Important Conversation I had with the wife

Sorry If I seem to ramble on. Last night I was laying and bed and I started talking to my wife about this (fetish, to me its a fetish). Anyways like I said before my wife likes when I wear panties. So I was starting to think I was making progress and especially with the hints she always dropped. Like how when I was at Kohl's she said "thats something you would wear" something along those lines. I just kind of nodded yes.

Anyways last night I had starting talking about this fetish style and I was asking basically were her boundaries are. I am happy I asked because my ideas of her boundaries and her boundaries were not at the same place. I figured all the hints she dropped and the fact she liked me in panties I thougt she would be more accepting. So basically I found out that she doesn't really mind it, but it's a huge turn off for her. She said even the thought of me in a dress or a wig would creep her out so much that she would be turned off, where she wouldn't be able to get the image out of her head.

Then she told me that how she wasn't attracted to women, and I tried saying without making it look like I really wanted to say that "I still have the male parts" and it didn't work. Then she threw the example of how if she suddenly became a lumber jack, how I would feel. Good point I guess.

So my dilema is would you throw away the extra stuff around the house or wear behind her back. I will probably get rid of the stuff just because if she saw it it will cause a lot of problems. I am confused of how she threw a few hints that she might be open to it and then was completely opposite. I am happy becasue she is with me on another fetish I have and that is the Adult baby fetish. We have a lot of fun with that and I should just take what I get.

Sissyboy, you've done the right thing by beginning a dialog. As is often the case, assumptions were made, and they were incorrect. Through your sincere conversation you both learned something about the other. THIS VALUABLE KNOWLEDGE WILL LEAD TO BETTER DECISIONS.

I cannot and will not offer an opinion on what course you should take other than to strongly encourage you to keep the dialog open. Talk about it as often as is necessary (but no more often than that). Discover her comfort limits and talk about your own. The correct answer FOR YOUR SPECIFIC UNIQUE CIRCUMSTANCES will become obvious.

Best wishes
MsVal

Do not throw anything out. Put your stuff in storage, so it is out of her view. Ask her what her feeling are if you to dress when she is not home. Make sure to tell her you will not be leaving the house. Leave it at that for a little while. Maybe while out shopping, put something feminine in the cart, and say you need it. Go from there. Move slow, and see where it goes. Just be willing to give in to her boundaries. In time, she may change.

I personally do it very wonderful to have girl time out with my wife. We shop together, movies, concerts, dinner. I go where
I want, when I want. It can happen, be patient.

You may also want to change your screen name to something feminine.

I would ask her is she would consider meeting with me and a disinterested third party, such as a counselor, to discuss how we could work this out so that both our needs are met equally. If she said, "No,", or worse still, "Not only no, but Hell no,", then I'd be worried. But if she showed any inclination the consider that approach, I'd discuss it futher, ad eventually go to a counselor. SOmetimes, it helps to just have a disinterested third opinion. (Preferably not someone who is TG her or himself.)

I've hung my dresses in the closet, the shoes are on the floor, panties, bras and nylons are in one drawer with tops and nighties taking up two more drawers. I haven't heard a word from my wife; no comments, no questions, nada. I really would love to have her as a participant but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. The only reaction I've seen is one Saturday morning when she came back to bed after having been up for a while. I knew she would reappear so I slipped on a nightie and a thong. I had worn some crotchless panties to bed another time and she actually seemed to like it. However this time she simply froze up when she "discovered" that I had on a nightie. Typically no words were spoken but there was no question in my mind that she felt I had gone beyond the limits. Once I took off the nightie things were OK if a little tense. I will comment that she came back to bed again the next morning which is something that she rarely does.

Just put it in storage for another time.
I purged once before and it does you no good as the desire to dress up will always be there and you may feel a bit of resentment for not being able to dress.
My purge lasted 3 years and it made me a very angry person because I was suppressing my true feelings for my family's sake.

If you want to dress up fully then just do it while she's out or in a private place.
I do see where she is coming from though. She married you, the man she fell in love with, not a woman.
This is why I will never get tied down as I wouldn't have to worry about comprising.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer Devine

This is why I will never get tied down as I wouldn't have to worry about comprising.

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And it is why, as soon as it looks as though a relationship is going to become intimate, I "come out", and tell my potential partner everything.

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Originally Posted by DorothyElizabeth

And it is why, as soon as it looks as though a relationship is going to become intimate, I "come out", and tell my potential partner everything.

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Would save a lot of heartache if people did that first. At least he/she can then say if they want in or not.

