just cant get it right

hi to all Happy holidays it has been just about four years that i really started crossdressing and still find it hard to go out I look in the mirror and still see the male me looking back. Do a lot of you girls dress and never leave the house and are happy with how things are working out or are you afraid to go out like me and have someone clock you. lucky for me i did not get rid of all my stuff. Clothes in the closet and make up in the bathroom. I have not dressed in 6 months and I keep buying makeup and clothes to help make me feel better.
hope that things with change after the new year starts. I love to dress but something tells me every time not today. Hope all of you have a great 2019 and that something brings me back to my girl side in my brain.

Bye for now Carrie

We all get clocked, don't worry just be dressed properly and be confident. There are maybe 4 people on this site that can pass 100%, so just do it.

You should go out dressed and get ice cream.

You can go out dressed, have fear, possibly get clocked … or …

You can go out dressed, have fear, possibly get clocked AND have ice cream!

Sorry, just hoping the humor helps … seriously though … ice cream.

I'm working up to go out for the first time, dinner with my wife. Likely early spring. In the mean time, I'm enjoying a girly winter while I figure all of this out.

Hi Carrie, as others have said, we all get clocked but you can do a lot to help reduce it.

Can I suggest that rather than putting off your opportunitues to dress and put on make-up, you go ahead and enjoy yourself? You'll get better at it the more you do it and you'll get a better idea of what outfits can help you blend-in to help try and avoid any unwanted attention.

Also are there any support groups or CD events that you could go to that help gently break you in to getting out there?

I hope you have a lovely 2019.

We all get clocked and its OK you just need to learn that and go out and have fun.
Do anything you want and be confident.
None of us are perfect.

Carrie,

I'm sure you've read posts giving advice about going out and taking baby steps. This is sound advice. A great many of us started with night time drives in the car progressing to stopping and taking short walks. First interactions with muggles is often a drive though. Night time turned into daytime and so it goes on.

There comes a point when you decide to move things on which for most means a trip to the shops. Now you talked about being clocked. It's the big fear so many have. In our heads the mob forms, ropes, pitchforks, burning torches, all manner of images appear. I go out, I don't pass, I get clocked. In fact when standing 3 feet from a SA, as Majella says, only a very tiny minority of us would come close to passing 100% so I definitely don't. Still alive, no puncture wounds, rope burns around the neck, doing just fine thanks.

What's eminently possible is to hide in plain sight. Disappear in a crowd. Dress to suit the time and place, copy what the average GG will be wearing, blend in. Think about it. When you walk though a busy shopping centre, how many people do you really look at? The vast majority you don't even give a glance to. If someone looks at you and clocks you, so what? Stay calm, carry on, just go about your business.

I know it's easy for me to write these words and far harder to do in practice. However I and many others have been there before you, experienced what you're experiencing and taken the steps that have lead to us getting out and about and living to write about it here.

Who knows, with a bit of will power, someday you might be writing something along these lines.

I agree with others here. I am not sure what drives us as crossdressers to venture out into the real world as our female selves. It is something akin to a spell that comes over you and it feels like you must obey. That being said going out dressed is the most exciting and scary thing I have ever done. It remains a thrill. I am confident you will find the courage to do it. (hey its a spell so you must). As others have said just dress for your expected environment and enjoy your self. I do believe that we are our own biggest critics. You will likely get clocked but then who cares..... we don't and you shouldn't either.

As others have said, getting clocked is virtually inevitable. It’s not the end of the world if that’s all that happens.

I’ve been going out virtually once a week these past six months. Even though I'm used to it, I sometimes lose my nerve if circumstances don’t feel right.

My first time out in public dressed was during an LGBT pride event. Because I didn’t yet own a wig or know much about makeup, I went about wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. I advise you to wear sunglasses the first time you go out. That way, you can keep a discrete eye on your surroundings while avoiding eye contact with folks. Good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard

We all get clocked, don't worry just be dressed properly and be confident. There are maybe 4 people on this site that can pass 100%, so just do it.

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As above. :thumbsup:

The one thing I think good, is that times are changing and more people are a little more accepting of peoples differences than in the past.

Carrie,

Like others, your day will come.

Merry Christmas.

If you're afraid of being clocked like I am? Either don't go out dressed or go out to mostly evening, T friendly events, and gatherings like I do!:battingeyelashes:

My Suggestion is to think about going to a professional Transformation place, they will not only make you look great but can also take you out. After you have seen what its like out and see how easy it is to blend so that most people don't notice you. It will be a lot easier to go out thereafter.

I'm not always confident in my appearance but seem to know when it feels right. Start small and you can work up to bigger miss-adventures.

