full time crossdresser?

Hi, I joined this site specifically to get input with this issue because I'm afraid to tell anyone, for fear of losing respect and credibility.

I'm transgendered, I live full time as a woman. Came out at sixteen starting living full time at seventeen. Parents were not accepting at all, but I pushed hard. I'm so out of the closet that I have to cover up being born male as opposed to hiding my crossdressing and etc.

Point is, however, that I enjoy most of the same fantasies that transvestites get off on, forced fem, public humiliation, flashy clothes, age inappropriate clothing. I feel like with men I get off more from feeling like a (pardon the chiche) "sissy bitch" than the actual experience. At the same time I don't feel like I have a male bone in my body (pun not intended) and I would never want to live as a man again and if somehow forced to I know without a doubt I would commit suicide. Fortunately such a situation is absolutely impossible no matter how destitute I am or where I might be imprisoned.
As far as sex, I haven't "made love" in a few years and feel like I'm running almost completely on fetishes and bare sex drive. I was involved with a dominant couple while living in a certain midwesternish large city. We never had sex. It was all pain play and mindf**ks (not sure what the profanity policy here is), it made me feel like pain was better than sex.
I feel as though I'm both transsexual and a transvestite, but that of course seems like an oxymoron, and it is. My primary fetishes are masochism and salirophilia, which is like a sexual arousal from filthiness. So consequently I get off looking trashy, whorish, noticably aberrant and taking place in activities that degrade me physically, emotionally, and socially. Everyone knows I'm excessively kinky. Every person I've dated (save for one leech), has said something to the effect of " I thought I was kinky but you're... wow".

So my dilemma when it all boils down is; am I a transgendered woman who happens to have lots of intense fetishes, or am I a transvestite who has taken it to the most extreme level possible?
Either way, I'm not going to change, the way I live is the way I want to. I just want to know.

P.S. don't confront me on my use of the term transvestite as opposed to crossdresser, I know exactly what the difference is and that's why I used it.

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Originally Posted by Scarlet Rose

Interesting post. The thing that crops up here often is separating out the different aspects of what makes you, you. You say you are happy to be CD 24/7. That sounds like a lifestyle that you are comfortable with. So the kinky stuff is just you being you because you are kinky. The Cd stuff is you being you because you are a full time CD.
But ask yourself are you CD because of the addiction to the sexual aspect...or would you do it anyway.

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Thats what I say !! I agree your probily gonna be the same no matter what gender ,,, Your a FREAKY CHIC ,,, Thats all ,,, Gotta love it .

Being transsexual does not limit fetishistic feelings in any way...in fact, i would not be surprised if growing up transsexual can light the fire under them...perhaps even yours..

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Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele

Being transsexual does not limit fetishistic feelings in any way...in fact, i would not be surprised if growing up transsexual can light the fire under them...perhaps even yours..

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Perhaps. I've heard similar from other transwomen. I suppose it makes me feel less of a woman, which is why I'm extremely uncomfortable referring to myself as a crossdresser or transvestite. Some people say the truth is harder to accept though.

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Originally Posted by Scarlet Rose

But ask yourself are you CD because of the addiction to the sexual aspect...or would you do it anyway.

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I think that's exactly the question I needed to be asked. I don't know, but at least I have a better idea of what to think about.

You crossdress 24/7. you do not have a male bone in your body. Do you think you could be transsexual? Could your behavior be related to a feeling of disgust that you cannot make the leap to a realization that you may actually be a woman? Fetishes are just that, and are usually separate from what one really is, they are only what one does. However, mental/emotional issues can very easily develop behavior that is very kinky, and out of character, no matter how good it makes you feel.

I will posit that you are a woman who has not accepted herself, and are in internal turmoil and are engaging in some activities that show your confusion, and dislike for not being able to make a decision. Just my opinion, but you really seem to show this to me. Like you recognize, you have some introspection to do on this before you get your answer. I know you will receive a lot of information from the girls here.

I wish you best of luck.

Babes

I personally think Sexuality is separate from Gender. So yes I would imagine it is entirely plausible that you can be TS and be strongly driven by any or all of the above fetishes. Reading your post however my principal concern is whether your sexuality is causing you physical and emotional harm at which point I would suggest it is no longer a fetish but is a pathology that needs professional help to resolve.

I am no expert but it sounds like you are transsexual with some pretty intense fetishes, nothing more than that. Hey, you seem to have it together. Just keep doing what you enjoy and screw the labels. They don't mean anything anyway.

This thread piqued my interest because it stands in such stark contrast to the one entitled "Not fitting the stereotype." I'm not qualified to express any opinion on the whys or wherefores of your sexual fetishes, but I do feel a need to point out that you're experiences are no more "typical" of crossdressers in general than those of ashleymasters. We are all individuals shaped by our DNA, education, upbringing, and environment.

Specifically, I would object to your characterization that you enjoy "most of the same fantasies that transvestites get off on." Not all of us Transgenders who are interested in men fantasize about public humiliation, forced feminization, fetish clothing, et cetera.

You specifically state that the way you're living life is the way you want it to stay, and the question I have is this: Suppose that someone took away all of your girly clothes, makeup, wigs, and fetish gear, and left you with only a wardrobe of men's blue jeans, sneakers and tee shirts, would your fetish sexual behavior remain the same without the paraphernalia of transvestitism? I don't have statistics, but I suspect there might be plenty of non-crossdressing male submissives who behave similarly to the lifestyle you describe

I wouldn't dream of trying to tell you who/what you are. That's something only you can answer, but I will suggest that you shouldn't worry about defining yourself. The reasons why you do what you do are probably not important. What's important is whether you're happy with your life or not. If you are happy, then just go with it. :)

Carol

You know, I made this more complicated than necessary. As was said before, f*ck the labels and just be yourself. Clearly you're doing that and on the right path, as you should be. I admire your bravery.

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Originally Posted by East Coast Girl

So my dilemma when it all boils down is; am I a transgendered woman who happens to have lots of intense fetishes, or am I a transvestite who has taken it to the most extreme level possible?

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It would be kinkier to not pass as female than to pass. In order for your everyday dressing to be part of the kink, it seems like you would want people to know that you're male, at least on some level. I thought - and I'm female so this could be a false impression - that part of the attraction to forced fem hinges on being male and forced to do something non-male. Is the feminization that's a submissive turn on, or the fact that the clothes are also trashy/whorish/etc?

Some way you have to seperate your fetishes from reality ? or else you are going to need more and more of what you can not get

While I haven't transgendered, ( I cross dress when I can and under dress), I have similar kinky interestes. Check out Elsie Sutton's website on domant woman. While her site is mostly man/woman one could apply the same life style to a "lesbian" couple if you found a woman interested in you. or for that matter a man. Can you accept that you are submissive? Which there is nothing wrong with being, it is just how you are and what you enjoy. If you enjoy being a woman, which it seams you must as you have been living as one, does it matter how you are classified? My advisse would be to not worry about classification and just be doing what makes you happy. I don't mean to make it sound too simple. In my case I could worry about who I am, but I don't, I just enjoy doing what I am doing. Hope this helps a little,

Sincerely, Sherrii