I got outed.......

So last weekend I was getting ready to go on a fishing and camping trip with one of my friends that I have known for a LONG time. We were going down to WV to do some river fishing for the weekend.

We needed to buy a one day fishing license online. So my buddy came over and was using my computer. I didn't realize ahead of time that he was going to need to use my computer. I never dreamed that he would go to my IE history to find the website to buy the fishing license. Low and behold, there were all of my CD'ing sites that I have visited....!@#$@....I have my settings to only keep 1 days worth of history and normally I'm the only one that uses my computer so I don't have to wory about anyone snooping around on it. So he confronted me and asked if there was something that he should know about me. He said that he saw all of these CD'ing websites in my history. My stomach sank.... I didn't know what to do other than to say "Is that an issue?", and just shrugged. He said well no... and we left it at that for then.

This is probably the worse person to ever know about something like this. I may as well have just posted an article about me in the local newspaper. !@#@. Knowing this I knew I had to talk to him about it. I waited until we were driving back home. I didn't want this to linger over the camping trip, so I waited until we were on our way home. I brought it up and told him that it is something very personal to me, and that only a couple people know about it. I told him that I would appreciate it if he could keep that to himself. He said that if that's my thing then what ever. He seemed ok about it. Or at least he didn't throw himself from the moving car. I explained to him that this was something that was always a part of me, and that it doesn't make me any different than the person that he has known all along. I also reassured him that I have no attraction to men. I just really love everything, EVERYTHING, about women. I just hope and pray that he doesn't open his big mouth, but I have my doubts. I'm not sure what will be the result of this. I hope that I don't loose friends over this. I don't know that I'm ready for that.....Not that I have much choice now. Only time will tell.

Amy:

Best of luck to you after what must have been very traumatic. I hope all works out well!

Jamie

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I never dreamed that he would go to my IE history to find the website to buy the fishing license.

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he may not have gone into your history at all. If he did it the old fashioned way, IE had a common history based suggestion list up on the screen before he finished typing www.

at least your free now.

I just had the same experience with a GG friend of 20+ years. we havent talked about it yet, but if our friendship is half as strong as the years it took to make it, then we should be ok. this friend is not known to keep secrets. i have been telling my self all night that if the worst happens, then the worst happens. at least for me it means I dont have to hide it from here anymore.

ps if he saw all this before the trip, and still went fishing, then maybe it is not so big the problem that the imagination makes it.... just a thought

Well, you are the one who really knows your friend Hon but I'm being told by my guide that nothing will come of it. He enjoys having you as a friend.:)

That had to be difficult. I guess he should be careful about snooping, if that's what lead to this. I commend you on answering honestly. Let's hope you're friendship continues.

Actually the sugesstion list much more likely......Good call....

Well he did tell me that he thought maybe it was someone else that was using my computer. He didn't think that it was me. So.. I don't know....

What ever happens, happens. Its out of my control what he does with that information. I do know him well. I think he can keep it under his hat, but we'll see.

@Beamer, sounds like we are def in the same boat here.

Hi Amy, That's why I always clear the history when I log off
although I'm the only one to use it you just never know.

Hi Amy,

Wow, sorry to hear about your situation. This is certainly a test of friendship. If this guy talks, then the word is out; guys will probably not bat an eye save one redneck, curious women may test you with feminine statements or outright questions. Anyone who hears will develop an opinion. The real test is your resolve and confidence. How will you respond? Keep in mind that the same people whom we often feel subject to judgement from ALL have something they also would not like the world to know, like your friend.

Take heart,

Colleen

I almost got busted by my bestfriend one evening when my wife had taken the kids to a movie. I had a couple of hours of me time so I thought I would get dressed up. I was just sitting and watching some tv when my friend and his kid, who live just around the corner from me, decided to take thier dogs for a walk. His son started knocking on my door and looking thru the window. I had to do a army crawl to the bedroom and do a quick change. He asked what took so long getting to the door, told him I was using the bathroom. My heart was pounding so hard the whole time he was over here.

Google Chrome has a nice Incognito window that does not save history, cookies, passwords, usernames. You still need to be careful but there is no additional hidden history saved. Even Ebay searches and things like that are not saved.

