told her today, dont think she accepts, hope that it will grow on her. i love her.

i just told the mrs today, didnt take it like i thought she would, grabbed some money and her bowling ball, if shes bowling i feel sorry for the pins.

before my dad died they took his leg, he tried suicide, i had a talk with him about knowing the feeling, dont know if he got it, he knew who i was.
honey i have to tell you something you know i love you and i dont want you finding out when i die. "did you cheat on me" absolutely not, "what, then what"
i explained im a transvestite, "what, what are you talking about" i like wearing womens clothes. "Were did you get them" i bought them.
i told her about how i didnt want to hurt her and still love her very much. i apologized for hiding it and not confiding in her sooner.
i explained how i was ashamed of who i was and that was the reason for not telling sooner. always thought i quit.
i explained how i had my whole life to deal with this and i felt bad dumping it on her.
i explained that i did it today so she had time to think because i know she has a lot of s**t going on at work.
i want to stay with her and be there for her but she pulled her hand away, i told her if she has any questions ask, and i know she needs time.
i told her i didnt want to embarrass her and that for me this is private, she agreed.
i assured her there was nothing she did or didnt do to cause this,
as she left she said she didnt have anyone to talk to about this and i mentioned the website.

surprised i didnt have a heart attack i was terrified but knew i had to tell,
i hope she comes back.

Mikell, hearing this is a shock any woman's system. You did the right thing. The hiding is over. Don't dress or allow her to see any cross dressing "tools" until she asks. Hang in.

mikell good for you I know how hard this had to be, I hope over the coming days you two can sit down and really try and understand this for you both.
I know from experience how hard this is
hugs Leigh

I'm with Jennifer, Mikell. You did good and hopefully she isn't overloaded. Wish you the best! We're here for you so keep us informed!

This will take two or three days for her to absorb. Do not dress because, just because you told her, it is OK now. Don't bring it up but, if she wants to talk about it, just answer questions. You know, if it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. You have made a statement about the way your life is. I hope she can accept this drastic change in HER life. And, really, don't go pink fog.

All I can do is wish you luck. This is going to be a difficult time for both of you I just hope you come through it all with understanding and peace.

Hi Mikell,

How long have y'all been married? Be prepared for a bit of a roller-coaster ride. There are a lot of feelings and issues she's going to have to process emotionally, and most people aren't well equipped to handle such questions of gender and sexuality. Also she's apt to experience some amount of grief, as her image of you as a man has changed. The reality is, of course, you are the same person as always - but her perception of you is different now.

Some things she'll likely wonder about:
1. What else haven't you told her about?
2. Are you gay?
3. Is she a lesbian?
4. Do you want to become a woman?
5. What did she do to cause this? What does this say about her?
6. What will the kids / family / neighbors think?
7. What's going to happen NEXT. (This kind of dread is the worst question ever.)

These questions, and grief and shock she is probably feeling are difficult ones. Be patient, and don't be defensive when you talk subsequently. Don't take silence from her as her "not wanting to talk about it / being OK with it."

Please reach out to folks here no matter how this goes. I know from personal experience that this was almost certainly the hardest conversation you've ever had.

BTW, I think #7 is one of the key questions, and the hardest to deal with. There's sort of a template, in people's minds of what a relationship between a man and a woman is supposed to be. There isn't a template for a relationship between a gender variant man and a woman is supposed to be like. So many default sort of assumptions she may have made about the present and future suddenly come into question, because she doesn't know what her relationship with you is any longer. (This will probably seem weird and frustrating to you - because you are obviously exactly the same person as before from your perspective! Just not from hers.)

Good luck , this will be an emotional first week or two. I know it was for my wife and myself. A lot of very helpful advice already given by other girls. My thoughts are with you and your wife In the coming days.. Hugs

Hi mikell, I made that huge leap of faith early in our relationship- we were just getting to the 'serious about one another' stage. I knew that despite a few purges, I was a confirmed CD. I came out to her because I knew I had to be honest and forthright. The worst thing with us is deception. No doubt it's going to be a rough ride. My wife took a long time to accept Marsha, and has just recently, after many, many years begun to allow Marsha into our everyday lives. One thing that really bothered her was wondering what being in love with a transvestite said about her. My advice would be to remain open and brutally honest about it, especially with yourself. And don't push it- let your femme side take a holiday for a bit until you see how she's adapting to this ton of bricks. I wish you both the best.- Marsha

Paula has some very good suggestions for you :)

I know it's a lil late now, but if you are going to come out, DO NOT use the word "transvestite" That word has a negative impact on our community. Also, when your SO tries to research online about who you are, look what she will find:

Transvestite:
https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/...84110907_n.jpg

Transgender is an umbrella term that applies to all of us, plus the images and subjects that your SO will find on transgender will be a lot easier to take in:
https://scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/...70743341_n.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KayleeTaylor

Transgender is an umbrella term that applies to all of us, plus the images and subjects that your SO will find on transgender will be a lot easier to take in.