The more I did it the easier it became.I dont pass but I quickly realised that by presenting mysrlf in the correct manner and owning it.I can have an enjoyable day/evening put and about without any trouble.Will be going for professional makeover/tutorial next year so hey maybe i can improve even more

Sophie

Carrie,
If you want to go out, go out. Forget about passing. Most of us don't, but the good news is that you don't need to. Wardrobe and makeup that are age and venue appropriate, a confident and lady like comportment, and you are as ready as you will ever be. When (not if) you are clocked, that confident and lady like bearing will work wonders. People will, almost always, respect how you are presenting and act accordingly. Yes, you will run into a boor now and then, but again, if you can find the confidence to recognize that it's they who have the problem, a scowl or snide comment is all you're ever likely to get out of them. In fact, I make sport out of engaging them. A few months back, during one of our Houston GNO's, a middle aged male at the table across from ours was giving us that scowl. You know the one I mean. I didn't stare back at him but I made it a point to give him my best smile every time I noticed him looking my way. He'd squirm every time I did so. I'm not sure, but I think their party cut short their dinner and left in a hurry. As I said, their problem. We had a great time.

Aunt Kelly,that's brilliant how you handled the scowler,cutting him down to size or as we say in Scotland you certainly "put his gas at a peep" :)

Sophie

I get clocked all the time,it's part of going out dressed. But this does not stop me. I just want to be me,to be happy, and as long as I have a smile on my face, people can clock me all they want,and I will give them the time ...

Ready to break the going out ice? I am just 6 hour from you. Atlanta GA has a group and they are just 160 miles (2h 15 min) from you. Come over for a visit with an old closet resident. (75 years old) Just for the record I do not know rxactly you mean by "being Clocked" To me it is a term used at race tracks.

Carrie,
Once I've applied the makeup and popped the wig on the guy is gone enough for me to step out the door . I feel it does help if you have definite jobs/errands to do , by the time I've pushed and pulled at my supermarket trolley any doubts of wondering what people see me as are long gone . Do I get it right ? Well when I look round at the other shoppers I think I do .

If and when people do give you a second glance don't always assume they have read you . This time of the year you have to accept the kids are on holiday they are the ones that are more likely to read you , only today I've been to the supermarket and had some fun with parents with their kids not one has given me a problem . It's not passing as much as tipping the balance on the female side , there are enough signs to accept what they are seeing .

Carrie, While I try to pass, I know it won't happen. I'm just happy to be dressed. I have gone out and been noticed, but no one has said anything directly to me.

I read somewhere that people are generally as happy as they want to be. Some are miserable all the time; I know people like that. We see movie stars and the rich commit suicide, and dirt poor in third world countries who are happy.
I'd say that I'm content; happy at times. I don't know why.
I had a horrific childhood, being beaten and molested. I grew up without friends most of the time. Treated badly by parents and teachers. Confused as to sexuality and sexual identity. And for a good portion of my life, lived alone though I'd rather not have.
Yet while I have my ups and downs, I'm generally okay with who I am, and have happy moments at times as well.
While I would like to be more than I am, I'm okay with me 'as is'.

Though if I could, I'd choose not to have any crossdressing or TG thoughts and desires. But we don't get to choose what we are. Only what we do.

If you only dress every six months, you will never be comfortable trying to pass as a woman. Dress as often as you can so you will be comfortable with the hair, the boobs and the hips. When it's time to go out, just do it. Drive around in your car, get out and pump gas, go to a park (dressed appropriately), go to a mall, etc. Wear sunglasses if you want. Don't worry about other people, just do it.

When you look in the mirror and no longer see the male self, but the image you always dreamed of, things change.
A transformation session might show you what is possible.
Hugs, Ellen

Repeat after me.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DOING IT WRONG.

Regardless of how many here keep insisting that there is.

Many of them have never even left there homes but yet "know" what Joe Doe Public thinks and will say.

Nope, it does not work that way.

Wild...,
That's some statement ! OK the ones that found they got it wrong retreat back into the closet . Verbally or even physically abused because they thought no one will care and WTF what anyone thinks ! Sorry it don't work that way for some people they have the scars to prove it .

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels

Repeat after me.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DOING IT WRONG.

Regardless of how many here keep insisting that there is.

Many of them have never even left there homes but yet "know" what Joe Doe Public thinks and will say.

Nope, it does not work that way.

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As a courtesy to others, I'm quoting the post Teresa's responding to, as it is somewhat irritating to have to click back a page to fully understand her response.

I make no comment.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Teresa

Wild...,
That's some statement ! OK the ones that found they got it wrong retreat back into the closet . Verbally or even physically abused because they thought no one will care and WTF what anyone thinks ! Sorry it don't work that way for some people they have the scars to prove it .

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This is very true. If you haven't the confidence and bearing to deal with what you will face in the real world, best not to try. That said, what you are most likely to face is only a shadow of what your imagination is shouting about. As I've already said, there are boors out there who will laugh, tease and belittle. There are also amazing people who will come up to you, tell you how amazing and brave you are for venturing out, and ask for a hug. Both cases are rare. Most of the time, by far, nobody says or does anything out of the ordinary.

