Drinking,smoking,and dressing.

Thank you for the comments concerning my purging,and the likelyhood of failure. It was a well thought out decision on my part. I well know my ability to follow thru. When younger I often drank to excess. Not because I enjoyed it,but in my group it was the "thing to do". I quit" cold turkey" on my 21st birthday,and havn't had a drink of alcohol since. I started smoking at the age of 13. Smoked for 51 years and then at noon one cold day I quit. Over 8 years and have not smoked any since! Has now been quite some time since discarding my last trace of past dressing,and no sign of it returning. But will admit to an intense interest,and fond past times. But I will maintain!.

I too quit smoking and drinking. On my own, no pills, patches, etc. If you have the will power to do what you set your mind to, you can do it. It is you that choses to put that cigarette or drink in your mouth. Or not to.

Crossdressing is the same. There's no chemical addiction, it's just a habbit. You can avoid it if you choose to and I applaud your self control to do what you've decided is best for you. Don't listen to the enablers who say it can't be done.

I would say though, staying away from crossdressing forums will make it easier.

I guess I don't understand the need to purge completely Vivian. I understadn the smoking and drinking - as they effect physical health. But giving up a part of who you are? Is that helping your mental health? Is it necessary? If you were going overboard with it ( compulsive shopping, danger to yourself or family etc.) I could understand getting it under control. But total quitting? Sounds to me like your quitting the dressing aspect, but haven't quite "quit" the thinking aspect. (More than likely never will. Even if you wanted to). Maybe you just need to reajust your physical aspect of dressing. Might turn out to be better mentaly to do in moderation than none at all.

I respect your decision to quit Vivian. I may not be far behind you. Seems I've reached steady state just being myself and everything I do is totally my choice. I still occasionally get dolled up but it's mostly an art form for me nowadays and with my schedule on the rare occasion I go to the club to dance, it's typically en femme. In any case my friends are always my friends regardless of what they choose to look like.:battingeyelashes::)

When I was twenty I avoided peer group pressure.
I did not smoke, drink and was not that interested in wearing trousers either.
I followed the girls and wore lipstick and dresses.
Never looked back.

You're certainly capable of abstaining from CDing, if that is your choice.

Vivian, I see from your bio you're 75 years old. I've often wondered if age would diminish my interest in wearing women's clothing. I've experienced a diminishing of what would be called a 'compulsive disorder' to dress. I don't know if that is due to the ability to dress as often as I desire so I don't develop a pent up angst about it or I'm just not all that keyed into it for now. Perplexing.

That being said, I just got an email that a real pretty floor length sundress is ready for pickup at Sears.

It is said, you can't control your feelings but you can control your behavior. However, as behaviors go, I think dressing is different than smoking, excessive drinking and might as well throw in risky sex. Many ( most? ) of us, through therapy or on our own, have come to see dressing as appropriate behavior.

I really think dressing is so much a part of me now that I would have to get therapy if I quit, or go to dressers anonymous, or the twelve step program. I admire you for just saying cold turkey and if that's what you want then more power to you. I dress for enjoyment and to fulfill something deep down that is trying to take over my body. I also can do things cold turkey. I quit eating as much once to lose some extra weight that my football coach had us put on. I quit watching porn because I had a family and I suppose if I wanted to quit dressing it would be no big deal . At this time though I have never felt so alive or been this much of a loving man as I am now. Maybe it's the dressing or age but something has made me change some of my thinking and being able to see there are always two sides to every story. Just getting in touch with my femme side I think has caused that change. Good luck in whatever you decide Vivian.
Jaylyn

Those were habits, dressing is not a habit, I wish you luck, but one can not stop being who they are and be happy.

It's not equivalent. Drinking and smoking are addictions you inflict on yourself. Cross dressing is IN you, not some external thing. Clothes do not a cross dresser make. Genes do.

I did the same thing with drinking and smoking weed did it one day then the next day said I'm done with it.
I don't think I could ever not crossdress because its just soo much a part of everyday life.Normal to me.

Vivian, I have a question. If you have kicked cross dressing, why are you here? I mean, it seems odd to me, kind of like an alcoholic going to a bar for a soda.

I quit smoking the easy way, I never started.

I feel no need to quit drinking, since for my wife and I two glasses of wine are a wild weekend.

I won't quit CDing because it is what I am. I could certainly purge and abstain, but the stress that would entail would endanger my relationships.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

Vivian, I have a question. If you have kicked cross dressing, why are you here? I mean, it seems odd to me, kind of like an alcoholic going to a bar for a soda.

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Not so much. Reading and commenting about cd-ing is definitely not the same as participating. If reading this forum is 'enough' and there isn't a need to CD, what's wrong with that?

I have not cd'd in several years, I don't know how many exactly. I don't know because when I stopped, I didn't realize I was stopping.

In contrast I know exactly how long it has been since I drank and smoked. 6 months sober, smoke free 7+ years.

The difference is that drinking and smoking were vices for me, without question. I am an alcoholic and I have a tendency to get addicted to pretty much every drug I come in contact with. So the only way for me to avoid the self destructiveness of drug and alcohol addiction is to completely abstain from the those things.

Cding is different. It's never been a vice for me per se, but it's also something I've never been entirely comfortable with. Cding is a sexual experience for me. But it is something I've never really wanted to share with partner. That's the dilemma of cding (for me at least)- it feels good and I think it's harmless in and of itself, but because it's a solo thing for me, it can be isolating.

My cd behavior decreased steadily from around the time I became sexually active until the point where, after being in a serious long term relationship for a few years, I found that the window of opportunity for cding had closed completely, and now I haven't worn a dress in many years.

But I don't feel bad about it one way or the other. I don't see how or when I could get back into cding, but if I do I will be fine with it, as long it doesn't have a destructive effect on my relationship. I still fantasize about cding regularly, and my online activities certainly reflect that. But that's just when I happen to be alone, when I am with other people I present as male and relate to them as male. My gender identity is male for sure, which is part of why I don't desire to share my cd fantasies with other people (especially since cd is purely sexual for me).

So basically, in my experience cding is a different phenomenon than substance abuse. I'll always be an alcoholic just like I will always be a crossdresser. But crossdressing isn't something I need to avoid. It's something I want to understand and accept, and I wish I could do it again, but I really just don't have the time anymore. Maybe someday.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vivian fair

...I quit" cold turkey" on my 21st birthday,and havn't had a drink of alcohol since. I started smoking at the age of 13. Smoked for 51 years and then at noon one cold day I quit. Over 8 years and have not smoked any since! Has now been quite some time since discarding my last trace of past dressing,and no sign of it returning. But will admit to an intense interest,and fond past times. But I will maintain!.

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Good for you Viv. Everyone must follow their own intuitive path. WE determine our own fate. Life is a proving ground. No one can TELL you what's right or wrong. Whatever your reasons, your guiding light, I suspect you're doing what's right. I feel you on that. Kudos!