partner, to see that their partner has (despite the pain and social stigma) chosen to be vulnerable with them - and remain angry about having had it hidden from them.