Amy, i hope everything works out for you, hugs.

There is nothing quite as scary as the moment when the genie pops loose when it's not clearly safe (or ever)!

I have had more than a few close calls and some outs over the last 35 years. It comes with the territory and it's a part of who we are. No matter what happens here, hang in there.

I don't think any one of us can keep this from all other humans forever. Our own minds subvert us. A little too much mascara that we didn't notice was still there, forgotten panties on at the gym, a website image, an unexpected visitor, anything.

So hang in there and be strong. This will pass with time and you'll feel better.

After all, this is what we do.

Meghan

Omg I don't think I would have the Gus to talk to him like you did! Hope it works out.

It is too easy with prompts, I type in "c" and guess what.....:)
Top of the c list is CD.Com.

Amy, sorry this happened. Your friend went on the trip, and was OK, and did not bring it up, so maybe even if he thought it was someone else it was no big deal to him. Hopefully since he did not react immediately when you discussed it with him it really is nobig deal, and he understands. Only time will tell if he can hold his tongue.

Good Luck

Barbara

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Originally Posted by ColleenCD

Hi Amy,

Wow, sorry to hear about your situation. This is certainly a test of friendship. If this guy talks, then the word is out; guys will probably not bat an eye save one redneck, curious women may test you with feminine statements or outright questions. Anyone who hears will develop an opinion. The real test is your resolve and confidence. How will you respond? Keep in mind that the same people whom we often feel subject to judgement from ALL have something they also would not like the world to know, like your friend.

Take heart,

Colleen

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Well I've already been tested once when my buddy found the history on my PC. I am pretty sure that I would handle it just the same with anyone else. It has been my experience that when things happen, good, bad, weird, when they are yours, you should own them. Skirting (all puns intended! LOL) the issue only makes it worse. Owning it and accepting what it is will help everyone move on. I just know that if I were to tell everyone that I know (worse case scenario), some of them probably would never speak to me again. That would be painful. I only hope that it doesn't' come to that. I don't think it will.

I been outed so much lately that I really don t care anymore....if people dont like what I enjoy then they can always leave! I wear what ever i want when i want!

I know this is going to read very VERY geeky but:

Google Oracle Virtualbox, it is free and easy to use and install. It will allow you to set up separate operating system (Linux Ubunta or SUSE are good) on your computer (assuming you are running Windows 7).

Download a copy of a Linux distribution .iso image and follow the instructions in Virtualbox to load the system. Create a username only you will know and a very strong password. The Virtualbox does all of the installation for you and each Linux distribution build has Firefox as a browser. I have not had any issues having a virtual O/S not connect right away to the internet.

If you often leave your computer on while surfing, set a quick window saver and require a password to log back in. Once the computer is turned off the Virtualbox cannot be started without your username/password combination. (Unless you have a geek in the house!)

I am writing this note on a Windows 8 virtual system.

Miki

that is something i sweat everyday i hope it turns out for you and i would like to hear if anything develops xo P.s. keep your fingers crossed

Amy,
Thank you for sharing, I hope that your friends understand & continue be supportive.

The truth is that this isn't a big deal, your friends should quickly realize that in case that some of them would found out.
Don't worry, know that everything would be ok

Hi Amy,
It is too bad that this occurred, however, I would like to say this: If your friends are indeed your friends, you will not lose them. If you lose them, then they are not really your true friends who offer unconditional love to you as friends. Everyone has a private quadrant to their lives. CD'ing is part of your private quadrant.
If you don't know what I mean by 'quadrant', I mean it as follows:
Quadrant one: both you and your friends know how you will react to certain circumstances.
Quadrant two: your friends know how you will react to certain circumstances, but you do not.
Quadrant three: you know how you will react to certain circumstances, but your friends do not.
Quadrant four: neither you nor your friends know how you will react to certain circumstances.
Tiime will tell how this all shake out, so toughen up your skin and be prepared, but don't stress about it. You are who you are, and you have every right to be. Your true friends are the important ones, and they will be the ones who will not think less of you.
Best wishes to you.
Di

The newer versions of Internet explorer have an option under "Tools" called "InPrivate Browsing". Using this feature, visited sites are not kept in any history.

