Everyone has posted what all there is to say. Just enjoy your visits here at this site; every question you have has been or will be answered for you. And OMG, he is a lucky man to have you. Have fun.
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Everyone has posted what all there is to say. Just enjoy your visits here at this site; every question you have has been or will be answered for you. And OMG, he is a lucky man to have you. Have fun.
Buy matching outfits for the bedroom and say the first saturday of every month is dress up night!!!
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I really, really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. It looks like I have a lot to learn.
Something I'm getting from a lot of your posts that surprises me is the assumption that the "stuff" in "stockings and stuff" means things like sexy nightgowns, panties, heels, etc. I guess I didn't automatically assume mentioning one item of clothing meant that he was interested in wearing a LOT of different types of feminine clothing. Do you think this is the case? Did any of you start with a fixation on one type of clothing in particular and expand to others, or do you think an interest in stockings means he wants to fully dress?
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I would suspect that nearly all of us CDs began with a fascination for one or two items of clothing or some other thing deemed to be "feminine". A few will continue to be fascinated by these things - sometimes referred to as a fetish. Most of
us soon want to experience how other things feel or look. This may or may not include dressing totally en femme.
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I'm also interested in the fact that a lot of you mentioned that dressing IS sexual for you, or at least partly or at first. I also wonder about what some of you have said about your crossdressing being tied to a desire to be submissive.
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IMHO there is a sexual response for nearly all at first, especially for younger CDs. Often times the person will feel great embarrassment and/or guilt feelings as a result. He has probably heard repeatedly from parents, society, friends, etc. that this behavior is "wrong, bad, sinful, etc.". It takes a great deal of effort, support, self-evaluation to get beyond these feelings. My experience has been that the sexual excitement will lessen with age and as one spends more time en femme
especially if supported by someone like you.
Generally, it is assumed that the female is more submissive but most of us know that is just a "generality". One of the things
that many CDs say is attractive to them is that as a woman they can be more submissive and not not have to continually "prove their masculinity". As I am sure you have already figured out, this is a very complex and not completely understood subject. There are no "one size fits all" answers.
It is great to know that there are women like you who are able and willing to try to understand and to help their SO. You can pick and choose from the different opinions as to how best to proceed. Good luck!
I love this idea. I wonder if I can get my wife to go along.Quote:
Originally Posted by joyce483
hmmm...sounds like he's DEEP in the closet & you being so enlightened could help him get out of it. You sound like a very empathetic and enlightened person. Keep trying to open that closet!
I don't want to sound like a curmudgeon but if he generally expresses manly behavior that seems over the top the he probably isn't feeling real good about this part of him. The ideas that society has placed on all of us about what is and isn't normal are not easily shed. I have been greatly embarrassed by my need to dress en femme and I still get quiet when the subject is brought up. He needs to feel safe enough to talk without feeling embarrassed by the topic. I am sorry I don't have a sure fire way to bring it up but certainly talking about it in a context that is less than direct couldn't hurt. A movie called Soldier Girl could be watched together and then talk about the characters or emotions surrounding the film without directly addressing the fantasies or needs of you SO. Of course the movie is a little more than just fantasy and the people are not in a similar situation but it gets transgendered issues on the table and could start the conversation. This is only one idea...there are many others as previously mentioned. You have to weigh what you know about your SO and then make a decision about how to proceed based on what possible fallout may occur. I do wish you all the luck in pulling this out into the open. It should make the relationship much stronger.
Hi there, It's great that you accept your husband's dressing and that you want to help. He's closemouthed about it because in many quarters confessing to being a CD is almost like inviting yourself to being hanged. in other words a lot of people don't like it. Take it slow and take an easy tack and he'll come around sooner or later. As a couple of people have suggested maybe bring him some nice hosiery and lingerie.
It took a long time after my SO knew of my crossdressing before she ever saw me wear anything feminine. I started with panties. Then I did my toe nails. Followed by satin women's pajamas. Next I had my ears pierced. This past August I started wearing long nightgowns to bed with a bra and forms. This has taken a LONG time for me and my SO to be comfortable. Don't push him beyond his comfort zone. I was embarrassed to admit to my SO that I crossdressed even though I had done it for most of my life. The fact that you are encouraging your husband is something most of the people on this list are envious of!
My SO was shy about it too, and I took out some clothes for him to wear to bed one night.
Turns out he didn't know how to put any of it on! Haha! So, then we joked around that he was a "fail CD."
I think the key is just to have fun. If you want to experiment in the bedroom...make the first move because it sounds like he won't. If something awkward happens (like maybe he doesn't know how to put a bra on), just make it into a joke and have a good laugh to take some stress off. It's supposed to be fun.