If the slim chance of an untoward comment would undo you, you should stay home. If you would prefer to reduce the chance of such an encounter, while still venturing out, do it right . In this case, that means dress appropriately for your age and the venue. That includes hair and makeup.

If you don't care what impression you make, or your aim is appear in public dressed as a schoolgirl, or a hooker, or Dorothy Gale, by all means do so. That's not wrong, per se. Just know that you will be inviting, wanted or not, additional attention, scrutiny, and reactions. The real world can be a challenging place to play out such fantasies.

Finally, I will say that while I won't call such play "wrong", I recognize that it often casts the community as a whole in a bad light, making it that much harder for those for who just want to be their real selves.

I've had some of my best experiences after being clocked (that is discovered while out dressed). It usually led to some really empowering conversations with GGs, and occasionally GMs.

I am usually out with a large group of other CDs, so hiding is almost impossible. There are always a couple dressed like a hooker, or a couple newbies who are still working on their look, so we all get clocked. Last time out, there was an older couple who appeared to be staring at us from a distance. I decided to have a conversation with them just as an advocate to let them know that we were just regular people, more or less. We ended up having a really nice conversation, and it turned out that they were really supporters.

However, I wouldn't taken such a risk if I was out alone. However, it this case, I knew that I could let out a scream and have 50 girls have my back, many out whom were former military.

Hi Carrie

I remember being clocked for the first time, on my first trip out. I'd been strolling around a local town for a few minutes and eventually went into a charity shop and had a quick browse. On the way out I saw someone following me and instinctively I turned and held the door open for them. It was a man a bit older then me. He said Thanks and then I saw his look change as he realised. It was only a fleeting glance as I turned and carried on but my immediate reaction as I walked on was a big grin :)

You'll get clocked but the trick is to see that as all part of the fun. I would add that being confident in your look is key so keep practising until you feel ready.

Rachel

I still remember and am remembered by the staff at our local Staples. I had no particular reason to go in but I just had to give it a go. I was in the store for 10 minutes before I got clocked by a fellow customer Isle with the stamp pads and ink. The staff knew who I was in drab and quickly pegged me by my voice. That day I was wearing grays , Gray long sleeved sweater over a red jersey, darker gray Felt skirt, gold ballerina flats. I was wishing I had a pair of gray heels. Blond Marilyn Monroe wig.

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Hell-o Carrie,
I really know how you’re feeling. That can be a really tuff rut to get out of.
The truth is the only thing that can get you back on tract is to go put on a f’ing dress!!!
Seriously! it’s way too easy to say not today, why should I bother, it’s a big waste of time.
Well...the feelings your experiencing now, the regret of not following through with your desires
will continue. Again...you really need to indulge those feelings.
Let’s set a goal. A due by date if you will? Your next dressing experience shall happen on, or
before Januaruy 25 2019. (I’d give you 60 days, but you’re already way behind in your payments!)
As far as going out? I do, but I will also dress and stay at home when I can. Practice runs if you will?
When the time is right you’ll find yourself out and about
Merry Christmas.
Much Love,
Kristyn

thank you for all the advice received today. This forum is great because you get posts from all different sides. I think that I have to reintroduce my male side to my female side Pull out the make up and try different things to improve how I see myself In the back of my mind i don't mind getting clocked but wonder about what can happen after that, the USA and the people are filled with people who are different unkind and will try to get back at people they don't understand or are different from the way they see people. Sometimes I think that It can be very dangerous if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think about things I can do if I run into a problem with someone but I don't like thinking that way. The female side of me is always playing mind games and what if this happens or it comes to a point that I have to do something to save me from trouble. Some people just can't mind their own business and let other people enjoy themselves. As time goes on more posts to let the forum know how things work out.

bye for now Carrie

Carrie, I looked back at your first posts. Then, you seemed to have confidence to be out and had good support from your wife. Is she still supportive? None of we older ladies will ever have the woman's looks that our younger sisters can have. Wrinkles are too many. Do as others have said above and have fun!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by carrie2014

hi to all Happy holidays it has been just about four years that i really started crossdressing and still find it hard to go out I look in the mirror and still see the male me looking back. Do a lot of you girls dress and never leave the house and are happy with how things are working out or are you afraid to go out like me and have someone clock you. lucky for me i did not get rid of all my stuff. Clothes in the closet and make up in the bathroom. I have not dressed in 6 months and I keep buying makeup and clothes to help make me feel better.
hope that things with change after the new year starts. I love to dress but something tells me every time not today. Hope all of you have a great 2019 and that something brings me back to my girl side in my brain.

Bye for now Carrie

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I relate completely, Carrie,

I would love to wear my feminine clothing openly in public, but I know I would look like a guy due to my physique ... and the way I walk in heels. I do wear feminine things hidden underneath and satin tops on long rides, but I quickly change before reaching my destination.

However, I work from home, so I can dress privately at home quite often. My neighbors occasionally catch a glimpse and my daughter once saw my pantyhose in the trunk of my car, but I try to stay out of site.