Advice for telling loved ones

I'm sure this topic has been run in ground here but I'm just freaking out. I deep down feel like I need to continue to explore myself and that includes diving deeper into crossdressing/transexualism (I guess that's a word). I have been doing this since I was around 13 or 14, dressing that is, and in 2009 in college I began to discover who I am. I, at the time, seriously thought I may have been transsexual and wanted to process as a woman full time, even thinking of HRT and SRS. However, the reason it stopped was I came back to go to college in my hometown and thus, my parents being nosy on my computer, found out about my crossdressing.

They, like must uninformed parents, thought it to be jus a phase and I'd get over it. I knew they were wrong but I obliged and tried to find a way to get over it. I found a woman, proposed, then got married. I thought this ultimately would "get rid of it" but that was far from the case. I suppressed it so so much for the sake of my marriage and even began therapy with a Christian counselor to "heal" me of this, mostly for her. Well she was a terrible person in the end and told me she'd never look past it no matter what, and asked for a divorce.

Anyway, back to my parents. They immediately, after having that talk with me, acted like it didnt exist. It hurt big time. Like I said above, I went back to finding every way I could to suppress it or rid myself of it. I just don't know what to do anymore though. I think about suicide almost daily. I can't imagine losing my family. They come from old school pentecostal Christian upbringings. I feel like I'd kill them inside, especially my father. I just don't know if it's all worth this. I know it never easy and I can't get rid of it or the fact I want to be a girl, what do I do :-(

As you are finding out, you can only keep this thing bottled up so long before it explodes. You are correct in saying your parents are old school. They did not have to deal with this in their day.You don't come out and say your age but you have gone to college and have been married so I would say at least 25 give or take a few years. If this is really important to you, it is time to take a stand and calmly and intelligently tell them like it is.

Do your home work first. Have a lot of the answer to the questions you know they are going to ask. If you in fact do not know the answer to some of the questions tell them that too. You are a work in progress. To help you, you might go to the Transsexual forum and find where the stickies are at, upper portion of the page. Locate the Coming out Letters and Emails thread. Also remember, they are not going to be able to take it all in from one conversation. Make yourself available for further questions after giving them some time to digest it all.

Yes, this is going to be a difficult thing to do but then, most things worthwhile are hard to do. Besides, you might just find that Mom and Dad are smarter than what you give them credit for.

Thanks for the reply Jorja, I will certainly check out the stickies and see if I can gather any more information! Thank you