If you're using a computer at work, school, etc. all bets are off. When I was working in the field, I could view the actual screen of any computer on site (for security purposes).

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

Well I've already been tested once when my buddy found the history on my PC. I am pretty sure that I would handle it just the same with anyone else. It has been my experience that when things happen, good, bad, weird, when they are yours, you should own them. Skirting (all puns intended! LOL) the issue only makes it worse. Owning it and accepting what it is will help everyone move on. I just know that if I were to tell everyone that I know (worse case scenario), some of them probably would never speak to me again. That would be painful. I only hope that it doesn't' come to that. I don't think it will.

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Hey Amy, that's a healthy way to deal with it. If he's truly a friend, then he will understand and become an even better friend. If not, then the friendship wasn't strong to begin with.
I have buddy friends who I go on a ski trip with every year, and the one guy and I text every day. I'm thinking the time is coming that I'm going to fess up to him since we're very close in every other way. And, just like you, what happens will happen and I will accept the consequences!

On another note, I use Google Chrome for my browser and always go to "incognito" even though noone accesses my laptop either except my wife.

Hello ther, sorry bout the outing;) I've been there, that browser history got me too! I think u handled it perfectly, if he is truly your friend then he should respect your privacy! Just think, one less person to come out too. Stay positive!

Amy....a friend is just that...a friend. I hope that you can feel comfortable with him knowing - if everything stays the same, then you have a true friend. Think of it as a test

Incognito mode in Chrome is your friend.

No one except me uses my computer, generally, but I still always browse sites like this in Incognito because you never know when someone is going to say "hey, let me look something up quickly".

I use Mozilla Firefox. It deletes the history when I sign out of it. I've developed the habit of logging off entirely when I am done with the computer. I never use IE. Another reason for logging off entirely is eBay. Even if I close out eBay without logging off, if the next user goes to eBay it will show the items you last viewed. My wife know I cross dress, but, no other family members (unless they've gone through the fourteen zerox boxes in the playroom).

As CD's, closeted or just want to keep it private for whatever reason, we are always at the risk of being outed. Browser history, pictures in a folder, (I recently bought a secure pen drive and now store them there), box of clothes hidden where ever, walking by a window dressed, neighbor peeking in the windows, etc etc etc. With this lifestyle, there are 1000's of different ways of being outed. All of this is just if you don't leave the house, imagine if you do.

The thing about this post that bothers me most is trying to wrap my head around someone, anyone, using my PC. Beyond the history or pictures, you may have other things like banking and such you may not want anyone to see. So why even let someone use your PC?

On the other side, I do use firefox myself and it doesn't keep a history, or any other traces of where I have been or what i was looking at. Maybe tweaking your PC might be a good idea at this point just to be on the safe side:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I just hope and pray that he doesn't open his big mouth, but I have my doubts. I'm not sure what will be the result of this. I hope that I don't loose friends over this. I don't know that I'm ready for that.....Not that I have much choice now. Only time will tell.

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Hi Amy,

Oh bugg3r, is the only phrase that comes to mind. I'm as guilty really for my internet history, so it could yet be me. The laws of probability will always make sure that the worst person available will be the person that fate decides to spill your beans to.

Strange, that in complete contrast to this post, that of Flic yesterday announcing to all her friends of her life style and then pondering whether the decision was the right one. At least that was her choice, where as yours was bad luck. At least you'll get to see how much of a friend he is or isn't, plus any others.

Lets hope he can hold hold his tongue.

Reb

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Originally Posted by Miss Joanne

As CD's, closeted or just want to keep it private for whatever reason, we are always at the risk of being outed. Browser history, pictures in a folder, (I recently bought a secure pen drive and now store them there), box of clothes hidden where ever, walking by a window dressed, neighbor peeking in the windows, etc etc etc. With this lifestyle, there are 1000's of different ways of being outed. All of this is just if you don't leave the house, imagine if you do.

The thing about this post that bothers me most is trying to wrap my head around someone, anyone, using my PC. Beyond the history or pictures, you may have other things like banking and such you may not want anyone to see. So why even let someone use your PC?

