What would you ask your Wife/So to do to be more supportive

My question of the week is this and pertains more to those who's Wife/SO at least tolerate if not accept their CDing

What would you ask of your SO in order to better support your need to CD? For me I would ask for complete acceptance and support. Acceptance meaning that she would want to see me dressed and encourage it. Support would entail helping with makeup, paint my toes, choosing out clothing (perhaps maybe even buy something for me/both of us since we wear the same size in everything but shoes), but most of all HELP ME CHOOSE A BETTER LOOKING WIG.:)

I shouldn't complain though, she does give me Tabby time when I want or need it, problem is I have to drive to our cabin to get it. In fact Im here now and had yesterday and today to do as I wish (took lots of photos last night). Lucky me!!!! :heehee: She also tolerates my underdressing and lingerie in bed which at least allows me to have some girly time at home. What about you?

Oh some allocated time at home would be cool.. I really don't want her help.. We don not have the same tastes in feminine things... And I'm perfectly capable of dressing how I want.. But I'd be uber happy if she would just let me sign up for another hockey league... One game a week just isn't doing it for me right now.. Lol.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I'd be uber happy if she would just let me sign up for another hockey league... One game a week just isn't doing it for me right now.. Lol.

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Karren, I keep reading about you playing hockey and I just have to ask this question. Do you play on a men's team or the girl's team? lol :lol:

Just kidding. Glad you enjoy it.


Vicki :hugs:

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Originally Posted by TabbyJames

What would you ask of your SO in order to better support your need to CD?

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This is a GREAT question. I think it is a very, very common theme among crossdressers that we wish our SOs were just _that_ much more accepting/supportive/etc. of our crossdressing.

I read so many stories of crossdressers here that are thankful for what support they have, but wish there was more. It's hard not to wish for more.

For me, I've continually coached myself to be overjoyed and very content with the support I do get. What I do get is far above what so many I read about get. My wife isn't freaked out about me crossdressing. She buys me shoes, dresses, pantyhose, etc. quite frequently. Our bedroom activities sometimes include CDing and she's fine with that. She's ok with me going in public if I want to, so long as the chance of running into someone I know is very low (read: generally don't do it in our town) and the safety factor is high. She does my CD laundry just like any other laundry. She values the femme aspects of me as being something she is in love with just as much as the rest of me; it's all part of who I am, the person she loves.

So with all of this what could I possibly ask for?

Nothing that I'd actually ask for, to be honest. I refuse to be discontented with where I am.

In a perfect world (which doesn't exist and never will), it'd be nice if she actively worked with me on makeup more. I know so little. It'd be nice if she actively asked me to dress sometimes (I don't think she's ever asked me to). It'd be nice if in talking about TG subjects she was more conversational (like she usually is on other subjects).

Yet, I say the prior paragraph and think to myself "how selfish is that!?!?!?" Well, you asked :)

I'd also like to just have more time to dress. I get by, but I'd love more.

I'd love it if she could actually say the word "crossdresser" to me, out loud. :)

I'd love it if she wouldn't freak out if she came home and found traces of makeup around my eyes.

Oh, and pierced ears.
Shaved legs.
Wig.
Jewelery.
Oh heck...I'd just love the whole kit and kaboodle! :)

She's actually slowly coming around to accepting me, and that's more than I even thought would be possible, so I'll just take what I can get and hope to build on it as time goes on.

Funny how relentless we are when we want something. A little here a little there… My advice is to keep moving forward a fraction of an inch, an inch, a foot, a mile… oops pushed to much, need to step back a few. Then it’s a fraction, an inch a foot,.. My poor wife :love: I never give up just slow down now and again.

Oh yea, nice shoes!!!

What do you wish your Wife/SO would do to be more supportive?

I just got seriously scolded in a PM over this thread and feel the need to re-phrase this into the context in which it was meant. As we all know, our partners didn't wish for our little secret and there is a full spectrum of tolerence and acceptance from none to complete. In a perfect world (which doesn't exist) what would you wish for from them concerning CDing? I am so lucky that she tolerates what I do and know good and well that many of you don't have that. But, I also know the bounderies and stick to them and try to keep balance within our lives. i think most of us know this is hard on our partners and that some of them feel we take it too far.

