OUTED.....briefly

This is a weird one but I felt that I had to post to get it off my chest. I'll try to keep it brief, so as not to bore you.

I am 45, married and a father to an eight-year old daughter, for whom I would jump in front of a train if it were necessary. My wife has no clue about my dressing.......or does she? To keep this brief, I came home the other day after work and my wife nonchalantly asked if there was anything on the computer that I wanted to keep secret, to which I replied "of course not". Apparently there was (oops). I had stored an article about crossdressing (with pics) on my computer in a long-forgotten folder and apparently she found it. Holy s--t, Batman!! Well, what could I do at that point? She first asked if I was attracted to cd'ers. I took a very calming deep breath and said that I WAS a cd'er and that I'd been doing it since I was five. Well, you can guess which question came next: Are you gay? Umm...no...I just like the appearance of looking (or trying to look like a female). Typical of my wife, she starting giggling uncontrollably and then bolted out the door. She came back a few minutes later and wanted to know the truth. I had to say that it was true, otherwise why the info about it on the computer? By nature I am VERY non-confrontational, so I was surprised by my calm demeanor. I still felt like vomiting, however. I felt hopeful because she didn't threaten to leave me or tell anybody else (even though I know she would). She just keep giggling about it, which in turn got me to laughing about it. Here is where the story steps into the Twilight Zone. She thinks I made the whole thing up as a practical joke just to make her laugh. I was both relieved and VERY disappointed. Not really sure what to do at this point. For those of you who say "For crying out loud, come out already!", it's not easy when you have a child. I have to consider the impact on my daughter first. I am less concerned about how it will affect the marriage because it's a mess anyway, as it has many, many problems (for starters, she had an affair). Since then, she has made a joke or two about it but basically has dropped it, although her attitude at one point led me to believe she would be repulsed by the idea.
Again, if she believed that I really am a cd'er she would tell the WHOLE WORLD (and any other potential life forms out there). Not really sure why I posted this....just wanted to vent I guess. Thanks for listening.

I don't think you need to wonder if you should "out" yourself. You ARE outed already. You have told her. Discuss with her how she wants you both to handle it. If your marriage is on the rocks, what are you doing to save it? Councelling? Perhaps a good place to bring it up. Are you just waiting for your problems to go away? Are you planning on continuing a poor marriage for the sake of the child?

You have many things besides your CDing to discuss with your wife. Outing yourself isn't one of them.

Lovies,
Steph

wow lady, this sure seems like a lot of work waiting for you 2. this giggling is just some self protection measure by her, i.o. not to be confronted w the truth imm'ly. IMO, it's not a Q of whether but when she will finally realize that she has become part of your other world. whether she wants to stick w it, is a matter of sitting down and let ea.o. talk - first of all - about ea.-ones own feelings about the relationship. wish you all the necessary patience for that!!

I the only thing that I can say is this in not over for you she will be back with two heads next time. Just be ready for it.

Anna

The thing in Gurly's post that resonated the most with me is the concern that if the SO does believe her, the SO will broadcast it all over. While on the surface this appears to be a conundrum, I see it as a very clear message to step even deeper into the closet. There aren't that many of us that could endure the fall-out if outed throughout our entire social structure. The percentage of so called accepting SO's that post here is so infinitesimal in the larger picture to be a statistically insignificant, and even in most of those cases, the closet is merely widened to include the SO. So if asked, my advice to Gurly would be to let it pass and keep her 'secret', but be more careful.

Sounds like the same reaction as my wife. She gets alittle smile on her face when she see me dressed enfem, the rare times I let her see me enfem. It is a lot better them some wives, freaking out. Sounds like your wife will except it. Stacie

It sounds to me, that it's time for a long talk, about many things. With a good councilor, and if she is'nt willing to go, go by yourself. Maybe it will help you get your things straight. I hope everything works out for you and her...BJ