Progression or Memory Loss

Hope I put this in the right spot ?
I was just wondering if any of the other chix on here have done this or am I the only one ?
When you do something ,,Such as grow your hair out an at first you kinda hide it with different ways such as a Hat- Due Rag or how ever an then after awhile you forget about it an let it fly an move on having long hair for all to see . Then wear some type of clothes that you would never wear like capris or Fem shorts an all of a sudden you have worn them for so long it's normal an then move on an forget ? An maybe get you brows done an arched an wear sunglasses or whatever than take them off an end up forgetting about them also an move on ? Then paint your toe nails an wear close toed shoes an slip up every now an than an go out with open shoes such as flip flops here an there an end up letting that get away after a while too ? Then get some Kinda fem shoes like clogs or flats an slip out from time to time to the store or out around no place special an end up not paying much attention to it an put it away also . An you been staying shaved an wear some makeup an at the end of it all you get so used to the way you have been dresssing an really no one has ever called you out or said anything so you just honestly forget about the whole thing an continue doing all the things above an one day you are in the store an see someone that you know really well an realize to yourself that you are dressed like a girl ? :o:o:o

Hey Stacy,

I think I answered a post sort of like this just the other day. . .but I can remember. I credit it to forgetfulness, but I guess it could be because I've gotten used to being this way. The thing I do, and I do it over and over, is forget that I always have my toenails polished. Most of the time they are bright red or a metallic pink, so it's hard to draw back after someone has seen it. It usually happens to me when a knock comes at the door and I'm barefoot. I forget to put on shoes, open the door and there they are, the toenails on the guy. I used to make excuses, now if it's noticed I just shrug my shoulders and offer no explanation unless one is asked for--I always lie.

Yep me too ,,,I used to do the same thing ,, But this is my problem now ,, Compounded Problem ,,How many excuses can you use ? I mean when there are so many things going on it gets a little hard to explain them ALL AWAY ? Thats wear I am ?

Ya mean like the other day when I had a pebble in my boot? Off came the boot and sock exposing "Cotton Candy Pink" toe nails to the whole shop!

Guess this is why I did say I must be pretty much alone on this one ,, Its kinda like Tracy G says when she goes 3/4 instead of the whole
nine yards ,,But 3/4 becomes an everyday event an you can't remember how you used to be or at least don't want to ? I am not really trying to do this .
But I guess I just don't want to or don't know how to get back ,, When I think about backing off it kinda makes me sick . An I think to myself whats the point in stopping or buying other stuff when I will just go back to the way I am now . Seriously its strange ,, An for all you Lady's that are afraid of getting ridiculed about your clothes or looks when they say baby steps it REALLY WORKS ,,, It really becomes normal for you an the people around you daily ,, When I do cross the line from time to time with what ever it maybe I get a look or word from the Boss an I back off cuz I value her an I know she would never stear me wrong . But maybe this thread didn;t strike a nerve on anyone ?

I can see how this can happen but in truth I have not been doing this long enough for it to become so much part of my normal day. Yes I have shaped my eyebrows, lost a lot of weight too so my total appearance is quite different from what it was just a few months ago. I wear womens jeans sometimes too, and so far no one has noticed anything except the weight. We will see how it progresses for me in the days to come.

Hi Stacy....I wondered where you were ...obviously just fine ! You just described how I transitioned over the last eight years - tiny steps without really planning it.
I wish Sara Jessica had posted her "Elephant in the room " back then and I might have realized : there was definitely a large animal in my room too !
I admire these girls who know exactly when they''re going to do this and even tell everyone they know. I did what you did ,even down to the wearing hats while growing out my hair and then just not bothering ....same with eyebrows and nails . Of course people noticed ( HRT since "98) but I didn't get much flack (Toronto's very polite, you know). I didn't really have a discussion with anyone ,I guess they thought I was weird all along - so no big surprise.
So , NO, you're not alone on this Stacy....:hugs::drink:

