The urge to disclose is getting stronger....
I am feeling an overwhelming need to tell someone in my life about my whole deal. Disclosure is inevitable. I am starting to get out a bit, I have started shaving everything (not just in the winter)and I filter my manerisms much less than before. I'm pretty sure people are starting to wonder what's up with me. I have recieved several comments about how "different" I have seemed lately (in a good way), which took me by surprise. I have been much happier and more relaxed in recent months as I have taken small steps out of the closet. For the first time in my life, I'm feeling in tune. I would love to explain to the people who mean the most to me why I have been feeling so good about myself, and life in general. I want to describe the positive impact all of this is having on me, yet the thought of coming out is more scary than going out for the first time. Once it's out there, it's out there and that bell can't be un-rung.
I don't really care what the general public thinks anymore but the opinions of the people close to me do matter. That being the case, the majority of the people in my life, from friends, to family, to business partners are all pretty open-minded folks. I am fairly confident that things wouldn't change too much if I came out. Still, fear of the unknown is very real. I believe I have decided who to tell first. Her reaction should be representative of the reactions I get from others in my circle. I feel like they will all find out eventually anyway. I'd rather be the one they hear it from. It just feels like the right thing to do and the right time to do it. Sort of. Now to work up the courage to have that conversation.
I guess I'm just thinking "out loud" here. Thank you for indulging me. :)