The "Comfort Zone"

i love to cross dress and all i mean i feel perfectly natural when I do. Yet I have a "Comfort Zone" And it does not reach past my house, in fact i cant go out of the house in fear of being discovered, I hide around windows and everything. My neighbors will surly tell my parents. and my parents will DEFIANTLY throw me out. there is not a doubt in my mind. and I do not have a job or any place to fall back on >.<

I do "crossplay" at conventions it is just about the same thing, but i am not around my parents and it is "only a costume" i am trying to break away from only crossplaying and expanding it to cross dressing. I mean I need to break through that "Comfort Zone" in my house. I want to be a full time cross dresser >.< But I have so many repressions stopping me from doing so.

Any suggestions?

Well, you can go two ways from here; One, you can get sneakier and sneakier, piling up lie after lie. Don't worry though, you'll never get caught or even get stressed out that you will. :)

The other method is a bit harder. Talk with your parents. They're your parents. If you believe that they will throw you out over this, then I think that crossdressing is the least of your worries. Approach your mother first. First, because she is a mom. Moms protect their children at all costs - sacrificing all. She is also a woman, very perceptive, and probably already knows.

Actually, I am getting ahead of myself a bit. The first person you need to talk to is yourself. Ask yourself where you really want to go with this. Why do you do it? If you stopped, could you live with yourself? Is it just the clothes, or is there more that you want?

Once you have these questions answered (which may take a it more than 15 minutes or so :)), you will be able to talk to your parents and have better answers than shrugs and "I dunno."

Kathi

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Originally Posted by Kathi Lake

Well, you can go two ways from here; One, you can get sneakier and sneakier, piling up lie after lie. Don't worry though, you'll never get caught or even get stressed out that you will. :)

The other method is a bit harder. Talk with your parents. They're your parents. If you believe that they will throw you out over this, then I think that crossdressing is the least of your worries. Approach your mother first. First, because she is a mom. Moms protect their children at all costs - sacrificing all. She is also a woman, very perceptive, and probably already knows.

Actually, I am getting ahead of myself a bit. The first person you need to talk to is yourself. Ask yourself where you really want to go with this. Why do you do it? If you stopped, could you live with yourself? Is it just the clothes, or is there more that you want?

Once you have these questions answered (which may take a it more than 15 minutes or so :)), you will be able to talk to your parents and have better answers than shrugs and "I dunno."

Kathi

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i like the way you think but there are some things i must consider, my parents for sure. but I will touch with that in a moment.

No I dont want anything more, i just feel i was born into a guys body, and that I dont belong so. yes they are just clothes, but I feel more comfortable dressed like that. and yes I really want to go with this. I have put a lot of thought into this and i have also put a lot of procrastination in to this. i mean I just procrastinated, threw the idea off saying it was stupid, yet I still find my self asking "why am i torturing myself? this is not who I am"

trust me Kathi you gave some GREAT advice, but my mother is NOT the easiest person to talk to, i dont know if you have seen that show George Lopez, but my mom is a LOT like Benny is. She drinks, she smokes. the only thing she is not like benny, she does not look liek her. I mean yea my mom has a her good points, but overall she is who she is, and she does not like gay people, especially crossdressers. I constantly ask myself what would she do? she would probably go through my room and make me throw everything girly away. and trust me there is a lot of it.
my dad would simply throw me out. I COULD go to family, but chances are SLIM that I could get away with crossdressing. in which case either road i take I am stuck -.-.

i WOULD like to live it out in secrecy, but there IS stress and it is building at any time I may just tell them to see what they say. the stress is not from what I do, but anticipation of what they may or may not say.

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Originally Posted by Peachy_Boi

No I dont want anything more, i just feel i was born into a guys body, and that I dont belong so. yes they are just clothes, but I feel more comfortable dressed like that. and yes I really want to go with this.

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OK, I'm confused. You say you don't want anything more (by which I mean hormones and surgery) and that you feel you were born into the wrong body, adn then you say you really want to go on with this. Which "this" do you mean? Crossdressing? Sexual reassignment?

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Originally Posted by Peachy_Boi

I mean yea my mom has her good points, but overall she is who she is, and she does not like gay people, especially crossdressers. I constantly ask myself what would she do? she would probably go through my room and make me throw everything girly away. and trust me there is a lot of it.
my dad would simply throw me out.

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Peach, there is a difference in someone saying they don't like gay people and realizing that her son is gay. No matter how rough around the edges they are, they're your parents. Like I said, if you think that telling them the truth about your life will get you kicked out, then I think you have other problems at home more serious than this.

Only you can determine if keeping this a secret will be better for you in the long run. Maybe it is time to think about what to do with the rest of your life after leaving home.

Kathi

I was about to chew on your behind, and tell you to "get out of that house." But, I see from your profile that you are nineteen years old. So, I will assume that you are just out of high school, or you are now attending college.

I'll accept your premise that "your parents, if your caught will throw you out." But, I think your probably wrong. They won't like it, and you'll likely receive scorn and a lot of crap, but parents are not typically so cruel as to pitch a kid out on the street and toss that kid to the tender mercy's of all the street wolves.

If it were me, "I'd keep marching in place." If you have a plan so that sooner than later you can move out on your own, be currently content with your stealth soirée's around the house. When you get "free," you have then earned The Rights and Privileges of an adult. As long as you are living under THEIR Roof, you have to play it by their rules.

Peace and Love, Joanie

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Originally Posted by Kathi Lake

OK, I'm confused. You say you don't want anything more (by which I mean hormones and surgery) and that you feel you were born into the wrong body, adn then you say you really want to go on with this. Which "this" do you mean? Crossdressing? Sexual reassignment?

