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I'd say meet in guy mode, in a public space like a at a mall or for coffee and see if you hit it off. If you do and feel comfortable, then I guess go ahead and invite the other person to your room but if not, you can just essentially walk away
Melissa
You girls are so funny. I love it. Thank you!
But seriously, I also would be afraid to meet someone for an "arranged" meeting. And no matter what, I wouldn't let them dress in my room. Be careful.
Not a good idea ..unless its at a controlled event ... best be safe than sorry ...xxx
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If the FBI, CIA or NSA thought the Forum was a threat, it would have been shut down long ago. I've met several friends from the Forum personally. We have to get to know them both on here and perhaps E-Mails, phone conversations and the like. This will instill confidence that they are who they say they are. I have invited several friends on here to talk on the phone but not all respond. I reach out and extend myself for others but not everyone has the confidence to respond. I don't let that discourage me, however, and keep trying. I've gotten together with several friends through the multiple yearly CD/TG weekends the LGBT resort I go to puts on. Very few get togethers have been disappointing but as with anything else in life, people will be people. In a perfect world there would be no trepidation but as it is society has fostered many negative attitudes with regard to TG people, so we just do the best we can and give it our best shot, nothing more or less. :battingeyelashes::)
You are right Kate, but i was just saying to be guarded ... nothing wrong in a bit of self preservation in this crazy hectic world we reside on xxxx
Chelsea,
I would have no problem letting someone use my room which I have used others rooms for dressing. As long as both parties understand where they each stand it would be fine. Personally i have never had any issues. When in doubt just be upfront with the person this is where there is no confusion.
Megan
I've met and dressed with some local girls and it took months.... many months of chatting to get comfortable that they understood what I expected.... which was meeting and dressing..... so many have ulterior motives and hidden agendas that you might not find out about until your vulnerable and end up going somewhere you didn't want to go.... get some nasty std..... or you wake up in the ER..... beware and be careful!
Well. I have met many wonderful people from this forum over the years I have been here.
That said, I get dressed by myself in private. And I have zero desire to watch anyone else getting dressed, thank you very much.
S
This other person is coming as a man and wants to change in your room. Why is there a problem? Meet in the lobby or lounge as men and if you feel confident, you can both change in your room. Certainly you don't think someone would go to the trouble of joining this Forum simply to somehow "harm" a CDer do you? That IS paranoia.
Or do you not trust your intuition or have a good feel for people?
You might not get another chance you know.
I just want to add that most of my CD friends and I get together in both modes and can enjoy each others company regardless of how we are dressed. We are always just ourselves and that is what really counts. If my potential friends were reluctant to do that, I'd probably get a caution flag up.:)
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OMG!
I have never seen so much concern over meeting someone for a cup of coffee!
That's all this is. A fellow closet case wants to play dress up, so meet her for coffee and see if you girls can share the same space without creeping each other out. If one of you is nervous or uncomfortable THEN it gets real complicated cuz you're gonna have to say "I'm not really as comfortable as I thought I would be. I'm sorry. Let's stay in touch and maybe try it again some other time." Yeah, that's a real tricky situation alright.
Just remember, just because we both wear womens clothing doesn't mean we have anything else in common, I wouldn't invite anyone up to my room until we had met, and talked, There are CD's we meet, and then there are friends that CD, they aren't always the same thing. As a closet CD, be careful what you share, not everyone can keep a secret.
Tina B.
I would be very wary about meeting up with anyone from the internet. Especially from a forum such as this one, because there are so many people that think what we do is wrong, you have no way of knowing who you are dealing with until it's too late.
Also as you are closeted you potentially have a lot to lose by being outed.
Katie Taylor x
I can see both sides of this, many on here have no connection with other CDs then see someone who lives nearby and wants to connect. Thats pretty normal isn't it? And you would think anyone on this forum who has posted often enough should be genuine, it would be sad to think otherwise. However I am also very guarded because ultimately we don't even know if a picture on here is really that person, yes paranoid but you have to be cautious especially if you are a closet CD.