---

What Kaylee says is quite true - although I would caution against using the term "transgender." It is, in fact, exactly as Kaylee says it is - an umbrella term that covers all gender variant individuals, from "just a cross dresser" to "transsexual" to "gender queer".

Unfortunately, in the media, the only examples of transgendered individuals who are shown are transsexuals - by far the most extreme and least typical case. So if she does already know the term (and there's a good chance she doesn't), it may be confused with transsexuality in her mind. That would be unhelpful, should it come to pass. I really think the best term is just "cross dresser". It describes the behavior, succinctly, without any reference to scary stuff.

I was also hoping my wife would understand.... and it would grow on her.... I was wrong... More like wishful thinking on my part.... Not may women have positive flip flops after starting negatively.... IMHO..... best case is she becomes indifferent to it and doesn't want to know let alone see or participate.... but prepare for the worst... I was... and still am... things can turn south in a heartbeat.... good luck....

Mikell, you are my friend . I will include you & your wife in my breath prayers . She will adapt & learn because you love each other. This reveal is so upsetting to all parties involved.. Be strong & know that periods of adjustment take time , patience & love. Peace to you& your wife, Melissa

It may take a while for her to take it all in. It took my wife a week of not talking to me. Good luck, you are in my thoughts.

My worry is what Kaylee pointed out.
That word carries such a bad stigma. She may think over the top drag queen to some kind of sexual deviant.
Good luck trying to make her see the truth.

Mikell,
It is a brave and honorable thing that you have done.
It will take time for your wife to come around and as long as you do not pressure her you should meet with some success.
I would pander to her wishes for a while to start with.
Explanation and talking can be great healers.

Best of luck to you, Mikell. Lots of good advice in this thread from people who have been where you are. I can't think of anything else to add, and I echo the cautions of going too fast and labeling yourself.

Mikell - courageous, but you must be going through purgatory now. All good advice is here - significantly for me, keep it slow, keep doing normal things and avoid any further overt revelations... Let your wife set the pace and ask questions.
Good luck to both of you - my thoughts are with you.
Katey x

Quote:

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Originally Posted by KayleeTaylor

....Transgender is an umbrella term that applies to all of us, ...

---

Kaylee, Mikell is a cross dresser. I'm just a cross dresser. If you use Google Images and look up cross dresser, you get virtually the same result as Transvestite and cross dresser is not a "negative" term, it's just a description. I do not agree that Transgender applies to all of us. In fact, I think a wife hearing their husband is "transgender" is more frightening than "cross dresser." "Transgender" could be easily interpreted as "transsexual" or wanting to transition. I prefer cross dresser. It's a perfect description of what I am.

I would concur with advice given here by others. Take it slow. Give her time to try to figure out the meaning of this new revelation. I personally, at this point in my life, would not say that I was 'ashamed' of my cross dressing. Maybe once apron a time, not any more, and know this, she HAD to be told. Your desire is not going to go away, and can not be ignored for long. If you have a person that you want to share your life with. she must know about that part of your being. Best of luck, Brandy

Carla and Paula give great advice. The cross dresser / transvestite / transgender thing is a discussion that could go on forever - and probably will. I regard myself as transgendered, but am happy to cope with everybody, if they can cope with me.

Good luck

Claire x

Way too early to judge her response. You put a lot out there. Now, she needs time, maybe lots of time to decide how she feels about it.

Probably still in a bit of shock if you had not given any signs before.
Too early to tell how it will go.
I would try to get her to read this. Wont take long. Can skip the quotes.

http://www.vernoncoleman.com/downloads/mid.htm

Kinda average response id say. Could be better. Could be much worse.

Good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jenniferathome

I prefer cross dresser. It's a perfect description of what I am.

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Although I agree that ultimately, using the term "cross dresser" is for the best, it isn't a perfect description of what you are. It's a description of what you do, which is why it is WAY less scary. Describing what you are has, for some, terrifying implications.

Oh wow, I hope for the best for you!