We are who we are and I think most of us just want to express ourselves in a kind, loving and supportive environment (whether here, home or elsewhere). For those of you reading this, please be careful not to scold others for their expressions or opinions, its not healthy.

Hugs,

Tabby

Tabby I have been reading this thread so I can see if there is anything I can possibly do to be more supportive. So from a GG a big thank you for giving me the chance to learn more :kissing:

Time to CD is my greatest wish. My wife and I have set boundaries and I don't really push them because the boundaries give me some comfort and security when it comes to my marriage and my CDing. Time is hard to come by in a house with two little ones and I feel like I have to steal a little here and there. When she takes them for even a couple of hours it is like a gift.

I would like my wife to help me with my "look" She is not there yet but she is getting closeer. She now likes to go shopping with me. A few days ago she asked" who do I get x mas gifts for ?" So I think checking my look is not far away.

I would love time at home IN HER PRESENCE. She allows me to dress at home, but stays upstairs and she now allows me to go out dressed, but again does not wish to see me as such. I guess it is a form of total acceptance I would wish for, but I still have it better than many.

Hello Tabby,
There are Many sites online to teach you better make-up tecniques also look in catalogs for ideas what fashions are in.. in your chosen style. Let her go at her own pace.

Should your wife "help"? It's her life too. When did you disclose?

But really, Tabby. ..Paint your toes? Thats a little bit too pushy.IMHO
It's not expencive to have them done in a salon.

Presh GG

Wow!!! I opened up a can of worms here. Perhaps its how I phrased (or re-phrased) the question, or that I came across with expectations (or wants, wishes or needs) that should not be posted in public. The comments that I see or have received via PM from the GG's have for the most part been very negative and assumed that I am out of line or incapable of figuring things out for myself.

Paint my toes? Why not, I have done it for her and enjoyed every minute of it bonding and talking. Why wouldn't anyone not want the most important person in their life to join them in their journey, regardless of the reasons or results? Why do I feel there are expectations upon the men here that should not be recipricated? Perhaps some of us would enjoy some of the same pleasures that we bestow upon our partners.

I have really appriciated this contriversy (seriously because it makes me think), and will ponder long and hard for a subject for next weeks that should prove to be even more
exhilerating.

Well my wife knows about my dressing, she found me out some time ago and I would settle for her just to speak of it and even if she didn't want to be part of it, just chat it over, that would make me very happy, but I have tried since she found out and it is a closed door I am afraid.

The good thing is that I don't have to be as careful about hiding my clothes now, but I don't flaunt them in front of her either

I would appreciate not being threatened with divorce.

Baby steps is about all I can hope for. My wife is somewhat homophobic. She still associates crossdressing with gay men. I say neither is wrong. I tried to explain. I am making slow progress. She now knows the names of some of my online buddies. Last week for the first time she read a page of posts on this site. She now does not mind 6 dresses in my closet-(if they are out of sight in garment bags).

You can only ask one thing. Love me. Asking for more than that is just being selfish. She will be as tolerant as she can. Asking for more than that is just pushy and rude

My answer to this is.

Can I really ask for more? Answer, No.

My partner knows and is fully aware of my dressing (she'll probably read this shortly as she is a member also) but that not the reason for this reply.

Basically I'm a man that dresses up as a Woman, she knows that, and is honest enough to admit that if it would go away, then she would wish it away with out a second thought, but there again so would I, if I could.

However she views my hobby, she is there. which was why I told her in the first place, before we got serious. I.e. I didn't want to have to hide and lie about my dressing to her. Yes there is a lot more she could do, but I understand for all those that can engage with there partner in there hobby there are many that can't even mention it, and the mere thought of such an activity would turn there relationship to stone.

So I'm happy to accept what I have, and thankful we can at least talk about it, she knows, and if she want to give more then I'll be grateful to accept that, but as we are (and we do struggle just the same) I'll accept her knowing and be thankful for that.

Thanks Raksha :love:

I dress when it suits me, and I have my own style, so I don't need help with that. My wife is not fazed with what ever I might be wearing when she gets home so I have no problems there. She shops for me, when I am not with her and she sees something she things I will like. Thanks to her teachings I can do my make up as well as she does hers. So no I can't think of another thing that she could do that would make me any happier than I am now.
Life is great!
Tina

Allow me to wear the night gown / night shirt to bed that I would like too.