Actually, your wife was not giving you approving hints, just comments about that one aspect of you that she can tolerate. That being said, I agree that you should not purge, but rather use this first conversation to start and continue other ones with her. You could reference the last conversation and honestly say that you were trying to get an idea of how she felt about there being more than just occasional pantie wearing. Then tell her that you have had or have developed this urge to try more than just panties. Answer her questions honestly. Say that you tried to erase that thought from your mind or that you are trying to understand the why of it since that first conversation, but, unfortunately, it is still there and seems to be growing. Everything said so far is the truth, right?. Then listen to her, maybe explain to her about some research you have done on line and that it seems that this may be something deeper than just a sexual arousal thrill.

You have really accomplished a lot with that first talk, so try not to let it all go to waste as you go back into a dark hole with your secret. Since she will be in on it from almost the beginning, it will hopefully not seem to her that you have been doing a lot behind her back and can maybe learn and grow with you in this. It sounds like she will not be happy at all, but better now than later when she catches you and all the shit really hits the proverbial fan and then she remembers back to "that" initial conversation. Please don't dig yourself a deeper hole. It will not be worth it. Good luck

Exactly. And I think it has made things much better with those women with whom I have had relationships. Those who didn't like it thanked me for my honesty, and we parted company on a friendly basis. No one got hurt. In my experience, the bigger relationship hurdle is my inability to put music performance aside for anything sort of a genuine emergency. As the last person said, "I love you, but I can't stand the daily pain of knowing that your muse will always come first. We have to end this, even though neither of us really wants to."

Sometimes though it would be better if people involved intimately in your life were just honest about how they felt about you exploring your opposite gender rather than telling you what you want to hear and therefore building up a lot of false hope which results in you coming back down to earth when she tells you she actually hates it....
It is a very easy trap to fall in.....

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Originally Posted by Sissyboy2

... I am confused of how she threw a few hints that she might be open to it and then was completely opposite. ....

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You are misinterpreting comments as "hints." There is a difference between knowing and seeing. Just ask her if it is ok that you have your things in a closet. KNOWING clearly does not bother her.

I'd lie to suggest that one conversation may not, in itself, fully represent a persons attitude about aspect of cross dressing. People can and often do express very contradictory opinions. For example, a person may acknowledge finding something exciting in an intimate moment, and later deny that over breakfast. And negative feelings are not immutable. Over a person's attitudes many times can soften over time. Time alone may help, but ongoing conversation is far more likely to help overcome the fears that many objections are based upon.

I've purged several times, totally thrown everything out and/or put it all deep in storage. It has never been successful at ridding me of my pains. My wife has known 23 years and she sees my frustration when I start to deny myself. She lets me wear panties 365 days a year, dress in the house when I want and even has only a few issues about going out, even though I don't usually go further than the drive through ATM or drop off at the post office. She is not comfortable intimately in bed. I can wear something to sleep in and she says she views it like a sleep-over but that's as much as she can handle.

I'd advise you to "ask her out" on a date. Go somewhere with a fair amount of ambient noise or a place where you can talk without someone else listening in but still public, a neutral place-- dinner, a park, busy mall to walk (no shopping though, just walk & talk). Being in a public place will keep the conversation civilized and should prevent a fight. Tell her up front that you want to talk about THIS fetish when you offer to take her out. Treat her like a lady, as a gentleman would--open the door, pay for the meal, compliment her on her beauty, etc. Tell her that this is part of you and it will not go away but you'll respect her needs and hope she can help you with yours. Maybe, you'll never get to be intimate with you in lingerie in bed, but you might get to wear panties whenever you want. Maybe, she'll relegate you to a certain limit of when/where you can dress or maybe you'll both grow to the point of having a relationship like sisters when you're dressed. Maybe there'll be more. It all starts with a conversation.

A word of caution: sometimes the "fetish" wears off and this leads to something more. Your needs may change without realizing it and that can have serious relationship consequences.
Best of luck and keep us informed on how your relationship develops.

Hugs,
-E

Thanks ladies for all your advise. Most of the advise was to have a conversation with her. I want to ask more about it but I also know she told me she doesn't want to even think about me in a dress, so I can only ask so much. The fact that she says she doesn't want to think about me in a dress or wig says I shouldn't push her limits. That's where I was thinking about either wearing behind her back or just not wearing at all. When she says something like you haven't worn your panties in a long time I will use that as an opportunity to bring up the conversation again. I will say "well I didn't want to tease my self into wanting to wear more than panties.

Well thanks again for your advise

It seems she has gone as far as she will go as far as your cross-dressing is concerned.
People we love will often tell us what we want to hear and this fools us into thinking that everything is fine.
Now this is my second time round as Jen, I have done things a lot differently like not being so open about it and being a lot more careful with who I trust as some people can be so cruel.