I was Floored

My S.O. has been sick (bipolar) for many years came out to her about one and a half years ago. Carrie was a little worried how she would take the news. No problem after a little talking. last 2 months or so walking on her walker falling and seeing things that are not there. So off to the specialist only to find out now add Parkingsons to the mix. I was afraid to come out of the closet. I was ready to come out today and she came past me in our hallway and never said a word, now I wonder if she thinks that she is just seeing something not there. Only time will tell. Sorry just needed to vent it is really dark in the closet and happy to see sun light again. I hope that she will figure it out that Carrie does come to visit a lot and not know who I am and hits me with her walker. Again one step at a time. I just went our to see if she needs anything a she never said anything like where is my husband or what is your name. I think that she is afraid to ask my name thinking that I will think that she is now loosing her memory also
maybe she remembers me and all is ok and I spent all this time in the closet for no reason.

keep your fiends close. ouch

Not sure I can even imagine your situation. It seems to me you should just out and out tell her what's going on with you and Carrie. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

Liz57:sad:

Ouch ,
I can speak from experience when I say I can relate to you ,my wife has a combination of alheimers/dimmentia and at times it can be a real rodeo out of no where,hang in there take each day as it comes and above all la in a serious supply of patience. The worst part on my end is when she is fairly lucid and gets very frustrated because she knows she has a problem as is powerless to stop it .She went from a gentle caring wife and mom to periods of total rampage ,The negroe colledge fund once had the slogan " a mind is a terrible thing to waste" but worse is the loss of the mind in a loved one or friend .
hugs phylis anne

Carrie:

I've seen memory loss in family members and the personalty changes that can be so difficult on family and friends. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and Phylis Anne, and any of the rest of this group struggling with this issue. Especially difficult when you layer on the CD/TG/TS complexities we bring to the table.

Best regards,
Rhonda

I had an interesting experience last night. I really thought things through and saw that being myself as I see myself is really not a threat to anyone, and at some level everyone knows that. The people that rail against crossdressing or other gender non conformity are trying to maintain the oppression that they have agreed to, but when we just don't let ourselves be frightened into the closet as a form of compliance, we discover that the light of our real personality is better for everyone. My wife said 'I really don't like seeing you in that skirt and top',and I murmured, 'Mmm- I am sorry'. [sincerely, but I had just made the case that gender norm repression is wrong and unnecessary]. The best part is that as I felt myself free, I started to unify, and felt my emotional availability and sensitivity was freed and expanding. I felt so much better able to be a partner, and this morning I can feel that this realization came to her as well.

My grandfather suffered from serious Alzheimers, but even when nothing else made sense to him he heard and responded to my grandmother's loving voice. So I would say do whatever is needed to let yourself be free to express the love you so clearly have for your wife. It will also liberate your most genuine and loving voice.

I know a little about your struggles but certainly nothing about what to do about them. My Dad had a serious case of Alzhiemers and it was a tough situation on mom and I. We had always been very close to each other and we had many good times fishing, hunting, and keeping the farm running when i was a kid. It was very hard for me in his later periods of asking what my name was around Christmas time. I knew at that moment the disease was for real and there was nothing I could do about it. I still held his hand and took him out to see his cattle, the pastures, and the stock tank we had fished, swam and had so many picnics by. Mom finally got to point of where she was damageing her own health by keeping him. I finally made the decision to put him in a home where he was taken care of till he died. I hate that disease. Dad was a strong man brought down by an illness in his own brain. He was an Army vet from WWII and served on so many committees in town and served the community as a scout leader, baseball coach, and worked hard his whole life. We have many pictures of him and his life and thats all we have to hang on to. It was almost a relief as he was laying on his death bed unconsious one night and I was sitting there watching him when he woke up and looked me straight in the eye and said my "Jay I sure would love a drink of cold water", I jumped up grabbed him a cup of the water the nurse had brought in and watched as he drank it. We had a good talk as if nothing was amiss in his brain. He told me to take care of the farm, and mama and a little about our good old times together and an hour later he passed. I look back now and wonder how did he have such a clear mind at the very end and had so many years of not knowing who I was? This disease has taken so many of our loved ones and I will be glad when they get a cure for it.
Carrie I hope the best for you and your SO, youough and are facing some tough times, hang tough and remember the past good times. Who knows maybe she really remembers and all is ok with her about you. Vent on any time I know how tough it can be and listening ears can be a relief for you.

Jaylynn,
that is a good point when my wife was first diagnosed I was advised to get help with it or I would be in worse shape from the stress ,so true before I had them temporarrily commit her for a proper work up she was taken care of by our md,however they are quite limited as to what they can achieve,it got to the point one day that I dodged vacum cleaner,cast iron skillet and my arms looke like it was used as a scrtching post for a cat . They kept her for 2 weeks and then asked if I was willing to let her come home I said yes but there are some conditions and if she violates them you get her back forever,well benn almost a year now and she is maintaining well temper wise but she is slipping as each day goes the one thing I will tell all of you is that it is a proven fact the longer you can keep them home the better ,because once you place them it deteriorates real fast
hugs phylis anne

Carrie,

I'm so sorry to hear that. If you ever need. Break to get out or just someone to come sit & talk with you, let me know. I'll do what I can.

So sorry to hear of this sad situation. Lots of things about aging are hard to deal with--so many losses, so much to suffer--and you're getting way more than your share of that.