A night out with my wife in San Francisco

I have been spending a lot of time in the Bay Area lately and rather than go back to Idaho for the long weekend, my wife flew in to California. Saturday night we went to San Francisco to see Motown. This is a GREAT show by the way and if it comes to your town, SEE IT! It's the story of Barry Gordy and the making of Motown records. Just great. We stayed at the Grand Hyatt which is convenient for shopping and dining and seeing the city in general.

So what's missing from this post? Ah yes, the cross dressing part. Well, on this particular evening, there was none. We did shop, really her and not me, and she asked me if I needed a new dress or shoes or anything, but I did not. She actually expected that I would be wearing a dress and heels for this evening and expressed surprise that I chose not to do so. So why post this at all? Well, my message is this: It's ok for a cross dresser to not cross dress. I think this is a perspective that is lost here too often. A wife needs a husband far more often than she needs a cross dressed one. Balance.

So, what do you think? Is this balance or a lost opportunity?

Hi Jen,

I think you did the right thing . . . lovely night, lovely hotel, lovely show, lovely city and a lovely wife . . . why not enjoy it as a man and husband. You didn't miss an opportunity you capitalized on it . . . bravo.

Hugs

Isha

Whether it constitutes "balance" or a lost opportunity depends on your situation.
It sounds like your wife understands / accepts / possibly even enjoys your crossdressing. I guess that you have plenty of opportunity to "indulge", perhaps even more so while away from home. And I'm guessing that if you've been away from home for a while that she's been missing you. Given all of that, I'm inclined to go for "balance" (unless, of course, her surprise that you weren't in a dress and heels was expressed in a tone that suggested disappointment - in which case it was a missed opportunity to give her what she wanted). In the end only you know.

Hi Jen,

I think you made the right call. You've been away from home, and have probably had plenty of opportunities to dress. You made it a night about her and you, not a night about crossdressing. If I was in your shoes, I would have only dressed if she had requested it (probably unlikely, if she's anything like my wife) or you hadn't dressed in a long time and the two of you had agreed ahead of time.

Jamie

You didn't feel like dressing so you didn't. You have the freedom to dress whenever you wish, so it was hardly a wasted opportunity. Your wife expected that you would dress and you didn't. So I imagine she was pleasantly surprised. Good for you that you have found balance in your lives. Not many can enjoy that.

Jenn it sounds as if you and your wife have found a great balance and I commend both of you for doing so. It is super wonderful that she sees with open eyes and open mind and accepts you for who you truly are. Plus spending time as husband and wife is a bit more important than a missed opportunity. There will always be another chance.

Definitely a balance , I feel you did the right thing. You married to be the husband and wife team. The dressing the way I look at it is an extra ingredient that you can put in a marriage or not. I don't dress much around my wife when I sense we need the time spent as us together time. I don't go fishing or hunting when I sense we need some us time either. You and your wife together make a team and as I figure that's more important than one night of dressing. I'm saying this as at the moment I have no pink fog rolling in and feel manly.

I don't think it was necessarily a lost opportunity, that would depend on how the CDing is as part of your relationship. That said, if ever you wanted to go out in public en femme and mix in the mainstream and it not be an issue, and you totally feel accepted as the gender you are presenting as, then San Francisco is the place to do it. I've done it many times and I still cant believe how nonplussed and easy-going folks seem to be about it. Then again, if you've been spending a lot of time in the Bay Area lately then you probably already know what I'm talking about.

Most of our wives married us to be husbands and knowing she supports or at least
Tolerates is a gift of its own.
Making our SO s feel special is a job in itself sometimes

You have your head on right, balance, and your wife was happily surprised. Win win

I'm thinking that the missed opportunity would have been if you hadn't spent the day the way you did - with your bride, in a beautiful city, enjoying being a couple. I think the worst thing that could happen to us is to feel like we have to dress just because we have the opportunity. It should never become an obligation. My votes is for balance.

A romantic evening with your wife, chalk one up for balance!!! :)

I think it's been pretty much covered, so let me just say congratulations on winning a battle with the Pink Fog.

A nice balance. Good for you.

Another vote for making the right call,

I think that you gave something to your wife and what's wrong with that. We all owe are SOs the things they need and want just like they owe the same thing to us.

I showed your post to my wife and she smiled. So did I.

I think that if you dressed rarely it would more likely be a lost opportunity, and that your wife would have been more vocal about your being en femme. As it is, the opportunity looks to have been well taken.

I've been to SF years ago and there are plenty of non CD things to do there. It's a fairly beautiful city in a beautiful area.with many tourist sites.
I still remember the great Chinese food, riding the cable cars, exploring Marin county...... for examples.
We even flew kites on the marina mall.

Although while there, the gal that I was visiting did take me to the famous "Finocchio club" when it was still in business

Yes yes yes. Balance. It's what's missing across the spectrum these days. Kudos for you and your wife.

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Originally Posted by JamieG

Hi Jen,

I think you made the right call. You've been away from home, and have probably had plenty of opportunities to dress. You made it a night about her and you, not a night about crossdressing. If I was in your shoes, I would have only dressed if she had requested it (probably unlikely, if she's anything like my wife) or you hadn't dressed in a long time and the two of you had agreed ahead of time.

Jamie

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Jamie

Kind of a cute, if unintended, double entendre.

Good call Jennifer - balance is everything.

First class choice, Jennifer! Lucky Mrs J!

