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the situation is, my SO has nearly no interest in traditionally thought of as girly things. she hardly ever wears anything but pants and mostly plain shirts, rarely uses makeup or perfume, owns only a very few pairs of earrings in the way of jewelry, and lives in tennis shoes.
She does, however, fully support me in whatever I want to do. I just wish I had a GG friend to hang out and talk about cute dresses and stuff with. I guess you can't have it all.
What's stopping you from gaining that friend?
Mostly my fear of 'outing' myself even more than i already have. i have come to realize it's probably more my own feelings of being weird or freakish more than anything anyone else would think of me, but it stops me all the same.
You have a supporting wife. What's the problem then?
If she is supportive, what's your problem. She may need to feel pretty and that you can do for her. Do some girly things together but make it about her, oh and have fun :)
Have I told you I hated you!! Yet.. Today,,,, :D
Hi.
Most of my women friends dont wear make up or wear high heels, as to clothes many are just normal wear some have skirts many are in pants or slacks , not all women are this girle girl type of how western thinking is some work the farms sheep, horse's & manual work , so theres no issue ,
Yesterday a bike ride,
!6 of us, 4 were men , we have a wensday bike rideing group & yesterday was lovely so we started out with low cloud & then was sunny & yes very warm so down to shirts & summer tops every one had slacks or pants on ,
next time i will wear shorts , some of the women i know & one chap. oh & one child about 1y 4 m . after our ride a cupper at our local coffe shop. age range 26 to 70.
I would say your S O , would fit in with us pretty good,
One thing is we can get dressed up & all yet we live every day as whats comforable even jos tells me to dress up a bit more , & there are some clothes i like & its like your doing things all day so whats comforable is what we wear , may not be our dressing up going out clothes, .
When your a woman you think a bit different tho like last saturday night we most of us did dress up for our Scottish Ball. now thats different.
& 90 of us, yes a nice night,
can i say one thing for you i know you wont tho , join a womens group. you may just be surprised how accepting we can be ,,,if you try,
...noeleena...
I think you should try being your wife's friend. In that I mean womens friendship is certainly more than shopping. Try to be a better listener and more emotionally aware when talking with her. And let her lead you to what she enjoys.
I agree with the other ladies! You already have one! So treat her as such! Hugs!
No, you can't have it all. Any relationship is a compromise on both parts. You have to decide if she is the person you want to spend your life with. Then change what you can and accept what you can't.Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbieCrescent
It seems to me that talking about cute dresses is a pretty minor thing to give up in a relationship.
You are very lucky that your SO accepts you as you are. My wife is not so accepting, but is still my best friend. Sounds like we are in opposite situations and both want it all. Perhaps in time you can have it all, that is what I hope for on a daily basis.
Something I have noticed about CDers in general is that they do take more time to look feminine than most women. I think that is because women have had the option pretty much their whole lives to wear what they want to. It is easier to dress casual and not worry about dressing up. A woman generally can look feminine while in more androgenous (sp?) clothing. For most CDers, they need to wear what is most feminine and is often an idealized look, in order to be able to pull off the look they are going for.
Take the time to be your wife's best friend. Even though she may not be the girliest girl you know, she is a girl and there is a closeness you can get from her that no other GG can give you.
You have gotten some good advice already. Mine would be to look into some local support groups where you can meet similar people, be in a safe surrounding and maybe network to find some compatible friends to talk about what you need to talk about. Would your SO support you in that?
Every persons SO is different. I would like for my wife to be able to talk with people in a local group. However, she is still working on things herself. I don't push her too hard, because if I did, I feel it would push her away.
My best bit of advice is take things are your SOs pace. You are use to this and it is new for her. It will take her time to decide which side of the line she wants to stand on. Hopefully, with time, it will be on your side holding your hand.
It's true you can't have it all. But if you work it right, it will be enough.
You said, "She does, however, fully support me in whatever I want to do." Whats left to be said, my wife is my biggest supporter, but she has no interest in make up, wearing fashion, Or a lot of other things that interest me, she has no interest in talking about it, or trans issues in general, unless something is bothering me. She has no interest in reading the form or anything else to do with it, not that she is bothered by any of it, she just has other interest. Shopping to her, is running in grabbing what you where after and getting out of there, I can spend hours just looking, from store to store, so I would rather shop by myself. I don't have it all, but I do have more than I ever thought I would have, or that I deserve, I'm very grateful, for that women that does not care about this stuff, because of her love for me, and acceptance that I do have a love of this stuff.
Tina B.