My advise, assume the person is genuine (you have had an idea of them by their postings) but add a bit more getting to know time, email each other, send pictures in both modes, then maybe in man attire meet up just for a coffee in a neutral place. By that stage you should know if either one wants to go further.
Don't miss an opportunity for friendship but also be careful.
I met Megan Martin a couple of months ago for lunch. We had been emailing, then had a couple of phone conversations. We met at the food court in the mall as guys. We met again at SCC as Cindy and Megan. We stay in touch often, now. If you are nervous, this is a good way to meet someone in a safe enviroment. This was my 1st time ever meeting someone dressed and I was extremely nervous. Megan is a great person and I'm very happy I met her. Be careful... but don't miss the chance to make friends :)
You are both in the same boat riding the rapids, going down stream for a cup of coffee.
Neither of you is going to out the other, you both share a past time and interest.
If the personalities are in conflict, say nice to meet you and see you next time.
I would establish some contact by mailing each other and getting to know each other beforehand.
Since you just joined within the last month I can understand. Every CD has a different level of what they're comfortable with. As others have said you could meet in public first and then decide what to do next. You could designate a time and place to meet without sharing the hotel you're staying at until later if you decide to.Quote:
I'm still uneasy, and nervous about even being on this forum
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There is a certain strange factor with this. You don't know the person and you will be seeing them in some degree of undress (as they will you). I don't know you and have not kept up with your posts but are you comfortable with this?
I have met people from on line forums and it has always been a positive experience. Just the fact that you are going to share a hotel room to dress seems strange. Are you going out afterward? Are just going to look at each other? I dunno, just seem strange to me. I don't get what is going to happen. Are you just a convenient place to change clothes?
I'm going to only meet. No sharing of hotel rooms. I have a two bedroom two bath suite, but still- I hear what you are saying.
I agree to "strange factor". That, being new, is why I posted the question.
A girl who used to be a regular on this forum wanted to hang out a few months back. In her e-mail she referenced the possibility of intimacy. I took that as a "Hells to the no," and left it at that. No reply, nothing... I am not interested in people chasing me down. Having said that, there are many of you that I think I would be happy to hang out with for an afternoon!
Ha,,,,Ha,,,,,Ho,,,Ho,,,, Haaaaaaaa,,, You crossdressers CRACK ME UPPPPPPPPP ,,,, Thank GOD I'm Trans ,,,,LOL,,,, We can meet at ya Mamma's house for all I care ,,,Cuz what ya see is what ya get ,,,,,, All Day all Night ,,, No need in using the room ,,Ill be dressed when I get there ,,,So depends on where we are going to what I wear ? An Let me check with Stacy & Clinton so I can be sure ,,,LOL,,,, Never can be to careful ,,Might make a Fashion FO,,,PAH,,,,,,
As someone who has met numerous people from all sectors of the internet, including this forum, I can say that the paranoia is nearly always more bark than bite. I'll estimate that I've met between 10 and 15 people (only one from this forum), and the worst thing that happened was that one of them turned out to be a horrible person and incorrigible liar - over the course of a couple of years. Certainly, these are similar odds to people you might meet IRL. At no point did I ever end up chained up in a basement, or screaming as a hacksaw worked its way through a limb.
Of course, there are certain worthwhile precautions to take... Make sure you feel comfortable getting to know them before agreeing to meet. Look at what they say with a critical eye, maybe run their pics through tineye.com, do some cursory googling. If no obvious flaws come to light and you decide to meet, do so for the first time in a public place, preferably during daylight, in whatever mode of dress you feel most comfortable. If that goes well, like BT said... go on to the next step. If not, there's no shame in backing out. Also, I would make it clear what your expectations are for, and what they are not for... especially in regards to intimacy. If there's no chance of going that road, make that clear before you even meet.