Yes, it's okay for a crossdresser not to cross dress. Sometimes there are more important things that take priority.

I'm here now and with no feminine clothing. The only shopping I done was at Home Depot and Lowes.

You picked one of the rare handful of days, in the summer, where there is no fog (the gray kind; not pink) at all to visit. There wasn't even any out at ocean beach. Amazing! Saturday evening was perfect for going out. Lots of pretty women all over the city.

If you get a chance, try the symphony. Or the opera next door. And if you are there, check out the 24 karat gold on the railing of city hall that tax payers paid for. Nothing like liberals spending others' money to pimp out city hall.

My wife and I recently took a long trip. Like two months. I did not dress or take any female clothes other than my panties which I wear most every day regardless. I think balance is important and many wives would begin to worry if crosscressing is not something that you can do without when appropriate.

A couple days after we got home she came in and I was wearing my boobs. Her comment: "Well I see that trip didn't cure you." She said it with a grin.

hi jen
glad you and your wife had a good time, the balance in life is hard for some of us to realize my wife and I have been married for over 40 plus years and some times Susie just doesn't feel like going out so the boy side make the trip , we have learned over the years of doing this that some times we just need a change for a little while and the world keeps on moving , my wife and I have been to SF many times and really enjoy the culture there and the latitude to do pretty much any thing you desire

Susie

It's only a lost opportunity if you feel that way. Its not like there won't be another opportunity just around the corner.

I don't suppose very many of us have a wife who 'needs' a CDing spouse.

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

wife needs a husband far more often than she needs a cross dressed one. Balance.

So, what do you think? Is this balance or a lost opportunity?

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Balance.

Think about this. For her, she's on a mini vacation. While being in that city presented a great opportunity for some dressing fun, giving her a "vacation" from your inner and outer self is a nice thing to do. My Wife asked that I don't dress while on vacation. I think it's only fair since she is sweet enough to let me dress when ever I want while we're home - trade off or balance if you will.

Liz

Its a good balance. I think she is pretty lucky to have you

I'll sing along with the choir and say you did the right thing. Pretty soon we'll be there as well, I think. It's strange after all the years of denying Jenny (by both of us), when she was allowed in, obviously she wanted as much time as she could get. And I'll be honest in saying that maybe we've not reached that tipping point just yet. (Yes Jennifer, I suppose I'm still trying to make up for lost time, but I heard you). I can see a time that my wife will say: Let's go do this or try that (trying to be accommodating to Jenny) and I'll be comfortable in saying yes (boy me) will be happy to do it with you. I can only imagine the surprise on her face (not so much maybe after she reads this post) and I'll be happy to not do it dressed. Somehow this works both ways and it reverts back to denying our impulses I suppose: if something is denied existence it only seems to grow stronger, but when it is given it's rightful place it does not seem to be that all-encompassing any more. And I tried to stay away from using that word: balance, but I suppose that is what it is.

Good call. I don't dress much currently and live in SF, so I can attest to the fact that there is so much The City has to offer by way of architecture, scenery (the way the light hits the old buildings is heavenly, along with the stunning vistas), etc., etc.! However, should you return, an evening en femme will be a wonderful experience.

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Originally Posted by kimdl93

I don't suppose very many of us have a wife who 'needs' a CDing spouse.

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Nope. We usually have a spouse who 'needs' crossdressing. A reality I could happily live without, but it is what it is.

Jennifer, you helped me to see it like this and this thread shows me again that if more men who crossdressed behaved as you do, there would be less need for wives support groups!! :)

Jennifer,

It is definitely NOT a lost opportunity! You are quite right -- in our various posts, we stress being out and about, sometimes with our wives / SO's, but we don't say often enough how much we have to be husbands / SO equivalents. Our marriages / relationships are (or should be) more than our (sometimes selfish?) CD'ing time. While Sue and I do have our Girls' Nights Out, these times are certainly in the minority compared to "real dates".

I'm really glad that you started this thread -- we need to keep balance in perspective!

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Originally Posted by Tinkerbell-GG

Jennifer, you helped me to see it like this and this thread shows me again that if more men who crossdressed behaved as you do, there would be less need for wives support groups!! :)

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Tink, I would like to think that there are more of us in this category than you might think. I may CD a lot, but I try to remember that I am a husband first and need to think about Sue's needs and wants.

Jennifer please let us know if the CD police come to take away your Crossdressing permit for this violation. But until that happens, continue to do what is best for both yourself and your wonderful spouse.

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Originally Posted by Jenny Elwood

.... It's strange after all the years of denying Jenny, when she was allowed in, obviously she wanted as much time as she could get. ...

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I get you Jenny. Really. I know the feeling and Lidea knows it too. So saying "no" means all that much more to her.

Good for you. The focus was on your partner and balance is critical in any relationship..... there is plenty of opportunities ahead of you in a healthy marriage. :)

Joanna

Ms. Jennifer,

What a lovely romantic evening for you and your wife. Yes, indeed, romantic love is grand. Good for you two!

Hope I can find it again soon because it has been a heck of a long time for me. LOL.

Most definitely balance Jen. And thanks for raising that perspective, I very much agree and I can certainly lose it if I spend too much time focussing on Christen and CD.com for that matter.

Christen x

Balance is vital in my house to long term happiness....you are a wise wo.....man!!:)

Definitely balance..
There is a time and place for everything, and for me, life is good in both modes. You most certainly chose wisely !