Finding Common Ground or Flirting

As we get closer to the divorce finality. my wife and I have had a lot of interesting conversations. Last night was no different. I had told her that I would go with her to run several errands and we were talking about the server. Then the conversation moved in my direction.

She told me that for years she had thought that I was flirting when I was talking with women. After I told her about me, it finally dawned on her that I was just trying to find common ground with the women. I was trying to be one of them. That's when she shocked me. She said that she always thought that I liked to watch romantic comedies for her, and now she has figured out that I really did like the movies after all. She told me all of the things which she now understands about me and that there are quite a few feminine things about me. She even told me that my middle son doesn't think that I am a real man. He even sees Michelle everywhere.

Now ordinarily I would be upset about being called not a real man, but in this case it is ok. See they finally get the fact that I am me. I have a little of her and him in me and they see it. The best part is that I can let Michelle out more now that I let my family know about me. I don't have to hide thing anymore. Now I still don't push things with my family, but if they see something then they know why.

Has anyone else had something similar happen to them after they opened up to someone else before?

Your situation sounds alot like mine after we decided to divorse. I wasn't crossdressing at that time but we were stuck living together trying to live seperate lives. Since the divorse papers were coming there was nothing to hide so we started talking about things that we did or bothered the other person. The more we talked the more we became friends again. A few months after the papers came in and I was in my own apartment we were almost dating again. Then we started talking about getting remarried??? In the end it didn't happen and she found someone the total opposite from me and moved on with her life...At times I feel letting her go was a mistake but at the same time I am also happy for her moving on...We are still friends.

My situation was quite different. I had gone out in public before I married, but not very often. I just was not very good with makeup or fixing my wig. When I proposed to my late wife I told her that I was a CD. She asked if I crossdressed in public and I told her not very often because of my problems. She informed me that she could take care of that and did so for almost 50 years!!

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Originally Posted by AKAMichelle

Has anyone else had something similar happen to them after they opened up to someone else before?

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[SIZE="3"]Since I 'came out' (about 7 weeks ago), my wife has had several "ahaa" moments ... it's kind of humorous when it happens, and generally an eye-opener for her. ;^)
She has done well with most ... :daydreaming:[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by Daenna Paz

[SIZE="3"]Since I 'came out' (about 7 weeks ago), my wife has had several "ahaa" moments ... it's kind of humorous when it happens, and generally an eye-opener for her. ;^)
She has done well with most ... :daydreaming:[/SIZE]

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That is what happened last night. Her best friend always thought I was too flirty with her. I was just being friendly with her and I never really thought about it. Now both of them realize what I was doing now. The one that really bothers me is the romantic movies becasue now it is somehow a bad thing that I like them.

it seems like communication is always the biggest problem in a marriage - somehow as we become more familiar, we erect barriers to communication, rather than making it easier. I don't know why that is, but I know that there were rare moments, after my x and I separated, where we'd get glimpses of earlier intimacy and candor. Then that moment would be gone.

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Originally Posted by AKAMichelle

The one that really bothers me is the romantic movies becasue now it is somehow a bad thing that I like them.

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Michelle, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Even if it turns out to be better for both of you in the long run, it has to be difficult at the moment.

With this particular item, it really isn't a bad thing that you have done. It may have made her feel good that you were only "suffering" through the romantic movies to please her, but that seems just a teeny bit egocentric on her part. Did she feel that she was "suffering" through sports events or other "guy" stuff just to please you?

My wife came to a lot of these conclusions right before she decided to leave me. But we are still good friends and she even offered to come with me to my parents for moral support when I decided to come out.

Not CD related, but I became better friends with my Ex after we divorced. seems like the constant daily grind and dealing with each other was gone and we could talk without all those old trigger hot points coming up and ruining the moment. Good luck and enjoy the new relationship. You will probably be best friends from now on.

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Originally Posted by AllieSF

Not CD related, but I became better friends with my Ex after we divorced. seems like the constant daily grind and dealing with each other was gone and we could talk without all those old trigger hot points coming up and ruining the moment. Good luck and enjoy the new relationship. You will probably be best friends from now on.

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I do find that a lot of the barriers are gone now and we are able to talk for a change.

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Originally Posted by Persephone

Michelle, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Even if it turns out to be better for both of you in the long run, it has to be difficult at the moment.

With this particular item, it really isn't a bad thing that you have done. It may have made her feel good that you were only "suffering" through the romantic movies to please her, but that seems just a teeny bit egocentric on her part. Did she feel that she was "suffering" through sports events or other "guy" stuff just to please you?

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I thought she liked watching football games. At least that is what she said. I didn't know how to respond to her. I wonder what she is going to do if a guy wants to see a romantic movie with her when she starts dating again?