acceptance--we'll see

I had to come out to my wife a while back. It's still not good. But she's still here despite me. I have been busted, but have faith that maybe, she will at least allow me to underdress. You're thoughts are appreciated.

One could always hope Della. Good luck hun.:hugs:
Angie

All I can say Della is that several years ago I went through the same and my wife is still with me even though she is far from happy and even though she would say that she would not have married me had she known. For her it was my long term "deceit" as much as the very limited dressing that upset her. How your wife reacts may be different: my guess us that all of us who comment will have had different experiences. Just remember not to accept any talk that you are somehow bad or in the wrong. You may be different from others, but aren't all of us as human beings painted with a streak of individuality. If there is mutual respect and if you understand yourself and your drives well enough then over time I hope you find a comfortable and acceptable balance that reflects honesty to yourself and your wife

It was a similar response--I wish I would have known when we started dating... Although I would love to be more open with her (not the world), it's likely not going to happen, so I will tread lightly, as I type this as 2-plus a.m. as she sleeps, wearing ...

Della: I am in the exact same spot. I came out to my wife about a year ago. She is so far not very accepting. We are basically DADT. I hope everything turns out for you.

Hang on in there, I told my wife about three years ago now, it didn't go down well to start with, as above it was the deceit that hurt her most, now she encourages me to dress in her company and actually has now got to be good friends with Leanne, good luck, you've taken the first step, just don't expect too much too soon.

I would imagine that your own self acceptance took more than a couple weeks, or months, possibly took years, and may be still a work in progress?? I think we sometimes forget how long it took ourselves to find some peace, and that we are often still a work in progress with it all. So what seems like an eternity for us, many weeks, many months is in reality not even the amount of time it took us to be ok with ourselves. How could we expect our partners to take any less time to be ok with it? Patience with our s/o's, especially after we are caught, or confronted, or we tell and it is a complete surprise is a must. And by patience, you can expect it to be a very long slow road. Kind of like watching the hour hand of the clock. You can't see it move, but it is moving.

I'd hazard a guess that she's weighing her marriage in the balance right now. You don't give us much information Della. If you want the cynical end of my thoughts, I'd say talk to a lawyer and be prepared that your wife's verdict might be divorce.

If you want the most positive thought, her love for you conquers her feelings of betrayal and worries over your sexuality, and she will grow first to tolerate Della's part in her life and later to accept and love that part of you.

Most likely outcome? DADT for the duration, but your guess is better than ours. What do you think she'll do?