philosophical question for your psyche
Here's a question that has no right answer, and could be different for each person. We crossdressers like women's things, and some of us want to be female. We're also male anatomically, and most of us were raised to be men. When you get really cerebral, exploring possible reasons why you crossdress (beyond the in-the-moment excitement), is it as much not wanting to be so masculine as it is exploring the feminine? Would you characterize yourself as not-male rather than female? Put another way, if gender is seen as a spectrum rather than a choice of two commonly recognized, where would you place yourself?
I think I'm more in the not wanting to be so male category, and I place myself about fifty percent between genders. Sometimes I might be more comfortable on the female end, others as a male, and if I had to choose which anatomy to have, I'd truly consider the anatomy I don't have. But I wouldn't want the limitations of either gender.
That is why they call it gender confused
Well, I will say that in the last few months it has changed.
So Here it is”
Since a kid I felt wrong. Liked girls a lot, never was anything but repulsed by men and male bodies and parts. But envied girls and their clothes and beautiful long hair.
In my 20’s I was fantasying and dreaming about being a woman. I do not like my body, would love to get rid of that thing down there and have for a long time felt that I should have breasts.
But I would say if one was to quantify all my attributes. I would say I am about 60-70 percent female.
I still love women and find them sexually attractive. I still find male bodies ugly and unattractive.
I am independent but passive and not very assertive. But would not want to be controlled or dominated as a woman, but do not like being the decision maker all the time.
My wife knows of my gender confusion but not to the extent it is. I do not talk about it, she is obvious uncomfortable with it, (she make fun of me for having a female avatar in Second life.)
So what am I, I do not know. That is why they call it gender confused.