Peach, there is a difference in someone saying they don't like gay people and realizing that her son is gay. No matter how rough around the edges they are, they're your parents. Like I said, if you think that telling them the truth about your life will get you kicked out, then I think you have other problems at home more serious than this.

Only you can determine if keeping this a secret will be better for you in the long run. Maybe it is time to think about what to do with the rest of your life after leaving home.

Kathi

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sorry i was on some pain meds for my knee i was a little WOOHOO!

sorry let me clarify >.<
yes i feel as if i were born into the wrong body, but i fear surgery more than most things, so other than shaving my adams apple cartilage. I wont have any other procedures. By "this" i mean I want to go on crossdressing, it makes me feel more comfortable about myself.

hehe let me get this out there too i go by Rayne. "Peachy_Boi" is because my favourite Nintendo charactor is Peach Toadstool, and it was like WHAT DO I CALL MYSELF ON THE FORUM! and just like that came up with Peachy_Boi

One story I should have shared is I was caught once holding hands with a guy last year when I was 18 (OF LEGAL AGE! i consider this if i can legally make the decision to kill myself with tobacco products, i am pretty much legal)... but my mother actually slapped me and said "Thats not right!"

thinking about it, i think i am just going to become more open about it to friends. I will tell my closest first then go down the line. Idk my parents would be the hardest to tell. but Kathi you have been a help, you kinda helped me jog some thoughts to come to that decision lol thanks!

I increased my comfort zone by doing subtle things to my appearence over time, such as growing out my hair, plucking my eyebrows, piercing my ears, shaving my legs etc. I do all of these things while presenting as a man and I hardly ever get questioned about it. The next step is to underdress, which is quite exhilerating when you first do it! If you are more comfortable with it, try introducing gradual changes to your appearence and behaviour rather than dropping the bombshell in one go to your parents.

Coming out is hard, especially for young uns that feel they probably won't have any support at home.

Heard about PFLAG? It's a support oganization for all LGBT folks and has chapters in over 500 communities.

Check out http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2

Well I'm a big proponent of "the truth is not the solution to everyones situation". And if you think that your parents would react that negativily then I vote the sneakier route! Being comfortable is one thing but being trapped in a "comfort zone" is not good.. You need to think out of the box... Where else could you go to dress... Make any local TG friends you could dress with... An understanding sister or sibling that lives near by? support groups are a great idea.. The world is way larger than your house...

Rayne,

I agree with Kathi, you should think about your next step in life. If living with you parents isn't a long term solution then you need to find a better situation. For the time being lay low and set your self up for success. Educate yourself, get a job, and focus on your future. It's the best way to ensure you have the ability to dictate the outcome of your own life.

I was very much in the same situation you are in. My folks are very intolerant. And although they love me a great deal, I don't know what they would have done had I brought my cross dressing to the forefront of our relationship. Living an honest life is great, in fact I often post about being honest with the people in my life. But honesty can be hurtful if used improperly. My cross dressing has nothing to do with my parents. So why should I feel the need to involve them in it?

So when I was 18, I left for school. I spent 8 years with roommates so cross dressing wasn't much of an option. I worked hard and earned a good job, my own place and a huge closet. It may seem like really far off, but have faith in yourself and you will make it.

And when you are all setup and you decide to go full time tell your parents, no matter how they feel you'll still have your life.

Good Luck,
Kasha

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Originally Posted by kasha

Rayne,

I agree with Kathi, you should think about your next step in life. If living with you parents isn't a long term solution then you need to find a better situation. For the time being lay low and set your self up for success. Educate yourself, get a job, and focus on your future. It's the best way to ensure you have the ability to dictate the outcome of your own life.

I was very much in the same situation you are in. My folks are very intolerant. And although they love me a great deal, I don't know what they would have done had I brought my cross dressing to the forefront of our relationship. Living an honest life is great, in fact I often post about being honest with the people in my life. But honesty can be hurtful if used improperly. My cross dressing has nothing to do with my parents. So why should I feel the need to involve them in it?

So when I was 18, I left for school. I spent 8 years with roommates so cross dressing wasn't much of an option. I worked hard and earned a good job, my own place and a huge closet. It may seem like really far off, but have faith in yourself and you will make it.

And when you are all setup and you decide to go full time tell your parents, no matter how they feel you'll still have your life.

Good Luck,
Kasha

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Wow see this is why I love these kinds of forums! I feel comfortable. When I first started crossdressing, I didnt know that people had these kinds of problems, I thought they just did it(but that was years ago). After I debunked that idea a year ago, I just didnt know where to go for support. But seriously guys thanks! you'allz are are a great help!

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Originally Posted by Peachy_Boi

Wow see this is why I love these kinds of forums! I feel comfortable. When I first started crossdressing, I didnt know that people had these kinds of problems, I thought they just did it(but that was years ago). After I debunked that idea a year ago, I just didnt know where to go for support. But seriously guys thanks! you'allz are are a great help!

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OH! And one more thing, I thought I was the only one who would understand "The Comfort Zone" I thought I was going to have to do a lot of explaining haha.

[SIZE="4"]Everyone has their comfort zone and for each person it is different.We go at our own pace taking steps out of our comfort zone as we feel safe to make each step. Sometimes moving out of your comfort zone means taking risks, but isn't that what this all about -- taking risks and just trying to be who we are -- even though others might not understand or accept us. We need to accept ourselves. :)[/SIZE]