Linda

I think I get what you're saying. The sort of thing that happens for me is that I have integrated a lot of the (femme) things I like to do into my normal routine as a person i.e they are this way whether I am in boy mode or girl mode. The kind of things I mean are thinly tweezed eyebrows, both ears pierced, painted toenails, long fingernails (sometimes painted in boy mode), girly jeans and tees, girl's hoodie etc etc ... I do this all the time and it seems totally "normal" for me to present this way in boy mode and I think nothing of it. But then one day someone at work will comment on the length of my fingernails or ask me if I'm wearing my wife's t-shirt (or whatever) and I realize (oops!) that my "normal guy mode" is quite girly (when compared to how regular guys dress) and I think to myself (as you said in your post) you suddenly realize to yourself that you are dressed like a girl :o :o

What's the answer? ..... nothing for me. I do what I do because I like to do it and if I forget that what I'm doing is not "regular" and I get reminded by others that my look is girlish then so be it. The mild embarrassment for that slit second is not enough to stop me from doing it.

I really haven't made conspicuous changes in my male presentation. The nail polish on my toes would be the most noticeable thing, but I don't know that any one has noticed to date. I suppose someone might have noticed the way I'm shaved at the gym, but so far no comments there either. I do pretty much forget about these things.

I don't remember doing that.... what was the question again? :D

Hi Stacy,

Yep. I don't think it's a memory issue so much as it is a part of being human.

As we get more comfortable with ourselves, there is less mental "filtering" going on. Shaving legs is a great example. The first time I did it, I was worried everyone would notice. Over time, nobody cared, and that lead to me "relaxing" and not keeping that possibility in working memory.

Not keeping that possibility in working memory means it gets less mental attention, subsequently my focus on things that interact with "survival" instincts moves on...as I shift focus to the more "threatening" things.

So there's that primal thing, and just in general as we get more comfortable with who we are, we're more willing to share that with others, either consciously or unconsciously.

Meghan

I think Rachel hit the nail on the head.

When you have long hair, both ears pierced, and you are walking around the super market in womens' jeans and flip-flops that show your painted nails, it just becomes a part of you. For those who need to hide such things, I can understand the panic. I came into this late in life, and just decided to say "screw it! Who cares what people think"......but it took a lot of nerve and many trials to get there.


The reality with me is, I got too lazy to keep switching back and forth between guys and girls wardrobes, and decided that other peoples funny looks aren't worth my time.

But, there has been two or three times when I forgot I had eyeliner & mascara on no matter how I was dressed, and that caught the attention of a few people.

Do people really "forget" or do they simply slowly change how they fit into their lives compared to before?

I think how well the changes are accepted depends on where you live, the type of job you have, how you spend your free time, etc, and also the degree to which others notice (whether the feminization is subtle or not)

Assuming that you are referring to a manner of presentation where people still know that you are a birth male albeit with feminine touches, in some circles (as in yours), the feminization wouldn't matter, while in others it would. Also, I think it makes a difference whether a person is in an established life and slowly makes those changes with people who know him well and he also has a secure job, versus having made those changes and then trying to find a new job or move to a new environment and make new friends.

I think that if you were a primary school teacher, it probably wouldn't fly, depending on the degree of femininity of your appearance and also the school district, or if you worked in certain corporate environments, or more "macho" type jobs for example law enforcement or construction. In some circles, friends would not drop you, while in others they might, maybe not totally but the amount of social invitations might diminish. Also it might not fly if you were seeking to be elected to local government, or if you wanted to be appointed on the board of local organizations, or wanted to be president of the PTA. But, in creative fields, I should think the changes would be well accepted.

Most of us tailor our lives to fit our needs, and so if someone wants or needs to present as a feminine male, he (or she) will likely not place themselves in social environments where this is questioned or looked down on.

To reiterate what I said earlier though, if someone is outright transitioning with HRT, FFS, legal name changes, and announcements to everyone in their circles that they are female, then I think the experience would be different than a male who slowly adds feminine touches to his appearance.

But don't you think that IF you were a male who slowly ads feminine touches too his apperance is really transitioning ? Why tell the world ? Just do it an slowly let them get used to it an wouldn't it be easier to fall into place after a little lee way ? An for the people ,,Places an Things ,,Don't you think that you could or would change them first or a the very least try an change them for the better ,,As far as job an friends an Haunts ,, Me being OCD an planning lots of stuff ahead I made changes long before I changed . So maybe instead of jumping in ya get a little toe wet before you dive in head first ? Ease your way into the water so maybe you won't make to big of a splash ? Just a thought !