Hi..it is great and wonderful that you are being so open and understanding ! To me, your idea sounds wonderful, but maybe just leave the stockings in his " sock drawer " without any words...he would be sure to see them and understand that you are respecting him, and giving him license at the same time. Trying to talk with him may be too embarrassing or uncomfortable to him.
the most important thing you can do is always talk to him about it and express your opinions dont leave anything out, my ex wife pulled my fantasies out much like you did with your SO she bought me things but when i wanted more like makeup and other girly things she never told me she was uncomfortable about it all in turn causing a rift and the demise of our relationship........... on a lighter note im with a woman who im incredibly open with and in turn shes open with me she tells me im pretty when i dress she helps me with my clothes and makeup and makes me feel secure and not weird about it... so thats the most important thing to do is be honest and open.. it has already been said above that hes probably been dressing up for years which is very true and likely dont make him feel like an outcast about it, he might further suppress his feelings
I was once "with" a GG that knew about my so-called "tendencies" and "preferences toward being feminine attire.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shananigans
So to "clue" you into the mind of me, myself, and I ~ a cross dresser? I'm just going to lay it out there and on the line?
I LOVE women and all thing feminine ~ I know I'm not suppose to ~ but I do!
It just "sends" me each and every time I walk through a department store and see any and all things feminine. It drives me wild.
Mentally, emotionally, physically, and yes even sexually ( I guess the last part I'm not suppose to admit)
There are GG's that are bisexual and even homosexual (the get as special name ~ Lesbians)
And there are women that are heterosexual who are more masculine than they are feminine? They're called "Tom-boys"
But if your a man ~ masculine and you like femininity and feminie things?
In traditional society your considered to be a "freak of nature"
[B]My SO was shy about it too, and I took out some clothes for him to wear to bed one night.
Turns out he didn't know how to put any of it on! Haha! So, then we joked around that he was a "fail CD."
I think the key is just to have fun. If you want to experiment in the bedroom...make the first move because it sounds like he won't. If something awkward happens (like maybe he doesn't know how to put a bra on), just make it into a joke and have a good laugh to take some stress off. It's supposed to be fun
That's the thing of it ~ quit taking it so seriously and just have fun with it.
Its not a Life alternating experience!
And yes after a Life time of social, cultural, and religious condintiong? You as a woman if you want to be with him as a Human being ~ a soul mate are going to have to "teach him how to "let the woman within him/her out"[B]
That dosen't necessarly mean being intimate with someone else? That doesn't mean infideliy,
Marla and Rachel come to mind.
Two souls that have fused together.
So many women regect men that are such soul mates? Because they're effininate. Because they have femminine tendices
~ while the bery *******s thier with are the worse POS they can find?
Bravo for you for trying to crack your husband's shell. If he's a cancer like me, it can't be easy. He is lucky to have you!
Your husband was only able to breach the subject during your most intimate moment (pillow-talk), so no doubt his desire is buried deep under lots of insecurity. In the 3 years since that conversation you brought it up again twice, only to get the cold shoulder. But did you say he begged that first night? What was your response? If a little time passed with no developments, your husband might have gotten discouraged or felt ashamed or foolish for asking you about it. Maybe he's scared of rejection. Or just wants to will himself to be the good husband and not crossdress. Only he can say! That's why it's important to keep communicating, like what many of the members here said. Let him know he can talk to you anytime, about anything.
But if you feel you want to be proactive - go for it and have fun! :D
I'd say just be subtle and compassionate. One girl here suggested you should surprise him by wearing some tempting lingerie and stockings to bed, and letting him experience the sensations vicariously, which I think is a wonderful idea. That way, if you sense he wants to go a little further (and if you feel you are okay with it), you could mention you have a few items for him to wear, too, if he wants to share the fun.
If he opens up to you, you could try doing regular "Special PJ" nights, too. They've been fun for me and my wife and I'm sure for a few other couples here, too...
I first started crossdressing when I was going through my divorce. It started with me buying a white half slip, as I liked the feel of a slip. When I started dateing, and brought a woman home, they generally found it on the bed where I had left it that morning. When asked whose it was, I said mine. Then the questions came. I just answered then. Nobody ever had a problem, as I was honest about it. They had an interest in having me model it. Then a wild night of passion. My current wife included.
I'm a bit confused - who wears the chastity device?Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana
Personally, I would be very cautious at this point. If he is resistant to talking about it when YOU bring it up, he may feel he is being pushed into something if you can't get him to talk. It is usually the other way round if you read enough threads here--the wives don't want to talk about it when their husbands do.Quote:
Originally Posted by onemorefirst
He is very likely really emabrrased about it, he is obviously not comfortable with sex talk as you indicate and THIS kind of sex talk is really the worst for him. 3 years is a long time to bottle up desire. What is his upbringing? Is religion of any importance? Is he social? Guy friends, a loner? Get along with women easily? More description would probably help but I think going out an getting him some panties at this point might not be appropropriate.
