The old Lady and the CDer.
In my business I transport the elderly and those confined to wheelchairs to and from doctor and clinic visits. There are times when the patient and I have to spend time in waiting rooms and offices. Being confined to a nursing home causes many of the elderly to feel isolated and alone. In order to help someone keep calm I have found conversation works wonders. It even helps me to relax, sometimes!
As a CDer and a small business owner there is a very fine line of what is acceptable as clothing and what just does not work. I underdress all the time, much more in the winter than any other time.Due to medication I have had some breast enlargement over the last year and now fill a small C bra with ease. This is fine except that my nipples are firm all the time and show thru any shirt I wear. I have been wearing women’s workout tops with a slight padding in the bra section to help with the nipple situation.
In this particular situation I was helping an elderly woman into the eye doctor’s chair for her eye exam. Most times the only help needed is to support an arm or guide their hand to the edge of the office chair. There was a small misstep and she started to fall forward, I stepped in front and held her waist. Both of her hands went up to my chest and were firmly planted on my breasts, padded bra and all. There was a surprised look on her face as she looked up into my eyes, she smiled and we continued to get her seated in the chair. My face felt hot and I excused myself form the exam room.
A short while the Doctor came out and informed me that he was going to have to wait a while for the drops to dilate her eyes and she ask if I would wait with her in the exam room. With a heartbeat close to a Conga beat I went into the exam room. The lighting was dim, thankfully, so I sat in the chair next to the patient. The lady is in no way lost any of her mental quickness, trust me!
As I sat down she asks me if I was married, my answer was “yes, for 27 years,” she then asks, “have you talked to her about your secret”? “Do you have any children”, was the next question, “and do they know”? At this point it seemed to be getting very hot in that exam room and I was hoping that I would not pass out. That looks very bad on your Dept. of Health record. When your chin is bouncing off the floor it is very hard to think let alone make a complete sentence. In my own mind I thought stupid was the best defense.
“What secret,” I ask with much concern. “Let me tell you something young man, I may be old but I still know a few things about life. When my Bill (not his real name) was just a young boy he would sneak in and put on my bras and girdles. He thought he was so clever at hiding what he was doing, I knew, it is something a Mother knows. He hid it from his Father and me for all the years he lived at home. I knew but never said a word; it was not something you talked about in those days.”
I found out that Bill went on to school and got a career, married and had a family. He was married for 15 years and had 2 children.
What happened to Bill I asked? In the dim room there was a hitch in her voice, and she related the last of Bill’s life.
“Bill had done well to hide his secret from everyone till the stress of life fell upon his back. He came home on weekend a short while after his father’s death and said he needed to talk to me. He was having problems at home and needed my help. Bill said he had something he was hiding from his wife and children and it was killing him. I told him that I knew that he liked wearing women’s clothes and was this was causing the problems? He cried and said that it was more than just the clothes, it was the feeling that he was a woman inside. I am from a time when this is not spoken of and I was shaken and upset. I knew Bill needed help but not how to help him. He needed to tell his wife and this was the only thing that I could think of to tell him. Bill left the house and we did not speak for several years.”
The Doctor returned at this point and I excused myself from the exam room once again. Our conversation had left me with a lump in my throat and I still had to get ready to return her to the nursing home. There was a silence on the way back, the last thing she told me as I rolled her to her room was “tell someone you love or you will die alone”. We meet one more time after that trip, I held her hand as we sat in a Doctors office, nothing more was said about the world she knew about but didn't speak of.
Bill committed suicide alone in a hotel room 5 years ago. His mother passed away 15 days ago; at 92, I was at her bedside.
I talked to my wife and we cried, together. I know that my CDing has and will cause us some problems in the future. The fact that it was only a year ago that I came out to my wife and we have crossed many raging rivers of doubt togeather gives me hope.
Just a thought for all of you! The best to all who reside here!
Wonderwho
WW Thank you for sharing...
Your story brought tears to my eyes.
I also asked my wife to read it and she was touched. So much wisdom in the older lady's comments; most of it derived from painful experience no doubt.
Thanks for taking the time to be with her at the end and thanks again for sharing.
Sandra1746