I'm easing into it.....but it seems more like happenstance.

As far as Reine's comment about full transition vs. being a male who add feminine touches, there's definitely a full acceptance of the consequences, and it's intentional for a transitioning TS. Transitioning to me looks like a vertical cliff vs. here and there changes like me like a gradual slope with steeper,and less steeper declines.

I will like to go on record by having knowing a close dear friend who is mostly complete with her transition, I've never seen a person come alive, and light up like a star from nearly nothing.

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Originally Posted by LaraPeterson

Hey Stacy,

I think I answered a post sort of like this just the other day. . .but I can remember. I credit it to forgetfulness, but I guess it could be because I've gotten used to being this way. The thing I do, and I do it over and over, is forget that I always have my toenails polished. Most of the time they are bright red or a metallic pink, so it's hard to draw back after someone has seen it. It usually happens to me when a knock comes at the door and I'm barefoot. I forget to put on shoes, open the door and there they are, the toenails on the guy. I used to make excuses, now if it's noticed I just shrug my shoulders and offer no explanation unless one is asked for--I always lie.

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It is not good to lie because you will just feel bad about it later. Why not just say that you like to have painted toenails? If you do some googling you will see that many men are wearing painted toenails including athletes, actors, race car drivers, mma fighters. etc. Painted nails on guys is like earrings were on guys 30 years ago. Just tell folks that you like having painted toenails and that red and pink are your favorite colors. It's really that simple. If you lie, folks will know that you are lying and won't believe you anyway.

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Originally Posted by Leah Lynn

Ya mean like the other day when I had a pebble in my boot? Off came the boot and sock exposing "Cotton Candy Pink" toe nails to the whole shop!

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Did you get any compliments on your pretty toenails from folks that work in the shop?

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Originally Posted by NathalieX66

I think Rachel hit the nail on the head.

When you have long hair, both ears pierced, and you are walking around the super market in womens' jeans and flip-flops that show your painted nails, it just becomes a part of you. For those who need to hide such things, I can understand the panic. I came into this late in life, and just decided to say "screw it! Who cares what people think"......but it took a lot of nerve and many trials to get there.


The reality with me is, I got too lazy to keep switching back and forth between guys and girls wardrobes, and decided that other peoples funny looks aren't worth my time.

But, there has been two or three times when I forgot I had eyeliner & mascara on no matter how I was dressed, and that caught the attention of a few people.

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Congratulations Nathalie. That is exactly that way that I live. Why worry about what other folks think and give them control over your lives?

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Originally Posted by STACY B

But don't you think that IF you were a male who slowly ads feminine touches too his apperance is really transitioning ?

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Not if you don't tell anyone, if you don't take hormones, and if you haven't had FFS! If you still look male then how will they know that you are transitioning? How can someone who has known you as a male all their life, begin to think of you as a genetic female just because you grow your hair and paint your nails? They will take it that you are a male crossdresser if you go as far as wearing dresses and forms, don't you think? And if you keep to pants and no forms then I don't know what they'd think and I suppose it depends on whether or not they know you. People who don't know you would likely think that you're gay?

If you tell them that you are transsexual, that you've always felt you were born in the wrong body, and that you would like them to try as best they can to think of you as a female from now on, they might begin to see it that way if they see that you are taking steps to change your gender legally. But if you don't say anything, how do you expect them to know all of this?

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Originally Posted by STACY B

Me being OCD an planning lots of stuff ahead I made changes long before I changed . So maybe instead of jumping in ya get a little toe wet before you dive in head first ? Ease your way into the water so maybe you won't make to big of a splash ? Just a thought !

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You haven't told anyone that you are TS, is this correct? You should ask your closest friends and your family to tell you how they see you. Do they see you as a female, or do they see you as the same old you that you've always been, who now is wearing feminine things?

EDIT That sounded really harsh, and I didn't mean it that way. Just trying to point out that people generally understand very little about trans-anything, and you've got to help them along by TELLING them, especially if they've known you as a male all your life. If you don't say anything, they'll likely think that you are the same you that you've always been, except now you are feminizing yourself.

