The closet and the Elephant

Well the talk happened with my wife. Last week (Friday night)when I sashshayed a little to much , handing her the remote. It was like WTF was that ? You moved liked Ginger Rogers. The feminine mannerisms have been becoming more apparent . I just broken down and told her everything. My wanting to crossdress. She. Had inclinations from my past now there was validation... Early in our marriage(the mixed signals I must of sent) , to finding some lingerie of mine years later. It was a tense night from there on.
Saturday the real hell hit. Can I blame her,Nope. She had ever right, to be upset. Yes I didn't tell when we married. The hurt I caused her, I am ashamed I did that to the one I love. More talking,and questions she was checking on line about CDing. Am I gay ,No. Do I want to be a girl,No. All valid concerns since I turned her world upside down.
I told her about the forum. Being here I felt my sense of where I belong. I told her from reading others posts, to getting some advice. Had helped me. Yes I was wrong for not talking to her. I just didn't understand why the urge to cd this time in my life was overwhelming
She asked me to delete my avatar and messages from my profile. Out of respect to her. Which I did. Sorry to anybody who left a message. We talked about me being on it. Just wanted a fresh start. I really hope she would join.
Sunday the sediment was settling. Said you can wear some of my stuff. Under dress and please don' t announce it. Make a list. We will make a draw up for you . Then the pink fog came rolling in.
Monday after work. Came Down from my shower . Was using her Grace body wash. She knew and said it smelled better on me. She was reading on line about CDs . Another fight , talks of divorce, living as sisters. She had every right to feel this way. About 2am I asked her to come up stairs to sleep. And we talked into the wee hours of the morning. That continued thru the day texting.
When I got home from work. Having dinner, she reached across, held my hands. And asked "are we good" ? I replied yes we are good:battingeyelashes: I said I am no different than last week, except now you know I want wear womens clothes. I am still the same person.
So the boundaries are set. No conventions, no going out dressed. All fine with me. Underdressing and sleepwear okay. New robe, and my own lingerie coming. Shoes okay,,yay. And be aware of color choice don't need a neighbor seeing you. Yes to shaving body, nails just shy of girly length. With the body wash , said it smelled better on me and called me a bitch:doh: I guess that was ice breaking .
My wife didn't want me deny who I am. So I am out of the closet and we now have an elephant in the room to deal with. I must own it. Yes I am a crossdresser:battingeyelashes:
Thank you to my wonderfully understanding wife,who I couldn't live without.:) to my Canadian friend for all of your support, advice, and a willing to listen. To my other friend who is transitioning. Thank you for being the fog lights. Your sage advice , and honesty. Were just what I needed. Hugs Aretha

Aretha, it is good that it is finally out but as you know from this forum, keep communicating and beware of the pink fog. Take it very slow and allow her to adjust accordingly. You and your wife have our support and prayers. Good Luck
Hugs
Ellen Jo

Hi Aretha,

The hard part is over and the elephant has been removed. I am so proud of and glad for you in the same breath. What you did took a lot of courage and the initial storm has been well weathered by both you and your wife. :)

You communication with your wife at this juncture is perfect and boundaries have been negotiated (glad to hear shoes are still on the table as I know you love your shoes :daydreaming:). Keep this communication open as much as possible. After I came out to my wife, we had a bit of a quiet period (I thought . . . oh no, she is going to lower the boom). But it was something not even connected to CDing but I read it wrong, which caused me to get touchy and she read my mood wrong. When we both decided to talk about it, we realized it was kind of funny, laughed and agreed to discuss everything no matter how mundane to ensure no miscommunication occurs.

This is great news for you and now you can move forward with being you with the support and love of a wonderful woman.

Hugs

Isha

I'm glad you've worked through the initial rough spots and come to a level of understanding. Keep communicating and be patient with each other.

Remember this: no matter how difficult things may be - you did the right thing! Imagine if she "caught" you? Would've been 1000x worse. You did the right thing.

It is good that things have worked out. Now, you have a pet elephant. It needs to be trained and taught the boundaries...no jumping on the furniture, etc. Once it learns the boundaries, it can have more fun within them. Someday, if well behaved, the elephant may get to do more things and have more adventures. Best wishes to both of you.

so happy and glad that you two are working towards an end goal. The lines of communication are the most important as is going slowly.

Hugs to you both,

Linda

Very happy that you are working together. Having the support of my wife means the world to me.

It doesn't stop here. Your wife is comfortable, today. That may not be the case in a week or month. Keep checking with her. Don't allow the topic to fade. Keep your discussions active and thought provoking.

Go slow and don't push it!!! Be attentive to her needs, no just your own.

It great everything worked out for you. I am very happy for you.

Stay with your signature there, and decide wisely and with great thought and consideration.

Wow am I ever glad this story had a happy ending...I am so happy for you!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lisa_cd

Wow am I ever glad this story had a happy ending...I am so happy for you!

---

I don't believe this is a "happy ending", Aretha. It is simply the beginning. After my marriage, I learned that a relationship is like climbing up a flight of stairs. After you've both taken a step up, congratulations! But, look up. You'll see they continue on out of sight.

And, u must BOTH keep climbing if your marriage is to succeed.

Excellent news so far, just be wary of the waxing and waning in regard to her acceptance. As all sage advice here states, you've had years of this knowledge, she, only days. In fact my wife said exactly that to me once.....or twice .

So glad the revelation looks likely to enrich your life rather than destroy it. Good luck Aretha.

Rebecca

Thank you ,to each of you. I will whole heartly take all your advice. And most likely reread numerous times , as to constantly remind myself. Hugs Aretha :) PS @ Laura ! I have named the elephant "glitter"

Hi Aretha, Ok now the ball is in her court now please don't over whelm her with all of this and keep talking.

Some similarities with my wife and I. We have had rough moments. She has had doubts whether she could stay married, and early on after I told her she doubted she would ever feel the happiness that she had before. I believe we are working toward getting back that happiness. There are days with my wife where she seems quite ok with the idea of it all, and others where she feels quite bothered by it all and then doubts will creep in again. I would say to expect some ups and downs. Pay real close attention to your wife to know when the down periods are coming on. Be mindful not to push the dressing during those times especially. I have found with my wife not to talk for long periods of time about the subject. That may be just my own unique situation with my wife, but with her I can openly discuss Cding, however if the convo goes on for a long time she begins to get frustrated and the accepting I am getting begins to wain. Good luck with it all.

Aretha, it was so good reading your story. My wife also knows abouth my dressing and gender stuff. She accepts who I am, but also says "this is your thing, not mine", een though she helps me with outfits and buys me things, so there is always a questions there for me. And yes, this is a process, not something which is "settled". It can be complicated. Congratulations getting it out in the open.