Christmas is coming and if you exchange gifts, something like a nice pair of ladies dress slacks or something like St John's Bay ladies cords and a blouse would likely go better than panties which are very intimate. You don't want the clothing to demean in any way. New years eve constume party ? Switch roles, you be superman, he can be Supergirl? IF you socially drink, a few drinks might loosen him up to talk about his desires. Take him shopping for you and have him suggest somehting that would look nice on YOU. He needs to talk first, dress later. IF he can't talk about it now, shopping on line for himself isn't going to be the ticket either. He will have to give a name and that may bother him. Being a CD is something that is NOT accepted generally in society so the stigma attached is going to be great.
Maybe try viewing a movie--Tootsie, or Priscilla queen of the desert, Some like it Hot. It might get the ball rolling.
best wishes to you both in working this out
Quote:
Originally Posted by onemorefirst
Some of us may say "stuff" because it could possibly be more than just stockings, and some of us say "stuff" because we can not assume that you just have stockings in mind. It may not just be his mind that expands it could be yours as well. Or maybe neither if your minds expand to other things. I Have a huge love for stockings on myself and on my SO. My dressing up came after my love for stockings because i have always had that. So what really would need to happen is communication between you and your husband in order to figure out just how things work between the 2 of you
The real question are you ok with it. I think that's what he's asking
Oh yes, Hon...all men have a burning desire to wear panties, bra, and heels, whether they admit it initially or not. Just go slow and work with him at first. Tell him the thought of him wearing these things is really turning you on.Quote:
Originally Posted by onemorefirst
And as far as (the matters we're not supposed to chat about here - the intimate penetration part)...just go slow and be very tender with him and I promise you...it will be a breathtaking experience for both of you.
I'm assuming that you are okay with it, since you are here. :) Which is great! For him to take the first step and mention his feelings to you is a huge step. He has probably wondered how you would react and if that would be the end of your relationship or not. I wouldn't mention it to him again. I would suggest being a little more sneaky, if that's the right word for it. Start wearing a garter belt and some stockings to bed and see what he says. Do this a few times and if he doesn't say anything, spring it on him and tell him that you would like for him to wear these with you. Surprise him even more by having already purchased them and give them to him before he can say anything.
For me it is primarily a sexual thing, I started with High heels and stockings and moved on to being fully clothed as a woman. Yes I do fully dress when we get intimate and I am always in control. I just like wearing girly clothes and shoes but I am still very much a man. I agree with others to go slow, as he suggested stockings I would start off with a nice pair of hold ups and ask him if he would like to wear them, tell him you would like to see how he looks and take it from there. If he wants more I am sure he will let you know as time goes by. As others have said the most important thing is to have a partner who understands and helps you out, it intensifies the love between you. My wife is wonderful and you seem to be of a similar nature. Good Luck
I keep reading "go slow" - I say why go slow. He told you his deep secret. The very fact that he said that tells me that he very much want to dress up in sexy lingerie. He was just testing the water. It is very sexual at his time in my opinion. He told you in bed, didn't he? If you are going to have a serious talk about being a cross dresser with your mate, you would not do it in bed - or at least you shouldn't. But if you are talking about something you feel sexual about, that is the place. So, go get some lace top stockings, a garter belt,panties and bra and nightie and lay them on the bed. Tell him you have a big surprise for him. Have the candles ready and say please - for me !!! to take the pressure off him. He just wants your approval. So many men who are straight want so bad to wear panties and and other fem clothes. The first step is sexy lingerie because it is the most visible form to the male - look at playboy type magazines, VS, etc. It may in time allow him to express his feminity beyond the sexual aspect - if you are encouraging. That you should go slow with.
This is an interesting tread. I'm glad that you are looking to help your SO to maybe find himself or should I say his fem side. Went through this with my 1st wife and again with my 2nd wife. I would go to a department store and buy a couple nice thing, in your size and what you might think in his size. Maybe stay ups and panties. Surprise him with your things on and if he likes it, simply tell him that you also purchased the same for him to try on. If he puts up a fight, tell him like my wife tells me "try it you will like it". If it's a no go you can always take them back and get your money back. "they were just the wrong size" . It's hard for us guys to admit that maybe we like to be him but also like to be a little femme too! I think most girls on here could still cut wood if we had too!
I think the readers here have missed the operative words--he doesn't want to even talk about sex, and everyone is pushing sex and panties.Quote:
Originally Posted by onemorefirst
I think his wife needs to try a different tack then just ramming the undies down his throat. The suggested "sink or swim" solutions may work with swimming but I doubt that it will work here.
We could dispatch the Help A CDer Task Force. Strip him down and Dress her up in 30 minutes or less or your next trip to VS is on us. :D
Sorry, my mind got this picture goin in it. Once that happens it has to come out.