Looking for suggestions On how to cope

Looking for suggestions. So wife knows about me crossdressing but she does not like it she does allow me to wear panties and leggings and some shorts. But my problem is at times that's not enough she won't let me go out and dress fully by myself so It has became hard to control my emotions. I've been trying not to do any of it but it all keeps building up it puts stress on me and at times on her and I try my hardest not to. She's has only known about it for six months now i've been with her for 14 years and since I came out with it it's been harder on me with my emotions of what I should do. Coming out to her does make it easier do to the fact I don't have to hide my stuff anymore but I still am in the closet I am looking for a better ways to Control myself so I don't have to dress up to make her happy does anyone have any suggestions.

Maybe set up a day where you have several hours to yourself to dress.
If she really loves you and cares about your well being she should at least give you that much.
If she says no then your relationship is all about her and you don't matter.

I have been in two marriages where I was just the breadwinner and my feelings were never important or even considered.

Danielle this part of us is tough to deal with and usually our wives don't understand the emotion part of this for us, it is hard to explain it.
I'm not sure there is anything you can do to convince her of your need. I do agree that you should meet her needs for sure.
Talk and discuss your needs with her do your best to explain how you feel it may take a while

You have choices to make.
The first two are make ME happy, or make your WIFE happy. Personally, I opt for making the wife happy. Remember, '' Happy wife-happy life. ''
Jon

It's not a binary choice between making yourself happy or making your wife happy. If you make yourself unhappy, it's going to affect your relationship with your wife, and vice versa.

Just keep in mind that a material fact concerning your personal life was not disclosed prior to marriage. Your wife did not sign on to a marriage that included cross dressing. To some cross dressing may not seem like a "big deal" because they're the one doing the cross dressing. On the other hand you're asking a woman to consider something that is not at all widely accepted in society.

Yes, you have needs. So far it appears she has allowed some dressing that really does not go deeply into being fully en femme. Wearing concealed panties and leggings and shorts does not seem to be overly femme. I'd be wondering if I were her about "How far does he want to go with this? Wig? Makeup? Bra? Dresses? High heels?"

You haven't really indicated to her, or if you have, not here how far you want to go with the cross dressing. There really is a terrifying unknown to her. You haven't indicated if you and her have little kids.

Yes, you need at least private time to express your femme side. You and your wife should have a cordial sit down and discuss the matter. She may be agreeable to setting up private time for you, but, will that be sufficient or will you want more and more? Even if there is scheduled femme time it is not necessarily something easy for a woman to accept. Think about it. She leaves the house for eight hours knowing that behind the door her husband is doing "something." If she is not at least accepting of your inner self and the need to express it, whether or not she sees it, she will not be comfortable with the arrangement.

You need good communication with your SO. Another thing to consider is perhaps counseling to get a handle on managing your feelings.:)

Stephanie yes I have two kids I think you're right I think I need to have a talk with her and get some time that I can do it myself without her around and yes she knows that I've done full dress up

I have planned my dressing for when my wife takes a trip up North. I currently live in Florida.

your relationship comes first. it may take time or your wife may never be comfortable with your dressing. just keep an open dialog with her. I have been out to my wife for about 6 months also. we talk. she is still not thrilled. but most of us have dressed way longer than we have known out SO's. remind her you are the same person she married, just a better dresser.
Sara

I get up at 4:30am...ugh...I know! I enjoy my morning coffee while watching the news in a cute skirt or dress. It gives me a few hours of girl time where I wont have any surprise visits. Makeup isn't really my thing, I just like the clothes. If the weather is nice, I ride my bike 5-7 miles...usually wearing cycling capris, and always a sports bra!

Danielle,
You are having to suppress feelings that are a part of you, you have to realise that you can't keep doing it indefinitely , you have to find ways to find a balance with your wife, she must realise it's not a passing phase so and has to talk to your to try and accommodate your needs.

I'm not in an ideal situation but have managed to get out the door to attend social meetings, my wife doesn't want to see it but has accepted that it's a need I have to deal with the female side of me. She knows I shop and where my things are kept, and has accepted that because she knows now I am going out that I wish to look my best. She says it doesn't matter but to me it does, I don't want to look like a guy in a dress, I want to look like Teresa .

I, too have a spouse who refuses to allow me to be dressed in her presence. She knows that I will dress whenever she is away for some time. This is the compromise we have reached. It's not much, but it has saved our marriage.

Danielle, your situation is similar to what I went through a couple of years ago. Maybe think of it as a blessing in disguise. We've all read the stories where a CD thinks that disclosure just makes everything OK from that point on. So while the SO tries to process the bombshell that her presumptive all male SO wants to really be a woman or something, he's off in unbridled pink fog lala land. My disclosure to my Wife only meant that I was out of the closet and my clothes were in the closet. She still hates it and doesn't want to see it but, we do have honestly established boundaries.

Janine, you've stated it so nicely.

My wife knows but doesn't want to see. Not DADT, but IDWTSI. Our daughter is out of the house. I find time to dress when my wife is away overnight, I'm away overnight, or sometimes she will give me a couple of hours during a weekend, and she will give me 20 or 30 minutes notice before she comes back. It's a process of compromise, give her what she needs and negotiate for what you need.

With small children in the home, it's a bigger deal for her to take the kids for several hours so that may require you to reciprocate in some way. The bottom line should be doing things for each other because you care deeply for each other. That's what enables you to give to each other and avoid resentment.

Good luck!

If you don't know how to address your needs with her and you would like to have a better understanding about yourself you may want to talk with a counselor who is skilled in your area of need and also couple therapy. I would think the situation is somewhat complex with having children too. Good luck.

Hi Danielle, there are some excellent books available and articles on the Internet. My sense is she doesn't understand our behavior which is compulsive. Neither of us understands CDing and..it will never go away..in fact, as you've experienced the need to dress can range from "light" to extreme with high anxiety, distraction, etc. I sense your wife "allowing" a couple of items shows some degree of normal feminine control. If she's willing, after some mutual reading, have discussions about your needs and the consequences from denial. I believe a wifes biggest fear is that we are all gay or bi, which is not true. It may take some time to compromise or better yet, get her acceptance. My wife is totally supportive. It's wonderful. I wish you well.

I, also have a spouse who doesn't allow me to be dress in her presence. I have managed to have most Friday afternoons to myself and do enjoy it immensely. She knows that I will dress whenever she is away and always calls me to let me know she is returning so i can undress. for some time. I hope for more but for now it's OK. I hope, in time, your situation will improve and you wife will appreciate how much a part of US this desire is. Good Luck and HUGs