For the record, my experience of meeting someone here went perfectly well. We met up at a CD store, browsed and bought boobs together, and went on our separate ways. When I got done, I wondered why I'd even been apprehensive at all about the situation. New things, I guess...
(:
Declaring it safe to meet someone from this site (or any other) is the the best way to make it unsafe.
Well, I was using a meet up site,ggs who love cds not many singles but lots of good times. For a brief period DACD, I met only a few interesting people who are still great friends. But the site had a similar web page it was related to which only yielded lunatics and bad people who were totally messed up.I must say the early expirence was remarkable but the last very horrible.Use caution with everything you say and do if the people or a person is too secretive I am pro discression but will be damned going to a complete strangers home, was not looking for intimacy just a clubbing friend or shopping buddy.
I am far from a point of meeting anyone that I can't give any advice on this really. It's always better to be safe than sorry though and I agree that you may miss a great opportunity to make a friendship that may last a lifetime but if you are uncomfortable then it should be a pass for the time being..
Thanks for the endorsement Cindy, I have met many on the various media. Sometimes as guys sometimes as girls, just depends on the comfort level. for me it is much better to meet people in real time and not just have virtual friends.
Likewise girl you are a wonderful person to hang out with either as guys or girls.
ChelseaErte Also one other note this person may not be in the position to dress and leave from her house. Which has been the case for others who asked if they can dress at my hotel. I have also used other girls rooms to dress because of at the time I was un-able to leave from my home for whatever reason.
Let me clarify my earlier post to make sure everyone understands.
When i have dressed using another cd's room or likewise they do not dress in front of me or me in front of them. Typically one would use the restroom to change for privacy reasons. however many times we would do makeup either sharing the counter or some other arrangement. these parameters are set by mutual respect just as i would do if i shared a room with someone other than my wife.
Aw good grief folks. Lots of folks LEAPING here as usual. Unless something has changed, ALL motel and hotel rooms have bathrooms. I saw nothing in the OP that inferred either wanted or needed to watch the other person dress. Plus according to various threads, some here might spend an hour or two or FAR longer to get ready. Probably not something many here would or could do in a handy 7/11 bathroom?
I told a friend he could come to my place once to get ready as his children were not "on board" with his CDing at the time. Nary a problem with that but in all honesty, if anyone has ever been in the service or in a locker room situation at work or in school, you know there are very close quarters and not much privacy, so I really would not see an issue getting ready en femme with another person in the same room if need be. I kind of did that before while costume changing in a benefit drag show.:)
Responding to your Title, yes, it is safe to meet members from this Forum. As others have said, if you have any doubts meet in guy mode to get a better feel. I have met over 10 from this site, all now considered friends. Never had a problem. You are an adult with a lot of experience meeting people, so trust your intuition and get on with life. Sh*t happens even when we are doing everything according to the book as a guy or a girl. When it happens, we normally had no control over it, except maybe, "I should have stayed in bed all day!".
This site aside, 90% of the time when I set a date to meet someone from the internet, I am there waiting alone...
From this site, I am 100% meeting them, and very nice people they are too.
Hmmm, I guess I have lots faith in my capacity to put up an extremely violent defense should the situation dictate. I generally welcome others to hang out with me when I go on biz travel. Mind you, I do conduct a "screening" process to see if there is enough common ground. If so, I welcome the opportunity to expand my circle of friends.
If it was just meeting for coffee in a public place then I would have no problem at all with almost anyone from here. But if I had a motel room and was dressed as Tara, of course I would be very cautious. If it was someone from here that has been here for a long time and I have gotten to know well on this site I wouldn't have a problem at all. Some of those members would be DocRobbySherry, Marleena, Annabelle Larousse, Karen H, Lorileah, Sonna, Stacy B, MsArlene, Frederique, Anne2345, Brandy J,Kimdl93, ReneeT and many others that I've grown to know quite well over my time here. I know it would be safe to meet in a motel for some dressing and sharing stories and conversation only.