On the other side, I do use firefox myself and it doesn't keep a history, or any other traces of where I have been or what i was looking at. Maybe tweaking your PC might be a good idea at this point just to be on the safe side:)

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I agree there are many diffferent ways that we can be outed. It can and does happen all the time.
As for letting someone use my PC. I have no problem letting a friend use my PC. I know I can trust them. That's why they are my friend. However, something like CD'ing could be a whole other can of worms! So.... time will tell. And no... I'm not going to sweat the things I have no control over. Let come what will. I'll just have to deal with it then.

I thought I should update everyone on this thread. My buddy has been talking to me and acting like he has always acted. He never even said a word about any of the suff that we talked about. As far as all of this goes, we are the same as we ever were. It is amazing how your head does make things far worse than what they really are. I'm glad that this turned out ok.

He is probably just trying to pretend it doesn't exist, I mean if he has a problem with it. I think you will be OK, just don't bring it up again.

How funny would it be though in the car if one of those tranny-type songs came on (dude looks like a lady, man I feel like a woman, etc...)

OK bad joke. Anyways, like I said, just don't rub his nose in it.

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Originally Posted by Amy R Lynn

I thought I should update everyone on this thread. My buddy has been talking to me and acting like he has always acted. He never even said a word about any of the suff that we talked about. As far as all of this goes, we are the same as we ever were. It is amazing how your head does make things far worse than what they really are. I'm glad that this turned out ok.

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I'm glad your friend isn't treating you any different.
Like you said things can seem a lot more dramatic in your mind.
I use to think the world would some how come to a end if I was outed.
Now hay we are all still here n

The solution to dress up on halloween in front of all your friends. Have fun, show them a good time. That way it will be old news when your big mouth friend starts talking...

Two words that I live by when viewing any CD content "private browsing" with my browsers. Sorry to hear what happened.

I know that the people who come to this site have alot and share many of the same fears, with good reason. But the one thing that hasn't really been addressed is, are we all that self absorbed to think that every single person in our life is really gonna care? Granted, many will to some degree like wifes, very close friends, family. But what I took from this is a decently good friend that you've known for x amount of years found out in a very open way and just doesnt care. That you, even including this new information, is still the guy he has beers with on the weekend and goes fishing with when he can work it in. While yes, big, Crossdressing isn't this huge, giant world ending situation that everyone is going to take as a horrible, friendship ending situation.

It is what it is. Just, remember to keep safe as not everyone in the world is as understanding as your friend.

I was discovered by my wife and it all turned out well - but obviously that's different. I do think - thought - that although it may seem tough and may have consequences in the short term it has allowed you to be more "you" in the world - which I think is what life is all about. You never know this could open up new doors that you never dreamed could be possible...

I once accidentally left my cell phone in the canteen at work one time. It was out of my possession for 30 minutes. It had pics of Tara in it too. I was in a panic covering my foot steps, a co worker handed it to me. Very close call. Later on, I deleted the Pics of Tara.

My experience at this stage in our life is that being caught, discovered or outed is an inevitable reality. I've dodged many bullets and been hit by others. I'm fortunately at a place in my life where I feel like it's not that big of a deal anymore. I've found that it's impossible to always cover all my tracks. When I've gotten busted I look back and the things I could have should have done to avoid it but in the end, it really is inevitable. We're human and we overlook things.

It's very hard to know, however, how people are going to react or what they are going to do. I had a "friend" who told me to my face that she wouldn't tell anyone and that she was totally accepting and supportive. Behind my back she told her mom and several of her friends and also told them that she didn't want to encourage me. The best thing we can do is just be right with ourselves when these things happen so we can easily move on.

My family and friends who visit occasionally use my PC so I use Firefox permanently set to private browsing so nothing is stored when I close it down. I have all the transgender sites I visit bookmarked in my head so no-one can inadvertently discover them and ask me awkward questions.

Amy,
I have no advice but I think your handling this really well. I guess it is just a matter of time before I have a similar experience and when I do it is good to know the support and wisdom of this group's members is here.
D

you were doing a research paper studying CD'S and there behavior