Every day life as a crossdresser?

I find it more and more difficult to function as a male to female individual than ever before in my adult life. I am in a sales position and work for a small company that does not pressure and micro manage everyday for productivity. It is becoming harder for me to become motivated to get out a see clients on an everyday basis. I know this in my job and my major money source but I don't seem to be effected by this. I go to bed and wake up to the though of living as Danalynn more now than ever. Am I becoming depressed an it's taking a toll on me mentally or am I Becoming so consumed with Danalynn that I'm headed down a path of a financial and mental downfall. I am lucky that my spouse has a very good paying job as a nurse and without her we would be in dire straits.

I am 53 and I have a chronic lung disease and I'm on medication that one of the side effects is a loss of energy and fatigue. I have had this disease for 10 years now and my body is being negatively effected also. I'm not a very happy person inside an it's starting to show on the outside. My SO just said to me yesterday that I look very sad and she is so right. I can't seem to get going even when in my mind I want to get out a take on the world head on. I will say that the www has opened alot of doors for those who never had a chance to let their true feelings out about who they are to have such support other than their spouse. But it also can take control of your life to where that all you want to do.

Sorry for such a downer of a post but I guess my inner feeling are showing. Danalynn is very important in my life to a point now that it has moved beyond CDing and more of who I am an want to be but I know that will probably never happen so maybe that's contributing yo my sadness lol.

Do you feel like I do or have ever felt the way I feel. Not sure why I chose to write a post on this subject other than to feel that I'm not alone and have oters sisters who struggle wig the same feelings and what did you do that changed your mental outlook and brought some happiness to your life and your every day existence.

One important thing I left out was that my SO has known about my Cding for over 15 years. It was very bad at first but we have worked thru the hard times and we are at a very good place with it as part of our marriage but it's so much more now. Danalynn is real and I'm afraid she will never go away and I don't won't her to.

Please share your most honest comments whether good or bad. Thank you for letting me open up and share what's in my heart.

Danalynn

A very important question has NOTHING to do with the CDing.

Do you like your job? Or do you do it solely for the paycheck?

An example from my life experience was when I drove for a paratransit company, which I later became a road supervisor for. Due to the management of that place my position of Road Supervisor was completely pointless. I felt my purpose of existence was to be yelled at, and have my work that took days at a time ruined. I was being used as just a regular driver due to bad management and over scheduling of other drivers.

This job was a soul damaging job. My Goth self actually went away, my artistic side went comatose. I spent most of my days in that damnable uniform due to my being on call 24/7.

I hated my life. I wanted to just go to sleep and die. The few times I got into Goth garb (including make up, skirts, and wig), were oasis. But I still hated my life. I was in that stage for 5 years.

Aside from the fact you do dress often, your situation sounds much like mine.

Am I right?

Sounds like depression to me...if you are always feeling down and it has gone on a long time. The problem is, when a few more issues pile up on your already big pile all at the same time you are in for a crash. The good thing, you can learn to think positively and you will get better. You might need some medical help to get started in the right dfirectiong though.

For the CDing, if your wife is good with it, can't you just do it when you are not working? Sometimes you need to partition work and personal life. For me, if I work too many hours in a day, I become unproductive. If I know there are only 8 hours, I get a lot more done. So my point is, if you know you have 8 hours for work, 8 to sleep and 6 with your wife and 2 to CD then make the most of them, but don't go past....it is a matter of balance.

Danalynn, the anguish you are experiencing comes through loud and clear in your post. My suggestion is that you seek the help of an outside counselor in workimg through your feelings. It wouldn't hurt if they had some experience with gender issues. It is great that your wife is supportive and hopefully she will be part of the process as well. Please don't let these feelings continue unchecked. Obsessing over any part of your life can and does lead to difficulties. Take back control now before it becomes unmanagable. Best wishes.

Hi DanaLynn. It sounds like depression to me as well, the key feature of which is in the first 9 words of your post. Any disease affecting breath is serious, and if chronic will likely also affect your vitality, "breath of life" and all that. So first concern in addressing these issues would be to tend to your physical health. Look at the medication you mentioned. Have you been taking it the same 10 years you've known of the disease? Taking any medication that produces loss of energy and fatigue is going to affect all areas of your life - work, relationships, motivation, etc. Tell your doctor what you've been experiencing and ask him or her if there are other med's you could use that don't cause those effects. If there truly is not a reasonable alternative available, then ask about med's to counter the lethargy and depression.

It makes sense for many reasons that as your depression, disease, and lack of motivation have increased, so too has your desire to dress. Dressing may serve as a coping mechanism for you (besides all its other benefits), reducing stress, providing comfort, etc. Thing is, if the increased dressing isn't coming from a healthy internal source such as more consistently expressing who you are, but instead comes from an increased need to counter depression, medication effects, or a troubling life situation, then the dressing itself can become counterproductive and problematic in its own way, masking the underlying problems that need to be dealt with and substituting a whole new set of challenges that serve as distractions.

There are lots of ways to work with and come out of depression. It is possible. Regular, moderate exercise has been shown to be the single most effective treatment for depression. Even just going for a half-hour walk each day has been shown to have a significant effect. Will your medical condition allow you to do that? Also effective for some is conventional talk therapy, pharmaceutical antidepressant medication, or herbal antidepressant medication. There's an excellent book on several natural approaches to beating depression called "Unstuck" by Dr. James Gordon. It might be worth a read to see if there's anything in it that speaks to you. I've seen them work for others.

DanaLynn, I wish you well as you find your way through these several challenges. Blessings to you.