Hi,

No not this kid,

How much of a male do you have to be in the first place, to have changes, as said trans, is a bit different what then if your not a male or trans, & surgey will not change how you look, for get the hair wigs makeup , you just wear your womans clothes, & head wear, you look like a damm male face wise, not much hope is there, what miner changes could you do or major

I tryed to hide behind my wig gave that up. make up oh dear give me a break no point, even my breasts maybe, a little, do i have to go down the line of my walk manirisms voice how im seen , & hormones right, what did they do.... sorry for this ,..... this is how i see it, bugger all. internal yes maintance only,

My own hormones did more for me ,

It would have been so much easyer to have been a dresser, & i was told that, never was , & i could not say im Trans you know a female in a male body. sorry that never happened,

This is funny hope you see it this way,

Im glad i was dumb did not learn what i was ment to. & you know what i never had to prove what i was, in , are you a boy or a girl. i could not have answered that any way. yet i know deep in side what i was / am, my mind was squared away being what i am, no issues there,

When i talked with people & did what i did concerning others who knew me it was so neat, they knew me yet accepted noeleena - as a female . woman, with out ? thats whats so neat , my looks dont come in to it,

For myself its about with out a dought being accepted for who you or i am as a person,

...noeleena...

I forget my nail varnish all the time.

Sometimes I wish I had a bad memory but unfortunately this is not the case. I would never leave my secret hanging out there. I wish I didn't have such a secret but as all of you know........there's nothing I can do about it.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Not if you don't tell anyone, if you don't take hormones, and if you haven't had FFS! If you still look male then how will they know that you are transitioning? How can someone who has known you as a male all their life, begin to think of you as a genetic female just because you grow your hair and paint your nails? They will take it that you are a male crossdresser if you go as far as wearing dresses and forms, don't you think? And if you keep to pants and no forms then I don't know what they'd think and I suppose it depends on whether or not they know you. People who don't know you would likely think that you're gay?

If you tell them that you are transsexual, that you've always felt you were born in the wrong body, and that you would like them to try as best they can to think of you as a female from now on, they might begin to see it that way if they see that you are taking steps to change your gender legally. But if you don't say anything, how do you expect them to know all of this?



You haven't told anyone that you are TS, is this correct? You should ask your closest friends and your family to tell you how they see you. Do they see you as a female, or do they see you as the same old you that you've always been, who now is wearing feminine things?

EDIT That sounded really harsh, and I didn't mean it that way. Just trying to point out that people generally understand very little about trans-anything, and you've got to help them along by TELLING them, especially if they've known you as a male all your life. If you don't say anything, they'll likely think that you are the same you that you've always been, except now you are feminizing yourself.

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Oh they know ,,How could they NOT ,,,LOL,,, But like I said for the most part no one else thats not in my circle . But Educating them is a full time job ,, Sometimes or Most times I get sick of talking about it ALL the TIME . It's not all I am about ,, I am still the same other than the obvious . Why treat someone different just because of gender ? As far as the HRT it takes lots of time to go from doctor to doctor an get what you need ,,Have to be evaluated an then put on the meds that suit your own personal needs . Not all chix are the same as you know ,,But telling EVERYONE is out of the question . It's none of there BIZZ ,,I don't know every elses why should they know mine ,,All the important people know that enough for me . Its really early in the game an I don't want to push to hard an give the wrong idea like the TV & Media does . Just because someone under goes or undertakes this journey does not mean there week or there mind is altered ,,Just fixing a Birth defect . Only thing is there is alot of Damage an misleading to undo to get where I should have been .

I agree about telling...they don't need to know why you do something,it is your right to,as well as theirs.We don't need to spill our thoughts to those around us.If a person is genuinely interested,then they will choose an appropriate time and place to ask.You can then choose whether they need to hear the "short version or the long answer". Most of the guys I have to deal with,would never even have the guts to ask,so why tell? Women are a whole lot different in that they are usually genuinely curious when they ask about"a change".So,they deserve a better thought out explanation.If they are going to pass it on,then at least it starts out correctly!