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Hi
I'm always with being sneaky. I could have at the beginning of my transition. But I believe you can always get out, if you can find away/place to do your makeup like any lgbtq spot. or even a lgbtq friendly spot to do your makeup and undo your makeup so you can get out. But you really must do what you think would be easy. If you can't transition right now figure out how to make yourself happy. You look like a very beautiful women be proud and get out and find a hideout and learn quick makeup techniques. So you can beat the GD back a bit. You'll have to come up with what you will do, I am just suggesting.
Take care
Contessa
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Dressing full time at home helped
Starting laser hair removal helped for awhile
But I'm a driven goal set person when I decide something I just get laser focused
I have learnt if I want to keep my marriage strong and intact I need to slow things down a lot to let everyone catch up
So HRT is on the table at the moment but not yet agreed
When GD really hits hard I think about how would I deal with the situation if it was my wife transitioning seem to calm me down for some reason
Kiwi
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Hi Jane, I think I know how you feel in some ways as my HRT appt. is still 2 weeks away and it can't seem to get here fast enough. Had to wait about 60 days to get in. I am out to half of my friends and family (the easy ones I suppose) and have practical life issues that make it wise to hold off on going full time for a few more months. It is just extremely frustrating at this stage and it makes normal functioning difficult at times. Can't say I am depressed or even unhappy but I am operating at about 50% of my normal capacity to get things done I fear. I have been told by many gals that have been on HRT for a while that they experienced a significant sense of calmness and contentment within weeks of starting HRT. Hope that works that way for you and me both.
Hugs,
Stephanie
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thanks everyone for the replies!
I probably could have worded my second post a bit better... By saying my GD is different implies that I have any idea what others are feeling... And that is definitely wrong! When I wrote that I was in a really bad place mentally, and at the time my goal was to try and communicate how acutely disturbing my feelings were - maybe calling it GD at all was incorrect, but given the similar experience with a few others I've talked to, and the almost light switch response to presenting female on the feelings, it's the only term I can think of...
The last two days have been better, to the point where I feel like I can do this, but who knows how I'll feel tomorrow.
Now that the dam has burst, trying to hold on to my previous self/path may end up being impossible... But I'll keep clinging for a bit longer, and take those small steps towards the next stage.
Therapist suggested writing a letter from "sane" Jane to "anxious whacko" Jane and explaining to her why she needs to cool it - sounded kinda hokey at first, but I'm gonna try - just looking back at my thoughts Sunday pm-Monday it's strange how uncharacteristic and strange they were. Hopefully i can get thru to myself!!
Thanks again!!
Jane
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I understand how you feel sometimes the wave of emotions takes you on a downward spiral and you cant think rationally but after you calm down you can think things through and you dont feel like chicken little
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evening!
I'm on a downward oscillation again here - two weeks from today I hope to be starting HRT... And I'm hoping so hard that it helps with the anxiety.... It's like I have emotional sea-sickness, and nobody can stop the roller coaster to let me off! I'm barely functional at work, spend most of my time laying in my rack with my eyes squeezed shut... Only 48 hours or so and I can present fem again...
Parents marriage pretty much collapsed this week (unrelated to me thank god) and now my mom is coming over this weekend to stay for a bit - so first introduction to Jane will be much sooner than planned (she knows and is ok with me being fem during her visit).
Another 16 months of this!!!! That's best case scenario... and I can't even work on my voice cause the walls are so thin I can hear a bed bug fart in the next room....
Sorry - rant complete... Going back to fetal position
Jane
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Hang in there Jane
You have a lot friends here looking after you
Kiwi
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I just put in my two day notice at work but I know how you feel...I've been having a hard time just getting through the day, let alone getting through a TV show or reading a book. My appointment is also two weeks from today.
Sorry to hear about your parents.
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"hang in there"; sending best wishes
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you are not alone
It is "classic" GD that you are experiencing..
i especially remember how interactions with people became harder and harder...and how i became less rational, i had big plans that looking back are literally idiotic..
(And i had a big time job where i would meet and talk to literally hundreds of people or more every single day...and i'd be sitting in meetings thinking about therapy, when i could pluck my eyebrows, about how my kids are suffering, i'm scared of doctors so i cant do surgery......etc.etc....)
my observations are that you can't fight it, you have to go with it...and try to do your best at everything else
what i mean by that is be kind to yourself... you WILL think thoughts that are unpleasant, you WILL feel anxiety, pressure, and fill in the blank) feelings... they stink and they are sometimes really existentially depressing...
but it is what it is...
you do not need to beat yourself up...this is really really hard, and you are a really strong person to be considering this path and be taking these actions about it..
you can look at yourself and feel proud and although it may not LOOK like it in the mirror, you are more authentic today than you have ever been...
no matter what happens, thats the key... be authentic, be good to yourself and even when its not going well or things seem to be falling apart, your authenticity and good nature are what matters and over time i hope you can learn to rely on those things as truths that get you through anything