But for that scenario of motel room meetings with members that haven't been on here very long, I would be a little leary until I got to know then rather well.
Love & Peace
Tara D. Rose
I just met someone today I was talking with thru another site. Met at the Starbucks inside a Target in guy mode. It was a great experience, was very cool and had a lot of things in common. It was only the second time I had ever met someone and I am looking forward to expanding my circle of friends.
That being said, meeting at a hotel for the first time I would say no. I think you find out if you like them in normal mode before I would find out in dress mode.
You're probably just not the type to be frightened by your own shadow.
Allie called it up above, we're all adults and we meet people every day in one capacity or another. I have invited many people to my house without so much as knowing their real name and the thought of defending myself never even enters my mind. And to those who are horrified at the concept of somebody you don't know visiting your house I say my house isn't exactly a secret place and anybody who wants to do me harm isn't waiting for an invitation.
I am consistently amazed at the childlike attitudes on this forum. People are not scary, they're just people.
I've met over two dozen members of this forum, and possibly more. I started with the Sigma Nu Rho chapter of Tri-Ess, and met CherylT. ....we did an all-night diner quite a few times.
Besides going to various events, I've met quite a few of you at the Keystone Conference in Pennsilvania, and Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, Georgia.
Here, where I'm at, the NY, Pa, east coast crowd is quite lively, according to my girl FB page.
The end game: We are girls, we dress like girls....end of story. Those who need to go beyond, that is your business.
Hi JaytoJillian, I love your confidence.
To post or not to post? What the heck!
Great thread actually, as it has pulled out some great issues and fantastic heart-felt input. Some of us way more confident than others and that could be for various reasons... as could any lack of confidence.
There are many people here that I would LOVE to meet in person... I have got to know them virtually and would love to 'press the flesh' so to speak (not literally - it is a metaphor!)... But I had one instance where someone on this site freaked me out. I agreed to a video call over Messenger I think... great call - it seemed to go well. They had got into sexual relationships with strangers in hotels, and i was not so comfortable with where it was heading. Then this person started showing up on my 'drab-guy' facebook account and had potentially worked out who I was in real life... this was unsolicited and mega-creepy...
Most of us here are genuine and the mods spend loads of time trying to make sure that the wierdos don't get in and if they do then we get rid quick... but it isn't foolproof. Some slip through the net for a while... So please do be careful, as with any web-based social connection...
Melissa as always is common sense incarnate! Meeting over a coffee and getting to know someone... yeah! Go for it! That is what life is about. Personally I wouldn't invite a stranger into my hotel room though... not until we had established a 'real world' and not just a 'virtual' rapport. But I wouldn't expect any woman to do that either?
You are dead rite Kaz ... i would never ever agree to a meetup with someone in a hotel that i wasnt clued up about .... so many horrid thoughts fun through my head xxxx
I have probably met about half of my friends on the Forum FtF, sometimes both in girl mode, sometimes both in guy mode.
I have also met friends from this forum when I've gone out town on business.
But, I would never invite them up to my room. Even when I'm traveling with male collegues, I don't go to their room. We meet in the lobby, and then go out to eat. Remember, you wouldn't be missed for some time if you didn't come back to the motel by midnight.
And suffice it to say, there are predators out there, whether you're a CD or not.
So, by all means, meet up, but for coffee or dinner, in neutral territory. And my personal rule: I'll show you my girl if you show me yours. I wouldn't want to meet someone that I expected to be dressed, who came in boy mode. I think I can handle myself in boy mode, but not nearly as well in heels and a skirt.
I wouldn't have any reservations had you been in this a bit longer,but you did mention you just started.Maybe with time you wont feel so worried about it.I usually like speaking via phone a few times at first and a pic helps in order to prove they are serious.It wouldn't be considered snoopy if you were to ask what their objectives were for the evening..then you can share yours.I can say this for sure,going out with a girl who has been around a while is more secure and you will learn more.Maybe before meeting with anyone you could take time to pick the most beneficial.